‘I know, and you meant it as a nice joke.’ Quite a yummy joke.
‘Assault because I did then throw you down.’
‘You knocked me down; surely that means most ice-skaters should be done for assault at some point.’
‘And indecency because of the, erm, writhing about and inappropriate screaming. That one really should have been slapped on both of us.’
Claudia was laughing so hard she had to grab the crutches for support. ‘Did the police really say we were inappropriately screaming?’
‘Yep,’ said Nick, a smirk on his face. ‘It’s a family place, Claud, and not suitable for sex-starved teenagers.’
‘Did they really think I was a teenager?’ she asked with pride.
‘I think they meant it more as a metaphor.’
‘Oh.’
‘Don’t worry, you’re not that withered and haggard yet.’ He took the crutches from her and held out his arm. ‘Come on, let’s blow my dosh on a cab home for you. It’s the least I can do. Then your big hunk of an outlaw has to go to work.’
‘I’m glad they didn’t bang you up.’
‘Me too. Do you dare to go on a date with me again tomorrow night?’
‘Yes please, I’m not sure how much longer I can go without that kiss.’ Urgh, saying that to Nick sounded like the dorkiest thing on earth.
Date Eight was set, and she couldn’t wait to open the advent calendar door on that one.
‘But if you had to.’
‘If I had to …’ Claudia pondered as she tugged a black strapless dress up her body bit by bit. They were standing in Penny’s flat the next morning, choosing outfits for the upcoming wedding from Penny’s extensive, but a size too small for Claudia, wardrobe. ‘Then I’d snog Richard Madeley, marry James May and avoid Boris Johnson. But that’s not fair because you know I fancy them all.’
‘That looks nice,’ said Penny, once Claudia had stuffed both boobs inside the dress.
‘Black, though, for a wedding?’
‘I think black’s totally fine now, especially for a winter wedding. You’d look weirder in a floral sundress. How’s this?’ Penny slid on a pale silver maxi.
‘Nice, but a bit too close to bridal. Next.’
Penny whipped off her dress while Claudia rolled off the LBD, freeing her flesh and nearly taking her knickers with her. She picked up a pink kaftan.
‘So, is Nick now your “date” for the wedding? Is he going to be your plus-one?’
‘I don’t know. Neither of us were going to be taking anyone else, but I don’t want it to be “me and Nick”, and then “you”, I want it to be all three of us going together. Unless there’s anyone you were thinking of bringing?’
‘I don’t know,’ answered Penny vaguely. She looked Claudia up and down. ‘No, definitely not the kaftan.’
‘But it’s comfortable.’
‘It looks absurd. You look like you’re only going to the wedding so you can tag along on the honeymoon.’
‘Even in heels? Even if I put a belt around it?’
‘No. Next.’
Penny slid herself with ease into the black strapless dress and Claudia reluctantly swapped the kaftan for a navy blue shift with a smattering of pearls. The girls assessed each other.
‘Winners?’ asked Penny.
‘Chicken dinners,’ Claudia confirmed. ‘Penny, are you sure you’re okay about Nick and me?’
‘Of course, I said I was.’
‘I know, but you said yourself that if you two were together it might have changed the dynamics. Are you worried about that now?’
‘Should I be worried? Are you two going to get all “smug couple” on me?’
‘No way, I swear it’ll be like nothing’s changed.’
‘Then I don’t mind. You don’t need to keep asking me,’ Penny said. ‘Are you going to take the job? Now that you’re banging each other?’
‘We’re not banging each other!’
‘You will be.’
‘No we won’t. Gross! Nick can’t see me naked. And I still haven’t decided about the job.’ Tick-tock, tick-tock.
‘You haven’t? It’s only a week ’til Christmas. After New Year we have a three-week break and then it’s back to work in the last week of January. I expect they’ll want you to start then.’
‘Hmm.’ Claudia hated being reminded that she had a decision to make, it only made her want to ignore it longer out of spite.
‘Basically, you’d have to start in a month. How much notice would you need to give at Edurnés?’
‘Two weeks, minimum.’
‘So what are you going to do?’
‘Do I really have to make a decision soon?’ Go away.
‘If we’ve learnt one thing this week, is it not that you need to figure out your own feelings and get them out there – make decisions – the sooner the better?’ Penny raised an eyebrow at Claudia.
‘Yes,’ Claudia mumbled.
‘Then go home and sort yourself out.’
‘I’m going to go home and sort myself out.’
‘Good idea, bugger off.’
That afternoon, with her hair tied in three unbecoming pigtails in an attempt to dry it in mermaid waves, Claudia was back in her flat surrounded by holly leaf-shaped Post-its. It was very selfish of everyone she knew not to work in an office with a pilferable stationery cupboard, so that she’d actually had to go to WH Smith and buy some supplies on her way back.
The obligatory Christmas movie was playing in the background, this time Home Alone 4, which she was refusing to give her full attention out of loyalty to Macaulay Culkin.
Claudia shook the last of the tube of glitter on to the swirly glue-writing she’d carefully scribed at the top of a large piece of black cardboard. The board was divided into three. ‘ROYAL BALLET JOB – PROS’, ‘ROYAL BALLET JOB – CONS’ and ‘DREAM JOB’.
‘Right Claud, time to get serious: let’s start with pros and cons.’ She loved talking to herself nowadays; she was usually good company and always found her own jokes funny.
‘Work with Nick and Penny,’ she said, writing the same on a holly leaf. She hovered between ‘pros’ and ‘cons’. Would they get sick to death of each other? Would everyone think she was a total wet wipe for working with her boyfriend? But then, they wouldn’t really be working together, they’d just be milling around doing their own things, maybe meeting for cuppas. She stuck it in the ‘pro’ column for now.
‘He’s not even your actual boyfriend yet, Miss Desperado.’ She picked up another Post-it. ‘It’s not my dream job.’ Con. No – that was a cop out and needed more breaking down. She screwed up the Post-it.
‘Still won’t be dancing.’ Con.
‘Don’t know anything about writing/photography.’ Con.
‘People have faith in me, that I can do it.’ Pro. That was nice. She put this one at the top of the board.
‘New adventure.’ Pro.
‘Helps get out of rut.’ Pro.
‘Might always feel like a bit of a groupie.’ Con.
‘Lots of freedom.’ Pro.
‘Get to build my own schedule.’ Definite pro. She could work it around the new Beyoncé dance class she’d seen advertised at Sadler’s Wells. Priorities.
‘Will miss Edurné ladies A LOT.’ Big, huge con.
‘Edurné ladies just round corner for posh-lady lunches.’ Hmm, pro.
‘If I take it, I’d have to hand in my notice and disappoint Laura.’ Urgh, con.
‘If I don’t, I’d have to turn it down and disappoint Nick.’ That was a good reason for taking the job, which meant an extra Post-it in the ‘pro’ column.
She surveyed the board, and picked up another leaf. ‘Exciting,’ she whispered, and stuck it in the pro column.
‘Scary.’ She stuck that in cons. Then she pulled it back off and shuffled it over to the line separating the two. Scary was not necessarily bad. Rollercoasters were scary but fun, and you always felt brave and glad you did it afterwards. Unless it m
ade you puke.
Food for thought. Time to move on to the ‘dream job’ section.
‘DANCING.’ She wrote that in block capitals and put it directly under the heading.
‘But not to an über-skilled professional level.’ She stuck that under the ‘DANCING’ Post-it. She had to face facts that it was a little too late for that.
‘Fun.’ ‘Be my own boss.’ ‘Something involved – not on the sidelines.’ Stick, stick, stick.
‘Show other people how dancing can make them feel.’ She thought back to how she’d felt on the ice rink, the music pumping through her body and the ecstatic happiness of spinning, twirling, letting it completely overtake you, and feeling like you’re doing it well. It was an adrenaline rush, a sugar high she never felt anywhere else. She wanted that feeling to be part of her life.
Salivating at her DREAM JOB section, she thought of another con for the Royal Ballet offer. She didn’t choose that job, it had been chosen for her. She didn’t want to base her career on something someone else had decided would be a good fit.
‘Not my dream job.’ She underlined the ‘my’.
Lots of pros, lots of cons, lots of elements of a dream job to think about. Phew, that was probably enough of a step forward for today. She had bigger, more pressing and life-changing decisions to make now. No longer being the nineties – but seeing as it was Christmas – could she get away with glitter eyeshadow for her date tonight?
Nick had told Claudia she’d be picked up at six, but when she left her building she hadn’t expected to see a silver Mercedes with a driver waiting for her. He handed her a note.
‘Claud, sorry I can’t be there in person – coming straight from work. I’ll be waiting for you when you arrive. The driver knows where to go, you sit back and relax. Don’t worry, he’s not a murderer (he’s my uncle).’
‘Bonjour,’ said the driver in a thick Cockney accent. ‘Jem’apple Dave. Avay voo un seat in the back.’ He gestured to the car.
‘Merci, señor,’ said Claudia, climbing in.
Claudia saw something very exciting as she glided onto the leather seat. ‘What’s all this?’
A hamper sat next to her, filled with her favourite festive snacks: Waitrose all-butter mince pies, a Chocolate Orange, some roast turkey Kettle Chips, a flask which she opened and sniffed – gingerbread latté!, a box of Quality Street. And the Christmas Radio Times with a candy cane-shaped pen attached.
This was so thoughtful; no one had done anything like this for her before. It was a small gesture, but how well Nick knew her, how much thought he’d put into this. Claudia had never felt so far from missing Seth.
‘Dave, have you seen all these things Nick’s left?’ she called to the front seat as he pulled out of the end of the road.
‘He’s a good lad, my nephew. Ooo, nearly forgot to give you this.’ He passed back a huge plastic bag and Claudia pulled out an enormous pair of reindeer slippers, big enough to fit a man. There was another note tucked inside.
‘These are mine, you can’t bloody keep them, but thought you might want some comfy shoes for the journey so as not to cause your ankle any more pain. Sorry again about that!’
Claudia slipped her poorly ankle out of her tight-feeling boot and slid her foot into the big plush reindeer. She ripped into the box of mince pies and settled back to circle some Christmas TV as Dave edged through the traffic of London.
Bliss. If Nick were a set of questions in a magazine’s ‘Is he Mr Right?’ quiz, he’d be slowly ticking all the boxes.
Claudia was utterly engrossed in an internal debate as to whether to watch Back to the Future or Jools Holland’s Hootenanny on New Year’s Eve when she felt the car roll to a stop.
‘Here we go, madmanmoizelle,’ said Dave, opening her door.
She popped her foot back into her boot and stepped out in front of St Paul’s Cathedral. ‘Oh, we’re here!’ The columns were lit from beneath, the iconic dome peeping out above them. A dense queue of people dressed in smart yet toasty clothing snaked from the entrance around the side of the building.
The dusting of snow and smell of warm, sugary chestnuts gave Claudia the sense of being in Dickensian London. She waved goodbye to Dave, and was buying a bag of nuts for Nick when she heard him call her name.
She turned and leaped into his arms. ‘You! How come you’re so nice to me?’
‘Hello, and you deserve it.’
This would be a good time for that kiss. But something was burning against her chest. She detangled herself and pulled away, peeling the bag of hot chestnuts from the front of her coat. ‘These are for you.’
‘Thanks, Claud!’
‘It’s nothing compared to what you gave to me, but I know you love them.’ He gave her romance, he gave her adventure, he gave her happiness without her having to ask for it. All the things Seth never gave her. Stop thinking about Seth. She couldn’t help it; the comparison left her awestruck. There was no comparison.
Nick took her hand and led her toward the cathedral.
‘What are we here for?’ she asked.
‘A candlelit carol concert. Is that okay?’
‘That sounds amazing. I’ve never even been in St Paul’s; how bad is that?’
‘Really? Then I hope we get in tonight. I had no idea it would be this busy.’ They joined the end of the slowly moving queue.
‘Did you manage to stay out of trouble today, you big crim?’ Claudia teased.
‘I showed a few people who was boss. And I totally nicked a spirit level from work. But I’ll take it back in a couple of days. I’m just convinced my Christmas tree’s wonky and it’s driving me mad.’
‘On a scale of one to ten, how excited are you about Christmas Day?’
‘Ten times ten. But it’s not just about the actual day, the whole month gets me excited. Seeing this city transform, in looks and atmosphere, it feels like a mini-adventure every year. Do you know what I mean?’
‘I do, but until this year I guess I’ve always enjoyed it from the outside looking in. A bit like when you watch a Christmas movie. It feels nice and festive, but it’s not a unique experience just for you. This year it’s like I’m in a Christmas movie.’
‘I’m glad you feel like that.’
‘Do you know this is the eighth date I’ve been on this Christmas?’ Eight dates. That was, like, a 700 per cent increase on last year’s dating record as a whole. She wasn’t counting Mikael. Yes, it was technically a date but it was very short, not very sweet, and he was a knob.
‘First eight of many.’
‘Do you think we can keep this up?’
Nick took hold of the ends of her woolly scarf and smiled at her. ‘As God as my witness, through the power vested in me, as we stand here outside the massive Pauly-Wauly’s Cathedral, I vow to you that I will take you on as many dates as my humble wallet will allow.’
Claudia wrapped her scarf tails around his hands. ‘And I pledge my allegiance not to be a grumpy old cow, not to refuse to change out of my pyjamas on Sundays, and not to get too outstandingly drunk, stampy and crazy with you again.’
‘Actually, I’m pretty fond of grumpy, pyjama’d, wasted Claudia. You need to do another one.’
‘How about if I promise to take you on lots of dates too?’
‘Cool.’
‘But since you made me take back my other vow, I now no longer promise not to be stampy and crazy. So you better give me that kiss tonight.’
He smiled at her. ‘Come and get it.’
The queue moved forward. Come and get it. Claudia’s cheeks flushed pink – she needed a cold flannel.
‘You come and get it,’ she said shyly.
‘It’s up here; it’s been waiting for you for years. Come and get it.’
She had no cool left, if she’d ever had any in the first place. She should just lie face down in the snow and let herself sizzle. It was the only way.
A severe-looking woman with tight curls and a ferocious bosom under her trench coat turned
around. ‘If you don’t go and get it soon, my girl, I will.’
‘Hello, how many?’ asked a petite girl, stepping in between them. Claudia hadn’t even noticed they’d moved to the front of the queue.
‘Um, two please,’ she croaked. Nick was grinning like a Cheshire cat.
The girl handed them each a small white candle with a paper bobèche to catch the wax drips, and showed them inside.
Black and white tiles swept the vast floor of the cathedral, with wide, intricately carved arches rising on either side and delicate chandeliers hanging low from the ceiling. Claudia and Nick were ushered into the end of a tightly packed pew that seemed a million miles away from the altar.
‘We were lucky to get in,’ Nick whispered, achingly close to her face. Stop it, you’re in church now. ‘Look, they’re shutting the doors.’
‘Can’t people stand in that big gap at the back?’
‘No, I think that’s where all the choir and, um, important people hang out before they walk down the middle.’
‘Have you been to this before?’
‘No, but I YouTubed it.’
‘So this is new for both of us? That’s cool.’ Claudia looked out over the sea of tiny flickering flames. ‘Do you think we should have asked Penny?’
‘On our date?’
‘Well, how do we differentiate what will be a date and what should be the kind of thing all three of us used to do together? Won’t she feel left out?’ I’m sorry, Penny.
‘You do make a good point. We won’t leave her out of things, but I’m sure Penny knows that we need a bit of space to get things off the ground. Then, once you’re comfortable, I won’t be putting in nearly as much effort any more.’
‘Me neither. I’m not even going to bother with my fancy customised undies. You’re just going to get the ones that didn’t even merit a bedazzling.’
‘I hear those bedazzled undies are so gross they’d make Victoria spill every one of her Secrets,’ he whispered to her. ‘But Claud, they’re your underwear. You can’t talk about them to me when I can’t have my wicked way with you. Especially in church.’
Claudia couldn’t keep the beam from her face as the organ started up. Look at her, being all sexy and exciting. Nick thought she was sexy. Ha! Little did he know.
The Twelve Dates of Christmas Page 14