Razing Grace: Razing Grace Part 1

by Amo Jones

  “Hey!” Jada and Meadow stand from their stools.

  “Hi!” I walk towards them as they both pull me in for a hug. “Whatcha drinking?”

  They both pause and look at Melissa.

  “It’s fine,” I assure them. “I drink, fuck, and apparently have lost my mind too. Just to skip the confusion.”

  Jada laughs and Meadow looks at me, worried. I rip my gaze from her quickly and take a seat beside Jada as Melissa takes the spot on the other side of me and Meadow takes a seat on the other side of Jada.

  “So!” Jada says, bumping my arm with hers. “A shot of tequila to catch you up?”

  I smile at Jada. “Sounds good.” Jada and I got close while I was here before I got taken. I considered her a close friend towards the end; she was someone I trusted and could rely on. Now, I trust no one, and most definitely will not rely on anyone.

  Apart from Melissa, but even her I can’t rely on. Not anymore.

  MILLIE

  We’re halfway through our drinking when I hear a loud car pull up outside. I look out and nudge my head towards the red Camaro. “What’s her name again?”

  Melissa looks outside, scoffs, then tips her drink to her mouth. “Augh. That is Shelby.”

  “Shelby?” I question, trying to connect the dots in my head. “Oh right, the girl who runs the strip club.”

  “Wow, you do listen to a lot that goes on,” Melissa laughs, shaking her head.

  “I always listened!” I mock being offended.

  Shelby walks through the open barn doors, her blonde hair razor-sharp short, which frames her angular jaw and sharp cheekbones. It’s the first time I realized how beautiful she actually is… in a bitchy take-no-shit sort of way.

  “Where’s Beast?” she asks when she reaches us. My eyebrows draw together, confusion setting in. “Hello!” She waves her hand in front of Meadow, who finally looks at Shelby with a bored expression. “Where. Is. Beast.”

  “Have we met?” I ask, my eyes snapping to hers. “I feel like we’ve meet before.”

  Shelby looks down at me, her eyes glazing over but her shoulders remaining square. “Never seen you in my life.”

  I exhale, picking up my drink and swallowing some of the mint slushy. My head begins throbbing as the alcohol pulses through my blood system. I must have mistaken her for someone else.

  “He’s in church. Why don’t you go wait over there,” Meadow says, pointing to where a couple of their club girls are, “where you belong.”

  Shelby laughs. “Don’t know why you always have a stick up your ass, Meadow.”

  “Don’t need to put my head on a stick!”

  “Holy shit,” I whisper, my face paling and the once warm blood which flows through my body turning ice cold. “Holy fucking shit.” I spin around and look towards Shelby who is now laughing and talking to one of the club girls.

  “What?” Melissa and Jada look at me and then at Shelby. “Millie? What is it?”

  Melissa gets worried, pushing off her barstool. My head is spinning slightly from the alcohol, so I close my eyes and think over what to do. Shelby is the girl who set it all up the night Raze took me. It was her who said it wasn’t a part of their plan, and then Raze who replied and said that their plan didn’t revolve around her revenge.

  “Holy shit.” The colorful dots dance behind my shut lids, and then I pop my eyes open. I need to call Raze first; he obviously knows who the fuck she is. “I need air.” I say, spinning on my heel and heading out the front. Knowing Melissa would be following me, I spin around and halt her. “I’m fine, I just… I need to make a call, okay?”

  Her eyebrows knit together deeper before finally agreeing. “Okay. I’m right here.”

  I nod before continuing outside. Once the cool midsummer air whispers over my skin, I pull my phone out of my back pocket, ignoring the missed texts and hit “call” on Miles’ name.

  “Come on, come on,” I whisper urgently, tapping my foot on the gravel. He picks up.

  “Well, I was getting worried.” I can hear his smirk through the phone.

  “Miles, put Raze on.”

  “Are you okay?” His tone changes instantly, his breathing deepening. “Millie, answer me.”

  “I’m fine, I’m fine, fuck, calm down.”

  “What’s wrong?”

  “I need to talk to Raze and you didn’t save his number on this phone!” I know that he could have added Raze’s phone number; he did it as a cheeky “fuck you” to Raze.

  “He’s in the gym. I’m running down there now.”

  I wait patiently. “Your little sexts turned me on a little, too,” I add with a smile, attempting to lighten the mood and calm my beating nerves.

  “What?” a deep growl returns—not Miles’ voice.

  Fucking Miles, I’m going to kill him. “Nothing. We need to talk.”

  “Are you okay?” Raze asks, his breathing fast, heavy, and rapid, reminding me of his breathing while he’s riding me until my legs shake and I forget my own name.

  I close my eyes, trying to shut out the image I just painted of Raze and all his tattooed beautiful glory glistening in sweat.

  “Pet!”

  “What?” Silence. “Oh, right.” I pull my thoughts together.

  “What were you thinking about just now?” His voice drops to a low husk that slithers through the phone and makes its way down to my core, leaving a trail of warm fuzzy lust in its wake.

  “Hmm? Oh, nothing. As I was saying.” I clear my throat. “I need to talk to you.”

  “Well, here I am.”

  “No,” I answer. “I need to talk to you in person. I can’t ask this over the phone.”

  “Alright, I’ll come get you now. Wait there.”

  Then the line goes dead. I look down at my phone in confusion. “And just how the hell do you suppose you’re going to find me, Mr. Cocky?” Shoving my phone back into my pocket, I spin on my heel, ready to head back inside where the music is blaring out. When Shelby walks out, it’s almost in slow-mo. Her slow smirk crawls onto her lips as she looks right at me. She walks straight past me and back to her car before firing it up and flooring it out of there.

  Sneaky bitch. Walking back into the bar, the crew is louder and the girls are in full swing, laughing and giggling between each other—all except Meadow, of course, who’s drinking water because of the baby. She had just found out she was pregnant around the time I was taken, so that would make her something around three or four months along.

  Placing my hand on Melissa’s shoulder, I squeeze her lightly. “Hey, I’m just heading out for a bit but I’ll be home later on, okay?”

  “What?” She spins her stool to face me. “Are you sure?”

  I nod. “I’m fine. I’ll give you my number, though.” I ramble it off to her as she taps it into her phone. My phone dings in my hand.

  “There, now you have mine. I’m serious, Millie. Anything, text me and I’ll be there.”

  “We,” Jada adds with a wink. “We will be there. Except this one.” She points to Meadow. “Because she’s pregnant with the little princess.”

  “Okay—wait! You’re having a girl?” I ask Meadow.

  She smiles, nodding her head. “I am!”

  “Congratulations to you, and good luck to Beast! Poor dude.”

  Meadow laughs. “He’s terrified. I think it’s the only time I’ve ever seen something shake him to the bone. He has this entire list of weaponry that he’s going to get printed out with the title ‘My dad’s toys’ in bold lettering.” I laugh and she shakes her head. “No joke. He’s already getting the big list printed in huge letters onto her nursery wall.”

  “Holy crap,” I giggle. “That’s really cute.”

  Her laughter fades out and she smiles. “It’s very cute.”

  I look to Jada. “How’s Garret? I’ll come and see him tomorrow.”

  “He’d love that and he’s been the same. Driving me crazy and all that. He says he has a girlfriend now and he wants to bring h
er over.”

  “Oh, so pretty serious, then?”

  She nods, smiling around the rim of her glass. “Very serious.”

  A black Rolls Royce pulls up with black rims, black tints, and lowered pretty close to the ground. “Okay, this is me. I’ll be back later, okay? But don’t wait up.”

  I kiss Melissa on the head and she smiles weakly. “Okay I won’t, but promise me you’ll be careful?”

  I steal her shot of tequila, shoot it back, then wipe my mouth. “I promise.”

  MILLIE

  Walking back outside, I pull open the passenger door and slide onto the plush leather seat. Reaching for my seatbelt, I smile without looking directly at Raze. “Hi.”

  He doesn’t respond, so I bring my eyes to his. His finger traces over his upper lip while his eyes remain hooded and studying me. He has loose basketball shorts on and a white tank with a baseball cap flipped backwards. He always looks his age when he works out. Not that he looks old when he’s in one of his classy suits, but seeing him like this is different too. And damn, he looks just as hot as I remember. His piercing grey eyes laser into me with far too much intensity and his dark blond hair is still shaved close to the scalp on the sides to display his scalp tattoos. I can see the short messy strands peeking out of the hole in the cap. My eyes run over his thick tattoo-covered arms—tattoos I’ve come to recognize so well—before coming to his thick neck where more live. A deep vein cuts up over his neck and pulses under his flesh as my eyes gloss over and my head tilts.

  He clears his throat and I snap my eyes back to his to find him smirking. “You done checking me out?”

  “Just drive,” I say blankly as he puts the car in reverse and pulls out. We’re hitting the highway when I finally break the silence. “How’d you know where I was?”

  He snorts. “I always know where you are, pet. That shit will never change.” He takes the exit I know is towards the McDonald’s we go to and I shake my head. “Are you hoping nuggets will make me forget about everything you’ve done?” I ask as he pulls us into the drive-thru.

  “No,” he answers, “but it’s a start.” After ordering a big bag of nuggets, he takes us back onto the highway.

  “I feel like I needed fries, too.”

  He looks at me over his arm. “What? You want me to turn around?”

  I shake my head. “No. I think that’s the alcohol talking.”

  “Yeah,” he whispers. “I can smell the tequila from here.”

  “You judging me?” I quirk my eyebrow as he continues to drive. “What if you’re the reason I was drinking?”

  “I’ll take that.” He smirks. “That means there’s a part of you that cares, which drove you to drink.”

  “Huh.” I smile. “So you’re an optimist?”

  He lets out a throaty laugh and I can’t help the small giggle that slips from me. Why does it have to be so easy with him? With all the bullshit aside and when it’s just me and Raze, we’re almost perfect.

  He pulls down the long gravel road and I turn in my seat with a beaming smile. “Again?”

  He nods. “Again, because if you are quite over gawking at me, you actually had something you wanted to ask me?” he questions with a grin, pulling into the lookout he took me to a month ago.

  “Shit.” My smile drops slightly. “Yeah, there is.”

  Once we reach the dead-end and the bright sparkling lights of Las Vegas are lighting up the dark foggy night, I unclick my seatbelt and reach for the door handle. His hand grips onto my arm and electricity zips through his and into me.

  “Hold up!” he says, reaching towards the back as I calm down my flushing heat. “Here.” He throws me a dark suit jacket. “Wrap this around you.”

  I smile weakly at him, taking the jacket. “Thanks.” Pulling in deep breaths, all while mentally slapping down the lustful side of me, I push open the door, wrapping the suit jacket around myself tighter. My eyes close as I turn and kick the door closed. His smell is going to kill me one day. I inhale long and deep, sucking up every little scent in the wood, musky smell, so much that I can almost taste the smell on the tip of my tongue before spinning around to face Raze, who is already rounding his side of the car and walking to the hood. I follow, rounding my side and leaning against the car. Popping a chicken nugget in my mouth, I ask, “Why are you doing it?”

  “Why am I doing… what?” he asks, taking his eyes off the city and bringing them to me.

  “Why are you marrying her?” I ask, handing him the nuggets.

  He takes one out and drops it into his mouth. Shaking his head, he says, “I’m not.”

  “What, so she lied?” I scoff.

  He removes his hat and it’s the first time I can see his new hairdo, and I almost faint it looks that hot. His glistening golden skin shimmers off the city lights while his dark blond hair contrasts with it. The top is full of messy spikes, now. It looks ridiculously hot.

  “No,” he says, pulling my brain out of its pervy state. “As far as she knows, we are. But we’re not.”

  “Well,” I say, taking the bag of nuggets from him. “That’s not confusing at all.”

  “Wait.” The palm of his rough hand connects with my arm and I feel that same electrical current. “I don’t want her. I’ve never fucking wanted her, Millie.”

  “Coulda fooled me.” I pull my arm out of his intense hold and look towards the city, pretending that I’m not affected by his presence. My sister and I are much alike in some ways, but if a man makes me feel special, and I mean special like Raze did, there’s no wonder I got hurt. He had me sleep with him every night. We shared stuff between us. Maybe that’s my own fault for reading too much into his actions. Maybe I was being too naïve, or maybe I’m just dumb when it comes to him, but he still made me feel special and then ripped it away by sleeping with Cassia the morning after he made love to me.

  That hurt, and I’ll be damned if I let him walk away from that decision with just a slap on the wrist. Not that he has said outright that he wants to be with me, but I can at least make this hard for him by one: not letting him kiss me, and two: by definitely not letting him make love to me again.

  “I fucking told you, you had to trust what I was doing, Millie. The type of shit I do, which by the way you know a lot about, doesn’t have any room for error. I can’t have distractions.”

  I whip my head towards him. “Is that what I was? A distraction?” I seethe. “You fucking bought me…”

  “No, that’s not what I meant, so stop jumping to fucking conclusions and let me finish.” I raise my eyebrows, gesturing for him to continue. “What I’m saying is, there’s a plan and I still need to follow that.”

  “Can you tell me about it?” I ask.

  “I can tell you some of it, yes.”

  “Okay.” I soften, not about what he’s done, but just towards him in general. “So, Shelby…”

  He pauses. I can see in the corner of my eye how he’s watching me closely. “I know, Raze. I recognized her voice tonight when she came into the clubhouse.” I bite off some nugget and swallow. “I didn’t know what to do.” I turn to find him searching my eyes closely. “Gosh, I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I don’t owe you shit but yet here I am, always having your back. Why is it that when my loyalty pieces fall, they fall to fit a puzzle of you?”

  He exhales, a small smile coming onto his mouth before his jaw ticks under its flexing. “I don’t know, pet, ‘cause I sure as fuck don’t deserve it.”

  “Anyway.” I change my tone. “I want to know about her.”

  He watches me. “That’s probably one of the things I shouldn’t talk to you about.”

  I roll my eyes. “Raze, I have no control over my actions when it comes to you. I fear who I would throw under the bus if it comes to protecting you and it’s fucking frustrating for me because I can’t help it!”

  I drop my arms and grip onto the hood with my hands. He pushes off the car, walking directly in front of me until my beautiful sight of the city
lights is a mere spotlight behind his form. His hand grips around my chin as his thumb caresses over my bottom lip. My eyes close as I exhale a shaky breath.

  “I won’t give in, Raze. I can’t. You hurt me.” I pause, swallowing down the churn of emotions which are threatening to spill out of me. “I gave you the only part of me that could feel any emotions and you shattered it instead of taking care of it.” His caressing pauses so I slowly open my eyes and it’s then that I notice my eyes are wet, just as a single tear drops and trickles down my cheek.

  “Fuck.” He brings both of his palms to each of my cheeks and drops his face down to mine. The tip of his nose glides over mine. “Millie, baby, look at me.” I keep my eyes on his lips, studying how his top lip dips sharply in the middle and his bottom lip has a small plump to it. “Fuck,” he repeats before the lips my eyes were staring at are pressing against mine softly. He kisses me until the warm salt of my tears is leaking between our lips. I clamp my mouth shut and it takes all of my will to refuse his kiss. Pulling away from me an inch, his hands remain on my cheeks but my eyes go back to his lips. “I need you to look at me before I say what I’m going to say to you, baby, please.”

  “You slept with her.” I whisper. “After making love to me, you fucked her.”

  He shakes his head. “I didn’t. I swear to you over my own mother I didn’t.”

  Slowly, inch by inch, studying every flawless part of his face, I finally bring my eyes to lock into his. At the very second my eyes find his, my stomach flips upside-down. His eyebrows draw together, a frown pulling on his beautiful face.

  “I.” He kisses me. “Didn’t.” He kisses my lips again. “Fuck her.” He rubs the tip of his nose over mine before his lips glide over mine and he sucks my bottom one into his mouth. I suck in a breath and he inches back again, my eyes searching his. “I can’t tell you some story about how I love you or anything like that because I don’t know what love is, Millie, I really fucking don’t. I don’t even think I loved my own mother.”

  My eyebrows cross. “That’s not very nice.”

  He shrugs, unaffected. “I’m many things, Millie, but I’ll never lie to you. I may choose the way I use my words, but that’s a skill I’ve learned along the way and is almost a second language to me now. But this here…” His finger points between the two of us. “This, I can’t deny.”