Sweet as Sin

by J. Margot Critch

  “Rafa, let me explain,” Maria implored, coming from around Alex’s back. The four of them stood in the hallway. Thankfully, they were still alone. But any longer, any louder, they would draw a crowd.

  “Maria, stay out of it. This is between us,” Rafael told her, his jaw set, not taking his eyes from Alex. Alex stared back.

  “No, it isn’t,” she maintained. “Rafa, please, just listen—”

  “Raf, I know this looks bad,” Alex said.

  “Bad? Are you fucking my sister?” Rafael shook free of Jessica’s hold, drew back his fist, and before Alex could move, it connected with his jaw.

  Alex’s ears rung but he still heard Maria’s scream in the hallway. He turned away and recovered. His jaw flexed. It wasn’t broken, but the force behind Rafael’s punch could have done some serious damage. Alex watched Rafael, who looked like he still had some fight in him. But Alex stood down. He’d already done enough to the man. He dropped his fists.

  Maria stood between them. “Rafa, how dare you?” She slapped his chest. He didn’t flinch. Using too much force, he pushed her out of the way. When she stumbled, they both reached out to catch her. Alex met her first, grasping her upper arms, steadying her. And Rafael sneered.

  “Get your fucking hands off her.” He ripped her from Alex’s grasp.

  “Don’t touch me,” she spat out.

  “I knew something was going on. But him, Maria? Do you know what he’s like?”

  “Stop, Rafa. I love him.”

  “Him? Alex?” He waved a hand in his direction and sneered. “This bourbon-soaked man-whore?”

  “Whoa,” Alex interjected. His friend’s punch had stung. But his characterization of him had hurt far deeper.

  Maria wasn’t having any of it. She stood between them and waved her finger in her brother’s face. “Don’t you dare talk about him like that. It’s not like that!”

  “Maria, do you know how he lives? Parades of women strolling, sometimes in twos and threes, in and out of his life on a nightly basis.”

  “He isn’t like that. We aren’t like that, Alex, tell him.”

  “Yeah, Alex, tell me,” Rafael challenged.

  Alex took a moment to comprehend the situation unfolding before him. Raf and Maria were fighting. He had become a wedge between them. He’d gotten between the once-close siblings. Rafael had been right. He wasn’t right for her. He wasn’t anywhere near good enough for her. And while he loved her, and it broke his heart to do so, he had to let her go. He lowered his head, not able to bring himself to look at her. “It’s true,” he said. He lifted his head and watched her as the recognition of what he was about to do came over her face. It killed him, but he had to go on. “It’s all true. This was fun, Maria. But that’s it. Your brother is right. It’s over.”

  “Alex,” she said, her voice a tortured whisper. “What are you saying?”

  “I’m saying it’s done. Leave.” He had to rip the bandage. The quicker, the better it would be for all of them. He had to hurt Maria so she could heal and find someone she deserved.

  She stilled, and he could see the tears pooling at the corner of her eyes. “But I love you,” she whispered. “You said you loved me.”

  He looked from Rafael, to her, to his feet, and fought the urge to pull her into her arms. “Baby, you believed that?”

  Rafael started at him again, but Jessica held him back.

  Alex saw the hurt and confusion in Maria’s eyes, but he looked away from her. He shook his head. Rafael stared at him. Alex knew that he didn’t deserve Maria, nor did he deserve Rafael’s friendship. He’d fucked everything up. It was best if he stood back, no matter how much it killed him to do so. “Just go.”

  * * *

  The roaring in Maria’s ears dulled. The gravity of Alex’s words finally hit her, and she found it difficult to breathe. “Alex.” Her voice was whisper-soft, and she couldn’t have mustered a higher volume if she tried.

  “Maria, get out of here,” Rafael told her, grasping her arm with his fingers.

  She broke free. “Fuck you, Rafa,” she said, her bottom lip quivering. She turned to Alex. “And fuck you, too, Alex. You’re a goddamn coward.”

  For several moments, she watched as Rafael and Alex stood face-to-face, tense, silent. Rafael then turned and left without a word, and Jessica went with him. Maria walked to the bar, holding the tears back, and found Beth. Her friend was obviously entranced by the man she’d found, but the minute she’d laid eyes on Maria, she walked away from him.

  “Maria, are you okay?”

  “Can we leave?”

  “Yeah, of course, let’s go.”

  They headed toward the exit, but Maria took one look over her shoulder. She saw Rafael, obviously agitated, as Jessica tried to calmly speak to him, and then out of the corner of her eye, she saw Alex. He was watching her from afar. And she’d never seen a man look so alone or so lost.

  She stopped walking. “Wait. Just give me a second,” she said, and turned and strode toward Alex. She could see the bruise forming on his cheek.

  “Maria. What are you still doing here?”

  “I don’t know. I shouldn’t be.” She paused. “Do you remember what you said to me that night at Swerve? When you called that guy a loser because he walked away from me without a fight?”

  “Maria—”

  “No, don’t interrupt. Do you remember?”

  “Yes.”

  “I deserve better. I deserve someone who will fight for me. Us. More importantly, I need someone who will fight for himself.”

  Alex nodded. “You’re right. You deserve the world.”

  “Alex, I don’t need the world. I just need you.”

  “I’m sorry.” He shook his head. “I can’t give you what you need.”

  She nodded. “That’s what I thought you would say.” She took a step toward him and kissed him firmly. Her cheeks felt wet. She wasn’t sure if they were her tears or his. “Goodbye, Alex.”

  “What happened?” Beth asked when she returned. “Talk to me, Maria.”

  “I’ll tell you when we get home. I can’t now.” Her voice broke in a sob. And as they got into the back of their car, Maria took several deep gulps of air before she let herself collapse against her friend, allowing the tears to fall.

  Beth wrapped her arms around her and told her that everything would be all right. That whatever Alex did, he didn’t deserve her—everything that a loyal girlfriend was supposed to say.

  But even as Maria’s heart broke, she realized that it wasn’t for herself. She cried for Alex. He wouldn’t even try to fight for her, not because he didn’t love her; she didn’t believe that for a second. He let her go because he didn’t believe that he deserved love. And she had no idea how to reach the broken man she loved.

  CHAPTER NINETEEN

  MARIA FORCED HERSELF to knock on Jessica’s door before she convinced herself to walk away. She wasn’t really in the mood to see anyone, but Jess had invited her to one last girls’ night at her old place before she put it up for sale and officially moved in with Rafael. Before Maria could turn away, Jessica opened the door and drew her in for a hug. “Maria, hon, I’m so glad you could make it.”

  They walked inside; she could hear the laughter of the other women and felt relieved. “Rafa isn’t here, is he?”

  “No, he’s over at Brett’s. It’s fight night. The guys always get tickets and pregame for a bit beforehand. He wasn’t going to go, but I made him leave because he was bumming me out.”

  She felt bad that her own screwed-up relationship had such an effect on everyone around her. “I was afraid that this was an ambush.”

  “This is a male-free zone—well, except for my friend Ben—at least for tonight.”

  “Thank God. I don’t think I want to look at Rafa at the moment.”

  “I know. Those guys
are so stubborn and hardheaded.” Then Jessica smiled. “But I knew something was going on between you and Alex. I just knew it.”

  “Well, there isn’t anything going on now.”

  “Have you talked to him?” Jessica asked, pouring her a glass of wine.

  She accepted it and took a sip. “No. It’s been a long week at Collins/Fischer of not talking to one of my bosses. And to be honest, I don’t want to think about it at all tonight.”

  “That’s fair, let’s just focus on fun...and cocktails.”

  “I’m in.”

  * * *

  The night progressed, loudly and full of laughter. Pitchers of sangria and tequila shots were passed around, and soon the conversation turned, as it always did, to sex.

  “And so, I stopped by Rafael’s office in only a short trench coat—”

  “No! Stop!” Maria cried covering her ears dramatically. “I don’t need to know any more details about my brother’s sex life than I’ve already seen,” she said, alluding to the sex tape that had leaked and threatened to ruin both his and Jessica’s political careers.

  The group laughed.

  Jessica continued. “Anyway, long story short, when you only wear a trench coat, make sure you don’t get it caught in any doors.”

  Maria laughed and was glad that she’d decided to go to Jessica’s after all. With Beth out on a date, she was grateful to not be spending another lonely, quiet night at home.

  “So, what about you, Maria?” Rebecca asked. “Anything new or interesting in your life? I mean, anything else?”

  As all eyes turned to her, she knew they wanted to know about what had happened between her and Alex. Maria opened her mouth, not sure what to say.

  “Well, besides what you have going on with Alex,” Alana interrupted.

  “What we had,” Maria muttered, and sipped wine.

  “Someone needs to fill me in here,” Rebecca said. “Brett gave me a brief rundown, but he didn’t have many details. You and Alex were seeing each other?”

  “Yeah,” Alana answered for her. “Raf has been walking around like a beast, and Alex is sulking in his office.”

  Maria shook her head. “They’re both exceptionally stubborn,” she said with an eyeroll. “I don’t know, we thought that keeping it a secret would be really fun. Neither of us wanted to upset Rafa while he was campaigning, and Alex was so worried about betraying Rafael and our family. At first it was a lot of fun, but then the secret became exhausting. We’d decided to finally tell Rafa, but he walked in on us before we had a chance.”

  “Okay, the secret is out,” Jessica said with a shrug. “Why aren’t you together now? Rafael knows. He’ll get over it, I promise.”

  Maria’s heart clenched in her chest. This was the part that hurt the most. “You saw it. Because Alex pushed me away. But that isn’t it. I know he loves me. He just doesn’t believe he deserves love. He told me to leave. He won’t talk to me. Any work that he needs me to do, he sends through other assistants. I know it’s just self-preservation—he’s kept people at an arm’s length for his entire life. He feels like he’s betrayed Rafa, but what do we really have if he isn’t willing to stand up and fight for it?” Maria remembered the way Alex had pushed her aside and out of his life. “He’s just so fucked up that he can’t love himself. And until he learns self-love, he won’t let anyone love him, because he doesn’t see himself as worth it.”

  “I’ve known Alex a long time,” Alana said. “He’s never been one to express his emotions. But you can tell there’s some darkness there. But it all makes sense now. The past few months, I’ve noticed a difference in him. And I know that it’s because of you, and whatever you had.”

  A silence fell over the room, and Jessica leaned across the coffee table. “If he realizes what he’s done, would you take him back?”

  Maria pondered her answer, and every set of eyes watched her carefully. “I don’t know.”

  * * *

  As per their tradition when there was an MMA fight, the guys all gathered at Brett’s for drinks and cigars before heading out to watch the main event from their front-row seats. It was always a fun night, but it was the last thing that Alex wanted to do that night. He opened Brett’s door without knocking, and Brett was the first to see him. His friend looked him up and down.

  “Jesus, you look like hell.”

  He dropped the case of imported beer on the table and extracted one. “That makes me feel awesome. Thanks.”

  “When was the last time you shaved?” Gabe asked, stubbing out his cigar and coming in from the balcony.

  Alex scratched a palm along his whiskers. They’d been getting unruly, and not even in the ruggedly handsome way that women sometimes found appealing. “Been a couple of days. I’ve been busy. Maybe it’s a new look I’m trying out.”

  “Homeless guy chic. Yeah, it’s all over GQ right now,” Brett said, and then laughed when Alex flipped him off.

  “Maybe it’s to cover up the dent Raf put in your face,” Gabe joked.

  Alex rolled his eyes. The bruise to his cheek had faded. But not the one to his heart. He had a lot to make up for. Maria, Raf. Thankfully, Brett had given him a reprieve. Not giving a him a hard time about sleeping with their assistant and friend’s sister.

  “Where’s Rebecca?”

  “At Jessica’s house. They’re having one last girls’ night there before she and Raf move in together. Maria’s there, too.”

  Alex nodded, and Brett just watched him before taking a swallow from his beer.

  “What? I know you want to say something, and frankly, I’m surprised you haven’t said it yet.”

  Brett shook his head. “You really put us at risk, professionally, starting a relationship with our assistant. It definitely should have been cleared with HR.”

  The impact on the company was frankly the last thing on his mind. But he saw Brett’s point. They’d worked for so much, but if it had gone sideways in another direction, it could have ruined the company. “Yeah, I know. It was stupid.”

  “No, it wasn’t stupid.” Brett sighed. “Think about how much you were on my ass when Rebecca and I started hooking up. Or Raf and Jessica. Love makes you do messed-up things.”

  “Yeah, and I definitely messed up with Maria.”

  “What are you going to do about it?”

  “What can I do? I’m too fucked up to accept the love of a wonderful woman.”

  “Love’s a hell of a thing, isn’t it?”

  “I can see why I avoided it for so long. It fucking sucks.”

  “It does. But when it’s good, it more than makes up for the bad times.”

  Alex could believe that. The best nights of his life were the ones he’d spent with his limbs entwined with Maria’s. But no matter how happy those memories made him, the fact that he no longer had her tore his chest apart with despair.

  The door opened, interrupting their conversation. It was Rafael, and he walked into the room, looking at Alex. He frowned before moving on to the kitchen without saying a word.

  “What is this? You guys can’t be in the same room anymore?” Gabe asked them. When neither Rafael nor Alex responded, he continued. “We have too much on the line right now to be fractured. We need to be a cohesive group. You guys need to figure out a way to make that happen. When my parents divorced, my brothers and I had to pick sides. I refuse to do it as an adult.”

  Brett grabbed a couple of beers from the small fridge under the bar. “Gabe, why don’t we go outside for a bit?”

  “Sure thing. Let’s let these guys fight it out.”

  Alex walked to the kitchen to talk to his friend, and hopefully not get punched again.

  Rafael was standing next to the fridge, staring off into space. The firm set of his jaw told Alex that he was deep in thought. “Hey,” Alex said. He opened the fridge and took out a beer and handed o
ne to Rafael.

  He looked at the bottle before he accepted it. “Thanks.” He looked Alex over. “How’s the jaw?”

  Alex scrubbed his hand over the lower half of his face. “Still kind of sore, but usable. The bruise has faded, at least. How’s your fist?”

  “About the same,” he said, flexing his knuckles. “I’m sorry I punched you.”

  Alex shook his head. “I don’t think you’re that sorry.”

  “Okay, I’m not,” Rafael admitted, and then he frowned. “Dude, she’s my sister.”

  “I know.”

  “How long has it been going on?”

  “A couple of months.”

  “And it was serious?”

  Alex nodded. “It was. But there’s always been something between us. We just couldn’t ignore it anymore. But I know that I should have been honest. I need you to know that I never pushed her to do anything. Everything that happened between us, we both wanted.”

  Rafael seemed to mull it over. “I’m sorry for calling you a—what was it?”

  “A bourbon-soaked man-whore.”

  “Yeah, that was uncalled for.”

  “It’s okay. You weren’t wrong.”

  “I still shouldn’t have said it.” He paused and faced him head-on once again. “You’re not good enough for her, you know.”

  “You think for a second that I don’t fucking know that?” His heart ached at the thought. “I know that she deserves better, and I wanted to be the man she needs. But I couldn’t.”

  Rafael nodded. He blew out a heavy breath. “Man, you should have told me you were dating my sister. It would have definitely softened the blow.”

  Alex flexed his still-aching jaw. “You mean the one to my face? I know we should have told you. We were going to. But you walked in on us first. If it matters now, it wasn’t just the sex. She isn’t like the other women for me. It was more than just a casual hookup. It was always more than that. I didn’t mean to fall in love with her. I tried my best not to.”

  That made Rafael pause. “You’re in love with her?”