Long Live the Queen

by Gerry Swallow

  Slightly out of breath from the assault, he walked back to Bo-Peep and handed her the stick with a slight bow of his head, so subtle that whether it was sincere or meant to mock could not be discerned. He returned to the tree and knelt down, and then reached into the hole. With a grunt he pulled forth a large burlap sack that clanked as it bumped its way into daylight.

  “That doesn’t sound like twenty thousand one-hundred-sixpence notes,” said Winkie. “Is this some kind of a trick?”

  “The trick,” said Krool, “would be trying to keep all those bills dry in a burlap sack buried in a hole near the ocean.”

  Rory, Cory, and Maury gripped their sword handles as Krool loosened a tie at the end of the bag. They pulled those swords nearly half out of their scabbards as Krool reached into the bag and removed a glass jar. Inside that jar was what appeared to be a large roll of cash.

  “Twenty jars each, with approximately one hundred thousand sixpence,” he laughed. “But don’t take my word for it. Here. Count it.”

  With an underhand motion Krool tossed Bo-Peep the jar. She looked carefully at the contents of the jar then tossed it back to Krool.

  “You count it.”

  “Yes,” said Krool. “Perhaps it’s best. Numbers this large are not commonly known to people of your social standing.”

  Krool took his time, removing the cash from each jar, one by one, and counting its contents before returning the bills and sealing the lids once more. When he finished, the total was just over two million sixpence, just as Krool had promised. Once again, Elspeth thought that this was either very good news or too good to be true.

  Hickory, dickory, dock,

  A tree right next to a rock.

  Beneath the roots,

  Krool found the loot.

  Hickory, dickory, dock.

  Chapter

  13

  The group stood around the jars, placed in orderly rows upon the ground, while the horses, having little regard for money, ate grass and talked quietly among themselves about things of interest to them, such as eating grass.

  “Well then,” said Krool, rubbing his palms together. “I must say it’s been a pleasure doing business with you all. I suppose there’s nothing left to do now but to divvy it up and go our separate ways.”

  Reluctant as he may have been to hand Krool his freedom along with a small fortune, Winkie was also anxious to be moving on to the second phase of the mission—bringing his wife safely home to the castle. “Yes,” he agreed. “I suppose so.”

  Suddenly, the sharp sound of swords being pulled from scabbards filled the air.

  “I don’t think so,” said Cory. He and his brothers circled Krool with the casual swagger of people who clearly have the upper hand. “That money belongs to us now.”

  Krool focused his response not on the brothers but on King William. “And just what is the meaning of this, Winkie? This is how you honor a written agreement?”

  “I have nothing to do with this, I assure you,” Winkie responded. “Gentlemen, explain yourselves.”

  “He destroyed our home,” said Cory, nearing tears.

  “I know that,” said Winkie. “And I’m very sorry for you.”

  “Yes, but what you don’t know is that the other kids made fun of us because we always smelled like the inside of a shoe,” said Rory.

  “Kids can be so cruel,” said Gene with a tsk-tsk.

  “So we started lifting weights to compensate for our feelings of inadequacy,” explained Maury. “Now we can’t stop. For goodness’ sake, look at the size of my neck!”

  “I have to walk through doors sideways,” said Cory.

  “We have to have our clothes custom made,” said Rory.

  “And that costs money,” said Cory. “So we’re taking this because we need it and because it’s rightfully ours.”

  Winkie let out a sigh and looked upon the brothers with pity. “Listen, fellas,” he said. “Look at me. I’m bald as an egg. No offense, Dumpty.”

  “None taken,” said Dumpty.

  “And I’m so short I once got kicked in the face by a cockapoo,” Winkie continued. “True story. What I’m saying is, I know what it’s like to struggle with self-image.”

  “We all do,” said Elspeth. “I used to speak with a terrible lisp. The other kids would call me Sylvester the cat.”

  “Kids used to roll me down the hill and into the pond,” said Dumpty.

  “Try being a girl growing up with a name like Bo,” said Bo-Peep.

  “And what about me?” said Krool. “Do you think I was born this way? Intelligent, charming, and incredibly handsome? Well, I was, so I can’t really relate. Still, I’m sure that having to grow up in a shoe was very traumatic for you.”

  “Yes,” agreed Winkie. “And I promise that when we return we’ll get you the counseling you need, free of charge. But right now all that matters is that I’ve signed a legally binding contract with Krool.”

  “You have,” said Maury. “But we haven’t.”

  “That may be so,” Dumpty interjected. “But may I remind you that you entered into an equally binding contract with your king when you swore your oath of allegiance. It is a sacred vow that must never be broken.”

  “But that’s different,” Rory objected. “Of course we honor our vow to King William. But how can we abide by a contract with a monster like this?”

  Whereas most people might have been offended at such characterization, Krool seemed almost flattered by it.

  “You will abide by it because you must,” said Winkie. “As unpalatable as it might be, the rule of law must be respected above all else if a society is to remain civilized. Now, I could order you, as your sovereign, to put your weapons away and stand down. But I would prefer to ask you. Gentlemen? Please, would you kindly sheath your weapons?”

  The three brothers looked at one another and then at the jars full of money, and then at Krool, who fought his instinct to make a snide remark and wisely kept his mouth shut.

  Cory was the first to concede and the others followed, slamming their swords into their scabbards with force backed by anger and frustration. A satisfied smile and a sense of relief spread out across Krool’s angular face.

  “Thank you,” said Winkie. “As hard as it might be to fathom, you boys are doing the right thing.”

  “Yes,” said Krool. “And don’t worry. No hard feelings.”

  “All right then,” said Winkie quickly. “Let’s get down to business here. After all, it’s getting late.”

  No sooner had he uttered these words then there came a low, whirring sound off in the direction from which they’d come. Turning toward the noise, each of them was aghast at the sight they beheld. It was a torcano coming directly for them at an alarming speed. So quickly was the towering funnel of flame approaching that there was no time to grab the cash or to mount the horses. There was time for only one thing.

  “Run!” shouted Winkie, and run they did, the horses and the humans, some scattering to the left, some to the right, giving as much way as possible to the torcano, its volume level increasing to jet engine strength as it swooped in.

  Krool and Dumpty sought cover behind the old tree. The three brothers hit the ground and rolled into a shallow ditch. Winkie hid behind a small shrub named Kent, while Bo-Peep and Elspeth, with Gene in hand, dove headfirst behind the white-speckled boulder, as the churning whirlwind of fire grew louder and nearer.

  “What is a torcano doing way out here?” Elspeth shouted. “We’re nowhere near Torcano Alley.”

  “I don’t know,” Bo-Peep yelled back.

  “Maybe it’s lost,” hollered Gene.

  Bits of rock and dirt rained down upon them. Though it was better than being out in the open, a boulder would provide little protection if the torcano suddenly changed course and veered even slightly in their direction.

  Elspeth hunched her shoulders and crouched down as far as she could manage. She remembered her promise to Jack and Jill that everything would be okay, an
d she feared now that it was a promise she might not be able to keep. Having survived two torcanoes in the past, what were the odds of emerging from a third unscathed? And just as she resigned herself to the fact that she might not make it out of this one alive, the noise quite abruptly ceased as if the torcano had been suddenly switched off like an electric fan.

  “It stopped,” Elspeth whispered. She had never known a torcano to behave in such a way. A sour smell drifted through the air and found its way to her nostrils.

  Slowly, Bo-Peep and Elspeth and Gene inched upward, peering over the top of the boulder. The torcano had completely disappeared but for a small cloud of smoke, hovering close to the ground directly over those jars of cash.

  When a sudden breeze dispersed the cloud, they saw an unspeakably hideous woman standing in its place. The sleeves of her white dress were torn, and the hem hung in tatters around her feet. Her stark white hair was thick, matted, and twisted, protruding from her head in all directions. Her skin was a ghostly gray. Dark circles framed her milky-white eyes that dripped with a thick yellow acid. Her lips were black and curled into a self-satisfied grin. From a rusted iron chain about her neck hung a golden pear, the sunlight playing off its polished surface.

  Just to look at the woman made Elspeth feel instantly sick to her stomach. “Is that—?”

  “Mary Mary,” Bo-Peep whispered back.

  “Wow,” said Gene. “She’s really let herself go.”

  Despite having let herself go, there was nothing wrong with the woman’s ears as her head snapped in the direction of Gene’s voice and her murky eyes landed upon Elspeth—or so it seemed. It’s difficult to tell exactly where an eye with no iris is aimed. Still, it was close enough to cause Elspeth and Bo-Peep to duck back down behind the rock.

  From there they could hear the clinking of glass as Mary Mary quickly filled the burlap sack with the jars of cash and then slung the bag over her shoulder.

  “She’s taking the money,” Bo-Peep whispered.

  Gene scoffed loudly. “Ha! Over Elspeth’s dead body she is.”

  “What?” said Elspeth.

  “Well, you’re not just going to sit here and do nothing, are you? Come on. Where’s that kick-butt attitude?”

  “Right,” said Elspeth.

  “No,” said Bo-Peep. “Don’t do it. It’s not safe.”

  But it was too late. Elspeth’s fear proved a poor match for her pride, and without further thought she sprang to her feet. “Hey!” she shouted in the direction of the witch.

  The witch replied with an otherworldly hiss, which resulted in a thick, burgundy-colored steam escaping her ebony lips. Elspeth realized her hands were trembling, though she couldn’t be sure if it was the result of her own fear or of the shivering stick she was holding.

  “Okay,” said Gene. “I think you got her attention. Let’s go back behind the rock now.”

  Not only did Elspeth not return to her hiding place but her fellow travelers, in a show of solidarity, emerged from theirs as well. Bo-Peep stood beside her while the three brothers crawled out of the ditch and King William stepped out from behind the shrub.

  “You!” he said, successfully diverting the witch’s attention from Elspeth. “You’ve gotten your money. So as your king, I demand the safe return of Queen Farrah without further delay. Do you hear me?”

  Mary Mary hissed again, expelling another cloud of what looked like breath mixed with blood. She pushed a slender finger in Winkie’s direction. From the tip of the finger came a flash of white light that sliced through the air with the speed of a diving falcon. Winkie lunged to one side just as the light hit Kent, causing the shrub to explode instantly, leaving nothing but charred twigs where he’d once stood. Gene gasped in horror, and Winkie looked at the former bush realizing he’d previously had no idea what he was dealing with.

  The witch pointed at Winkie once more and seemed for a very long moment to be considering her options. Winkie, on the other hand, had few options of his own but to stand still and hope. And just when he thought it a foregone conclusion that he, like Kent, would be blasted into oblivion, the witch quite abruptly swung around until that same finger was trained on the horses, huddled together on the slope of a small hill.

  “No!” shouted Winkie. “Not the horses!”

  His words did nothing to stop the light—a bright pink this time—that rocketed forth from Mary Mary’s finger. Elspeth winced in anticipation of the horses being instantly incinerated. But when the light struck them they were not reduced to ashes but rather transformed. No longer were they eight horses but eight armadillos—and not just armadillos, but pink armadillos wearing small armadillo-size saddles.

  Then the witch hissed again, lowered her hand, and began spinning, slowly at first, then building up speed like a figure skater, until the mog had transmogrified, once more, into a torcano.

  Elspeth and the others watched, helpless, silent, and astonished, as Mary Mary, along with the twelve million pence, whirled away, across the grassy plain, in the general direction of the Thick.

  “Arrrgh!” Krool bellowed as he ran to the place where the jars of money had sat only moments before. “This is not happening!” He screamed with enough force to hurt his throat. Veins bulged from his forehead, which had turned a deep red, approaching purple. “Come back here this minute! How dare you steal my stolen loot!”

  The armadillos, having no more regard for money than when they were horses, ate bugs and talked quietly among themselves about things of interest to them, such as eating bugs.

  One by one, the others joined Krool in staring disbelievingly at the spot of bare ground and the concentric circles the spinning witch had left in the dirt.

  “So that was it,” said Elspeth. “I knew this whole thing seemed too good to be true.”

  “I told you she was a mog,” said Gene. “She can take on the form of just about anything.”

  Krool turned to the three brothers with rage in his eyes. “You!” he said through grinding teeth. “This is all your fault.”

  “Our fault?” said Cory.

  “That’s right. If you hadn’t slowed things down by trying to steal my stolen loot, then that nasty old witch never would have had the time to steal it. I would’ve been long gone by the time she showed up, on my way to sipping a piña colada on the beach.”

  “How dare you?” said Dumpty, placing himself between Krool and the three boys. “How dare you accuse these lads of such a thing? If you hadn’t stolen the money in the first place, we wouldn’t have had to come here and retrieve it.”

  “You listen to me, Dumpty,” sneered Krool. “You would do well to remember that eggs are meant to be beaten.”

  By force of habit, Dumpty brought his hand to the side of his face and ran it along the scars, present and permanent as a result of a ruthless beating at the hands of Krool’s former henchmen.

  Before Krool could speak again, he felt the thrust of a stick to the sternum as Bo-Peep pushed him away from Dumpty and moved her face very close to his. “First of all, he’s not an egg, he’s a man, which is more than I can say for you. And if you ever threaten him again, I’ll make sure that you wish you hadn’t.”

  “Yeah, take that!” said Gene.

  Krool snapped his head in Gene’s direction. “You might want to think about minding your own business,” he growled. “Or you may very well find yourself in a wood chipper.”

  “Quiet!” yelled Elspeth. “Enough. We’re wasting valuable time here. The fact of the matter is that this is nobody’s fault. Mary duped us all, plain and simple.”

  “She’s right,” said Krool. “We’ve been had. Now we can sit around feeling sorry for ourselves, blubbering like a child with a boo-boo on his knee, or we can get moving.”

  “We?” said Bo-Peep, making no effort to hide her disgust. “Unfortunately we have a contract that prohibits us from throwing you back in prison. So, for all intents and purposes, our dealings with you are finished.”

  “You may be finished with
me,” said Krool, “but I’m going to get my money back if it’s the last thing I do. Nobody steals from Jonathan Ellington Rutherford Krool and gets away with it. So like it or not, I’m going where you’re going. And you’re going where I’m going. Now, we can split up and seek to achieve our goals separately, or we can travel together and help each other.”

  “Sorry, but we have no interest in your kind of help,” said Dumpty.

  “Pity,” said Krool. “Because my kind of help is exactly what you need.”

  “What do you mean?” asked Elspeth.

  “I think you would agree that when it comes to Mary Mary, you’re dealing with pure evil,” said Krool. “And the only way to fight pure evil is to understand how it works and why it does what it does. Who better to provide that insight than someone who has made evil his life’s work?”

  Winkie looked at his trusted advisors, one by one, to see if their faces might reveal how they felt about adding another advisor into the mix, especially one so vile and corrupt. “I don’t know. What do you think?”

  “To take advice in regard to strategy from a man like Krool I believe is a horrible idea,” said Dumpty.

  “Then again,” added Elspeth, “a horrible idea is better than no idea at all.”

  Bo-Peep stared at Krool with a searing hatred then back to Winkie, her look quickly softening. “I agree with Elspeth,” she said. “In this situation, the worst kind of help is better than none.”

  “And you,” Winkie said to the brothers. “What do you boys feel about all this?”

  The brothers exchanged looks among themselves then seemed to decide that Cory would be the one to answer on their behalf. “As Mr. Dumpty said, we’ve sworn an oath to serve Your Majesty. How we feel about it doesn’t really matter.”

  “It does matter,” said Winkie. “It matters to me. So please, speak freely.”

  “Well,” said Cory. “To be honest, I think it stinks. I mean, first we have to give him a full pardon and release him from prison. Then we have to abide by some ridiculous contract. Now we have to travel with him? And work together with him?”