Nick took her hand again and they walked, unhurried, across the cobblestones and into the market. They passed through an archway and found themselves standing under a hundred glossy red baubles the size of smart cars. They hung from the glass roof at different lengths, while two enormous silver glitter balls twinkled in the centre.
Nick pulled out his phone and motioned for Claudia to step ahead of him, happiness bouncing around his face. ‘Stand there, I need a picture of these.’
She grinned at his excitement and dutifully posed for his picture. He angled the camera to capture her and the baubles and then, lowering the phone, asked quietly, ‘Can I take one of just you?’
‘Sure,’ she said, trying to sound natural. This was only Nick. They had a thousand photos of one another. Claudia unbuttoned the front of her coat to show off her outfit in the photo.
‘Thanks. It’s just that you look really lovely.’ He blushed a little and concentrated on the phone. ‘And, you know, I’m pretty chuffed with my amazing fashion sense.’
Claudia laughed and tugged on the neckline of the sequined dress. ‘You did well,’ she concurred. She moved back beside him and instinctively their hands slotted together. She struggled for neutral conversation. ‘I had a brilliant time with Jennifer last week.’
‘So I heard. Thanks so much for taking her, she’s wanted to go for so long.’
‘My pleasure, I love hanging out with her.’
Nick glowed with pride. Jennifer was his little sister, who suffered from cerebral palsy. Claudia had taken her to the Making of Harry Potter studio tour. Any excuse for Claudia and Jennifer to hang out and they both jumped at the chance.
Claudia and Nick passed boutique windows dressed in tinsel and spray-on snow, and a Salvation Army brass band wrapped in thick wool coats and knitted hats, gently playing ‘God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen’.
Oh, tidings of comfort and joy …
She was ready.
Stepping into the penthouse bar the Royal Ballet had hired for the night, Claudia and Nick were hit with a wall of merriment. A live Rat Pack band belted out the best Christmas songs, from a jazzed-up version of ‘White Christmas’ to ‘Fairytale of New York’ with a swing twist. All around them was dancing, cheering, laughing, singing and drinking.
Mini, potted Christmas trees lined the walls and reams of multi-coloured fairy lights glittered across the low ceiling, creating the atmosphere of a grown-up Santa’s grotto.
A girl Claudia vaguely recognised was tottering past with two glasses when she saw Claudia and stopped. ‘HI!’ she shouted over the band. ‘Have a snowball, they’re sooo good!’ She thrust a goblet into Claudia’s hand. Giving Nick a friendly wave, she slunk off into the crowd.
The atmosphere was intoxicating. A grin spread across her face and she turned to beam at Nick. He grinned back, baring all his teeth, delighted at her reaction.
Claudia took a sip of her snowball, the thick vanilla flavour with the brandy hit oozing down her throat. She watched the joyful crowd for a moment. Somewhere in there is my big secret.
Nick led her into the throng.
People she’d vaguely met before greeted her like they were old friends, and those she hadn’t welcomed her with hugs and clinks of glasses. She felt at ease. Instantly comfortable. Happy.
Relief, surprise – and the snowball – swam through Claudia’s veins. Why had she been scared of these people? Why had she never given them a chance? They weren’t scorning her, patronising her, looking down on her. They were lovely! And they treated her like one of their own.
Like one of their own. She liked that feeling, a lot. If this was her future she could get away from everything. It wouldn’t matter that she’d have to move house and find new love, because she’d be starting afresh. She’d finally be living the life she’d always wanted.
And maybe, just maybe, it would mean that the break up with Seth was what she’d needed.
That was a scary thought. A thought that needed another snowball.
Nick leant close to her ear. ‘Can I get you another drink, Claud?’
She turned her face to him and smiled. His mouth wasn’t far from hers. In her ecstatic state she felt playful, and looked at his lips with an urge to press her own against them.
‘Can you get me the answer to the secret?’
He laughed, making sure not to move his head too far from hers. ‘Not yet.’
‘Then another snowball please.’
He gave her a thoughtful look, and edged off to the bar.
Penny appeared, shoving her way through two very sloshed dancers having a spinning contest on the dance floor. She had rosy cheeks and gold tinsel wrapped around her neck. ‘I’m tipsy!’ she hiccupped.
‘I’ll be there with you soon: wait for me,’ Claudia laughed.
Penny slung a drunk-heavy arm over Claudia’s shoulder and turned her to face the bar, her hips boogying to ‘Rockin’ Around the Christmas Tree’ all the while. ‘How handsome does Nick look?’ she shouted at Claudia, waving her cocktail in his direction.
‘Very.’
‘Has he told you the biiiiiiiiig secret yet?’
‘No – he says I have to wait.’
‘That man is a tease.’
By the time Nick returned with their drinks Penny had danced off into the distance. Passing her another frothy snowball, he took her free hand and pulled her on to the dance floor.
She looked at his neck. What a delicious neck. She wanted to kiss it a lot. Like, a lot. A teenage-vampire lot.
The alcohol and the atmosphere were spinning her hormones out of control. She had to calm down before she did something stupid.
Composing herself, she asked, ‘Can you tell me the secret now?’
He straightened up, his laugh tinkling like reindeer bells along with the band. ‘No, first I need to show you a merry Christmas.’
He lifted her arm and had her spin underneath. And even though she remembered that her heart was broken, even though she was surrounded by all these professional dancers, at this moment she felt more happy and alive than she had in a long time.
An hour later, Nick and Claudia left the dance floor, sweaty, happy and more than a little splashed with drinks. Claudia flopped down on a wide leather chair; Nick stayed standing.
‘I’m ready.’
‘You are?’ she asked, her heart doing a backflip. Ready for me?
‘Yep. Wait right there, I’m going to get your surprise.’ He raced off around the edge of the room. The surprise. Of course. What else did she think he meant? Her mind was being very silly this evening.
The secret. This was it. Part of her wanted to run. Another part of her wanted to get it over with. She looked around, searching for any hint that would confirm her theory about what the secret was. Make or break time. I’m going to be a ballerina again.
Nick was returning, along with a man in a nice three-piece suit. He had grey hair and a friendly face, with lots of crinkles around the eyes – a man who everyday saw pleasure in what he was surrounded by.
They drew closer. Excitement bubbled in Claudia like champagne fizz, and she felt the cork was about to pop. She couldn’t cope.
BUGGER OFF!
No, don’t, come and tell me my fate.
BUGGER OFF!
LET’S GET THIS OVER WITH.
Nick held his arms out, motioning at Claudia. ‘This is she. Greg, meet Claudia. She’s a star. Claudia, this is Greg, the director of the Royal Ballet.’
Why the hell wasn’t she saying anything? SAY SOMETHING.
Oh no, what was her body doing …
She curtsied. What a loser. Greg let out a light laugh.
‘Brilliant to meet you.’ He shook her hand warmly. ‘Nick’s told me all about you,’ Greg said, giving Nick a pointed look, who studied his beer bottle intently. ‘I hear you used to do ballet.’
Claudia nodded. This was it. She really should say something. ‘Yes, a long time ago …’ SELL YOURSELF. ‘But it feels like yesterday, and sometim
es I still do, and I work at Edurné’s, just around the corner, and I still feel so involved in the world of ballet and dance.’ Stop it, this wasn’t an interview. Or was it?
‘So you’re pretty familiar with the people, you get on with them?’
I do now. ‘Yes, absolutely, loads of them shop at Edurné’s. They’re like my family,’ she exaggerated.
‘Do you think they’d tell you things, open up to you?’
Claudia touched her hand on her heart. They were such a close-knit bunch. ‘I think they would.’
‘You’re okay with late nights, early mornings?’
‘Love them both! Who wouldn’t want to dance the night away every night?’
‘And I’m sure you’ve learnt a lot about the behind-the-scenes work from Nick.’
‘Oh yes, I think it’s really important to know exactly what goes into a production, even if you’re spending most of your time on the stage.’
‘And you like writing, taking photos?’
‘Erm, yes, they’re occasional hobbies of mine. Do you?’ she asked politely.
Greg shook his head. ‘Not really, but you seem lovely. Nick, you’re bouncing around like a kangaroo. Do you want to ask her?’
‘Claud.’ Nick stepped in front of her. ‘I’ve been talking with Greg because there’s a lot coming up for the ballet in the next year. The tour, the local performances, the new show.’ Claudia’s heart raced like a runaway train. ‘And Greg mentioned that he needed an extra someone.’
GET ON WITH IT! Claudia’s mind screamed at Nick, a blasé, interested smile fixed on her face. She could kill him and his big intros sometimes. Make me a ballerina, she willed with all her heart.
‘Greg wants someone to put together a book – a year behind the scenes at the Royal Ballet. Like a coffee-table book with some history, lots of photos, how a production is put together, that kind of thing. To be published by a real publisher.’
What?
Nick continued, ‘And I told him how much you’re still involved in the business and you still love ballet.’
WHAT?
‘So we wondered if you’d do this book? Tell the story from backstage?’
Claudia froze, her face mirroring the look of glee on Nick’s, masking the huge operation going on beneath the surface of composing her features so they didn’t fall into a look of utter disappointment.
They didn’t want her to be a ballerina.
Of course they didn’t want her to be a ballerina.
They wanted her to be a groupie. To write about them, photograph them, from backstage. To be the outsider she knew she was, but she’d fooled herself into thinking she wasn’t.
‘Surprise!’ beamed Nick.
‘Thank you very much,’ she said, her voice stilted like a Stepford Wife’s.
‘What do you think?’ Nick asked, like a child giving a Christmas present. He was so excited about this, his big secret. He’d worked hard to open up this opportunity for her.
She was the fool with the idiotic dreams and stupid, unrealistic fantasies.
A tidal wave of disappointment nearly lifted her off her feet. She took a big gulp of her snowball, using the glass to hide her wobbling chin. Don’t be such a massive cry-baby, she desperately willed herself. They didn’t know what you’d been hoping for.
None of this was Nick’s fault. None of it was anyone’s fault but her own.
‘Well, if you’re sure you don’t want me to play the Sugar Plum Fairy …’ She erupted into shrill laughter. She wanted them to think she was joking, but also say ‘My, we hadn’t thought of that, what a fantastic idea!’ But of course they didn’t; they just smiled and waited for her answer.
‘Claudia, what do you think?’ asked Nick again.
‘I think it sounds like a lovely opportunity … Greg, may I think about it?’
Greg smiled, nodded and patted her warmly on the shoulder before heading off into the crowd.
Nick turned to her like an excited puppy. ‘Do you want to do it?’
‘That’s a bit forward!’ Claudia forced another laugh, trying to turn an awkward moment into some Carry On humour.
Though she was ruined inside, she couldn’t spoil his night. So she did the sensible thing and grabbed another two cocktails from a passing tray. She handed one to Nick and glued on a big grin.
‘I’m going to have a really good think about it. It sounds really good; thanks for thinking of me, Nick.’ She clunked her glass against his.
‘But do you think you might? You could put together a whole book, just you, and you get to work with me and Penny.’
‘Yes, lovely, it’s a brilliant opportunity. Lovely, yes …’
‘Do you mind that I waited until now to ask you? I just really wanted you and Greg to meet first, and for you to spend a bit of time around the company, who are fun and they really like you – I know you’ve found it a bit weird before.’
‘Yep, you planned it all very well.’
‘Did you guess what it was? Did you have any idea?’
‘I had absolutely no idea. This is definitely a big surprise.’
‘A good surprise?’
She pressed her lips together and nodded, willing him to stop talking for two minutes.
Penny materialised, tumbling into the two of them. ‘HAS HE TOLD YOU THE SECRET?’ she bellowed. ‘IS HE REALLY A WOMAN?’
‘It’s better than that,’ Nick said. ‘Tell her, Claud.’
‘Nick and Greg have asked me to put together a book. About the Royal Ballet. From backstage.’ Did she sound excited? Grateful? Or like a petulant misery-guts?
‘A book? Pleeeeease put me on every page.’
‘She’s going to dedicate it to me, though,’ Nick laughed. ‘To Nick – my hot date turned hot recruitment consultant.’
Claudia chuckled along with them, swigged down the rest of the cocktail and swayed. How many had she had? Who cares? She had to get out of this chaotic head of hers.
Nick wrapped an arm around her and squashed her into him. ‘Right, now that’s out the way, let’s celebrate properly. MERRY CHRISTMAS!’ he boomed across the room.
‘MERRY CHRISTMAS!’ she boomed back, and a delighted Nick kissed her on the top of the head and led her back to the dance floor.
Claudia toppled off the low table, landing in a giggling heap in Nick’s arms. Her dance-off rival, Penny, raised her arms above her head and whooped.
The party was in full swing, and Claudia had eagerly suppressed the anticlimax of the big reveal. So things would stay as they were. She’d carry on working in the shop. Same old. She’d experienced twenty-four hours of a reignited dream, but now it was back to reality. And right now, her reality was Christmas party, cocktails and new people.
She loved these people. She would friend them all on Facebook.
Nick was tipsy himself, a dopey smile plastered on his face. ‘I like that you’re happy,’ he shouted in her ear.
‘What?’ Claudia leaned closer.
‘I LIKE THAT YOU’RE HAPPY.’
‘How could I not be happy? I’m a freeeeeeeee woman!’ Claudia shimmied to the festive music, loose in Nick’s arms.
She felt blissfully comfortable with Nick. Had she ever felt this comfortable with Seth? Had he ever encouraged her to dance with him? No. Seth Shmeth.
‘Seth Shmeth,’ she said to Nick.
‘What?’ he ducked his head down to her level. Laughing, Claudia dragged him by the hand to the balcony.
Claudia sighed a happy sigh and tucked herself into Nick’s arms against the cold breeze, her cheek resting on his chest. ‘You smell nice,’ she slurred.
Nick laughed softly. Claudia looked up. ‘Mistletoe!’ she cried, spying a plump bunch hanging over the doorway. Nick followed her gaze. A little voice interrupted her drunken haze. Don’t say it.
‘Let’s snog – it is Christmas,’ she burbled.
What did I just tell you?
Nick chuckled. ‘We can’t do that, I’d be taking advantage, you drunke
n old hag.’
Claudia moved closer, matching his breathing. It was deeper than hers. She watched his mouth.
They were so close she could smell the mulled wine on his lips. His breath fluttered against her eyelashes.
She wanted to do this. She knew it was a silly, friendship-rocking thing to do, but she wanted it. She wanted him. And she could feel it; he wanted her too. Something had shifted between them and there was no going back.
She dragged her gaze away from his lips, up his face and into his eyes. He was looking at her; scared, happy, confused.
Claudia tilted her chin and brought her lips to within an inch of his.
A thought flitted by: I don’t know who you are to me any more.
Claudia moved forward. I want this.
Nick moved back.
He dropped his arms. She rocked on her heels. No …
‘Claudia,’ Nick whispered.
She stepped back, widening the space between them. What had she done? What had he done?
‘Claudia,’ he said, stepping forward.
She moved further along the balcony. Nick looked injured. Well so he should.
‘You did it again?’ she accused, watching pain slice through his features. They were both transported back to that teenage night as they stood at opposite ends of the balcony.
‘You’re drunk, it shouldn’t be like this.’ Nick looked so sad.
Claudia couldn’t comfort him. She was humiliated. She really wasn’t sexy and exciting. She was an idiot. All night, she’d been an idiot. ‘I’m going to leave. I’m going home,’ she choked, pushing past him and heading for the door. He tried to hold her hand but she ripped it away as if it burned.
‘Please don’t go,’ he begged. She turned away from him. ‘I’ll take you home.’
She shook her head, hiding her shamed face. ‘Please, just leave me on my own.’
She could sense him hesitating behind her. His voice cracked. ‘I’ll get Penny to take you home.’
Claudia met his eye. ‘If you have any shred of care, don’t tell her what happened.’
He looked stung. What could they say to each other? Claudia turned from him again, her face in her hands.
A minute later she heard him walk through the door, away from her.
The Twelve Dates of Christmas Page 6