Razing Grace: Razing Grace Part 1

by Amo Jones

  “Some measly shit. Just straight execution, no fucking around.”

  “So he wants you to be theatrical about it? You know, the mask and all?”

  I pause halfway up the stairs. “Shut the fuck up, Miles.”

  “Sorry!” He throws his hands up with a chuckle. “I was just curious.”

  Bullshit. He just loves any chance he can get to give me shit. Walking into the kitchen, Ella comes back inside from playing with the dogs.

  “Hey.” She smiles at me.

  I nudge my head towards the kitchen table, taking a bottled water out of the fridge. “Come. I need to talk to you about something important.” I pull the seat out and she drops down before I round the table and sit opposite her. Twisting the cap off my water, I raise the drink to my lips, keeping my eyes locked on hers. “I’ve had to make a trade. Millie for you.”

  Her face drops. “You love her?”

  “What?” I shake my head. “No. This isn’t about love, Ella. When will you get that?”

  “Everything is about love, Raze.”

  “Not in our world.”

  “Why not? The people who are the most fucked-up need the most love.”

  “Maybe, but they’re also the hardest people to love, Ella.”

  “Maybe,” she shoots back, and a sad smile falls on her mouth. “But maybe having their love in the end is more worth it.”

  “Are we talking about you or me right now?” I narrow my eyes and place the water bottle onto the kitchen table.

  “Just love, Raze. Obviously we’re not talking about me.”

  “Jesus, how’d you get so hooked on love? You’re from a place that only evil rises from but yet you’re in love with this idea of it. Love is an illusion, Ella. It’s not real.”

  “I’m sorry you feel that way.” Ella smiles again and I’m once again shocked at how much she resembles our mother. Soft dark brown hair, one dark eye and one slightly off colored green, blue eye which are surrounded by thick eyelashes. I cock my head and study her features more. She has plump little lips and a slight dip in the middle of her chin, but when she smiles, she has a dimple in her left cheek. Holy shit, she looks like Beast. I guess me and Beast have similarities in the feature department, but I’m blond and he’s dark-haired, like our mother and like Ella. They both have brown eyes, except one of Ella’s is bright blue-green. She’s had it since she was born, like she got half of me and half of Beast. Ella has always been ashamed of her eye because people stare. She thinks they’re staring because it looks weird, but the fact is that Ella is classically beautiful. The different color eye only throws people off. Ella and Beast both have dark eyelashes with a slight olive tint to their skin, too. I share that same complexion, but have fair-colored eyes and hair, thanks to Kurr.

  “Why are you staring at me like that?” she asks.

  I shake my head. “You look like Mom. And like Beast, our brother.”

  “We… have a brother?”

  “Yes. He is who you are going to stay with. I won’t let anything happen to you, Ella. I’ve taken care of you this long, haven’t I?”

  She smiles, nodding her head. “Yes, yes you have. This brother, though, I know I can’t ask questions about business, but is he…” She pauses and I stretch my legs wide.

  “Crazy? Fucked up?” I smirk. “He’s the president of a motorcycle club.”

  She swallows. “Great.”

  “Hey!” I lean forward, my hand wrapping around her chin. Searching her eyes, I whisper, “You got this.” Her eyes search mine nervously before finally settling.

  Nodding her head, she answers, “Yes. Yes, okay.” I let go of her chin and push my chair back. “Raze?” she whispers. “You deserve to be loved.”

  I swallow and smile back at her before walking out. I’m used to Ella talking about love, but that got deep fast. I care about her the way a brother cares about his sister, and I’d kill anyone that hurts her, but I don’t mistake that for love. Love is a label I have no interest in, even when it comes to family. Family. The word itself means nothing to me. Kurr is my father and I hate him with a fire that burns so large it could set alight an entire village, but Miles and I aren’t family, and I’d kill and die for him. So the word “family” means jack shit to me.

  “Miles!” I yell up the stairs as I walk past.

  Miles comes running out. “Yeah?”

  “I need you to clear out Millie’s room.”

  He pauses, coming down the stairs one at a time. I look up at his face to find it broken, almost like a kid that was told Santa isn’t real. “She’s still coming, Miles,” I assure him and his frown lifts to a smile. “I need you to move her shit into my room.”

  His grin deepens. “Shit got real, then?” He quirks an eyebrow.

  “Shit’s about to.” I go to walk away and he races down the stairs quickly.

  “Wait!”

  I stop. “Yeah?”

  “What about Ella? She gonna be safe?” he asks, watching me closely.

  I shrug. “I’m hoping so.”

  “Hoping so?” Miles chuckles. “She’s your sister, Raze.”

  “And? Family means jack shit to me. I care about her, and I hope for their sake they don’t hurt a hair on her delicate little head, but Millie is more important to me.”

  “You just said that off the bat without blinking.” His tone is blank.

  “And?”

  “And that’s a little fucked up. You love Millie, I told you.”

  I spin on my heel. “Shut the fuck up about love.”

  MILLIE

  “I’m not wearing that.” I spin my barstool back around to face the bar, bringing the rim of my glass to my lips and taking a long gulp.

  Frost laughs. “Oh, come on…” He brushes his index finger over his upper lip. “Do you know how many women wish they could wear this?” He flashes me a boyish grin, which has me smiling slightly. Not because he’s funny, because he’s not, but because Frost is the bad boy package all in one. He is decked out in tattoos, including that upside-down cross under his eye and the words “The Devil Should Run” in script going over the hairline on his forehead. But when he smiles, he has these perfect white teeth, kissable lips, and eyes that would have you getting lost in wonderland. He stands around the same height as Raze, though he’s not as big; Frost is more lean, strong, and in proportion.

  I laugh, shaking my head. “No! This was a stupid idea.”

  He chuckles before letting it die out in defeat. “Okay, okay. But for real though, if Raze hadn’t pissed all over you, I’d take you.”

  “Take me?” I smirk, turning my full attention to him and placing my glass on top of the bar. “You’d have to catch me first, and wanna know a secret?” I grin and his shoulders square, his eyes turning molten under his now hooded lids.

  “Yeah?” Cocky fucker.

  “I run so much faster now without my little nun outfit on.” Frost smiles a full beam smile just as Melissa taps my arm.

  “Oh? Now it’s a nun costume? What happened to ‘It’s a Habit, Melissa’?” She uses a manly voice when quoting me.

  I down the rest of my drink. “Habit was a stupid name. He here?”

  Melissa laughs, taking my arm. “No, but we should wait outside. This is going to be like one big pissing contest.”

  Picking up my bag from the ground, Frost pushes off the bar to follow us out. “I honestly don’t understand how we have the misfortune of knowing so many testosterone-filled, alpha, bossy, domineering men.”

  “Ahhh, my fault!” Meadow raises her hand as we make our way towards her outside. All the rest of the Devil’s men are standing against the barn in groups here and there, almost waiting for battle.

  “It’s not your fault,” I whisper, looking at all of them. “I feel like a piece of meat.”

  “Sorry, babe. They all wanted to be out here, you with Frost and all that…”

  “They all know it’s bullshit,” I whisper under my breath. “So why the fuck are they here?”


  “It doesn’t matter,” Melissa whispers back into my ear just as we see the Phantom pull up. “The title is what they’re loyal to, not whether or not you’re in love.”

  The crunching from the gravel comes louder as the car gets closer. Parking in front of me, the back door swings open and Raze gets out with a smirk on his face. I shake my head with a roll of an eye. Buttoning up his suit jacket, he looks down inside the car and reaches out his hand. Ella climbs out of the car, standing to her full height, which is impressively tall. If I had to guess, I’d say she was around five-ten or eleven. But looking at her brothers, you wouldn’t expect her to be little and short. She’s thin though; Victoria’s-Secret-model thin. Lucky bitch. Bet she can eat anything and not put on weight.

  “Lucky bitch,” Melissa mutters beside me, stealing my thoughts.

  “Right?” I agree and then think about it. She might fall on the other scale. It’s so easy for people to call skinny girls thin and think it doesn’t affect them, but truth be told, it does affect some. Sometimes it can be just as offensive to call someone skinny as it is to call someone fat. Shaking off my thoughts, I bring my eyes back to Raze to see him watching me carefully while guiding Ella towards Beast and Hella.

  “She’s really beautiful,” Meadow whispers, her hand resting on her bump. “I can see the resemblance to Beast and Raze, but more so Beast.”

  “Wait until you see her eye,” I whisper back.

  “Shhh!” Frost says from behind us with a grin. I whip my head over my shoulder and scowl.

  “You shhh. And hide that patch!”

  “What? This?” He stretches it wide and my eyes bug out. I launch forward to snatch it, only to trip on thin air and fall into his body, pushing him backward. Everything goes in slo-mo as I look up into his eyes in surprise and a sly smirk creeps onto his mouth. His arm hooks around my back and his body falls to the ground. Then we’re falling, both landing with a thud on the ground with my legs straddling his waist and the property patch in my hand.

  Frost’s hands rest on my hips, his head cocked to the side. “Jeez, Mills. I told you to wait until you got back.”

  I push off his chest and throw the patch onto the ground next to his laughing body. “Shut up!” Dusting off my pants, I look up to Raze who’s frothing at the mouth. My eyes widen at him and I slowly shake my head. Understanding sets in and his shoulders loosen.

  “Well, that was intense,” Meadow giggles under her breath.

  “That was owned…” Melissa adds playfully, shoving my arm with hers.

  “Was not.” I clear my throat and wait next to Melissa. “This feels so formal and it’s awkward.”

  “Surprise, our whole life is like this now.”

  “Yours,” I mutter under my breath.

  Melissa turns to me. “Okay, sister, first of all, your ass is owned by an underground god. You, my friend, are fucked. Second of all, fuck you.”

  “Hey!” I throw my hands up in innocence. “I didn’t say anything.”

  She turns back around and huffs. “You didn’t have to say shit.”

  Raze starts walking towards us and I drop my hands down to the side. “Come on.”

  He places his hand out for me. The tattoos on the upper palm of his hand all leading towards his clean suit. With a heavy exhale and one quick glance over his shoulder to Miles, who’s watching me with a sideway stare, I place my hand in Raze’s and nod. “Take me home.”

  ***

  After getting Miles to make a detour to McDonald’s for a nugget run, we return to the mansion. Taking my bag, I push open the car door.

  “Wait.” Raze grips my arm. “I need to talk to you about something.”

  “Okay.” I let go of the handle. Raze looks at Miles who is watching us in the rearview mirror. “What? Since when do we have boundaries?”

  “Since now. Get out,” Raze growls.

  “Don’t snap at him. What do you want to say?” I can feel Miles’ grin. “Don’t look smug, Miles,” I add while keeping my eyes on Raze.

  Miles chuckles. “I’m leaving, I’m leaving, jeez.”

  His door closes as he steps out of the car and I raise my eyebrows, taking out a nugget and biting into the deep fried goodness. “You were saying?”

  “Don’t get sassy with me, pet. I can still feel the sting on the palm of my hand from the last time you thought you were being cute.”

  I pause my chewing and smile. “I thought you thought I was always being cute?”

  His eyes narrow, but not in the way that tells me he’s angry, but in the way that tells me he thinks I’m cute. “You’re a lot more than cute.” He smirks and reaches out to my fingers, a zap of electricity zipping between the flesh. I close my eyes and attempt to calm the erratic beating of my heart from his simple touch.

  “Open your eyes, baby.”

  I smile, slowly peeling my eyes open. “The last time you said that, I thought I had just been sold to some perverted Asian.”

  He laughs, his white teeth flashing. “Wish I could say I was sorry about that, but I’m not.”

  I throw another nugget in my mouth and mumble, “I’m not surprised by anything anymore. Anyway, what is it?”

  He cocks his head. “I’ve moved all your stuff into my room…”

  I continue chewing, waiting for him to continue. He pauses and searches my eyes.

  “And?” I say, sucking the salt off my finger.

  His eyes follow the movement. “And are you going to make that difficult for me?”

  “What? Sleeping in your room? No.” I close the bag. “Is that all?”

  “No. There’s a meeting tonight. I have Hachiro Akimoto and Roman Lazovsky coming too.”

  “So you have the Yakuza and the Russian mafia attending… where?”

  “Here.” He points to the ground.

  I swallow. “Great.”

  “Hey.” Wrapping his fingers around my chin, he turns my face towards his. “This is how I’ve always done things. It’s how I’m trusted.”

  “What? By showing them where you live?”

  Raze shakes his head. “This is how I show them they can trust me, and baby, if these men wanted to kill me, it’d take them about four seconds to find out where I lived so that didn’t matter.”

  I exhale. “It’s weird.”

  Raze laughs, dropping his hand and taking mine. “Weird is probably putting this lightly. Come on. Oh!” His hand pauses on the door handle. “And I want you to be there tonight.”

  “What? Where?”

  “I want you in the basement with me and Miles tonight so I don’t have to repeat anything.”

  “Oh,” I say absently. “But I thought that I wasn’t allowed to know business unless I was your wife?”

  Raze shrugs. “Guess I don’t really give a fuck when it comes to you, and since I make the rules, I can break them. Come on.”

  MILLIE

  I run my hands down the tight fabric of my dress while tilting my head and scanning my body in the mirror. “Maybe this is too much?”

  Miles looks down at his watch and then looks up at me, impatiently. “No, it’s perfect. Your ass looks peachy and your hip bones are sharp. Now let’s move.”

  “Wait!” I say, gripping onto his arm. “Miles, you said you don’t like ultra-skinny girls.”

  “What?” He drops his hands in defeat.

  “You said you like girls with healthy meat.”

  He steps up to me, bringing his warm palms to my cheeks. His hair is tied into a bun at the back of his head and his eyes are sharp but with added softness. “Baby girl, I told you I don’t have a preference, but I love you anyway I can get you.”

  “You love me?” I say, tilting my head.

  “I don’t say that to anyone, so maybe you should record it.”

  I giggle. “Maybe I should?”

  He smiles, his thumb caressing over my bottom lip. “God, trust me when I say that if Raze didn’t fucking drop his load all over you, you’d be mine.”

 
“Miles?” I say softly, bringing my hands up to his. “Honey you already have a girlfriend and a boyfriend. Where am I supposed to fit?”

  He throws his head back and lets out a laugh. “Nicely played, puddin’. But I’d push the two in front of a moving train to have you in my arms forever.”

  “You don’t mean that,” I whisper, my eyes searching every inch of his lips, lips I know are soft.

  “I do,” he whispers harshly. “Fuck, I’ve never meant anything so much in my entire life.”

  I frown. “Miles?”

  “Yeah, puddin’?”

  “Are you in love with me?”

  His finger pauses and the edge of his index finger dips under my chin, nudging my face up. His eyes search mine intensely. “Yeah. Yeah, puddin’, I think I am.”

  A loud bang on the door down the stairs of Raze’s room pulls us both out of our daze.

  “Hold the fuck up!” Miles yells over his shoulder, his eyes remaining on mine. “But here’s the thing,” he continues, his other arm wrapping around my waist and pulling my body into his. His fingers come up and play with my hair. “I know Raze doesn’t admit it, puddin’, but my fucking God, he loves you.” My heart lurches into my throat and every fleck of my flesh begins to throb with uncertainty. I try to pull my head out of his grasp. “No,” he says, his hand coming up to my chin to tilt my head back towards him. “Don’t go shy on me. You need to hear me out.”

  I swallow down past the boulder of nerves, emotions and everything else that is building in my throat.

  “He loves you, Millie. He loves you more than I have ever seen anyone love one person. The thing with Raze is that he doesn’t know what love is. He’s not familiar with the feeling, so he doesn’t know he’s feeling it.”

  “Why are you telling me this?” I whisper, tears threatening to spill out of the sides of my eyes.

  “Because, baby girl, if there’s any one man who deserves the kind of love that I have no doubt you can give, it’s him.” He pauses, his knuckles gliding down my cheeks. I lean into his touch. “But that’s also why I’m letting you go.”

  My eyes open slightly as a tear trickles down my cheek. I don’t want Miles to hurt, but I don’t want him to let me go either. Do I feel the same way he feels? Not really, but I do love him. Could I try to work things out with him so I didn’t have to see his heart break in front of me again? Absolutely.