So Far Away

by P. O. Dixon

  Elizabeth’s wandering eyes afforded her a glimpse of Darcy standing there, so close, yet so far away. Her wounded heart told her to look elsewhere lest their eyes meet. It would not do. He was scanning the crowd below. Was he looking for her? Even if he is, what does it matter? He made his choice.

  Gazing up at him and yet pretending to do otherwise, Elizabeth silently berated herself. How dare her foolish heart yearn for him? How dare her lips long for the lingering touch of his? How dare her body scream for the comfort of his tender embrace? If only she had not allowed him a lover’s prerogative then she would not know what she was missing.

  A cautioning voice once again urged her to look away before he noticed her. A moment later proved too late. Their eyes met.

  Chapter 24 ~ Imagine You There

  Too many words unspoken stood between them. Their eyes holding fast upon each other’s, his silent beckoning would have to be enough.

  My dearest, loveliest Elizabeth, I long for you. It is all I can do not to think of you. Whenever I close my eyes, I imagine you there. When I dream, I dream only of you. Harsh reality then awakens me, and I find that you and I are yet so far away from each other. How I long to stand before you and tell you that this nightmare has come to an end.

  A familiar voice abruptly recalled him to his surroundings. “What are you doing, Darcy?”

  Darcy turned to face the younger man. “Am I to answer to you, Your Grace?”

  “When it comes to my sister’s well-being—most certainly!”

  Darcy returned his gaze to where Elizabeth was standing. Silent questions showed in her eyes.

  “Do you not consider that she deserves more than false promises and disappointed hopes? I am afraid that is the only thing you’re in the position to offer.”

  “You know I only want what is best for her.”

  “If that is the case, then abide by your promise to stay away from her.”

  Parting as amiably as the situation allowed, the two men went their separate ways. Darcy realized too late that he had put himself directly in Miss Caroline Bingley’s path. She immediately seized upon him.

  “Mr. Darcy, where have you been keeping yourself? I dare say it’s been weeks since I last saw you.”

  “How are you getting along, Miss Bingley?”

  “Why, I have to say things are much better now.”

  Darcy, wanting to be on his way, said nothing.

  His silence only encouraged her. “I would ask if the rumors that have been quietly circulating all about of your imminent betrothal to Lady Victoria Fitzwilliam had any basis, but seeing that you are here and not basking in Eliza Bennet’s fine eyes, I can only assume that what I’ve been hearing is true. You must certainly consider yourself most fortunate to have escaped the possibility of an alliance with such a family.”

  “What do you want, Miss Bingley?”

  “Why, I wish to congratulate you, of course. No one of your standing should have to suffer such degradation.”

  “I believe you and I have ventured down this road before.”

  “I take it you are referring to my brother.”

  Indeed he was. Bingley and Miss Bennet were standing with Elizabeth even as Darcy and Miss Bingley were speaking. How Darcy wished he were at liberty to join them, but the situation prohibited it. The last thing he wanted to do was cause Elizabeth more pain than he had already inflicted upon her.

  “Your brother appears to be as enamored of Miss Bennet as ever before.”

  “That may be, but I detect no greater symptom of love in Miss Bennet for my brother than when we were last in Hertfordshire. No doubt Charles is of the same mind. You and I both know my brother well enough to know that once someone is out of his sight, the poor soul is as good as out of his mind. Those awful Bennets will not remain in town much longer, I’m certain. Soon my brother’s heart will be fixed upon another young woman with an angelic countenance.”

  ~*~

  Later on, Avery sought out Elizabeth, who had left her sister’s side. He was concerned that she might have been unsettled by Darcy’s presence. Indeed she was, for he found her standing outside, all by herself, looking sad and lonely.

  “Elizabeth, how are you getting along this evening?”

  “I wish you would not worry about me. I shall be quite all right.”

  “It is my duty to worry about you. I know you are aware that Darcy is here. I saw the two of you looking at each other.”

  There was no point in denying it. She missed Mr. Darcy exceedingly. Even before they were lovers, they had been friends. For the longest time, when her world seemed to be spinning out of control, she only needed to think of him. To know she could no longer rely upon his steadfastness was unbearable.

  “Avery, pray tell me how is this to be endured?” She had meant to be strong, for it was not in her nature to dwell on matters that would only serve to cause her pain. When Avery took her into his arms, she openly wept.

  “Elizabeth, my dear, let me take you home.”

  Chapter 25 ~ Hope for a Future

  Around twelve at night, just as everyone had gone to bed, an express came from Colonel Forster informing Mr. Bennet that his youngest daughter had run off with one of the officers – to own the truth – Mr. Wickham! What a surprise this was and one that created quite a stir. Frantic hours later, Mr. Bennet found himself across town in Cheapside, sitting in Mr. Gardiner’s study. After explaining all that had happened as spelled out in the colonel’s correspondence, he handed his brother the letter that Lydia had meant for her friend Mrs. Forster’s eyes only. The colonel had seen fit to include it in his express.

  Mr. Gardiner read the missive in silence.

  My Dear Harriette,

  You will laugh when you know where I am gone, and I cannot help laughing myself at your surprise to-morrow morning, as soon as I am missed. I am going to Gretna Green, and if you cannot guess with whom, I shall think you a simpleton, for there is but one man in the world I love, and he is an angel. I should never be happy without him, so think it no harm to be off. You need not send word to my parents of my going, if you do not like, for it will make the surprise the greater when I write to them and sign my name “Lydia Wickham.” What a good joke it will be! I can hardly write for laughing. Pray make my excuses to Pratt for not keeping my engagement, and dancing with him tonight. Tell him I hope he will excuse me when he knows all, and tell him I will dance with him at the next ball we meet, with great pleasure. I shall send for my clothes when I get to Longbourn, but I wish you would tell Sally to mend a great slit in my muslin gown before they are packed up. Good-bye. Give my love to Colonel Forster. Ihope you will drink to our good journey.

  Your affectionate friend,

  Lydia Bennet

  It was all Mr. Gardiner could do to resist balling up the paper and tossing it into the fireplace. “That foolish girl,” he said.

  Mr. Bennet said, “Were it only the case that the two of them are indeed on their way to Gretna Green. As unfortunate as such an alliance would be, it is far better than the alternative. But I do not have the slightest hope.”

  “Please be assured, Brother, I will do all in my power to assist you in bringing about a better outcome than the current situation foretells.”

  “That’s why I have come to you. I had hoped you would offer your assistance. To be honest, the Duke of Dunsmore offered to be of service as well. I was loathe to accept his benevolence, but my Lizzy insisted that I do.”

  “You were wise to set aside your pride. We need all the help we can muster.”

  Mr. Thomas Bennet suffered feelings akin to having failed his family completely. He should never have agreed to Lydia’s going away with the Forsters, but he supposed he would have no peace otherwise. Now he decided it was best to remove his family from London owing to the scandal.

  “You ought to know that my family is preparing to return to Longbourn as we speak. In light of the scandal, it is best for all concerned, especially Mrs. Bennet who is beside herself w
ith grief.”

  “Do you mean to impose this scheme upon all of your daughters including Jane and Elizabeth?” said Mr. Gardiner.

  Mr. Bennet said, “Jane being the eldest, no doubt, knows her place. However, as regards my next eldest, I am afraid our dear Lizzy has lived above her true self for so very long that she may never be truly happy living the sort of life that our circumstances will allow. Add to that, she tried her best to caution me against allowing Lydia to travel to Brighton. She felt strongly that something like this would happen. I fear this travesty may be the means of our losing her all over again, should she choose to remain here in town with the Montlakes.”

  ~*~

  Lydia’s misadventures would no doubt cause every upstanding person in London to turn against the Bennet family. Elizabeth did not intend to be one of them. As for her disappointment with her father, she resolved that now was not the time for recriminations. Recovering Lydia would not be easy. Her papa needed all the love and support he could get in seeing his family through the crisis.

  Lady Sophia walked into Elizabeth’s apartment. Seeing the maids packing her trunks was particularly alarming. “Elizabeth, what in heavens is going on? Why are you packing?”

  “Papa left word before heading to Gracechurch Street that he means for the entire family to return to Longbourn post haste in the wake of Lydia’s scandalous behavior.”

  Avery, having heard from a servant that all the Bennets were preparing for a precipitous return to Longbourn, strolled into Elizabeth’s room in time to hear her speech. Both he and Lady Sophia argued that Elizabeth need not leave because of the Bennet family’s shame. It seemed their arguments were in vain.

  Elizabeth said, “Oh, but you see I honestly believe I must.”

  “Why tie yourself to the Bennets’ lot?” Lady Sophia cried.

  “I am a Bennet!”

  Avery took Elizabeth by her hand and persuaded her to cease her packing and sit next to him. “True, you are indeed a Bennet. However, you are my sister. I cannot imagine you not being a part of one of the most important days of my life or have you failed to remember that the eve of my wedding is fast approaching?”

  Elizabeth felt a tinge of mortification spread all over her body. “Dearest Avery, pray forgive me for thinking only of myself. However, the shame of what Lydia has done will inevitably affect you as well. Is it not better that I take my leave of London with the rest of my Bennet family and along with it the disgrace?”

  “Elizabeth, do you forget with whom you are speaking? I am the Duke of Dunsmore. I could parade through the streets of London in nothing but a cloth sack and it would not diminish my standing in the eyes of society. Pray you will remain here in town with mother and me, at least until the wedding. Then, if you must return to Longbourn, you may. In fact, why don’t you speak with Miss Bennet and invite her to stay as well? I know how you depend on her.”

  After agreeing to Avery’s request, Elizabeth soon found herself in Jane’s room. Persuading Jane to stay in town was not as easy as Elizabeth had hoped.

  “What about Mr. Bingley, dearest Jane?”

  “What about him, Lizzy?”

  Elizabeth placed her hand on her sister’s. “Pray you have not abandoned hope for a future with him.”

  “Please do not misunderstand me. While I am sure there is someone somewhere for me, I am not convinced it’s Mr. Bingley.”

  “Jane?”

  “I am quite all right with it, believe me, Lizzy. I believe I have come to embrace a bit of your sentimentality in that regard in that I do not intend to make myself upset over things best not to be dwelt upon.”

  “You have waited so long—”

  Jane interrupted. “One might say I have waited too long. How many opportunities have we had to get it right? First, there was his coming to Hertfordshire and letting the Netherfield estate. Then there was Pemberley. Both of those times, he left with not even a goodbye. The same must be said of the last time we were all together in Hertfordshire.”

  The more Elizabeth listened to her sister expound the reasons she was convinced that the whole of the acquaintance with Mr. Bingley was little more than a fond attraction on his part that only manifested when they were in company, the more she was convinced that Jane’s reasoning was sound. Theirs was an acquaintance not of many years like that of Elizabeth and Mr. Darcy’s, but rather two months or so, spread out over the course of two years. If Elizabeth and Mr. Darcy’s relationship was not meant to be, it was equally likely that neither was Jane and Mr. Bingley’s.

  Be that as it may, Elizabeth felt it was insufficient cause for Jane not to remain in town. “Jane, won’t you reconsider?”

  “Oh, Lizzy, I would love to stay here in town with you, but you’ve seen how my mother is taking the news. My place is at Longbourn with the rest of the family.” Thinking she may have wounded her sister, Jane said, “Lizzy, it is only right that you stay here in town to be a part of His Grace’s wedding celebration. No doubt he and Lady Sophia are depending upon you. You and I are family and nothing will ever change that, but the same must be said of you and the Montlakes. They also are your family. However, Lizzy – and pray do not think me insensitive – but they are not mine. I do not belong here. I belong at Longbourn.”

  Chapter 26 ~ Proof Enough

  Darcy had been out of town for a week, which gave him a much-needed reprieve from his ‘obligation’ to pay daily visits to his family at Matlock House. He and Lady Victoria always had bent the rules of proper decorum by spending time solely in each other’s company, yet it vexed him that his uncle and aunt, Lord and Lady Matlock, afforded them that same freedom now. The last thing he wanted was time alone with his cousin.

  Their time together of late was not nearly as pleasant as it had been before their circumstances changed. She was more than a little upset that, not only had he refused to consent to a wedding date, he had not even made her a formal declaration of marriage. Once again, he reminded her of his reason.

  “I thought I made it clear to you that I do not believe anything untoward happened between us. Hence, I will not marry you until I am convinced that you are with child, even if that means that we marry on the eve of the supposed child’s birth.” In truth, his honor dictated that he marry her sooner than that, but angry people did not always behave as dictated by honor.

  “How can you be so cruel?” She impudently placed her hand on her increasing waistline.” Is this not proof enough?”

  Darcy huffed. “It proves nothing, other than my suspicion that you ought to push away from the table sooner.”

  Aggrieved and offended, her ladyship picked up a porcelain knickknack from a nearby table and hurled it at him. Darcy ducked his head just in time to avoid the whizzing weapon. Rather than chastise her, he merely ignored her, which only increased her ire.

  Standing, Lady Victoria meant to cross the room to demand that he pay her the proper consideration she thought she deserved, but in her haste she tripped and fell. Her head landed against the sharp end of the table and thus rendered her unconscious.

  Seeing this, Darcy was horrified. He raced to her and dropped down on his knees. “Victoria,” he said while attempting to revive and comfort her. In rushed a footman who must have heard the commotion. Darcy yelled, “Her ladyship is in need of medical attention. Hurry!”

  Some hours later, Darcy wore a path in the carpet as he paced the floor, consumed with worry. At least her ladyship had regained consciousness, but he had no way of knowing whether there was any lasting damage because of her fall. Espying the physician descending the stairs, he rushed to him, wanting to know if his cousin was capable of receiving company.

  “Her parents are with her now.”

  “Mr. West, you have been our family physician for years. I have a matter I wish to discuss with you that may seem a bit untoward, but it is vital that I know the truth.”

  “What is it that you wish to know?”

  “I need to know about the unborn child.”

 
“I beg your pardon, sir? What unborn child?”

  “Lady Victoria—”

  “—Mr. Darcy, I can safely say there is nothing to be concerned with in that regard.”

  Darcy felt himself growing pale. “Are you saying that the child—the accident?”

  “I am afraid that what I am saying, sir, is there is no reason for us to be having this discussion, for there would be nothing to discuss … not now and certainly not before.”

  As angry and disgusted as he was, Darcy did not confront his cousin with malice, but rather with cool civility. He regarded her as though she was no more than a stranger to him. Lady Victoria, having suffered a mild concussion, sat in a comfortable chair overlooking the garden.

  Standing in the doorway of his cousin’s apartment, waiting for her maid to finish what she was doing and then leave the room, Darcy recalled a pact he had made with his cousin when they were children that they would always be the best of friends. They had even pricked their fingers and sealed their avowal in blood. He shook his head. What happened to her?

  When the maid quit the room, Darcy said, “I have spoken to the physician. You lied to me—just as I suspected. Now, tell me what really happened—were you violated? Did I behave in an ungentlemanly manner towards you?”

  Her head bandaged, her ladyship looked at Darcy unapologetically. “If indeed anything did happen between us, I would not consider it a violation but rather an affirmation of our love.”