Love Crazy (Welcome To Spartan #1)

by Ashley Lyn

  “Your mom looked relieved, as did he, and they both agreed without hesitation. We wanted everything legal, so Viola couldn’t come back and try to take you from us. Between John’s connections, and another ten grand to grease some palms, the adoption went through, and Voila relinquished her rights. We changed your last name to Grandville, which was my mother’s maiden name, just in case. We didn’t want to make it easy for her to find you. We got a call on the house phone last night from her. How she tracked us down I will never know, but she wants to see you, and we wanted to talk to you about it. We don’t think she’s trying to contact you for anything good. She was always a snake—a horrible, selfish person.”

  Shock and hurt course through my veins; I don’t know if I want to laugh or cry. I’ve always had this idea in my head that my mother was a good person, who just couldn't take care of me. Some high schooler who put me up for adoption, and would someday find me, and we would have this awesome relationship.

  “I don’t want to see her. You’re my moms—the best I could have ever asked for, and I don’t want anything to with someone like her. If she keeps bothering you, then I’ll talk to her on the phone and tell her the same thing.”

  They both look at each other, doing that weird silent communication thing they always do. “Okay. We’ll call her back and tell her if she pushes…well, I’ll tell her what you told us. If she still wants to talk to you, then you can make the call from our house and we’ll go from there.”

  I walk over to the door and grab my flip flops. Turning around, I walk over to hug them.

  “I love you both so much, but if you ever cockblock me like you did this morning, I will steal all your make-up and throw it into the ocean.”

  Laughing, I head out and go for a walk on the beach. I don’t typically handle change well, and in less than two days, I have somehow gained a boyfriend and a deadbeat mother. I need some space to organize my feelings on everything. I have a tendency to shut down when I get overwhelmed.

  I’m starting to think the anxiety I’ve been experiencing lately has to do with being lonely. I’ve been thinking about things like marriage and babies, wondering if those things could ever be possibilities in my life. Now that the fantasy of ever having a relationship with my birth mother is blown all to hell, it’s time to focus on my happily ever after, and maybe, just maybe, Luke could be that.

  clar·i·ty

  Ali

  I’ve been sitting here on the beach for almost an hour, and feel reasonably solid that my foundation is sturdy, feeling comfortable with my decision to not have contact with my mother and to pursue a relationship with my sexy neighbor.

  I hear whistling. I look over and—OLD BALLS! That’s exactly what I see, fucking Bruce cruising the beach in a mankini. His balls are not within the confines of the overstretched bright pink lycra. It’s stretched to the max, and is struggling to contain his massive frame. Gagging, I feel the stomach acid working its way up my throat. I didn’t eat any breakfast yet, and after this, I don’t think I’ll be able to eat the rest of the day.

  Bruce waves at me, and one of the straps digging into his shoulder slides off and his cock falls out. I squeak and cover my eyes with my hand.

  “Bruce, no! Just no! That is not okay, my friend. You need to cover up, your balls are swinging free. They’re hanging halfway to your knees, and your dick! Dear God, I saw your dick!”

  “Impressive, right? My balls don’t fit in this snazzy suit I picked up, but figured it would be fine.”

  “You figured wrong, Bruce.”

  “Got my dick covered. You can move your hand now.”

  “Nope. I’m just gonna sit here and pray that I can scrub the image from my mind “

  From behind me, I hear gagging. “What the fuck you got on, man?”

  “It's a mankini. Pretty fucking sweet, right.”

  “Luke! Please, save me. If he turns too fast, I swear his balls are gonna slap me across the face from all the way over there. He could teabag someone from ten feet away.” Luke starts to laugh, and I laugh right along with him. He wraps his arms around me, and we laugh so hard we can barely breathe.

  “What’s teabagging? Maybe I’ll head on over to the library and Google it,” Bruce says.

  “I don’t think you should Google that at the library,” Luke states.

  “Well, my PC at home is toast, so I took it to Larry. He said when I was downloading instructional videos on anal sex, I downloaded a virus. It’s gonna cost too much to fix.”

  “TMI, Bruce,” Luke says, and I agree.

  “Well, you two giggling gooses, I’ll have you know that anal sex is perfectly normal and natural. In fact, I might go home and see if my honey wants to have a little afternoon delight.”

  As he saunters away. I can’t help but look…and yup! There’s Bruce’s flabby old butt cheeks, disected by the horrible mankini.

  “I honestly don’t know how he managed to get that thing on and keep it on. If both shoulder straps fall off at the same time, it could force him out like a slingshot into a crowd full of people. Ya know, maybe I’ll get you one. Think you’d be able to fit it all in there?”

  “Not a chance, darlin’.” He pushes the hair off my forehead and kisses it.

  “You wanna talk about it? It looked like a serious conversation.”

  “It was, and I’ll tell you about it later. But right now, I just want to forget for a little while, if that’s all right.”

  “Whenever you wanna talk, I’m here.” Just then, my stomach grumbles. Luke smiles and leads us away, heading toward my house for some lunch and conversation.

  ***

  “So let me get this straight. You have six older sisters?”

  “Yes. I love them all, but I moved away, partially because their meddling was endless. My only single sister, Savannah, works for a security company, running background checks. She’s always grilling my dates and looking into their lives. I know they do it because I’m their baby brother, but it’s suffocating. All my friends are married now, and half of them have kids on the way. I just needed a massive change. None of my sisters are talking to me right now, which I both love and hate. The silence is nice, but I miss talking to them, hearing stories of my nephews and nieces. They’re a bunch of breeders, making me an uncle twelve times over.”

  My jaw drops. That is a lot of kids!

  “Yeah, it’s crazy when everyone gets together. It’s a stampede of kids, babies, poop, and spit up. But I love being around my family. I don’t think I ever want that many kids. Maybe one or two, but that’s it. My parents are great, and you’d like them. They’re very laid back with all the chaos they have to deal with, but they do it with smiles on their faces.”

  “I think your family sounds amazing. I always wondered what it would be like to grow up with a big family. With just me, Margo, and Cleo, it was quiet—well, as quiet as it could be with two sassy, loud-mouthed ladies around.”

  We’re cuddled up in my hammock, and it feels good. We both lapse into a comfortable silence, and I almost doze off—

  “Ali, dear, it’s Margo. Where are you?”

  “Out in the hammock.”

  “Are you decent? Luke, you don’t have to be decent if you don’t want to.” Luke laughs, and she walks around the corner with a wide grin on her face. “Have you seen Bruce?” My gag reflex is instant. Luke starts laughing, and so does Margo. “Mom, why would you do that? God, where did you see him?”

  Margo’s bent over, laughing hysterically, or she’s having a seizure. “Cleo just called me from the bar, said he came in trying to get a drink in his little outfit. Apparently, he went home to get a little nookie but his wife was busy, so he thought he’d head to the bar for a drink. Then he asked her what teabagging was, and that you told him he had good balls for it.” She’s wheezing now, like an asthmatic.

  “She said when he first came in, she thought about putting some traffic cones around his chair so someone didn’t step on his low hangers.”

 
; Luke laughs so hard that the hammock rocks and almost spills us out. I’ve taken too many spills in this damn thing to flip out of it again.

  “I wanted to let you know that we called the number back, the one she left on our voicemail. We weren’t able to leave a message because the mailbox isn’t set up. If she calls back we’ll handle it, but I wanted to stop by and tell you that before I went in to help Cleo.”

  As soon as she mentions her, my body stiffens up and Luke looks at me curiously. I take a deep breath and explain. “My egg donor, or biological mother called and wanted to see me, but I’ve politely declined. My moms explained how I came to be with them, and it isn’t a story I want to repeat. Suffice to say, my genetic donor will never receive a mother of the year award.”

  He cups my face and leans in for an Eskimo kiss, telling me in a deadpan voice, “Hey, Margo. If you see Bruce, can you ask him where he got his snazzy outfit? I think I need to get one.”

  I grin up at him. “I would so pay for it if you want to get one.”

  His face gets serious. “Just because that woman donated a little genetic material, doesn’t give her the right to blow in and disrupt your life. No matter what the future brings with her, I’m right here with you. I’ll support you whether you decide to see her in the future or not.”

  I hear Margo sniffle. I look up to find her with tears in her eyes, and a pleased as punch look on her face. She must be thinking what I’m thinking, that Luke just might be the one.

  fam·i·ly

  Ali

  The next day I’m sitting at my kitchen counter, sipping on cup number two of my life's blood, and thinking about yesterday and the amazing day I had with Luke.

  Things are moving at mach speed, and that has me both worried and elated. I’m worried because hard and fast feels like I’m setting myself up for a hard and fast fall; I’m all about the foundation, making sure I have a solid ground to build our relationship on. But yesterday, everything went so smoothly, all the questions you typically have to pry out of guys, he offered up on a silver platter. Family—check. Marriage and kids—check.

  Our sense of humor matched, and he seems to have no problem with my quirky ways.

  My door flies open and there stands Roder and Steven. They are the perfect example of the ‘opposites attract’ stereotypes, and how fucked they are.

  Roger is the breadwinner, and Steven is the homemaker. Roger’s petite like me; his features are delicate, like a bird. Everything about him is dark—jet black hair, dark brown eyes, and a permanent tan from his Italian ancestry. Steven, that big hunk of burnin’ love, is like a giant teddy bear. He’s six foot three, and two hundred fifty pounds of solid muscle. He’s a baker and a homemaker. His idea of relaxation involves cleaning and organizing.

  “Hello, gorgeous. How’s my favorite girl?” Roger asks.

  “Fabulous. I'm drinking coffee and reliving the orgasm Luke gave me on the table at Bailey’s. Good times.”

  “Was it better than the one I gave you when we were kids?”

  “Yes, considering you never did manage to accomplish that.”

  He looks shocked. “I could have sworn I at least managed that.”

  “Nope. You were a good three inches away from the happy zone.”

  “Well, shit.”

  I look over at Steven, who’s straightening up my living room. This used to bug me, but now, I just let him do his thing. Me and Roger watch him hum around, picking up stuff, moving pillows and such. I cringe, remembering I may have left my vibrator on the couch. He gives a scared squeak and shoots me a dirty look.

  Roger gets comfy on the stool. Steepling his hands in front of him, he gives me a very serious look.

  “So, tell me about Mr. Luke.”

  “Single. Thirty-five, so ten years my senior. He’s the youngest of seven kids, with six older sisters. He wants to get married, have one or two kids. He’s a graphic designer, and he thinks I’m funny. Oh, he also gives great orgasms.”

  They’re both staring at me, mouths hanging wide open. “You got all that in one day?”

  “Yup. I heard all about his family who, by the way, are coming to visit in about a month. I heard about his longest relationship and why it failed. He admitted that some of the problems in that relationship were his, and what they were. This is the most serious relationship I’ve been in, and I’m equal parts scared shitless and happy. Lately, I’ve been feeling lonely. I could try and pass it off as being introverted and shy, but the truth is I’m so freaking lonely. I’ve been scared to death about leaving here—my family and you two—but I just didn’t see myself dating anyone that lives here. They’re either old, married, or fucking whacked. Then the universe plops this sexy as fuck, funny, sweet, caring man right into my lap. On the flip side of that, my biological mother called my moms, wanting to meet me.”

  Roger has me in his arms faster than I can blink, and I fill them in on the conversation I had with the moms about her.

  “Now I’m worried that she’s gonna show up, and after what they told me about her, I want nothing to do with her. They said they figured she would be dead by now, but apparently she isn’t, and is turning over a new leaf. She can rake all them fucking leaves and bag them up with care, but I still don’t want jack shit to do with her. So, on one hand, the universe has handed me God’s gift to womankind in the form of Luke, and on the other, drops my worthless egg donor in my lap as well.”

  “If I see that bitch, I’m drop kicking her ass into next week.”

  I raise my coffee cup. “Hear, hear!”

  I look over at Steven, and he looks furious. “I’m upset about this situation with your mother, and I’m concerned about this Luke fellow. I mean, I haven’t even met him yet, and you’re practically picking out wedding colors.”

  Picking up my cell phone, I text Luke.

  Me: What are you doing?

  Future Husband: Masturbating.

  Me: WTF?

  Future Husband: You want to swing by and help?

  Me: *Mouth watering*

  Future Husband: Jesus. You can’t say shit like that. Makes me think you want it in your mouth.

  Me: I do.

  Future Huband: FUCK!

  Me: Did you come yet?

  Future Husband: Yes, dammit. What can I help you with, darlin’?

  Me: Roger and Steven are at my house. Steven’s in a tizzy. He feels left out of the wedding plans.

  Future Husband: Remind me again when we’re getting hitched?

  Me: That, my friend, is up to you.

  Future Husband: I’ll be there shortly.

  “He’s on his way.”

  I feel warmth against my ears, as they both stand over my shoulder, reading my texts. Whores!

  Roger’s smiling, and Steven’s standing there with his hands on his hips, pink polo shirt stretched to the max. “I’m not worked up in a tizzy.”

  “You are totally tizzy right now. It’s out of control.”

  Steven points to my vibrator, so I walk over and pick it up. Making my way to the kitchen sink, I get it all washed up and turn around, and find Luke standing inside the doorway. I don’t think he ever wears a shirt, and I don’t mind one single bit. I throw the dildo into the drying rack before running over to him and jumping into his arms.

  “Mmm…you smell good, like cum and coffee, my two favorite things.”

  Luke groans and slides me down. Turning me around so my back’s to his front, I understand why when I feel something rather large and hard poking against my ass.

  Steven walks up and cups his face, looking at him all serious like.

  “You’re perfect. You seem to be making our girl happy, and I haven’t seen her this happy since…well, I can’t remember when. What about you, baby? Have you seen her this happy?”

  “Yeah, that time I got her a pair of toe socks.”

  “I love toe socks. They hug each toe so lovingly, and keep them so warm. Seriously, best invention since the vibrator.”

  Luke laughs a
t me, and I sink further into his warmth. Steven has his hands back on his hips, looking serious again. “If you hurt her, I will break your legs and shove them up your dick hole.”

  I look up at Luke, and he looks a bit pale. “Message received.”

  “Very good. I’m going to finish cleaning.”

  Roger walks away, and Luke kisses my neck. “Do I really smell like cum? Because I totally washed my hands.”

  I burst out laughing. Roger turns on the TV, and Luke wanders in to sit with him. This is a good day. My best friends like my boyfriend, and my house is going to be clean and spotless. I think this calls for some chocolate cake waffles.

  “Who wants chocolate cake waffles?” Luke has his hand raised like a good boy. Roger nods, and Steven hollers his agreement from the bathroom, and that the next time he goes into my bathroom and finds I hadn’t flushed the toilet, he was going to leave his own surprise there for me.

  “If it’s yellow let it mellow, if it’s brown flush it down.” I giggle after I remind him of my policy.

  I hear gagging coming from the bathroom and decide to ignore it. There’s a lot of that going on lately.

  ***

  Luke left, since he has a Skype meeting with a client. Roger and Steven left to get home and “snuggle.”

  I’m sitting on my couch, reading the latest Pepper Winters novel, when my phone rings. Without looking at the caller ID, I answer. “Make it snappy. Q is getting ready to do filthy things to Tes, and I have to focus.”

  “Well, is that any way to answer the phone? Especially when it’s your future sister-in-law on the phone?”

  Panicking, I hang up, staring at the phone like it’s going to bite me. Did that really just happen? Did I really hang up on Luke’s sister?

  The phone rings again. This time, I check the caller ID, and it’s a Colorado number.

  “Hello, this is Alice.”

  “Hello, Alice. My name is Savannah, and you just hung up on me.”

  “Yeah, sorry about that. I reacted badly, so let me try this again. Hello, Savannah. I’m guessing you’re the sister that works for the security company, and I’ll assume that’s how you got my number.”