The Curve

by Noelle Bodhaine

  “I’m coming” she mumbled, finishing the knot on her apron and turning her attention to her overabundance of wavy golden hair. She bent over and gathered it at the top of her head and pulled it through the ponytail holder. When she stood back up she grinned at the two old men who sat high on their bar stools, watching her, making no attempt to hide the fact they were angling for a peek down her tank top. She just smiled up at them, pulled her ponytail tight and spun on her heel, tossing them a knowing look over her shoulder. She came direct to the table and threw her arms around Roses’ shoulders and placed a kiss on her cheek. “Hello, Beautiful.”

  She turned her eyes to me and looked surprised before they slid to Kelley and she smiled.

  “Good to see you, Kelley, and who is this then?” She asked extending her hand to me.

  “Cressida, this is Makayla.”

  “Cressida,” she said shaking my hand. “Call me Cress.” Her smile was warm and genuine, her green eyes sparkled in the dimming light of the pub, and just made her that much more beautiful.

  “Haven’t seen you around the garage lately,” she said, one eye on Kelley the other on Bos as he laid down a tray of whiskey on a nearby table. “Haven’t seen Garrett around either.” She said twirling the end of her ponytail around her fingertip.

  “Getting ready for season, been busy,” Kelley replied taking a pull from his beer. “How is Doc?”

  “Same old,” she said with a smile. “Pops is pushing him to take it easy, but you know him, that will never happen. He will die under one of those cars and that’s just what he wants.” A low chuckle erupted from Kelley’s chest and it was magnificent. I watched the easy smile he gave her and I found myself envious.

  “Let me grab you some supper,” she said quickly and was gone before we ordered a thing, taking Rose’s freshly emptied pint glass with her.

  “This is part of our Sunday tradition, Rosy 2 pints we call her,” he nudged me with his shoulder and turned my attention to Rose who giggled quietly, the apples of her cheeks puffy and pink already. She winked at us both, rose from the table and began to mingle. “She only drinks on Sundays, she will tell you, because the lord calls upon her to lift the spirits of the downtrodden and low. This pub is like her church.” I watched her work the small room, shaking hands and offering hugs to the little old ladies. She pats the children on the head and even fetched a pint from the bar and delivered it. I’d say she was rather at home, and the people seemed to relish her presence.

  Kelley put his arm around my shoulder and I leaned into him watching the pub. On the walls hung pictures, mostly old, of the town, of the people. On the wall opposite us, there was a shelf with shot glasses, full of what appeared to be whiskey. Below it three rows of pictures, service men and women, from all the wars, the fallen of the village. Behind the bar were a few trophies and a Helmet, a racing helmet. I let my eyes scan the room again and noticed that there was race swag everywhere, and Kelley was the star. Newspaper clippings in frames, each of his team banners were represented, the newest, Cooper banner flying just above the front door and then I noticed it, my dad’s emblem; an old picture of him and Kelley at Silverstone and his number all in a frame that hung to the left of the door. I reminded myself to take a closer look and I looked back to Kelley to see him smiling widely, watching Rose, so at ease I nuzzled in closer, knowing that this was Kelley’s life, his real life, and I finally had my front row seat.

  It wasn’t long before Bos emerged from the tiny kitchen with three beautiful bowls stacked up his massive forearm and a large still steaming loaf of brown bread in the other.

  “Oy!” He called, his chin tipped in Rose’s direction. “Chow time, come sit and let the people alone,” he called to her with a grin. She waved him off with a pshaw and an eye roll before planting a sloppy raspberry on the cheek of a small child and returning to the table.

  Chapter 13

  Disappearing Act

  “You hesitated.”

  “No, I didn’t.” He narrowed his eyes and shook his head.

  “I was watching you, Makayla. I can see right here on the monitors. You hesitated. Your pulse spiked and you hesitated.” I just looked at him, livid, confused, angry that he had a read on my body like that, even if it was coming from a machine. My foot tapped without my consent, my right knee shook but I maintained my cool above the waist.

  “What are you afraid of?” He asked quietly, accusatory.

  “I am not afraid of anything!” I bit back. I was not afraid. I did not hesitate. He looked through me with a cool calm that chilled the air. Lifting his head to look around the garage he motioned to the remaining crew and they scattered to the wind, leaving us alone in the stark garage.

  He leaned into me with smoldering malice in his dark eyes and spoke slowly. “You will remember when we are in this facility, in this garage or on the track that I am your boss, Makayla. You will not speak to me like that, you will not defy me. You will not push me or try and top me, do you understand?” His voice was low, calm even, but the command rang through.

  “Now, I say you hesitated, then by God, you fucking hesitated. I want you to really think about it and tell me, what,” he paused on the word, bringing his face closer to mine, “are you afraid of?” I closed my eyes and collected my thoughts, reminding myself to bite my tongue. I think about the run, visualize myself in the simulator.

  “I swear I did not hesitate.” I looked into his expectant eyes and my shoulders fell, maybe I did hesitate. I shook my head and looked to the ground. With a finger under my chin, he tipped my head and took my eyes.

  “Makayla, if there is a problem, we can work through it, believe that. But I cannot help you; the crew cannot help you if you do not speak up.” His voice was soft, his finger demanding, holding my chin aloft.

  “Let’s do it again,” he said quietly, resetting the machine. “Just me and you here.” He grinned and nudged me towards the simulator. “Just you, me and the car, kid.” I filled my lungs to respond but only a heavy sigh escaped. I climbed back into the simulator and Kelley stepped behind the monitors.

  “Right,” he said as my screens came to life. “I want you to take the same track, pay attention to turn 7, that wide bank is where you hesitated.” The countdown came on the large projection in front of me and counted down 5,4,3,2,1. I slapped the paddle and dropped my foot and I hesitated on turn 7.

  ***

  I lay back on my bed and stared up at the ceiling, frustrated, confused and I pulled up the memory bank. My first cart race was a rough one, and I remembered it well. I was in the cart Daddy and Kelley had built for me, I was the only girl and I definitely stuck out. I started out strong, led the straight but I pulled back on the corner, got trapped in a bottleneck and got pushed from the road. My cart tipped over and drug me twenty feet down the pavement. I skinned my elbow and knee, but it was my bruised ego that stung the most.

  “The trick is to master the curve, honey.” He whispered as he swabbed my bloody elbow.

  “You cannot hesitate or you will get hurt.”

  “Ok Daddy.”

  “I know it’s scary, Kiki,” He said softly, tipping my chin so I was looking into his eyes.

  “You have to push through the fear. You have to look that curve in the eye and say ‘ Today, you are mine.’ Head down, hands tight on the wheel and commit.”

  “Yes, Sir,” I said as he placed the bandage on my newly cleaned skin, the cut no longer bleeding but the road rash looking angry. He pulled me into his lap and kissed the top of my head.

  “My girl is brave,” he whispered. “You are going to be an amazing driver someday.”

  When I woke up the light assaulted my eyes. I was still lying on top of the covers, clothes still on, hands crossed on my tummy just as they were when I must have fallen asleep, thinking about him. Yet as I woke up all I could think about, all I could hear was Kelley ‘ Lean into it, don’t hesitate, that’s what separates the bold. Don’t let your speed wane,
drive into the curve and own it.’

  I shimmied out of my yoga pants without sitting up and rolled to my side to release the hooks on my bra, pulling it through the sleeve of my T-shirt. I crawled up the bed and buried myself beneath the covers, pulling the chain on my bedside lamp and trying desperately not to overthink, not to listen to the voices, the doubt that wanted to settle in my bones. ‘ Lean into it, don’t hesitate, that’s what separates the bold.’ Kelley’s voice, narrating my doubt became the soundtrack of my dreams; it did not make for good rest.

  When I woke just a few hours later I could feel the bags beneath my eyes, my body felt heavy, my bones were tired. I managed to roll out of bed, my feet hitting the floor like it was the first time and as I sat up I felt light headed and a bit queasy. The sky was still dark. I grabbed my phone to see it was just 4am, and I had a new text message from Aaron, run at 530.

  ***

  I stood under the hot water, letting it pound my sore muscles and slide down my worn body, not scrubbing, not washing, just standing, thinking. Having endured another 530 run, without Kelley, followed by conditioning and an hour in the simulator, I was worn out. It was coming up on 2 weeks since I had last seen Kelley, even though his words rang clear as a bell, ‘Lean into it, don’t hesitate.’

  I knew he had been traveling, and I was sure he was busy, but not hearing a word hurt. He was sending me training edicts through email and text. It was as if he was trying to punish me, but for what, I wasn’t sure. All I knew for sure was that I had had enough. He had been back according to Robert for at least a few days, he had even been to the track, conveniently when I wasn’t there. I was done and I decided to confront him.

  I turned off the shower, threw on my yoga pants and a tank top, didn’t even bother with a bra, slipped a pair of flip flops on my feet and set off for Kelley’s apartment. I didn’t know what I was going to say, what I expected or how he would react, I just knew that I was mad and I wasn’t going to stand for it anymore. He owed me at least an answer, and if we were done, so be it. Done before we ever really began, but treating me this way, not speaking with me or seeing me, bossing me around via text, no. I was done.

  I should have been tipped off by the fact that his car wasn’t in the drive when I pulled in but I was worked up and blinded by purpose. I marched to the front door and knocked with all my might, hurting my damn knuckles in the process and when the door opened, the wind was kicked from my lungs by the sight of her shining smile.

  Her hair was in a high ponytail and she had earbuds in her ears, she looked like a fitness model just getting ready for a run, or a photo shoot. Her skin tight spandex pants hugging her like a second skin, her flat as washboard abs on display, her small but shapely bosom held by a matching jog bra.

  “Good morning, Makayla,” she said removing a bud from her ear. “You caught me just back from my run.” I inspected her and found no evidence of exercise, no sweat, no splotchy skin, no look of duress, what a bitch. “Sorry, but Kelley’s not home.” I just looked at her, unable to find my tongue, unable to divert my eyes. “Is everything ok?” She asked and I just stood there, rooted to the spot. “He is probably at the track.” She raised her eyebrows and leaned towards me, her eyes wide, as if to ask if I was even listening and I wasn’t.

  “I…” is all I managed to get out before my feet turned and took me back to my car without saying goodbye, without forming a coherent thought.

  “I’ll tell him you’re looking for him,” she called behind me and that got my attention and I turned in a whirl.

  “No, don’t!” I called too forcefully, immediately softening my stance and my tone. “No, that’s ok, I’m sure I’ll find him.” And with that I drove away cursing Kelley, feeling like a damn fool.

  Chapter 14

  Simulate This

  I ran hard and fast until my lungs burned and my legs ached. Aaron laughed as I pushed myself so hard that I would come up beet red.

  “You’re running like a woman on a mission,” he joked. But to me this was more than a mission, I had something to prove.

  I ate breakfast with Ina, I managed the office for Robert and every afternoon I hit the simulator or the gym. It was monotonous and routine and it was just what I needed to keep my mind off of being dropped like a hot rock by Kelley. Three long days since that uncomfortable morning at Kelley’s had passed and still no word from him. If that wasn’t a sign, I didn’t know what was. The communications about my training were now coming directly from Aaron, and anything that had to do with the car or the team came directly from Robert, he had taken himself out of the loop. Once I let him put his hands on me, he had become completely hands off, I felt like a leper.

  New training regulations kept us off the track, save one day a week, and there was only a month until the opening race in Australia. The team was buzzing and Kelley was on the publicity trail, everything was coming together, I was focused and determined, but I felt adrift.

  “Mack!” Robert called as he sauntered into the office. “I’ve got an announcement honey, you may as well be the first to hear,” he looked around dramatically, “since you are the only one here.” He smiled and winked. “We,” he paused for effect, his eyes growing wide. I smiled and tried to mirror his enthusiasm, for what, I didn’t know. “We have secured another development driver.”

  My heart stopped, I didn’t understand, was I being replaced? I felt the color drain from my face and I gripped the edge of my desk so I didn’t sway in front of Robert. He stood in front of me, his face lit with excitement, completely unaware that I was being crushed. I smiled back at him, pained. The team hadn’t even announced me as a development driver, it was all still very hush-hush, and this must have been why. They were replacing me. My mind snapped and I realized this must be why Kelley had been avoiding me like the plague. He knew this was coming, hell, he probably orchestrated it. Oh my God, the other night I fell into his bed so easily I fucked everything up.

  “I…” I began, unsure of my own voice. “I didn’t know you were looking,” I managed through a false smile.

  “Kelley has had his eye on this kid for a while. It’s actually quite a boon for the team, Chase Riley, ever heard of him?” I had, Chase Riley, he was young, an ace and his name was everywhere. It really was a boon, and I hated everything about it. We only had one car, why a rising talent like him would choose to go to such a young skeleton team was beyond me and made me uneasy. We were only running one car when every other team ran two. We were starting over. I knew he was being courted by other teams, bigger teams, proven teams.

  “Just in time for testing,” Robert continued. That was like a knife in the heart, testing, time trials, that was what I had been looking forward to, and he was going to snatch it from me so easily, with such a casual demeanor. I squared my shoulders and tried to tame the look on my face as Robert went on clueless, walking back and forth, in and out of his office, talking to me, but mostly to himself. “Oh,” he stopped in front of my desk. “Chase will be here tomorrow. Ina is putting together a garden party or something or other at the house for him in the afternoon.”

  “And the official team announcement?” I looked to Robert for answers. They were ready to throw this kid a ticker tape parade, meanwhile, I had been driving, enduring the training, pushing myself and doing it all in the dark, behind closed doors. No fanfare, not that that was what I was after, but, it hurt that they were planning his celebration, never once mentioning if I was ever going to come out of the shadows.

  “Zoom, Kik. That’s when it all becomes official. Speaking of which, your Aunt Ina is already knee deep in planning a shopping trip, you better get a handle on that or you ‘ll have to travel a lot farther than London just for a damn dress.

  “Will Kelley be there?” I asked stupidly, knowing he would.

  “Oh, that reminds me,” he didn’t answer, calling from his office, finally settling into his chair, “make sure you log your time for the simulator this week. Kelley is w
atching your times.” I leaned against the door jam and watched him as he flipped channels on the huge TV that sat on the wall opposite his desk.

  “I have already logged my time. I have been working my ass off Uncle Robert.”

  “Maybe you should take the opportunity this afternoon, before Chase arrives to log a few more hours, just for good measure.” He said half distracted and not even looking up. “Kelley says you’re hesitating.” My blood boiled and I stormed out of the office and headed straight for the simulator.

  ***

  I ran that simulator for three fucking hours until my eyes wouldn’t focus and my legs were stiff. I had a cramp in my hand from slapping the paddles and none of it had done anything to lower my blood pressure or make me feel any better.

  It was like watching everything I wanted slowly evaporate right before my eyes. It had happened before, but I was twelve. Now I was a grown woman and I was witnessing the same damn spiral. I was not going to let it happen. He may take my heart and stomp it, that, I would get over, eventually, I hoped. But he would not take my dream from me, I couldn’t let him do that.

  I hadn’t thought on the hour until I stepped into the cool night air. It was pitch black, the track was still and quiet. I climbed the bleachers and sat at the top, filling my lungs, trying to tame my pulse. It was surreal to sit here. Surreal to look down on the track, a track I had come to know so well, yet had never really seen from this angle, not that I could see it now, through the dark. But I could make out her curves, the faint shadow of her lines, she was magnificent, and I was going to master her. I was going to show everyone, I had more of my father in me than anyone knew. I could feel him growing stronger with every lap, feel him grow stronger in me as I set ever closer to his car.

  I knew getting close to Kelley would make me feel close to my dad, but I wasn’t about to let him take that feeling away, no way, no how. If he wanted to quietly back out of my life like a coward, so be it, but he would not take that feeling of being close to my father away. I leaned back against the bench and looked up at the night sky. There were no stars, just clouds surrounded by a glowing haze cast by the moon that was hiding. I took a deep, exaggerated breath, filling my lungs then pushing it out with purpose.