by Unknown
‘No,’ said Kira, keeping her gaze fixed on the tree’s vast canopy as she continued on.
Kira reached the tree and circled it, trying to still her thoughts sufficiently to think of those beneath her feet, but with little success. Finally she stopped and laid her palms flat against the bole, letting the tree’s skin soothe her. Lern was easiest of the three to bring to mind, for he had been gentle and kind-hearted. Merek had been too much like Maxen, and Maxen had been . . .
Kira sighed. She hadn’t come here to think ill of the dead, but to fulfil long-neglected obligations of respect and ritual. Perhaps lack of respect was another one of her flaws, like her inability to tell the truth or to keep faith. She took a deep breath and tried again, but it was no use, and in the end she made her way back to Tresen, her guilt exacerbated by his expression of tender concern.
‘I’m not upset so you needn’t feel sorry for me,’ she snapped.
‘You’ve endured a lot of death, Kira,’ said Tresen, as they went on. ‘Don’t judge yourself harshly. You –’
He stopped at the sound of cracking twigs.
‘A Terak,’ said Kira. ‘No Tremen moves that heavily.’
‘Or a Shargh,’ hissed Tresen, cursing under his breath at his lack of weapon.
Kira was intent on the trees ahead. ‘It’s Tierken. Come to check up on me, no doubt.’
‘He wouldn’t know you’d be at Sogren,’ whispered Tresen, as Tierken drew near.
‘I’ve been sent on an errand by Laryia for silvermint,’ said Tierken pleasantly, coming level. ‘But I must have strayed too far to the east.’
‘You haven’t, Feailner,’ said Tresen. ‘We diverted to Sogren. It might be quicker if I gather the silvermint for you, as it’s near dark. I’ll join you back at the Bough.’
He nodded to Tierken but avoided Kira’s eyes, hurrying away and soon lost among the trees.
‘And how are those of your clan?’ asked Tierken, falling into step beside her.
‘Those I saw are well, but I didn’t have time to speak to many,’ said Kira, staring after Tresen in dismay. ‘Most of my time was spent with Caledon.’ Glancing at him, Kira was surprised to see that Tierken’s expression remained unchanged. ‘Caledon has started his journey back to Talliel,’ she added, watching him closely.
Still his face was bland.
‘I’m sorry, Kira. I know you’ll miss him.’
‘He comforted me when things seemed hopeless, and kept me safe on the journey to Maraschin,’ muttered Kira, keeping her gaze on the leaf litter.
‘And for that I will always be in his debt. And for his bravery and skill in battle, and for his aid in building understanding between myself and King Adris.’
Kira raised her head to stare at him. ‘But you don’t like Caledon!’
‘No man likes the rival for the woman he desires,’ said Tierken quietly. ‘But that doesn’t diminish what I owe him, or his contribution to our victory.’
They walked for a while in silence, Kira chewing on her lip. ‘He says I should go north with you. So does Tresen.’
‘Then my debt is greater than I thought – to both of them,’ said Tierken.
Kira stopped. ‘Tierken –’
‘It’s getting dark and the air’s chilling,’ he interrupted. ‘We need keep moving. Do you mind if I take your hand?’
‘No, I –’
‘Good, because it’s rough here. Protector Aris has explained to me how the allogrenias are named. So Sogren is a contraction of south alwaysgreen, and is south-west of your longhouse. Why did you go there?’
‘I . . . it’s where my family are buried; at least, most of them.’
Tierken’s hand was warm, tightening now and then to steady her where the land steepened. The thickening dusk made it even harder to see with her injured eye and she felt glad of his aid.
‘Laryia tells me that there are rituals which are observed after burial, but that the fighting prevented you from doing so,’ said Tierken.
‘Laryia’s well informed,’ remarked Kira.
As I should have been, thought Tierken, had I been open to what Caledon or Tresen offered. ‘So you went to honour your dead?’ he continued.
‘Yes. But Kandor isn’t there. He’s at Wessogren instead. I didn’t know. I thought he was at Sogren, but he . . .’
Kira choked to a stop, but Tierken didn’t say anything, holding his silence till she’d managed to calm.
‘Wessogren belongs to Sarclan,’ he said. ‘Why has he been laid to rest there?’
‘My mother was Sarclan. There were too many dead to bury them all at once at Sogren. I will visit him on the morrow,’ she said.
‘Can I ask a favour, Kira?’
The nearness to night made it hard to see his face, but his tone remained even.
‘What is it, Feailner?’
‘That you allow me to come with you.’
‘I don’t think it will be a very enjoyable journey for you,’ she said reluctantly.
‘No, but I was hoping you would show me a little of the southern octads afterwards, if you feel well enough. I haven’t seen much of them yet.’
‘Very well,’ said Kira, recalling her pledge to be courteous to the northern Feailner during his visit. ‘We’ll spend the night at the chrysen groves, if you wish. They’re prettier earlier in autumn but they might still bear some leaves.’
‘I thank you,’ he said with a small bow.
As Kira lay in bed that night, she wondered what had possessed her to agree. Maybe it had been Tierken’s demeanour. There had been no shouting or demands, no criticism or harsh words about Caledon. Nor had there been words of love, or shows of passion. His detachment puzzled her, for it was totally out of character. The only explanation was that he had resolved to go back to Sarnia without her.
She should have been pleased, but the sense of loss was as sharp as a knife, and she curled into a ball, hugging herself. Tresen had been right in his claim that she still loved Tierken, and she knew that she always would. But she also knew the truth of Caledon’s earlier assertion – that the differences between the Terak and the Tremen couldn’t be reconciled.
The stars had since coerced Caledon into changing his mind, but Kira was no prisoner of star-patterns. To return to Tierken – even if he wanted her – would be to reopen old wounds, and renew the pain for them both. She must get used to living without him, settle into the quiet routine of Kashclan, and focus on the care of her babe. His babe too, a treacherous voice in her head reminded her. My babe, she countered, and resolutely shut her eyes.
61
Kira slept much longer than she intended, and the sun was well up before she’d bathed and dressed. Tiredness was one of the effects of carrying, she knew, as she yawned and struggled to button her shirt across her ever-expanding belly. She braided her hair off her face, reassured at how well she could now see, and confident that in a few more days her right eye would be completely healed.
The smell of warm nutbread greeted her in the hall, and she was surprised to find Morclan leader Marren there, taking his breakfast with Tresen and Tierken. He rose at her approach, his astonished gaze moving between her face and belly. Then he recollected himself and bowed.
‘Your presence is celebrated throughout Allogrenia, Tremen Leader Feailner Kiraon, but it’s not known that you’re injured, or that you carry,’ he said.
‘The Bough welcomes Morclan leader Marren,’ said Kira, returning his bow as well as her belly allowed. ‘I see no reason to upset the Tremen with news of my injuries, which are healing well. As for the babe I carry –’ she continued, glancing at Tierken in spite of herself, ‘I am happy that it be known that a Kashclan–Terak babe will soon be born. Along with Laryia’s babe, the first of many, now our kin have reunited.’
‘It’s of this very thing that I would have speech with you, Tremen Leader,’ said Marren, as they all settled at the table.
Tresen filled Kira’s cup and passed her a plate of nutbread. ‘While we waited
for you to wake, Clanleader Marren and I discussed a proposal,’ he said. ‘I am in agreement, but as Tremen Leader, the decision is of course yours.’
Kira ate while Marren outlined what he proposed, a course of action the other Clanleaders were apparently amenable to. He suggested that the Clancouncil be held at the new moon and that Thanking be celebrated immediately afterwards. It certainly made sense to hold the two on the same day, thought Kira, and while Thanking was normally celebrated at the end of the first full moon of winter, no one knew exactly when in winter Kasheron and his followers had actually arrived in the forests.
It suited Kira to bring the council forward too, for she was also keen to get it over with.
Marren’s next suggestion, however – that bonding ceremonies be carried out at Thanking, rather than waiting for Turning – astonished her.
‘Bonding ceremonies are usually held at Turning,’ she said, glancing worriedly at Tresen.
‘Indeed they have been in the past,’ agreed Marren. ‘I ask for this variation on behalf of Kesilini of Morclan, who wishes to bond with Terak patrolman Anvorn. She fears that if she must wait for Turning, he might be sent north again before their union is formalised. I believe there will be a similar request from a Barclanswoman who also wishes to bond with a Terak patrolman, and I am aware through the other Clanleaders of at least six Tremen couples who wish to bond now, rather than wait.’
‘Are the Terak patrolmen about to go north?’ Kira asked Tierken.
‘The rotation of Terak patrolmen is something I have yet to discuss with Protector Commander Kest, and with you or the next Tremen Leader,’ said Tierken. ‘But of course, at some time those here will return home.’
‘I can understand Tremen–Terak couples having an urgency to their bonding,’ said Kira, ‘but not Tremen couples.’
‘It’s an effect of the fighting,’ said Tresen. ‘There’s not a longhouse that wasn’t touched by death, or the fear of it, and that gifted an understanding of the preciousness and fragility of life. Those who truly love each other don’t want to wait.’
Kira felt the heat rise in her face and took a gulp of tea, avoiding looking at either Tresen or Tierken.
‘Very well, Clanleader,’ she said, setting her cup down. ‘The Clancouncil will be held at the new moon, and we will celebrate Thanking that evening, here at the Bough. Couples who wish to bond will be able to come before the Tremen Leader to do so. It won’t be me, though,’ added Kira sadly, then forced a smile. ‘By then I will have renounced the leadership.’
‘I thank you, Tremen Leader,’ said Marren, ‘and will alert the other Clanleaders to your decision.’
Tierken spoke little on the journey to Wessogren, and Kira, too, was quiet, her thoughts taken up with what Tresen had said over breakfast. His words were true, but things were rarely as simple as love overcoming all. If she went back to Sarnia with Tierken, within a short time their destructive quarrels would begin again, and it would serve neither of them well, nor the Tremen–Terak union. In fact, if she had any feelings at all for the northern Feailner, she must spare him the pain of a brief reconciliation. All very sensible, Tremen Leader Feailner Kiraon of Kashclan, she told herself bitterly.
The chrysen groves were bare, the slender branches stark against Wessogren’s dark canopy.
‘It seems we’re too late,’ she said, kicking at the golden carpet of leaves strewing the ground.
‘It’s still pleasant,’ said Tierken. ‘I’ll set a fire and wait for you here.’
Kira nodded, leaving her pack beside him and heading off through the chrysens.
Tierken set the fire swiftly, but the bare trees were a potent reminder that time was running out. Soon he was going to have to broach the subject of Kira coming north again and, if she refused, his duties as Feailner were clear.
He had nothing to gain by stretching Terak resources to include the southern forests. The Tremen would become as the scattered Kir herders were – acknowledged as kin, but following their own ways and providing their own protection. It would be pointless him addressing the Tremen council or wasting time discussing with Kest how the Terak were to be deployed long term – for there would be no long term. He would simply add another patrol to include Kira in their guardianship until she birthed. If Kira birthed a girl child, and Laryia a boy, then Laryia – and Tresen, if he so chose – would come north. Then Tierken would recall all the Terak patrols, and try to forget he had a daughter in the south.
But if Kira birthed a boy he must leave patrols here to guard her and his son. Then, after four or five seasons, his heir must come north, whether Kira willed it or not. The idea was abhorrent, but there were a number of things that made him hope it wouldn’t come to that. Kira had owned him publicly as the babe’s father, and seemed committed to renouncing the leadership, which would mean one less tie to Allogrenia. And she still loved him, the gradual healing of her eyes revealing the telltale softening of the gold as she looked upon him.
But she remained wary, calling him by his title and keeping her distance. And he was still waiting for the right moment to speak to her of the painful truths he’d arrived at about himself, to tell her of the changes he’d made to Sarnia, and to offer her the sanctuary of Kessom for part of each season. All these things were like the last arrow in a battle he’d long fought with himself, and now with her, to win her back. And if this arrow went amiss, he had nothing left to fight with.
Movement caught his eye – a grenia owl, or mira kiraon, as they were known in the forests. The Tremen had named it for Queen Kiraon, and it was Kira’s namesake also. And as it stared down from a chrysen bough with eyes as bright as the flames, Tierken hoped with all his heart that Irid had sent it as an omen of what was to come.
62
Kira circled the alwaysgreen, nerves taut, the babe prodding and punching inside her as if sensing her turmoil. It wasn’t supposed to be like this. Kandor lay beneath her feet, along with the mother she’d scarcely known, and the bones of countless Sarclan dead, but she felt no more connection with her younger brother than she had with Maxen and Merek. She stopped and laid her palms against Wessogren’s trunk, struggling to think of all their happy times together, but the babe seemed determined to drag her back to the present. The night had grown icy and she began to shiver. Fearing for the babe, she turned back to the camp Tierken had set.
He sat by the fire, staring up at a mira kiraon, his face illuminated by the flames. It was Kandor’s face, in all its beauty, but also Tierken’s, the polite mask of the last few days gone, his longing and pain for her clear. Kira stumbled forwards and Tierken scrambled upright, catching her as the mira kiraon took flight.
‘I saw . . .’ she choked out, shivering violently.
‘The mira kiraon,’ he said, arms tightening around her as she sagged against him. ‘You’re cold, I’ll –’
‘I saw . . .’ she tried again, teeth chattering.
She’d seen the wound her loss had inflicted on him and it was every bit as deep as the wound Kandor’s loss had inflicted on her. She wanted to share her understanding with him but she couldn’t find the words.
Tierken pulled her closer to the fire, and cradled her on his lap, and as she continued to shudder he opened his jacket and held her against him. His warmth and scent washed over her and she nestled closer, despite the babe’s restless twistings. But then she felt his heart begin to thrash and looked up in alarm, expecting to see some threat. His gaze was on the fire, his jaw so tightly clenched that his neck muscles roped.
And then she realised that he could feel the babe pummelling too.
Taking his hand, she guided it to where the babe kicked, and he closed his eyes as his pain intensified. And as she stared up at his face, the terrible reality of their situation broke over her afresh.
‘Go back to Sarnia and forget me,’ she begged.
‘You’re asking me to carve out my heart and leave it here, on the forest floor, and yet somehow go on living. I can’t, Kira.’
‘You’re not faithless.’
‘I am! I am!’ she said sitting up. ‘I broke the bond. You don’t know what that means!’
‘I didn’t then, that’s true, for I didn’t know what bonding was. I saw it as a string of meaningless words, and in my mouth, they were meaningless. I said them only to keep you from Caledon, to keep you with me until I forced you to marry me. That’s why I didn’t acknowledge you as my escort at Laryia’s wedding, and why I didn’t trust you not to leave me. After all, why would you stay in the hated stone city of a Terak Kutan just because you’d uttered a few words to him in private?’
Kira buried her face in her hands as he confirmed her worst fears.
‘Caledon tried to tell me what bonding was, as did Tresen,’ continued Tierken quietly. ‘But I didn’t want to hear. It was only when I lost you that I began to understand, and only when I came here that I realised there had never been a bonding between us. For a bonding can only occur when both people commit to it – isn’t that so, Kira?’
She nodded miserably.
‘So it wasn’t you who was faithless, Kira, it was me. When you left, all I wanted to do was gallop after you and force you back. But to what? All the hard seasons of training with Poerin and the moons of fighting the Shargh had taught me how to hunt enemies and to kill well, but they hadn’t taught me patience, nor to understand and accept Tremen ways.
‘So this time I forced myself to wait, to have patience, to try to comprehend how it must have been for you, and how I could make it better. I’ve had hand-workers from Kessom make Queen Kiraon’s garden lush with herbs again, and to replace the allogrenia stump with a strong young sapling. Trees have been planted throughout Kasheron’s Quarter, and Tremen already live there with their Terak wives and bondmates. Plantings along the Domain path were begun before I left and should be complete now.