Aberrant

by Ruth Silver

  I gazed into the mirror, saddened by my reflection. My hair, though still damp after my shower, was a shade darker than its usual warm honey. My eyes seemed a muted shade of green, duller and less intense, matching my sour mood. I didn't feel pretty and I wondered if the boy I was matched to would think the same of me.

  I missed my father. It had been thirteen years since he'd died. I'd come to terms with his passing, accepted his fate as no other choice and that I was meant for new beginnings.

  The only problem was the government officials had their own minds made up about our fate. My stomach tensed with butterflies as I swallowed my nerves as best I could.

  I opened my closet, surprised to find a white gown staring back at me. My favorite part of the dress was the bottom and sleeves covered in lace. One of the Keepers must have brought it in while I was out. It took only a matter of seconds for me toss my towel and slip into the dress. The white cotton material reached just past my knees. In the corner of the room on the floor sat a pair of white heels. I knew they were left for me, but I doubted I'd be capable of wearing them. I slid my feet into the shoes, stumbling slightly as I tried to walk the length of the bedroom. I glanced at my reflection in the mirror, the gown fit perfectly and as I twirled, a faint smile spread across my face.

  "You look beautiful." My mother grinned as she watched from the door. Our school uniforms were usually muted gray. Work attire was provided by the government-based on job position, but white was never a color. It was reserved for the marriage ceremony. I felt incredibly awkward in a dress. However, I knew the other girls would be wearing the same and took comfort in their pain.

  My blonde hair was down past my shoulders and my mother ushered me into her bathroom, grabbing her hair dryer and curling iron. "Are you excited?" she asked as she dried my hair and then curled the ends, barely leaving me time to speak. "I bet you're thrilled. I remember my marriage ceremony like it was yesterday. Your father looked so handsome when he came up on stage. All I could think about was how lucky I was to have the government choose him for me." She let large curls hang several inches past my shoulders before nodding in approval when she was finished. "Oh, one more thing. Almost forgot!" She held up one finger to tell me not to move.

  "Mom?" I called back, wondering where she went. She rushed back to me, bringing a bobby pin and purple wildflower into the bathroom. It took only a minute for her to clip it into my hair.

  "Perfect." She admired her work before ushering me out the door. "You can't be late!" I rolled my eyes and groaned in protest. I knew I shouldn't be mad at her, but it was hard not to be. I dreaded what the afternoon would bring.

  Walking outside, our neighbors did the same. Those with children in the graduating class joined the front of the stage, and their families were just behind them in the city square. Those not participating stood farthest back and watched with great admiration. Gradually, I approached the front and walked up the stairs as I took my place on the stage. The girls from my class all gathered, one by one. My eyes searched the crowd for a recognizable face to calm my nerves. I spotted my mother standing proudly alone. My eyes scanned the front row of potential candidates. They were all dressed the same in midnight black suits. It took less than a second to find his dark brown hair in the crowd. Joshua's blue eyes pierced through mine and I wondered if he was as nervous as I felt. He looked good. I wanted to give him a smile or a brief wave, but all I could do was lock eyes on him as we stared at one another.

  I knew I should be happy, but all I could feel was nauseated. I swallowed the bile rising in my throat. I felt as though I'd been tossed on a ship in the middle of a hurricane, swaying violently from side-to-side. On one side is Governor Craynor and the other is the husband I'm forced to marry. My stomach shifted in waves, and my skin grew ashen and clammy. My hands trembled as I tried to stay strong, but I felt as though I was failing miserably. I let my mind wander as I did my best to calm my nerves. If I had the choice, who would I choose to marry? Glancing towards Governor Craynor, the thought vanished as he studied the list of names on the sheet in front of him. I was the fourth in line – the fourth to be chosen and married off today. I knew I shouldn't be nervous, but not knowing what awaited made me want to vomit. I studied the sixteen faces in the crowd of familiar boys. I was sickened to think I could be married to Levi Keller, the most obnoxious and gross boy in school.

  I grimaced as my teacher Ms. Steiner informed us we would be reading in pairs. We had just learned our alphabet last year, and I wasn't the strongest reader. I didn't even like reading, but Mom would occasionally sit me down with the Genesis Times to read what our government told us was going on in the world. In Ms. Steiner's class, we had textbooks. I sat beside Levi trying my best not to be repulsed. His hair was dark and matted down to his skin. Though I knew his natural color was blonde, it had been a long time since he'd bathed. Dirt licked his face and hands. I raised my hand, hoping Ms. Steiner would call on me. She ignored me. I would have played sick, asked to go to the nurse because I wasn't feeling very well. I didn't think she'd believe me, but I didn't want to sit next to Levi. He reached towards me, poking me in the arm

  "Why's the hand up, Olivia?" Levi's eyes narrowed tilting his head studying me. "Afraid I have germs?" He laughed and the rest of classroom erupted in nervous laughter. They all must have felt it, too, didn't they? No one wanted to ever be paired with Levi Keller. Today I was the unlucky chosen one. I felt my cheeks redden in embarrassment. He scooted his chair closer to me and the putrid stench only made my stomach somersault. Maybe I really would get sick and go home.

  "Forget it," I muttered. I was better than this. Better than him. He couldn't scare me. I grimaced when I felt him push the edge of the book into my arm. I knew he did it intentionally.

  "Start reading, Olivia." He pushed the open pages in front of me. "One of us has to do the work. It isn't going to be me." He smirked as I studied the letters on the page. I leaned closer, trying to focus, quietly sounding out the words as I felt him grip onto my pigtails and pull.

  "Oww!" I squealed as the pain radiated up into my head.

  He snorted like a pig, mocking me.

  I jerked around, my fist finding his face as I pummeled him once. It was all it took for Ms. Steiner to scold me and send me home for the day.

  I didn't want to imagine a life tied with Levi because the government thought we were the perfect match. My eyes scoured the stage and then the mass of people standing before us. I could deny the match but what then? I'd be immediately escorted to the gate and left on my own to die out there alone. I'd never see my mother again.

  There had to be another way. Pretending to marry would at least buy me time to pack some food and water. I could say goodbye or maybe even convince my mother to come with me. She'd understand, wouldn't she? Then we'd climb the wall or find a way to forge through the entrance. It was an impossible task but less revolting than marrying Levi Keller.

  The Governor read off the first name, "Janessa Becker," and a silence filled the city square as anticipation edged from the boys waiting to see who would marry her. She was a nice enough girl with porcelain skin, auburn hair and freckles. She'd never done anything wrong to me, but we weren't best friends. The Governor adjusted his spectacles while reading the names, "Martin Scavenger." A soft clapping erupted through the crowd whether they wanted to celebrate the news or not. Martin caught sight of Janessa and stepped away from the boys and made his approach toward the stairs. The Governor waited until Martin made his way up the platform and stood before Janessa, reading off the second girl’s name.

  Two additional girls’ names followed as did the boys’. None of the girls had been paired with Levi. I knew my turn was next and held my breath. Levi was a bully. In all our years of schooling he'd never changed. I'd witnessed him pick on the younger children at the playground. Maybe I should have stopped him. Maybe I should have stood up and done something different. I couldn't change the past any more than I could change where I was right now.

/>   Governor Craynor read off my name next, "Olivia Parker." I stood awkwardly staring down at the boys who were still available. I could deal with most of the other boys in school. Marriage, though, seemed like such a long time with someone you had to tolerate. My eyes scoured the crowd seeing a guard a few feet from my mother. What would happen to her if I refused my match? I knew the guard was watching the ceremony and not standing by the gates because his daughter was on the platform today, to the right of me. Was he not still on duty? He was dressed in the black Cabal uniform with a gun slung over his back. I doubted he would be so forgiving.

  I wondered if Governor Craynor remembered me from all those years ago, reading my father's eulogy at the funeral. He hardly interacted with the townspeople. He liked to stay pent up in his mansion. For a system where everyone was treated equally and provided the same things, Governor Craynor lived in the largest, most elegant home in Genesis, the Governor's Mansion. It wrapped around the street with a private swimming pool in the back, and several people in town worked for him, cooking and cleaning. It was no secret he thought of himself as better than us. I had no idea what he did as Governor, but I didn't imagine it involved much work. His responsibility was supposed to be to the people. I couldn't remember a time when he’d ever done anything to help the people of Genesis. He seemed more about controlling us and instilling order. I doubted he had any real training to be a leader and half-wondered how a man of such power came into the position of Governor. I couldn't remember a time when anyone else had ever watched over our town. I knew there were other Governors in the other cities, but didn't know who they were. Once a year, sometime in the early spring there was a Governor's Ball when they'd all visit our town. Very little work was done – mostly it was an elaborate party to celebrate how fortunate we all were.

  I despised Governor Craynor. I had no personal reason to hate him. He'd never spoken directly to me and I doubted he ever would again after today. He was plump and graying, and his voice was gruff. I was almost certain as he spoke, I could hear a slight slur in his speech and wondered if he'd had too much grog. I'd heard of people getting sick from grog, but I'd never tasted it, nor had I ever seen it in our home. The government provided our food – it was unlikely the people would ever get anything more than we absolutely needed.

  I realized I had let my mind wander and glanced back at Governor Craynor as he used his spectacles to read the name of the person I would be marrying. He took a moment and I was sure the air had left my lungs and I would pass out. My heart quickened and my eyes widened, leaning forward. My hands were visibly shaking, and I felt more than just nervous. I felt sick. I gasped as I heard his name, "Joshua Warren."

  I couldn't believe what I heard. Had I imagined it? Joshua walked down the aisle past the other boys and headed for the stairs, an eager smile on his face as he slowly approached me. I never imagined Joshua being the government's match. I could see it in his eyes as he stood facing me. He felt it, too – relief.

  I didn't listen as the Governor finished calling the girls’ names and their matches. Instead I reached out, taking Joshua's hand in mine. I glanced down at our hands together and felt my breath quicken as the world seemed to pause around us. No one else followed my lead. Everyone stood there awkwardly, putting on their best smile, pretending to be happy. It was a big adjustment today, for all of us. We live in one of the better cities. We are of the few lucky ones, or so we're told. I hardly felt lucky, yet standing there with Joshua was more than I could have hoped for. I glanced toward my right and saw the marriage ceremony continuing. It all felt like the perfect dream.

  Once the last couple was called, the ceremony continued to our vow exchange. I followed the lead as each girl stood to the left of me, one by one twirled in a circle. As it was my turn, I followed suit, twirling and stepping out of my heels, absently missing my footing. I nearly fell to the floor as Joshua reached out to catch me. A slight gasp emitted from the town. My face flushed red from embarrassment, and I knew I'd made a mockery of the vows exchanged for marriage.

  The Governor laughed it off, "Children." He shook his head, "You are no longer that today," he chided, scolding us for our actions. He stared at me, his gaze lingered, waiting for me to further disobey him. Did he think I did this on purpose? I merely nodded as the Governor continued the tradition and gestured for the next girl beside me to twirl. Down the line, all sixteen girls had followed suit and then the boys all took a step forward and then a step back. Each boy, now considered a man, held out one hand, and if we accepted them as our husbands we gave them our hands in marriage. One by one each girl accepted. As the ceremony came to a close, the crowd softly clapped and one by one the new couples walked off the stage and down the aisle toward their respective families. I took Joshua's hand, still surprised by the sudden turn of events. I had feared what today would bring, that marriage would be the end for me, and instead it was clearly the beginning.

  "We should go find your mother," Joshua told me, squeezing my hand as he dragged me through the crowd.

  Joshua's family found us first. His mother, Rebecca, grinned excitedly. "We're so happy to have you in our family!" She squeezed me tight in her arms, and I knew she was being honest. Most families accepted this as fate, but his mother would never lie. It wasn't part of her nature. His father reached out and shook my hand with a faint nod. I glanced around wondering where my mother was when she pushed her way through the crowd toward us.

  "Mom!" I reached for her, pulling her close to me, thrilled with how things had turned out. Just hours ago I was terrified about getting married, but it hardly seemed so bad now that it had been to Joshua.

  "I have to talk to you later," she whispered into my ear as her eyes glistened with tears.

  "What's wrong?" I frowned, not understanding what she'd want to talk to me about. Was she upset with my match? I couldn't believe that was the case. Whatever it was could wait. It would have to. I glanced around at the other girls from my class. They looked less than thrilled. I was happy, though – nothing could dampen my spirits.

  CHAPTER 2

  Joshua smiled and opened the door for me as we stepped into our new home. Our families would bring our belongings, though we didn't own much. The government provided food and furniture. The fridge was perfectly stocked, exactly like the one back home. It was mildly refreshing to feel at ease.

  I glanced around – our place was small and quaint – a two-bedroom government issued house. The layout was precisely the same as my childhood home. Everyone in our stature received the same goods, and it was considered fair and right. No one questioned such authority. No one had need or reason to. The government seemed to know what was best for the people. I'm not sure I always agreed by their means, but people in our city had homes and food. No one starved if they followed the rules. It was meant to be fair.

  "So, what do you think?" I heard his voice behind me and jumped.

  Joshua took a tentative step back to give me some space. I laughed it off, shaking my head. "Sorry. I'm just not used to you being in my house." In all the years we'd been friends we've never once set foot in one another's home. It was forbidden.

  Joshua laughed glancing around. "Well, it's our house now."

  After a beat, I glanced at him with a faint smile. "My mother mentioned she wanted to tell me something after the marriage ceremony. She might stop by this evening."

  Joshua nodded. "That's fine. I'm sure she'll come by before curfew."

  I chuckled softly. "I would expect so." Breaking curfew meant at the very least a flogging. It was rare for adults to be whipped. Mostly children and teenagers were the ones punished for being out past nine.

  Joshua rested his hand on my back, guiding me to the sofa to sit down. It was the simplest and lightest touch, but it sent a shiver coursing through me. "Any idea what she wanted to talk about?"

  I shook my head. "She seemed worried to tell me in town," I remarked. "She's my mom, though, and I'm sure whatever it was, she had her reasons."
r />   "Do you think it has anything to do with your father?" Joshua asked and immediately my eyes widened. The thought hadn't so much as crossed my mind. He'd been gone over a decade.

  "I don't know," I whispered resting my hands in my lap and staring down at them. I glanced at Joshua curiously. "What could she possibly tell me about him that I don't already know?"

  There was so much I hadn't known about my father, Gavin Parker. He had died when I was five in a fire at his work. I hadn't asked the specifics. I was too young to know them when it happened, and talking about it never made me feel any better.

  Joshua glanced at me. "Maybe he wrote you a letter before he died?"

  "It's not possible. I mean he died in a fire, Josh. It would have burned with him. Besides, there is no way my mother could have kept something that big from me." I felt hopeful, though – even just the slightest bit – at the notion he could have written me a letter for the day I got married.

  Joshua smiled reassuringly. "I'm sure whatever the reason it'll be a good one." He was always so optimistic.

  I knew he had to be right. Why give me bad news after the marriage ceremony? It seemed not only unlikely but unheard of. Watching him, I reached out taking his hand, as my thumb brushed against the back of his palm. "Do you ever wonder what it's like outside of the walls?" He had to feel the same curiosity.

  Joshua smiled weakly at me, glancing down at our entwined hands. "I've climbed a few trees, but they're never taller than the gates. There's no possible way to see over the walls." He wasn't the only tree climber.