“What’s there to talk about, Kyla?” his voice snapped at her like an overstretched rubberband. “You march in here and tell me you’re going to find a job like I don’t have any say in it. But what would I say anyway? You know how I feel.”
“Yes I do, but what about how I feel?”
“Let me ask you something, Kyla. Why is it that Nicole and I aren’t enough for you?”
“You are for the mother and wife part of me. But what about my other side? What about my other needs? You could never give up your career for me.”
“That’s a stupid thing to say. I have to take care of my family. That’s what a man is supposed to do. Most black women would get down on their knees and shout hallelujah if they were able to stay home, raise their children and be a wife.”
“Do you know how primitive that sounds? Why is it that all you want me to be is Dr. Blake’s wife?”
“And why do you have a problem with being my wife?”
They held their stares before Kyla walked over and took his hand. When he tried to pull back, she tightened her grip, ignoring the churning in her stomach. Her pleading eyes bore into his and within moments she could feel the tension begin to ebb from his body, though his weak smile did little to cover the sadness that veiled his eyes. Right away, Kyla could feel herself weakening. She took the soda from his other hand and laid it on the counter, allowing her to take both of his hands into her own. He softened, putting his arms around her, burying his face in her hair.
“I love you.”
“I know you do,” she said leaning back, looking into his face. “And you know I love you and would never do anything to hurt us.”
His eyes looked away. “If you want to go back to work, then I’ve failed.”
She frowned. “Why are you turning this into something about you? This is about me.”
He shook his head and pulled away, moving in slow motion to the dinette table and when he sat, he lowered his head into his hands. Kyla followed and stood behind him, massaging his shoulders, holding the silence that stayed for minutes.
Finally, he spoke. “You know, my father failed my mother . . .”
“Jefferson, that’s crazy!”
“He did. When my dad died, he left us with nothing.”
“It’s not like he planned to die so young.”
“That’s my point. There was no preparation. So he left us with no insurance, no money in the bank. Dad’s legacy was a mortgage and two small kids. Mama’s life turned into a working merry-go-round. She worked two jobs during the week and another one on the weekend. There was never any time for anything else. After all the missed school plays and football games and band recitals, I vowed that my family’s life would never be like that. I think that’s the real reason I wanted to become a doctor so badly. With money, I knew that my children would never suffer, my wife would never suffer.
Her hands continued to move along his shoulders. She’d heard this many times. “And you’ve succeeded. I haven’t suffered a day of our marriage. But don’t you see? Our family doesn’t fit into that box that was created by your father.”
“But it’s still not enough for you . . .”
“Jefferson, please understand that this is not about money.”
His head barely nodded. “You know, when you led me to the Lord all of those years ago, everything I learned reaffirmed what I wanted to do, be the head of the household, be the protector of my family, but most important, be the provider. I learned how to be a real man for God. For the last eleven years, since you stopped working, I’ve done that. But if you return to work . . .”
“None of that will change.”
“Kyla, I don’t want to stop you from being you or from getting the satisfaction you need. But I don’t want you to stop me from being me either. Why can’t you get fulfillment taking care of Nicole and me? Look at everything you do for the clinic and everything you’re involved in at church. What about the Compassion House? There are so many people that depend on you. Isn’t that enough?”
Kyla shook her head, but before she could speak, Nicole came running down the stairs.
“Mommy, Mommy! We’re finished and we were playing on the computer and watching TV and then Hannah said she wanted to call her mother.”
“Okay,” Kyla stood directing her attention to the girls, but her eyes followed Jefferson as he left the room.
The rest of the evening passed in a blur. They called Hannah’s mother, cleaned up the kitchen and then Kyla allowed herself to be talked into watching a half hour of Tom and Jerry. But as the girls laughed at the antics on the television, Kyla’s thoughts were upstairs with her husband. She was hoping for a chance to finish their talk.
“Mommy, can we go play in the game room?”
“There’s nothing in there that you know how to play.”
“I know how to play pool.”
“Your father told you to stay away from the pool table and anyway, it’s time for you two to go to bed. We’ve got to get ready for the last day of school.”
The girls cheered, continuing even as they dressed for bed. Once she was finally able to calm them down, she handed them both Bibles.
“Hannah, this is our devotion time where we study anything you want in the Bible.”
“Do you do this at your house, Hannah?” Nicole questioned.
“No, my mother doesn’t make me read the Bible except for when I go to church on Sunday.”
“Well, you should read the Bible every day. That’s what we have to do!”
“Hey, hey. What do you want to study tonight?” Kyla asked both girls.
“Let’s show Hannah where her name is in the Bible so that next time someone makes fun of her, she won’t feel so bad.”
“That’s a good idea. Hannah, have you ever read about the woman Hannah in the Bible?”
Hannah shook her head.
“Nicole, do you remember where that is?”
Nicole frowned in thought, then shook her head. “I can’t remember. But, she was Samuel’s mother, so is she in one of his books?”
“That’s it.” Kyla let the girls take turns reading about Hannah and her trials, her cry to the Lord and how the Lord answered her prayers. She watched the young Hannah cheer up as they read and talked about her namesake. They talked for an hour before she led the girls in prayer, allowing each of them to say what they wanted, then added her prayers to theirs.
As she tucked the girls in, Hannah reached up, grabbed her neck and smacked a kiss on her cheek. “Thank you, Mrs. Blake, for showing me my name in the Bible.” Hannah grinned. “I thought Nicole was making it up in school today.”
“See, I told you!”
“Hannah, just remember how special you are.”
Kyla kissed Nicole, then turned off the lights with warnings of silence that she knew would go unheeded.
Leaving the girls, Kyla walked to Jefferson’s office. She leaned her ear against the closed door, but decided not to disturb him. She would bring it up again, though. Maybe after she returned from Santa Barbara.
In their bedroom, she slumped into one of the chairs under the window. Tucking her feet under her, she skimmed through the pages of Essence, but couldn’t keep her mind on any of the articles. Her mind wandered from Alexis to Jefferson, back to Alexis. At least she knew what she was up against with Jefferson, but with Alexis . . . all she could think about was the snake . . . and Jasmine. Just what did Alexis mean? Kyla picked up the telephone. It was time she had some answers.
Jasmine paced the living room floor, pausing only to look at the cars that drove by. It was after nine and he had not shown up. She paged Michael once again, but a half an hour later, he still had not responded.
She bit her lip, determined not to let the tears come again. After taking a deep breath, she turned out the lights and started up the stairs. The shrill ring of the phone startled her and she ran back down the stairs.
“Michael?”
“Jasmine?”
“Oh,�
� Jasmine said disappointed. “What do you want?”
“I was calling to check on you,” Kyla said.
“You don’t have to do that. I’m fine,” Jasmine said sharply.
“I left you a few messages . . .”
“And, I didn’t call you back. So what?”
“What’s wrong? You sound like you’re mad.”
“I’m not mad. I’m just sick of you sitting in judgment of me and throwing your life up in my face.”
Kyla cringed as she pulled the phone away from her ear. She thought about hanging up, but she knew Jasmine’s anger was a result of her loneliness. Stick with her, Kyla, she said to herself. She took a deep breath before she spoke, “Jasmine, I wasn’t judging you . . .”
“What did you call me for? Is Jefferson going to help me with my garage?”
“Of course he is. If you need help, you know we’re always here . . .”
“That’s what you say.”
“Look, Jasmine. This is going nowhere and I have another idea. Why don’t we get out of L.A. together for a little while? I’m going to my parents’ house for a special women’s program with my mother’s church this weekend and I’d like you to come with me. I know you’ll have a good time and my parents would love to see you. It’s going to be just us girls; Jefferson’s not even going.” Kyla blocked out the misgivings she had, since Alexis had already accepted her invitation.
Jasmine snickered. “Are you kidding? Two days with you and your mother? That’s more self-righteousness than any person could bear.”
“Jasmine!”
A long silence followed. “We need to talk, girl. I know it’s late, but why don’t you come over here? We can just sit and talk and you can stay over.”
Jasmine hesitated. She didn’t want to spend another night alone and it looked like she would not hear from Michael tonight, but she couldn’t let Kyla know. “I don’t want your high-and-mighty pity, Kyla,” she said. “Just leave me alone!” She slammed the phone down, her lips quivering.
In her bedroom, she undressed and crawled into bed, determined not to let the ghosts haunt her tonight. She tried to focus on work—especially, the project coming up at the end of this week. They were introducing a new product and SONY management wanted to review her numbers. She had done all of the financial projections and was excited about making the presentation to the board.
But not even the work she enjoyed could keep her focused. Her mind was only filled with thoughts of Kenny. She wanted him so badly. She closed her eyes and allowed herself to dream. In her dreams, Kenny was a doctor with his own clinic, making all the money she ever wanted. Their marriage was a wonder, without the heated arguments and weeks of angry silence. Drifting deeper into sleep, her mind’s images became clearer. In her dream, Kenny had never left. He was calling her name.
She opened her eyes at the sound of his voice and held out her arms, welcoming him back into their bed. When their lips met, he teased her, caressed her. Before she surrendered to him totally, she opened her eyes again, to take in his full being. And, the image of Kenneth Larson had transformed completely. As the new image devoured her, she sighed with pleasure. This was her perfect man. And, this man was Dr. Jefferson Blake.
Kyla hung up the telephone just as Jefferson came back into the bedroom. She forced the corners of her lips into a smile. “Truce?”
He smiled back. “Truce.”
She watched him undress and leaned against his bare chest when he climbed into the bed. “I’m really worried about Jasmine,” she said. She filled him in on the details of her conversation.
“Kyla, maybe you should just leave her alone for a while. Give her some time to figure this all out.”
She shook her head. “We can’t desert her now. We’re all she’s got. Serena and her dad try, but they’re too far away.”
“I’m not saying desert her. I’m just saying we don’t really know how to help her. She probably needs someone to talk to . . . a professional. I can help her contact someone.”
“No, it’s not that bad. She was like this when her mom died. She wouldn’t eat, she stopped going to classes and she wouldn’t leave the house for anything. But Kenny was there to help her through all of that. In a way, I guess, Kenny has died to her because she’s reacting the same way she did when her mom died. But this time, I’m the only one around to help.”
Jefferson shrugged his shoulders. “Whatever,” he said as he leaned over and picked up his Bible from the nightstand. “Do you mind if I read tonight?”
“Okay, then I’ll pray.”
They bowed their heads and held hands.
“Dear Heavenly Father,” she began. “We come before you tonight giving you honor and praise. You are an awesome and mighty God and we give you glory, Lord, we bless you. As we prepare for our devotion tonight, Heavenly Father, open our eyes and ears to what You want us to learn. Help us to gain wisdom and knowledge from Your Word. And help us to always put You first. Guide our hearts and our lives and order our steps so that we may serve You. In Jesus Christ’s name we pray, Amen.”
Jefferson opened the Bible and began reading from I Peter 3. Then he turned to I Corinthians 7. As Jefferson read from the scriptures, referring to the wife’s role to her husband, Kyla was pleased that she was married to a man of God, a man who would search the scriptures to find the answers for their life.
Kyla leaned into Jefferson and focused on making sure she opened her heart to the scriptures, wanting to get insight into what the Lord wanted her to hear. Jefferson was just the vessel; the words were the Lord’s.
She closed her eyes, listening to the deep resonance of her husband’s voice, feeling the scriptures, becoming a part of what Paul and Peter were saying. Kyla blocked out the troubles of the day, the anxiety of what she would do about a career, the problems with Jasmine, her argument with Alexis and her upcoming trip to Santa Barbara. She even blocked out thoughts of Nicole—for now. Everything was released from her mind so that she could lose herself in the words and presence of the Lord.
Brian parked his car in the circular driveway and tossed his keys to the doorman. “I’ll be right back,” he said. They entered the elevator and Brian pushed the button for the seventeenth floor.
“I don’t live on seventeen. I live on the eleventh floor,” Alexis said.
“I know.” With a half grin, he bent toward her and when his lips covered hers, she let their tongues meet. He pulled her close, leaning into her body, and she ran her hands over the muscles of his back, drowning herself in the sensation.
The ping of the elevator startled them both.
“Brian,” she started, her lips barely moving from his. “We have to get off.”
“No, we don’t. This is seventeen. We have a little more time.” He pushed the button for eleven and they kissed until the doors opened again.
When they got to her front door, she whispered, “I really had a wonderful time tonight.”
His tongue gently traced her lips before he reclaimed them and backed her into the carpeted wall. A moan escaped from deep inside of him, before he backed away. “It’s time for me to go.” His voice was soft and husky.
She bit her lip and nodded, not wanting to chance her own voice.
“I can’t wait until you get back from Santa Barbara.” He ran the tips of his fingers across her lips. “Until next time . . .” He got on the elevator and blew her a kiss as the doors closed.
Alexis stepped into her apartment and leaned against the closed door. His words played over and over. “I can’t wait until next time . . . next time . . . next time . . .”
Her skin tingled. “Neither can I, Brian.” And she knew that she was in big trouble.
Eight
* * *
The alarm clock shrilled and Kyla pulled the pillow over her head.
“Kyla? Kyla, we have to get up,” Alexis called from the other side of the king-size bed.
Kyla moaned her disapproval.
“Come on,” Alexis shook
her. “It’s five o’ clock.”
“That is exactly why I’m not going anywhere,” she cried from under the pillow.
“Your dad said we have to be ready by five-thirty.”
“Are you girls up?” Lynn Carrington peeked her head inside the darkened bedroom.
Kyla rolled over. “Come on in, Mom.”
“Good morning.” Lynn tiptoed into the room, still in her bathrobe but every strand of her short-cropped salt-and-pepper hair in place. “I wanted to let you know there’s coffee and bagels. Your father is already up and rarin’ to go.” She turned on the small lamp sitting on the dresser.
“She’s chickening out because it’s still dark outside, Mrs. Carrington,” Alexis said as she slid into her slippers. “I’m going to take a shower. Kyla, get up!”
Lynn Carrington chuckled and sat down in the rocking chair, pulling her robe tighter around her petite frame. “Well, honey. If you’re going to go, you do have to get up.”
Kyla flung her legs over the side of the bed, wiggling her toes in the brown carpet. “Jefferson had better appreciate what I’m doing,” she said, “no soul should rise before the sun.” She yawned. “Thanks again, Mom, for keeping Nicole.” She had decided to return to Los Angeles early, rather than attend the second day of the retreat.
“We’re thrilled to have her! We don’t get to see her half enough since we left L.A.”
Kyla removed her robe from the closet. “Well, you’re not half as thrilled as she is. Her granddaddy is going to take her fishing every day and her grandmommy will spoil her rotten. And, this will give Jefferson and me a little time together. We could use it right now.”
Lynn stilled the rocking chair. Her light brown eyes were filled with concern. “Is something wrong, honey?”
Kyla looked at her mother through the reflection in the mirror. “Oh, no. Just something we have to talk about.” She forced a reassuring smile. “Not to worry. We’re fine.”
“Then, I’m really glad you’re going back early. Communication is the most important thing in any relationship.”
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