by Unknown
‘I lied to Tresen, so it’s I who will need to beg his,’ said Kira, taking a seat. ‘And as for Laryia, I can understand her upset. But what I said was true, Feailner. I wouldn’t have gone to the Shargh if I’d known I carried.’
‘And would you have left Sarnia?’
Kira paused, shocked for a moment that she’d never considered the question before. ‘Yes. I realised you needed a Terak wife, not a Tremen Healer.’
‘I need you!’ he said, catching her bruised hand, then releasing it as Kira winced. ‘Curse the stinking Shargh! Even if you care nothing for yourself, in attacking the Tremen Leader, they’ve attacked my peoples. I won’t let that go unpunished!’
‘It’s not an act of strength to murder children,’ said Kira, more steadily than she felt.
‘Then I’ll murder the men!’ said Tierken, storming up and down again.
‘The result will be the same. Without their men, the Shargh women will starve, as will their children. I won’t have it, Feailner.’
‘You can’t prevent it!’
Kira struggled from her seat. ‘I’ll trade for them, then. I’ll put my body in your bed in exchange for the Shargh children safe in theirs. I’ll do it, Feailner, if that’s what it takes. Shall we smack hands?’
‘I don’t want you on that basis!’
There was a short silence filled by the hiss and crack of the fire, and Kira sagged back into her seat. ‘Perhaps we should discuss these things on the morrow,’ she said. ‘We’re both tired.’
‘I never have any confidence that you’ll be there on the morrow.’
‘I bonded with you!’
‘Then broke it.’
She blanched and Tierken cursed himself. Ever since he’d been here he’d been told repeatedly how seriously Kashclan viewed bonding, and yet he’d learned nothing. He’d slipped straight back into his old angry ways of dealing with her – the ways that had driven her from him. It was just that he’d been utterly unprepared for her reappearance, battered almost beyond recognition and carrying his child.
‘I failed to realise that the bitter history between our peoples was too great to overcome,’ said Kira. ‘It was my mistake to bond and I beg your pardon for it.’
Tierken took a deep breath. ‘Do you think Tresen and Laryia will part?’ he asked carefully.
Startled, Kira’s bloodied eyes flashed to his. ‘No,’ she said.
‘Then the difficulty isn’t between the Terak and the Tremen, is it? It’s between us. And I’ll only agree that it can’t be overcome if you tell me now that you no longer have love for me.’
Tierken’s heart thudded, knowing his gamble was as great as leaving the Rehan mouth open during the fighting.
‘I bonded with you!’
It was a cry and only now did he fully comprehend it. She had given up her home under the trees, and the people here she loved, in order to stay with him in the north, pledging herself to him as her only lover. So much encapsulated in so few words, and this time, bringing him enormous relief.
‘After Eris died, I delayed in Sarnia because –’ He stopped at Kira’s horrified expression.
‘Eris is dead?’
‘Yes. I’m sorry, Kira, I’d forgotten that you –’
‘She made me pledge not to come. If only . . .’
Tears streamed down her bruised cheeks and Tierken fought the urge to take her in his arms, knowing she wouldn’t welcome him.
Instead he said, ‘Eris told me that she was pleased you’d kept your pledge. She knew it was her time, and Kessomis have strong beliefs about such things. “Don’t cling like withered fruit,” they say, meaning that a tree must shed the old for the new to come.’
‘That’s true of so much,’ said Kira softly. ‘It’s late, Feailner, and on the morrow there’s so many things I must do. I must seek out Caledon to begin with. Is he at Kashclan?’
‘As far as I know,’ replied Tierken, managing to keep his voice even. ‘I’ll come with you.’
‘No.’
‘The Lord Caledon and I have met since your departure and neither of us suffered any wounds,’ said Tierken, trying to sound like her visit to the Tallien was inconsequential.
‘No.’
‘I’ll send a small patrol with you then. I don’t want you wandering about alone – in case you fall,’ he added quickly.
‘I’ve been treading the forest since I was a child. I’m not going to fall.’
‘You weren’t carrying then, and Laryia tells me it’s affected her balance. And your eyes will make it more dangerous too.’
Kira hesitated, seeming to see some merit in the argument. ‘I’ll take Tresen with me then, if he’s agreeable.’
Tierken nodded. ‘And you’ll be back . . .?’
‘When I’ve finished speaking to Caledon,’ she said, heading to her room. But then she paused with her hand on the knob. ‘It will probably be two or three days,’ she said grudgingly. ‘I bid you good night, Feailner.’
‘And I you, Kira.’
59
Kira was glad to get the uncomfortable exchange of apologies over with the next morning. Laryia kissed her formally on each cheek, and Tresen accepted with a nod her carefully rehearsed words of regret at breaking her pledge to him. Perhaps Tresen’s lack of recriminations had something to do with Tierken standing at her shoulder, she thought, as she and Tresen made their way through the knee-high mist. If so, Tresen was probably only waiting to clear the Bough before making his true feelings known.
And so it proved to be, Tresen rounding on her as soon as the trees had thickened. ‘And are we to look forward to season upon season of peace from the Shargh now?’ he demanded.
‘I don’t know.’
‘So lying to me, breaking faith with the Tremen and all but getting yourself killed was a waste of time?’
‘I’ve apologised for lying to you, Tresen. As for the rest of it, time will tell,’ she said, going on.
Tresen took her hand, and when he spoke again, he was calmer. ‘Are you going north again with the Feailner then?’
Kira kept her gaze on the way ahead. ‘No. I’ve broken faith with him too.’
‘Then you can’t resign the leadership.’
‘With so many broken pledges besmirching my character, I can’t not resign it.’
‘I didn’t mean that,’ he said.
‘I won’t be in competition with you, Tresen, if that’s what you think,’ said Kira, glancing at him. ‘I won’t be encouraging the ill to come to me, rather than to the Bough. I’ll have my babe to care for.’
‘I didn’t mean that either. If you don’t go north, Laryia and I will have to.’
‘What?!’ exclaimed Kira, whirling round and slipping.
Tresen’s grip shifted to her arm. ‘Careful,’ he said. ‘If you can’t see properly, then slow your steps.’
‘I don’t understand what you mean,’ said Kira.
‘I thought Laryia had explained to you about Darid, the last Feailner, who had no children. That’s why Tierken became Feailner.’
‘Yes, but –’
‘And that, like him, Tierken won’t take another bondmate now you’ve broken with him. Which means there’s no heir to the feailnership. Tierken’s already discussed with Laryia how a son of ours will be the next Feailner.’
‘But . . . do you want to go to the north, Tresen?’
‘No. However, I’m not prepared to tear Laryia in half either. She knows duty to her people must come first. And as she was willing to come here, I must be willing to go there. But I’ve not told Miken or Tenerini yet, or Mikini.’
‘There’s no reason for Tierken not to take a Terak wife,’ said Kira.
‘Apparently he loves you and doesn’t want anyone else,’ said Tresen dryly.
They went on in silence, all Kira’s carefully thought out certainties in tatters: have her babe, live quietly in the Kashclan longhouse, heal when there was a need – and forget her time in the north.
‘And what are yo
u going to say to the Lord Caledon?’ asked Tresen.
‘I have to beg his pardon, for the same reason I begged yours,’ said Kira, struggling to quell her irritation at Tresen’s persistent questioning.
‘He’ll try to persuade you to go north too.’
‘Why?’
‘He’s told Miken that, without your influence, contact between Allogrenia and Sarnia is likely to end. Personally, I wouldn’t care, but we’ve lost so many men one way or the other, it’s hard to see how we’d survive without the Terak. Caledon also believes that the north will become more violent, and I think he’s right. Tierken was only waiting for the full moon before setting off to annihilate the remaining Shargh – and he might still, unless you persuade him otherwise.’
‘So, I’m to fix that problem too, am I?’
‘To be honest, you going north with the Feailner would fix a lot of problems, Kira.’
‘It’s all right for you –’ began Kira angrily.
Tresen’s hand brought her round to face him. ‘It hasn’t been all right for me since that stinking Shargh spear found my back!’ He took a steadying breath. ‘Look Kira, it’s obvious to anyone who knows you that you love the man – though the ’green only knows why. And there’s no rule that says you can’t bond to the same person twice. But if that’s untenable, then marry him.’
‘Marry him?’ gasped Kira.
‘Yes, marry him,’ said Tresen. ‘What difference does it make? Do you think I married Laryia with the idea in my head that I could walk away? No one goes into bonding or marriage with that intention. You loved him enough to bond with him before. Are you telling me that your love is dead?’
Kira shook her head. ‘I can’t be what he wants.’
‘I don’t think that’s the reason, clanmate,’ said Tresen more gently. ‘I think your stinking father made you feel so worthless that you don’t believe that anyone could possibly love you.’
Kira stared at Tresen dumbly, her throat too tight to speak.
‘I don’t know the future, Kira, but Tierken’s asked you to marry him more than once. He’s abandoned his duties in Sarnia to chase you south, and he’s refusing to marry anyone else.’
Kira still said nothing and he took her by the shoulders. ‘Kandor’s dead and you came into death to bring me back. We both know the bitterness of death, its blackness and its burning. But look around you, Kira. Look at the sunlight, how it gilds each leaf edge, how it warms the shoots uncurling through the litter. This world’s made whole through love. Don’t turn away from it, clanmate, I beg you.’
Tears shone in his eyes and she came to his arms. ‘I love you, Tresen,’ she mumbled, her face buried in his shoulder.
‘I love you too,’ he said, ‘which is why I say these things to you.’
They stood enclosed for a long while, then Tresen took her hand again. ‘Come, at this rate it will be midday before we reach Kashclan.’
Caledon didn’t seem shocked by her appearance or the fact that she carried, and Kira wondered whether Miken had prepared him, or whether Caledon was simply better at hiding his feelings. Certainly his Placidien sensibilities seemed to have reasserted themselves in her absence, his concerns now centring on the maintenance of the Terak–Tremen unification.
They sat at the table in Tresen’s rooms, for though Caledon accepted her battered appearance, Kira knew that her clan-kin wouldn’t, and she didn’t want any more ill feeling directed towards the Shargh.
When Kira offered her apology, Caledon simply told her that he had forgotten for a time the significance of her having bonded to Tierken, and the strength of her passion for healing, and that apologies were unnecessary. Then the rest of the day was taken up with his questions about how she’d spent her days with the Shargh, and what Kira thought would now unfold.
But Kira couldn’t offer Caledon any more assurance about the Shargh’s future actions than she’d been able to offer Tresen. All she could say was that there had been genuine gratitude for her efforts from Palansa and Tarkenda, and as Palansa was the mother of the next Leader, this must surely augur well. Caledon agreed.
He then questioned her at length about the manner of Shargh life and their beliefs, information Kira knew he’d file away for future use. It was as a Placidien he acted now, firmly focused on how the world could be made to conform to the pattern he read in the stars. Surprisingly, he didn’t raise the subject of her going back to Tierken and, as the day wore on, Kira allowed herself to relax.
It was fully dark before they finished their speech, still sitting in Tresen’s rooms. Miken brought them their evening meal, and Kira lingered over it, guessing Caledon would soon leave for Talliel, and that this might be their last night together.
‘When I first saw you near the Azurcades, I thought you were a Terak Kutan,’ she said with a smile. ‘I couldn’t imagine anyone outside the trees apart from the Shargh and them.’
‘The world is a very big place,’ he said. ‘There are other lands over the Oskinas and, I’ve no doubt, other peoples further south beyond Allogrenia’s trees. But my travels have taught me that for all the strangeness of others, there is much that is shared. For instance, there are no peoples who do not love their children, or desire peace and safety for them. Isn’t that why you first left Allogrenia, Kira, and since went to the Shargh?’
Kira nodded.
‘It’s also why you must go north again.’
Kira pushed her plate aside. ‘Miken says this time I should choose to do what makes me happy.’
‘I agree with Miken.’
‘So you’re saying I can’t be happy here?’
‘Why did you bond with Tierken, Kira?’
‘Why did I break the bond, Caledon?’ she countered.
‘You’ve never told me,’ he said.
‘Because we were destroying each other. There was one argument after another. He wanted me to wear gowns, refrain from working in Queen Kiraon’s garden, not to ride without Guard . . .’ She trailed off, realising how childish her complaints sounded. ‘I can’t be what he wants,’ she tried again. ‘He wants a Terak wife, who will do what he says, who will be acceptable to the Marken, who won’t cause comment in Sarnia.’
‘He wants you, Kira, that much is clear. But I wonder what you want?’
‘Is what I want important in the stars’ grand design? Is that why you’re pursuing this?’
‘When the stars allowed Kasheron and Terak to be born, they offered the north the chance to balance the swords they must have for defence with the healing they must have to be fully human. That prospect was lost in the Sundering. But the stars have gifted that opportunity again in you and Tierken.’
‘I’m not a Placidien, Caledon, and won’t live my life according to the stars’ rules.’
‘I’m not asking you to, Kira. I’m simply asking what you want. Of course, you don’t have to answer that.’ He smiled and touched her hand. ‘Regardless of your answer, on the morrow I’ll start my journey home. I’ve been gone for over a year and miss my family very much. And there’s nothing more I can do here to serve the stars’ intent. That’s for others now – for you, perhaps.’
Kira caught his hand. ‘Will you visit, Caledon? I hate the thought of never seeing you again.’
‘I’ve never journeyed for journeying’s sake. It might seem strange to you, Kira, but I have less free will than even the smallest child who plays at chase through the trees.’
He stood and Kira came into his arms. He held her close for a moment, before kissing her on each cheek.
‘I leave before dawn, but would prefer we make our farewells now,’ he said, his grey eyes intent. ‘Sometimes what the stars want and love, my own heart wants and loves too,’ he said softly. ‘So it was with you. So it will always be with you. Remember that, Kira, when you remember me.’
60
Caledon was gone when Kira rose the next day, and she wandered around Tresen’s rooms for most of the morning, feeling restless and bereft, in no mood to hurry
back to the complications at the Bough. So it was after midday before she and Tresen set out on the return journey. They had walked very little time, however, before Kira came to a stop.
‘I need to go to Sogren,’ she said urgently.
‘Sogren? Why?’
‘To visit my dead. They’re at the Kashclan First Eight?’ she asked, as Tresen hesitated.
‘Your father is, and Merek and Lern. Kandor was laid to rest beneath Wessogren, with your mother.’
‘But . . . Kashclan stay with Kashclan!’ cried Kira, tears starting.
‘There were too many dead to bury at one time,’ said Tresen gently. ‘It would have risked Sogren. So Miken and Sarclan leader Berendash agreed to lay Kandor with his mother. It was such a dreadful time, and you were still healing those who’d survived, so the decision was taken without you. I’m sorry, Kira.’
Kira dashed her tears away, forgetting her injured eye and cursing as the pain in it doubled.
‘We’ve got time to divert to Sogren now, if you wish, but you’ll have to make a separate trip to Wessogren, otherwise it will be dark before we reach the Bough,’ said Tresen. ‘And then you’ll have to put up with the northern Feailner shouting at you, or sending out Terak patrols on search,’ he added lightly.
Kira said nothing and it was a while before she trusted herself to speak. The decision as to where Kandor should be laid was sensible, and given Maxen’s bullying, perhaps it was best he was with their mother. It was just that . . .
‘I . . . I know Miken did the right thing,’ she said finally. ‘But when I was away, I always thought of Kandor being safe with Maxen, Merek and Lern – under Sogren. Like in the Bough, all of them together . . . safe.’
Tresen put his arm around her shoulders and gave her a quick hug, and they went on in silence, tippets and springleslips flashing above. It was dusk by the time they neared the alwaysgreen and Tresen stopped.
‘I’ll wait here, unless you want me to come,’ he said.