The Twelve Dates of Christmas

by Lisa Dickenson

  ‘I hope Seth wasn’t the love of my life.’ Claudia smiled.

  ‘I just took it too far and then I didn’t want to take advantage of you. I’m really sorry.’

  ‘For not taking advantage of me?’

  ‘A little bit. But mainly for messing around with your emotions. I always want you to feel you can trust me. I’m not a total arse.’

  ‘I know you’re not. I’m sorry for flipping out at you. I had had a bit too much …’

  They grinned at each other, as warm as the fireplace next to them.

  Nick held her gaze. ‘I just didn’t want it to be like that.’

  ‘“It”?’

  ‘The first time we kiss.’ He just threw it out there. And then he looked up, smiling at the waiter who had brought their plates. He wouldn’t meet her eyes again as he marveled at the food on his plate. ‘Look, chestnut stuffing.’

  ‘Wait,’ Claudia said, her heart racing. ‘What does that mean, go back to that.’

  ‘I love pigs in blankets, too. Look – we have three each!’

  She knew he wasn’t going to give away any more today, and she smiled down at her meal; the rich smells of tradition wafted up into her face. So they were to have a first kiss. Not ‘if’, though ‘when’ and ‘how’ were still a mystery. An exciting, unexpected, thrilling mystery, and she could hardly wait.

  She settled in for the perfect afternoon of food, drinks and flirting that glittered with the magic of knowing it actually meant something, with a man straight off a Christmas list. Date Five may not have the grand gestures and the fancy parties, nor did it have the drama, but to Claudia it was the most exciting date yet.

  Claudia walked home feeling like a teenager in a Katy Perry song. What a crazy, sometimes horrid, often exciting, weird month this was turning out to be.

  Nick wanted to kiss her! She jumped up in the air and landed softly in the snow. Her cheeks were flushed pink and the smile on her face probably made anyone walking by think she was a loon. Maybe she was a loon, swooning over her best friend.

  ‘You silly mistletoe-and booze-filled season,’ she whispered. ‘What have you done to me?’

  Her phone rang.

  ‘Penny, merry Christmas!’ she chirped down the line.

  ‘Merry Christmas! You sound healthier than yesterday. Fancy coming over for some burnt Christmas cookies?’

  ‘Yum, how can I resist?’ Claudia took a sharp right and head in the direction of Penny’s flat.

  ‘Brill, I really need to talk to you about something. Come quick.’

  Claudia danced into Penny’s flat humming Christmas carols. Penny stood in the kitchen badly spreading lime green icing over the most burnt bits of the burnt cookies. ‘Look, Christmas trees,’ she said.

  ‘They look crap. I’ll take them all!’

  Penny, Claudia and Nick were all fairly shocking cooks, but Penny was the worst. She always overestimated oven time and therefore everything she served was chargrilled. Unless she was trying to do chargrilled, in which case the dish would undoubtedly appear anaemic and soulless.

  Claudia reached for a cookie and started sucking on it. ‘What do you want to talk about? Oh my God, are you pregnant?’

  ‘No, please, there has been a grand total of nil willies – or test tubes – near me.’

  ‘Okay. Crikey, I nearly started packing a labour bag for you then.’

  ‘You’d really pack my bag for me?’

  ‘Of course. I’ve already planned it: your big NY Knicks T-shirt, a packet of Tangfastics, the Twilight books and your coral nail polish.’

  ‘My favourite things …’ Penny put her hand on her heart.

  ‘So what do you want to talk about?’

  Penny took a deep breath, then turned away. ‘I can’t.’

  ‘What?’

  ‘A drink first. Join me?’ She poured a very large glass of red.

  ‘No thanks, I’ve already had a Baileys today, I can’t face any more alcohol than that yet.’

  ‘Where’d you go for that?’

  ‘I just met Nick for a roast.’ Claudia immediately clocked Penny’s ‘left-out’ face. ‘It was a last-minute thing, and I needed to apologise for him having to drag a suitcase and a puke-covered girl home on his Saturday.’

  Penny laughed. ‘Fair enough. So how is he?’

  ‘Well, loving the snow of course.’

  ‘I bet he is. He’s really cute at Christmas.’

  ‘Mmm.’ Maybe it was time to tell Penny what was going on. It would be mega-embarrassing, but it had to be done.

  ‘Did he mention if he was bringing anyone to the wedding, by the way?’ ‘No, but I’ve never actually asked him.’

  ‘I just wondered if he liked anyone at the moment.’

  Claudia shrugged and reached for another cookie, avoiding Penny’s eyes. I’ll tell her after she’s told me her news. Because I’m a humongous wimp.

  ‘Okay,’ said Penny, taking a big gulp of wine.

  ‘Spill,’ Claudia coaxed. What was all this about?

  ‘Guess what?’

  ‘What?’

  Penny took a deep breath and covered her face in her hands. She squealed. ‘I have … Oh God, I’m too embarrassed to admit it.’

  ‘Just say it, unleash it, you’ll feel amazing.’ Claudia should take her own advice, she thought.

  Penny giggled and fanned herself with her hands. ‘Okay. Phew. I’m just going to say it.’

  Claudia waited.

  ‘I have developed the most major crush. On Nick!’

  Date Six

  The Shard, London Bridge Quarter

  ‘You fancy Nick?’ Claudia struggled to digest a charcoaled Christmas tree cookie and the news that both she and her best friend had a thing for the same man, who happened to be their other best friend.

  Penny nodded, her eyes sparkling.

  ‘That’s brilliant.’ Nooooooo, what do I say, what do I say? ‘That is just … such BRILLIANT news.’ Stop saying it’s brilliant!

  ‘You don’t mind?’ Penny squealed.

  YES. ‘Why would I mind?’

  ‘Because, you know, if anything happens between us it might change the dynamics a little bit.’

  ‘If anything happens between us? You mean you and me?’

  ‘No, me and Nick.’

  Of course. Penny and Nick. Nick and Penny. Bleurgh. She’d been spectacularly pipped to the post. Claudia violently sawed a cookie in half with a carving knife. ‘So, um, when the bloody hell did this start?’

  ‘Quite recently really. Because of you!’

  ‘BRILLIANT.’

  ‘You know I’ve always dated hotties with zero personality?’

  ‘Now that’s not fair, sometimes it’s nice to have somebody … mellow. Don’t rule them out yet.’

  ‘But usually they’re so mellow they don’t even show emotion, or get it when I show emotion. Then when you and Seth split up and I saw how completely lovely Nick was being with you, it dawned on me: all along, here’s been a good-looking bloke who’s a real sweetie pie and we already adore each other.’

  ‘He is being very nice to me at the moment, but it’s just a one off. Usually he can be a bit of an idiot, am I right?’ Was it too late to change Penny’s mind? Tell her, tell her, tell her.

  ‘No, he’s always been lovely. But the way he’s just been there for you over the past week, taking you on the date, holding your hand, checking up on you … swoon.’

  Tell me about it. ‘I know, I fancy him too.’

  Penny looked at Claudia.

  ‘HA, HA, HA.’ Claudia laughed. Chicken. ‘HA, HA, HA.’

  Penny laughed back. ‘I’ll fight you for him!’

  ‘You’re on! HA, HA, HA.’ Claudia waved the knife in the air. No, better put that down.

  ‘Do you think he likes me?’ Penny asked, looking nervous and happy and hopeful.

  ‘Well, pffff, dunno. Do you think he likes you?’

  ‘Maybe … I mean, he’s always over here. And he knows how much I
want a baby and he mentions a lot that he wants kids. Maybe he’s been trying to tell me something.’

  ‘Wow. So this isn’t just a fancying thing, you’re thinking about Nick in terms of a potential sperm donor?’

  ‘Not just a sperm donor! It just all makes sense: I like him – a lot – we could be in a relationship for a bit, and then I think he’d make a pretty damned fine dad when the time’s right. Which will hopefully be soon!’

  This was worse than Claudia thought. This wasn’t just a ‘I want to bonk my bestie’ situation, this was a solution to what Penny craved most in the world, with only Claudia standing in her way.

  ‘Do you think this is a really bad idea?’ Penny asked.

  ‘Noooo.’ Yes, but only because Claudia fancied Nick herself. She had three choices: tell Penny it was a great idea and watch her and Nick shack up together; tell her it was a bad idea and go out with him herself, thus being a horrible best friend and total hypocrite; or admit to Penny that she and Nick had a little sumpin-sumpin going on, breaking her trust in the friendship and pooping all over her feelings.

  ‘I just think we’re actually kind of perfect for each other, don’t you agree?’

  ‘In what way?’

  ‘Well, we already spend every day together holed up in dark auditoriums, so we know we don’t drive each other insane, we have a lot of the same friends, we both work in the world of theatre …’

  This was all true; she made a good argument. Penny was winning. ‘Don’t you reckon that if you really fancied him there would have been some kind of spark there all along? You wouldn’t just suddenly like him after all these years?’ As if Claudia believed any of that.

  ‘No, I think sometimes it just hits you. Boom. He’s it. He might just be The One.’

  ‘Boom …’

  ‘And he’s kind, you know? I’m tired of silly boys; I really just want a kind man in my life.’

  Claudia had lost Nick. Before she’d even had him.

  ‘Plus he is a hottie.’ Penny grinned.

  Hearing Penny all excited and hopeful suddenly made it very clear to Claudia exactly how she felt. Somehow this last week had brought them closer than ever before, and she realised Nick had been there all along.

  Just like Penny said.

  But I want Nick to be mine, a small voice inside her said. Well, too late. She couldn’t let anything happen now. She had to step aside. Her head felt tangled, so she stuffed another cookie inside it.

  ‘You’re such a good friend.’ Penny broke into her sludgy thoughts. ‘And I’m crap – I never apologised for that rubbish blind date I set you up on.’

  I never apologised for the future father of your baby telling me he wanted to kiss me. ‘S’okay. It was … an experience.’

  ‘I promise I won’t meddle again. I did have another one in mind, but I’ve learnt my lesson.’

  ‘Another blind date?’

  ‘Yep, Mikael, a dancer from the ballet. He’s quite fit. But we do need to find you a good new man. We need to find you a Nick.’

  ‘Mmm-hmm.’ Right. Crisis mode. So Penny was going to make a move on Nick. Even if he wasn’t interested there was still no way she could swoop in now. And she couldn’t deal with one failed relationship and one failed start-up relationship while playing confidante to Penny during Operation Nick.

  There were plenty more nice men out there. Plenty of reasons to be fun, free and single. Plenty of people to remind her that Nick – and Seth – weren’t the only likeable men in London.

  ‘Set me up on the date,’ Claudia said.

  ‘Seriously?’

  ‘Yes, why not, set me up on as many as you like. Let the boys of London nosebleed upon my face. I do need to find another Nick. I mean, someone like Nick.’

  Nick was pretty one-of-a-kind; she hadn’t stumbled across another one in the last fourteen years. But it was time to look. Because what choice did she have?

  Claudia raced out of Edurné’s the second the clock struck three. She had no idea if he’d be there, but it was worth a try, before she talked herself out of it. She weaved through Covent Garden, salt and slush gripping on to the bottom of her boots, glancing at the mulled wine stand she and Nick had been to three days ago, and then pushed open the door of the Italian restaurant.

  ‘Billy.’

  ‘Claudia!’ He looked up from clearing a table. ‘How are ya?’

  ‘Good, yes. On the mend. A little less drunk than the last time you saw me.’

  ‘Just a little?’

  ‘I mean, it is Christmas. Here in England it’s tradition to start every December morning with a glass of port.’

  ‘That makes sense. I start every day with a beer.’

  ‘Upholding one’s culture is very important.’ They looked at each other. Billy passed Claudia a breadstick. Say it. He’s nice. Nick’s gone. ‘Billy. What are you up to tomorrow?’

  ‘I’m working the evening shift, but free as a bird all day.’

  ‘Do you want to do something? Hang out? Like a date? Or whatever?’

  ‘A date? Sure, that’d be ace. I’m gagging to find out what happened at your showdown with Dickhead.’

  ‘Not much to tell—’

  ‘Don’t spoil it – tell me tomorrow.’ He gasped. ‘Mate, can we go to the Shard?’

  ‘Sure!’

  ‘I haven’t been yet, and don’t you reckon London’ll look pretty awesome from up high in all this snow?’

  Claudia and Billy arranged to meet at ten o’clock the following morning. They swapped phone numbers and she scarpered.

  She had a strange feeling in the pit of her stomach. It was a little bit horrible. Like sadness churning with guilt and too many cups of tea. Billy was lovely, but setting herself up on another date didn’t have the empowering, moving-on feeling she’d anticipated.

  Too late now. The sixth date of Christmas was fixed.

  It was ridiculous o’clock the next morning when Claudia met Penny outside her house for their first-ever run together. Penny had latched on to Claudia’s quest to be a sexier lady, and the two of them vowed to become better versions of themselves over the winter, beating the swimsuit-season gym lock-ins come March.

  It was lightly snowing, and still dark enough that Christmas-tree lights sparkled merrily through people’s windows, turning the street into a wide, glittery tunnel.

  Bloody hell it was cold. Claudia hopped on the spot while she waited for Penny to stretch. They took a few preliminary strides and Penny’s foot shot out to the left. She gripped a railing and smothered a snort of laughter.

  ‘Shh! Claudia giggled, her own feet slipping on the icy pavement. She flailed about until she was spooning Penny against the wrought iron.

  ‘Shall we just walk today? We can be fit and healthy when the snow’s gone,’ Penny whispered.

  ‘Yep, let’s just do bikini bootcamp next summer and forget this nonsense for now.’

  They clutched each other’s hands and made their way down the road and into Kensington Gardens, which wasn’t quite so hazardous, and where they could talk without waking anyone up.

  ‘I have something hilarious to show you,’ said Penny, pulling out her iPhone. She held it up for Claudia to see.

  On the screen was the ugliest baby in the world. Claudia felt bad just thinking it, but it looked like a greying old man with stubble rash and teeny evil eyes. ‘Who is that?’

  ‘Isn’t it grim? It’s an app where you can merge people’s faces and see what their baby will look like. This is me and Nick!’

  A minute ripple of a thought went through Claudia mind, which she shooed away immediately. Naughty thought. It’s not a good thing that they might have unattractive babies.

  ‘But you’re both so good looking. Like, in real life.’

  ‘Fingers crossed it’s just a rubbish app. Look, this is me merged with you.’

  ‘Why do we have two foreheads?’

  ‘I like to think it’s because our babies would have such enormous brains.’ She put her phon
e away. ‘So I was thinking about Nick.’

  ‘Evidently.’ Me too.

  ‘Claud, how am I actually going to do this? Should I just tell him how I feel? Should I start flirting?’

  Claudia began doing lunges as they walked, to warm herself up and hide her big, petulant bottom lip that was sticking out at having to give advice about this. ‘I don’t know. Maybe before you do anything you should scope him out and see if he has any feelings for you. That way if he hasn’t you won’t feel silly.’

  ‘You’re right. You’re good at things like this. Maybe you could ask him for me?’

  Damn it. ‘No, I really don’t want to.’

  ‘Pleeeeease. You see him so much at the moment, you could easily just slip it in.’

  She couldn’t refuse. Penny had done so much for her in the last week, and she had no idea how big an ask this was. Though her heart felt like it was tearing apart, she had to be a good friend. ‘Fine,’ she mumbled.

  ‘You’re the best! Just think, in a couple of weeks Nick and I could be dates to Emma and Ellie’s wedding! Can you imagine everyone’s faces? It would be the funniest thing.’

  ‘Wow, that would be funny.’ Claudia reached up and gripped the end of an overhanging tree branch. ‘Just like this.’ She let go and it twanged back, a waterfall of snow cascading onto Penny. Claudia ran away laughing her head off, with Penny not far behind her.

  Claudia and Billy pressed their noses against the toughened glass at the top of the Shard, a thousand feet above the city, and looked down at the snow-covered model village far below.

  ‘What’s that one?’ asked Billy, pointing to a black and white high-rise that stuck out above the surrounding buildings.

  ‘Um, I think that’s the Ministry of Defence’s James Bond-themed simulation training centre.’

  ‘Cool. And that one?’ He pointed to a blue, glass-fronted building on the edge of the Thames.

  ‘That’s the corgi hotel, for when the Queen goes on holiday.’

  ‘You’re such a good tour guide,’ Billy marveled, amused.

  ‘Maybe that could be my new career … What did you do back in Australia?’

  ‘I was a dive instructor on a Barrier Reef catamaran off Cairns. I’m such a cliché, right?’