The Suck Stops Here

by Kristen Painter

  “Wait until you’re queen.”

  Her smile went flat, and she stared at the bubbles in the sink. “I don’t know about all that. But what choice do I have?”

  “Well…if you could get Fitzhugh to drop his charges, the Prime would have no leverage over you.”

  “True. But I’d still be on his bad side.”

  “I’d say you could do something to disqualify yourself from even being eligible for queen, but anything of that magnitude would have other repercussions, and there’s no need to do that to yourself.”

  She thought for a moment. “Are you sure about that? I mean, there’s no small print on the qualifications for being leader of the North American vampire nation, is there? Like the way you can’t be Miss America if you’re married.”

  He grinned. “Not that I’m aware of. Sure, there might be, but nothing I know of. Certainly not being married.”

  “Was Artemis married?”

  “No. She had a rotating number of companions, but I don’t think she was interested in any single one of them enough to make it permanent.”

  Donna rinsed the pot and passed it on. The whole idea of small print and qualifications was still stuck in her head. But there was another question in there too. One she wasn’t sure she wanted the answer to. She asked it in a small, quiet voice. “Do you think I could survive being queen?”

  He stopped drying the pot to look at her, eyes narrowed in serious consideration. “I do. Although I know it would change you. And I don’t like that thought.”

  “How? Change me how?” She was genuinely interested in his opinion. He was one of the smartest thinkers she knew, always looking at a situation to see a few moves ahead.

  He put the pot down. “It’s a tremendously difficult job, one that would require you to step back from certain situations and hand them over to someone else to deal with. That’s not your style. You like to get things done in a certain way, with a certain amount of care and concern. It’s what makes you such a fantastic governor.”

  “Thanks.”

  “You’re welcome.” He sighed. “But too much of that delegating, and you’d start to hate the job because you wouldn’t be digging in the way you like to. Or you’d do too much hands-on work and start to hate your life because the job was all-consuming. Either way, I think you’d end up suffering for it.”

  “But if I don’t take the job, you’re the one who could suffer.”

  He shrugged, a wistful smile playing on his lips. “I’d get through it.”

  She didn’t smile back. “Not if the council’s punishment was as severe as…” She couldn’t speak the rest of the words. Couldn’t think about the possibility that the council would sentence him the same way it had Claudette.

  “Hey, that’s not going to happen.”

  She shook her head. “I love that you want to make me feel better, but you know it’s a very real chance we’d take going up against the council. And I want nothing to do with that kind of risk. I might not survive being queen, but I know for sure I wouldn’t survive without you.”

  He put his arm around her shoulders and kissed her temple. “I feel the same way about you.”

  She swallowed the knot in her throat. “Then it’s settled. We have to find a way to get Fitzhugh to rescind his charges. There has to be something he wants.”

  “There is. You already know the answer to that.”

  Her brows bent. “I do?”

  Pierce nodded. “He wants to be king.”

  She growled. “No. That cannot happen.” She grabbed the next dish and shoved it under the water, splashing both of them. “I will quit this job if he takes the throne. Not just that, but I will really move to Florida then. I swear it.”

  Pierce laughed a little. “No argument from me. The council can’t actually think he’s a good choice, can they?”

  She slanted her eyes at him. “Do the council’s decisions always make sense?”

  He let out a long breath. “Point taken.”

  She wasn’t ready to give up, though. “There has to be something else Fitzhugh wants. We need to find out what that is and offer it to him in exchange for backing down on his charges. In fact, I don’t even care if he drops the one against me, but he’s got to drop his complaint against you. That’s all we need to happen.”

  The council might be hard on vampires, but it was even tougher when it came to dealing with human-against-vampire crimes. She’d learned as much from reading through some past reports she’d found on the governors’ loop.

  Pierce finished drying the pot in his hands and put it away. “Well, we have a whole road trip to figure it out. And for you to make your decision.”

  “Hopefully, we’ll get that long. The Prime could suddenly decide he wants my decision sooner. But enough of that conversation for now.” She exhaled in an attempt to clear out the thoughts about Fitzhugh and becoming queen and all of that nonsense. Time for a new subject. One that didn’t make her want to curl up in a ball and eat chocolate while sucking wine out of a sippy cup. “What do you think I should wear to meet Noah’s parents? I want to impress them. But not too much. You know what I mean?”

  He nodded. “I do. We should figure out a couple outfits, then decide after we get there and see what kind of people they are. We can do a drive-by of the house. That’ll give us an idea. Or…” He suddenly lit up. “We could Google them.”

  She sucked in a breath. “Why didn’t I think of that? Yes. As soon as we’re done here.”

  “It’s a plan.”

  “Christina said they own a chain of barbecue restaurants. Big Dog’s, I think she said.”

  Pierce gave that a moment of thought. “So they must have money. Not your kind of money, obviously, but I’m guessing they do all right.”

  “I just remembered something else Christina said. Noah’s father is the mayor of Timberville. No idea about his mom.”

  “Is that right? The mayor. That’s impressive.” Pierce tipped his head like he was thinking. “I bet the wife is into charities of some kind. Or at least has a pet project. We definitely need to dig to see what else we can find, but maybe you could wear a nice von Furstenberg wrap dress? That’s a classic. Can’t go wrong with that. Or if you want to go a little edgier, a little less expected, maybe a Roland Mouret.”

  “Keep in mind it’s going to be cold out there. Maybe colder than here. Could even be snowy. I need to account for the weather too.”

  “True. We should get you a good pair of boots before we leave.”

  “I’m not sure I really have time for a shopping trip. Or were you thinking we could get some things delivered like with the party dresses?”

  “Yes, that. You really need to do it anyway. Your wardrobe is good, but it’s still pretty limited.”

  She shrugged. “I’ve been busy.”

  “I’ll handle it. I’m sure I can have some things here by tomorrow afternoon. Even if we leave tomorrow night, that will work.”

  “I hadn’t even thought about when we’d leave, but I guess the sooner the better, huh?”

  “If you want to see the Millers on the way out to the funeral, then yes.”

  “Right. I’d better tell Charlie. Although I’m sure she knows. And I need to call Will Ferris. Do you think he’ll want to come?”

  Pierce seemed to consider that, then he nodded. “I do. He’s newly turned, and you’re his sire. It would be an interesting experience for a new vampire. And a chance for you two to get to know each other a little better now that you’re connected by blood. There’s a chance his daughters might want to come, too. But of course, Reggie has the deepest link to the vampire nation of any of his girls.”

  “She does.” Reggie had been engaged to a vampire, but Abraham had been killed by the fae. His death had been the catalyst for the Ferris family business of creating leather goods imbued with iron to protect vampires against the fae.

  An interesting business for a reaper father and his three witch daughters, but certainly a worthwhile one
.

  Neo came bopping in. “Francine’s in. So is Bunni. But LaToya can’t really travel unless she brings her daughter with her, and that’s a lot of complication. Plus, I don’t think she’s all that jazzed about taking a baby to a vampire’s funeral.”

  Donna glanced at her. “I can understand that. So just Francine and Bunni, then.”

  “Yep.” Neo’s eyes gleamed brightly. “Well, not just them, because get this—Lionel wants to come too.”

  Lionel was Francine’s much younger, rock-star boyfriend. Well, younger in human years. In vampire years, he was very much her senior. His stage name was Leif Harker, and he was the front man for a very popular band called Bittersweet. And Charlie just happened to have a major fangirl crush on him. Donna rinsed the serving plate in her hands. “Wait until Charlie hears that.”

  “I know! But it gets better. He’s going to supply his own ride. His tour bus. Along with his driver. Francine said Lionel’s rig can easily sleep eight.”

  “Wow, that thing must be something else. You’d better tell Charlie so she can plan appropriately.”

  “I will.”

  “Thanks for taking care of that.”

  Neo gave her a nod. “No problem. Hey, I was thinking maybe during the trip sometime we could practice your glamouring skills? It’s really not hard. You just need some practice.”

  “Yes, please. That would be great.”

  “No problem.”

  As Neo started to leave, Donna thought of something. “Wait. Are you sure Lionel doesn’t want just him and Francine on that bus?”

  “No, he’s cool with whoever wants to join them. Probably Bunni and…I don’t know.” Neo shrugged. “We’ll figure it out.”

  “Yep, we will. Go on, tell Charlie. I’ll listen for the sound of her fainting away.”

  Neo laughed. “I can hardly wait.”

  Donna was glad they had the trip to look forward to. The circumstances were awful, but the timing was spot-on. Not only would she get to meet the family Christina might potentially be marrying into, but she’d get to spend quality time with the people who mattered most to her.

  They would undoubtedly help her figure out a way through her current mess.

  And even if they couldn’t, they’d all at least have a good time before everything came crashing down.

  Donna, with her wineglass refilled, and Pierce, with a glass for himself, settled on the living-room couch. He’d also grabbed his laptop and was now firing it up to run a Google search on Christina’s potential in-laws.

  While he did that, Donna searched for something on the television to serve as a soothing distraction. She found a great old movie, Pillow Talk, and put it on. Who didn’t like a little Doris Day and Rock Hudson?

  “Do you know the parents’ names?” Pierce asked.

  “Just the Millers,” Donna replied. “But it shouldn’t be hard to find the rest out, right?”

  “Nope,” he said. “Not when he’s mayor of the town.” Pierce tapped away, and a few moments later, he stared triumphantly at his screen. “There we are. Tom and Jeanne Miller. They look nice.”

  He moved the laptop so she could see the screen. They did look nice. Nice and boring. In the best possible way.

  The pleasant-looking couple stood in front of a sign that read Big Dog’s Barbecue. The graphic was a smiling cartoon dog standing upright and wearing an apron and a chef’s hat.

  “They do look nice. And fairly harmless.” She glanced at Pierce. “Hard to tell much from a single picture, though.”

  “I can tell that he’s wearing a Rolex Submariner, and she’s got a pretty decent rock of a wedding ring. I bet those pearls are real too.”

  “Wow, nicely analyzed. And that just confirms that they’re doing pretty well for themselves. Or mortgaged out the wazoo. I need more pics.”

  “Give me a second.” He did a little more typing, then turned the screen toward her again. “Which one would you like to see bigger?”

  The screen was filled with thumbnails. Some of just Tom. Some of just Jeanne. Quite a few of them together.

  One showed them with two younger adults. All four of them had ice cream cones in their hands.

  Donna tapped that one. “That must be Noah. Let me see it.”

  Pierce called that one up, and it soon filled the screen.

  Noah had his father’s eyes and his mother’s wide smile. “Handsome. I suppose. In a very all-American, Midwestern kind of way.”

  Pierce snorted. “You really don’t want to like him, do you?”

  Donna frowned. There was no pretending around Pierce. “No. Can you blame me after what he did to Christina?”

  “You mean the part about how they both consented to sleep together? Or the part about how they’re both legally adults? Or how they’re—”

  “Hush.” She cut her eyes at him. “Stop being logical. And right. I can’t help how I feel. I’m her mother.”

  “I know.”

  “Well, have some sympathy. I’m trying to be cranky over here.”

  He laughed. “You’re doing a good job, but you’d better get it out of your system before we get to Indiana, because if you go in there with a chip on your shoulder, things probably won’t go that well.”

  “I know.” She sighed, still looking at the picture of her potential future son-in-law. He was so…wholesome-looking. And that ought to make her happy. He was kind of the anti-Joe. Which should be a good thing. But Donna couldn’t help but wonder if this boy would really love and cherish her Christina for the rest of their lives.

  Pierce leaned in a little. “I don’t blame you for feeling the way you do, and you have every right to it. But they’re in this together. And he does seem willing to do all the best things for her and the baby.”

  “Ugh. There you go being right again.”

  He laughed. “I’m awful that way.”

  She hooked her arm through his and leaned against him. “Who’s the girl? His sister, I’m guessing.”

  “That’s my guess too.” He clicked on the picture to go to the page it was on and read the description beneath it. “‘Mayor Miller and his family enjoy a day out at the opening of the Cup & Cone, Timberville’s newest ice cream spot.’” He shrugged. “No names, but it says ‘family,’ so sister seems confirmed.”

  “She’s very pretty,” Donna said. “Unfortunately, I now want ice cream.”

  He grinned. “We have some.”

  She was almost afraid to ask. “What kind?”

  “Two kinds. Mocha almond fudge and brown sugar vanilla with a bourbon caramel ripple.”

  Her mouth was already watering. “Where does Charlie find this stuff?”

  “Beats me, but I’m glad she’s in charge of stocking the RV.”

  Donna laughed. “Me too.”

  “You want some? I could go for a scoop myself.”

  She nodded. “Is it wrong that I kind of want a little of each?”

  “Wrong? Heck no. It’s just further proof of your ability to solve problems.” He slid his laptop over to her. “Here. Have a look at the Millers a little more while I get the ice cream.”

  “Thanks.”

  As he got up, she scrolled through the pictures. They looked like genuinely nice people. There was a photo of Jeanne at the opening of a new animal rescue. A picture of Noah playing lacrosse. His sister, who Donna found out was named Sarah, playing piano at a recital. There was nothing not to like about them.

  They looked like hardworking, overachieving, solid citizens.

  Which gave Donna something new to worry about. What if they decided Christina’s mob father was too dark a mark for them to bear? What if they refused to let Noah marry her? Or let him have anything to do with her? The baby might grow up without a father, but Donna knew Pierce and Temo would absolutely step in as role models. Worse, however, was that Christina’s heart would be broken.

  Donna knew firsthand what that was like. She closed the laptop, put her head back, and closed her eyes. Was Joe’s criminal sh
adow ever going to stop following them? She couldn’t let Christina go through that. Not on top of dealing with the pregnancy.

  Donna had to not only make a good impression, she had to make the Millers see that she was nothing like Joe. That she was a reformed woman out to do her part in making the world a better place.

  But how was she going to do that when she was actually the vampire governor of New Jersey? What was she going to tell them she did for a living? How was she going to explain where her money came from? Because if she couldn’t explain it, they’d think it was mob money. And that wasn’t going to go over so well with Mayor Tom Miller, a man who clearly valued his public image.

  She was going to have to come up with something. And fast.

  “Are you asleep?”

  She opened her eyes to see Pierce standing over her with two bowls, spoons protruding from each. She sat up and held her hands out for her bowl. “No. Just thinking.”

  He handed it to her. “Dare I ask about what?”

  “Just another problem that’s occurred to me.” She spooned up some of the brown sugar vanilla. “What am I going to tell the Millers that I do? I have to have a profession that explains my income. And it can’t be anything even vaguely hinky, or they’ll think I’m covering up because it’s mob money. It also can’t be too convoluted, because Christina has to be able to remember it and go along.”

  He ate a bit of his ice cream, thinking. “That is a dilemma. You’re right that it has to be plausible, and it has to be something you can easily back up. And simple so Christina doesn’t forget it.”

  “Nothing like that comes to mind.” She stuck the spoonful of ice cream into her mouth, hoping it would bring her an epiphany. Instead, she moaned in pleasure as the brown-sugar sweetness and heady bourbon caramel coated her tongue with sheer deliciousness. “Oh wow. This is amazing. Who makes this? I want to marry them.”

  Pierce grinned as he got another bite ready. “I don’t know. I think it’s local, though. Handmade in small batches. Not sure if the people involved are single or not.”

  Then he got a look on his face like something crazy or important had just occurred to him.