‘Because I was a total chicken and you seemed to like him for a more proper reason than me. You wanted his baby.’
‘I don’t want his baby if he likes you.’
‘But I didn’t know for sure he did like me then. I thought I might have just been reading things wrong; a bit desperate after Seth.’
‘Don’t play the Seth card.’ Ouch. ‘So now you know he does like you?’
‘Yes. He told me last night.’
‘At the dinner?’
‘Yes.’
‘So he was the reason you looked so over Seth?’
Claudia nodded. ‘Seth who?’ she dead-panned.
‘How did it make you feel? When he told you?’ Penny sounded so blue.
Claudia considered the question. ‘Relieved that it wasn’t only in my head, peaceful, happy. But also it killed me because I’m scared of losing you.’
‘You must have thought I was such an idiot, swooning over a guy who liked you instead.’
‘No, I didn’t – I don’t – think that at all. It just all got really complicated and I was trying to be a good friend and I’m an idiot and I messed it up and more than anything I just wanted you to be happy. So I came here tonight to tell him—’
‘To tell him what?’
‘I’m not sure yet. But it would be based around nothing ever happening between us.’
Penny looked away and over at the Opera House. She lapsed into silence for some time.
‘I’m really sorry, Penny.’
‘Well there’s no point in telling him nothing can happen between you.’
‘What?’
‘If you like each other, he’s obviously not going to want to go out with me. You do like him, don’t you?’
‘Yes.’
‘Just don’t tell him about my little crush.’
‘No, Penny, I’m not going to go out with Nick with you feeling like this, you’ll hate me for ever.’
‘Don’t be a dick, of course I won’t.’
‘You won’t?’
‘No.’ She let out the most ginormous sigh. ‘To be honest, thinking about it, maybe I just fancied Nick in the way you fall head over heels for the leading man in a rom-com. Because he was so devoted to you.’
‘But you’re still crying.’
‘That’s true, but that’s because I’ve lost something I never had, not because of something you’ve taken from me.’
‘How are you such a good person after all of this? Why don’t you hate me?’
‘Because if I hated you no one would do the “Single Ladies” routine with me at the wedding next week.’
‘We can do that routine to every single song if you want to.’
Penny laughed. She fanned her eyes. ‘Do I look horrendous?’
‘Never.’
‘Look at me, the ballerina crying next to the statue of the ballerina. I feel very dramatic.’ At that moment, wispy snowflakes began to fall. ‘Oh!’ Penny cried. ‘This is even better, this would make a great photo.’ She ran her fingers down her face, spreading bigger, thicker streaks of mascara. ‘How’s this? Do I look incredibly dramatic now?’
Nick crossed the road. ‘Right, who’s dumped my mum? You know she’ll wander over to Dreamboys. Penny, what’s wrong?’
Penny smiled and wiped her eyes on Claudia’s coat. ‘I’m just really upset for Claudia because she’s going to have to see your willy.’
‘She is?’ Nick looked pleased as punch.
Claudia was unendingly grateful to Penny for not blowing up; there was literally nothing she would not let her friend do or say at this moment. So Claudia simply chuckled and shrugged at Nick. ‘Maybe.’
‘Okay,’ she sighed. ‘I’m going to leave you two to have a much-needed chinwag.’
Penny heaved herself up and Claudia draped her in a hug. ‘If you need a drink, I know someone in that restaurant who’s very good at cheering up sobbing Brits.’
‘A drink would be perfection.’
‘Ask for Billy, and tell him to put it on a tab for Claudia. I’ll go in and pay it tomorrow.’
‘A boy, hey? Even better.’ Off Penny went into the restaurant, leaving Nick and Claudia grinning at each other in the snow like a couple of penguins.
‘Is Penny okay?’ Nick asked.
‘She’s … fine. She just gets emotional sometimes. About having a baby and stuff.’
‘She’s going to make such a good mum. I hope she finds her answer soon.’
‘I think she will.’
Claudia shuffled on the spot, not knowing if she should go to Nick or wait for him to come to her. All her rehearsed scenarios, of I like you, but and I don’t feel the same way were no longer relevant. Now she had to tell him she liked him.
She had to tell a BOY that she FANCIED him.
She was this close to stealing Julia Robert’s ‘just a girl’ speech from Notting Hill when Nick stepped a little closer and ran his fingers through her hair, and her entire nervous system disintegrated.
‘It’s snowing,’ stated Nick. ‘As much as I like you, I don’t want you to see my willy now.’
‘I guess I can wait a little, as much as I like you.’ There. She’d said it.
‘You do?’
‘Um, quite a lot.’
‘Well then, bestie, can I take you on a date tomorrow? An actual date, that you agree is a date?’
Claudia supressed the urge to take off all her clothes and streak with happiness. Instead, she concurred to go on her seventh date this Christmas. How things were changing.
‘Let’s do this,’ said Nick. ‘And because it’s a real date, I can feel you up, right?’
YES. ‘No you can’t. Just because we’ve had a thousand years of getting to know each other doesn’t mean you can skip all the traditional dating stuff. All the romantic stuff.’
‘Fair enough, traditional dating it is.’ He leaned into her, their smiles centimetres apart. She didn’t dare move her face. ‘So I guess that also means no kissing on the first date.’
He stood back with a grin but this time she didn’t mind him pulling him away as much. This time she was breathless.
Nick had gone back into the Opera House to find his mum, so Claudia stuck her head around the door of the restaurant. Penny was perched at the bar, bathed in soft light, her tutu falling over the edge of the stool. Next to her was a large glass of wine, along with a pile of balled-up napkins smeared with make-up. From where Claudia stood, she was relieved to see that Penny’s face was scrubbed clean and happily animated. Billy couldn’t take his eyes off her; he looked enthralled.
‘Did you see sharks?’ she was asking.
‘Yep.’
‘Did you see wrasse?’
‘Yep.’
‘Did you see rays?’
‘Yep.’
This could go on for a while. Claudia smiled and left without a word.
Claudia heaved the second boot onto her foot and tugged at the laces with all her strength.
‘You know, that might be easier if you took those whopping ski mittens off,’ said Nick.
‘Are you insane? It’s freezing. I can’t believe you’re standing there in a T-shirt.’
Nick put his hands on his hips and struck a model pose. ‘This is what happens when you’re tough and manly: snow doesn’t affect you.’
Claudia stood up and the two of them clomped out of the marquee to the ice rink, behind which loomed the ornate façade of the Natural History Museum. It was an extremely cold, bright-blue day; the kind of day that feels like peppermint mouthwash is being vaporised out into the air.
‘You can skate, right?’ asked Nick.
‘Yeah, I used to do it all the time. You?’
‘Nope, not a bit.’
‘What? Why did you suggest ice-skating?’
‘Because it’s festive, it’s one week to Christmas, we’ve never done it together, you’ve certainly never done it on a date and, frankly, if it means I get to spend a couple of hours holding on and accidently bum
ping up against you it sounds like a pretty good date to me.’
‘In that case, this was a very good idea.’ As Nick took her paw and grinned down at her, Claudia couldn’t have been happier. How had things worked out so perfectly? She couldn’t take her eyes off his yummy bare arms, and so slammed into the wall of the rink.
‘Are you okay?’ he laughed. ‘What’s wrong with you?’
‘You’re what’s wrong with me!’ Had his arms always been so defined? Of course they have. Get a grip.
They stepped onto the ice and Claudia spun in a smooth circle. By the time she was facing Nick again he was spreadeagled, leaning over and holding the hand of a large bald man.
‘Is this one yours, love?’ the man asked.
‘Yes he is,’ Claudia said proudly, extracting Nick’s hand and holding it in her own. ‘Nick, look at me, up here.’ He raised his torso up and gave her a huge grin.
‘I’m skating!’
‘Well, kind of.’ She towed him along, her skating backwards, him sliding, feet still, body and arms stretched out in front of him.
‘It’s very hot that you’re so good at this,’ he called to her across the distance.
‘You can do it too, come on.’ She guided him into an upright position but he stayed gripping her hands.
They slid in close to each other until their bodies touched. Claudia raised an eyebrow at him. ‘No rewards yet, Mister. You have a lot more work to do to impress me out here.’ She whooshed backwards and beckoned for him to follow.
Nick thud-thud-thudded across the ice after her. Claudia’s laugh caught in the wind. ‘You’re like a yeti; stop picking your feet up.’
‘Look at me, Claud – look at me. I am Phillip Schofield!’
She zipped back past him. ‘Why are you Phillip Schofield?’
‘He dances on ice. Like I’m doing.’
‘He presents the TV show, I don’t think he joins in—’
‘You’re such a bloody liar, Claudia, don’t you ruin my dream. I AM PHILLIP SCHOFIELD!’ he shouted, whizzing past her in a straight line, fists in the air, and landing with a thwack against the barrier.
Claudia slid in next to him. ‘I have to ask you something. Are you nervous at all?’
‘Nervous? Of you? You’re not scary.’
‘Of … us. Of our first date. Of things to come.’
‘I’m not nervous.’
Claudia took a breath and whooshed away. She skated as fast as she could, ducking, spinning, unable to keep the smile from her face. The booming bass of the pumped-out Christmas music reverberated through her, and though it wasn’t traditional dance, in her heart she was dancing like no one was watching. On the ice she was free, and couldn’t remember being this happy.
The rush gave her cheeks a glow and a confidence she’d all but lost recently. She whizzed close to Nick, pulled off a mitten and trickled fingertips down his arm as she passed. He tried to grab her but missed.
She circled him and took his hands, spinning him in a small circle with her. She tilted up her chin until their lips were close, then she spun him hard and he whirled around, laughing.
‘You’re killing me, woman.’
‘You said you chased me for years, you can’t handle a little longer?’
‘No. Come here and kiss me.’
‘Nope. What, do you think you can stop trying now you’ve got me on a date?’
‘I’ve got you on four dates, five if you count the dinner when Penny showed up. So yeah, I think I’ve put in all the effort I need to.’
Claudia laughed just as the voices of Tom Jones and Cerys Matthews rang out across the rink. Nick was improving, and the two of them skated laps, bellowing the words to ‘Baby, It’s Cold Outside’ to each other in their loudest, most God-awful singing voices.
‘You,’ Claudia panted, as they swirled to a stop in the centre of the rink. ‘You make me happy.’
‘You’re all right, too.’ Nick put his arms around Claudia, causing her legs to wobble.
‘Excuse me, I thought we said no kissing on the first date,’ she whispered.
He moved closer and her legs gave way. She stumbled on the spot and Nick held her tight. ‘You know we’ll both go if you do,’ he said.
She just needed a few more minutes to prepare, this was a big deal. She ducked and slid out from under his arms and skated away.
‘Don’t make me throw you down and do you right here, because I will and its cold, and the ice’ll make your hair frizz up like you hate,’ Nick yelled, following her.
Claudia took a deep breath. Time to stop being a chicken. This was going to happen. She was dying for it to happen. She stopped and spun round.
Splat.
Nick hurtled into her and they both sprawled on the ice. Nick lay on top of her, simultaneously laughing hysterically and screaming in agony, pointing at his leg. ‘Pulled … muscle … can’t move … owwwww.’
Claudia laughed and shrieked under the weight of him.
‘Hey – get off that girl!’ she heard someone shout. ‘I heard him threaten her – he said he was going to throw her down.’
Claudia turned her head but couldn’t see through her blurry tears of laughter and couldn’t force any words through her guffaws.
Nick was trying to prop himself up on his elbows to take the weight off her, but they kept slipping on the ice, slamming his body back down and only making their laughing fit worse.
Suddenly she was released as Nick was hauled off her by two men in red jackets. She lay panting, staring at the sky. Well that wasn’t how she’d expected her first experience of Nick on top of her to be. She kind of liked it, though.
She sat up, waving away the hands that reached for her. She turned her head to see Nick getting a stern telling-off from the stewards outside the rink. He was gesticulating wildly, his face flushed, whilst trying to shake the pain from his leg.
As she got her breath back, the ice soaking through her jeans to her knickers, she saw two police officers approach Nick. What was going on over there?
Oh no. They each took one of Nick’s arms and started leading him away. ‘Where are you taking him?’ she called. They didn’t hear. Nick looked back at her.
She struggled to push herself up, but the second she dug the blade of the skate into the ice a shooting pain burst from her ankle and sent darts up her leg that brought tears to her eyes. Her old injury.
Nick was being taken away by the police; she had to do something.
But the pain was intense.
Claudia couldn’t get up.
Date Eight
St Paul’s Cathedral, City of London
Claudia leaned against the crutches, tittering to herself. Any minute now, any minute …
The doors to the police station opened and out Nick sauntered, rubbing his eyes, his T-shirt crumpled and his bare arms looking very sorrowful in the late-afternoon shade. She hopped forward. ‘Nick—’
‘Whoa – what did I do to you?’ He raced over, mortified.
‘I think it’s broken,’ she squeaked, her eyes beginning to water with the pressure of trying not to laugh. Nick dropped to the snowy ground and tenderly held her foot like Prince Charming.
She burst, a huge ‘PAH-HA-HA’ escaping her. She was crap at playing tricks. ‘I’m sorry, it was a joke, I don’t need these at all.’ She put the crutches down, mopping her eyes. God, she was funny.
‘What? So you’re okay?’
‘I’m fine.’
‘But you’re not standing properly. Did I hurt you?’
‘Nope, nothing more than a mild sprain, as confirmed by medical professionals.’
‘I don’t understand what’s going on! How the world has changed since I’ve been in the slammer.’ Nick scratched his head. ‘Why did they give you crutches?’
‘They didn’t, Penny had these lying around. I thought I’d trick you.’
‘Penny is such a hoarder, and you’re such a wannabe Ashton Kutcher, but you always laugh three seconds into a prank. Is
the ankle support fake?’
‘No, that’s real, but honestly it’s no big deal.’
‘I am a crap date. I’m really sorry.’
‘Stop it, I had the best time.’ Despite everything, she really had. When she couldn’t get up there’d been a whole commotion of stewards and burly men who’d helped her off the ice, and after a little flexing and a quick check by a first-aider, followed by a very unflattering amount of cankle-swellage, Claudia had been sent on her way. But not before she demanded to know where Nick had been taken.
She’d called the police station, insisted that of course she wasn’t about to press charges, and they’d told her he was being held but would be out later that afternoon. She’d hobbled her way over and waited, and Nick had called her about five minutes ago to say he was on his way out.
‘I’m going to make it up to you,’ said Nick. ‘Tomorrow night let’s do something much more low key and I will treat you like a princess. No, better, because that’s a bit cheesy. Like one of those queens that people carry about in the air. No! Like a Christmas fairy. No …’
‘Treat me like you did this morning, I liked it. I don’t mind a little rough and tumble.’
‘Good to know.’
Claudia reached into her bag. ‘I brought you a jumper.’
He unravelled the bundle to reveal a large black hoodie with ‘Fat Willy’s Surf Shack, Newquay’ emblazoned on the front in neon letters. ‘Claud, this is obviously a big stinking man’s jumper. I can’t wear Seth’s old shit, it’s too weird.’
‘Hey, that’s my hoodie. Shut up and put it on or I’ll march you straight back into that station. So what happened with the police?’
‘Well,’ said Nick, pulling on the hoodie, ‘prepare to go weak at the knees because you’re now dating a member of the criminal underworld.’
‘They didn’t arrest you? You didn’t do anything!’
‘Okay, they didn’t arrest me, but I did get a caution.’
‘For what?’
Nick smiled sheepishly. ‘Threatening behaviour, assault and, um, indecency in a public place.’
‘What?’ This was bad. But also just a little bit funny.
‘Threatening behaviour because some bloke heard me yell that I was going to throw you down. I promise that was a joke.’
The Twelve Dates of Christmas Page 13