by Linda Ford
“The poor woman and children are trapped,” she whispered.
“I know.” He could barely speak for the tightness in his throat. “I wonder if he showed any sign of his cruelty before they married.”
“Sometimes a woman is trapped into marriage for any number of reasons.”
Johnny tried to think of any that he would consider acceptable. “Like being in the family way?” Bitterness edged his words as he thought of Trudy’s deceit.
Willow’s eyes widened, and her mouth gaped. She closed it and swallowed loudly. “What if those boys aren’t his? Maybe she only married him because she needed a home for them.” Willow shuddered.
“Doesn’t excuse his behavior. My pa would never speak to us like that or strike us in anger even if he wasn’t our father.”
She relaxed marginally at the mention of Big Sam. “It’s a good thing you can trust him not to be cruel. A man his size could inflict a lot of pain.”
“It was his gentleness that won my ma’s love. Maisie’s, too, I expect.”
“Tell me about your ma. Seena is such a beautiful name.”
He had nothing but pleasant memories of his mother and gladly told Willow about her. “She was injured in the Battle of the Little Bighorn and running for her life. She hid in the daytime and traveled at night, following a river. She knew if the soldiers found her she would be killed. She drank from the stream and ate roots and berries. But her wound wouldn’t heal with her always on the run. My pa found her. She tried to hide from him, afraid of all white men. He assured her he meant her no harm and gently tended her. Of course, she fell in love with him. They married and he started the Sundown Ranch so they would have a place to live in peace.”
“That’s a sweet story.” Willow sighed. “Too bad things don’t work out so nicely for everyone.”
Something he’d said beckoned in the back of Johnny’s mind. “Ma couldn’t heal so long as she kept running. Maybe that’s what Thad is learning. His kind of hurt won’t relent unless he stops running.” Dare Johnny say Willow couldn’t run from her pain, either, if she wanted it to heal?
She gave him a long, considering look. He let her take her time, wondering if she would make the connection to her own situation. “Johnny Harding, I do believe you’ve spoken a sermon to yourself.”
His expression must have revealed his confusion.
She patted his hand gently. “Your kind of pain won’t lessen if you run from it.”
“Me? I’m not running from anything. How can you say such a thing?”
“Hmm. Let me see.” She tapped a finger to her chin as if needing to give the topic a great deal of thought. Then her eyes snapped and she trapped him in her direct gaze. “Could it be because you were hurt by a woman, this Trudy person, and now you run from any future possibilities?”
“I’m not running. I’m...I’m... Well, I’m trying to help my friend Thad, and I’m helping you. That’s not running.”
She quirked her eyebrows.
“It’s not.” At her continued disbelief, he relented. “Okay, I’m a little leery, but if the right woman came along, one with no secrets, one I could trust completely, I might change my mind.” He snorted. “Is there such a woman?”
“There’s Maisie. And your ma. You can probably think of others.”
“You’re right.” Willow had not mentioned herself. Did she mean to warn him she did not fit into that category? Was what she’d told him nothing but falsehoods? In any case, she said little about her husband. He knew the woman had secrets. Reason enough to be guarded around her.
* * *
Willow tried not to let Johnny’s words poke holes in her thoughts. She could never be the sort of woman who had no secrets. For Adam’s sake she must carry on the pretense that Bertie was his father. But that didn’t mean she was stuck in the past. She was trying to overcome it. She wasn’t in need of healing. She needed security and she’d learned she’d find it only if she depended on her own resources.
Not that it hurt to accept Johnny’s help in locating her sisters. The sooner they were found, the better. After that, she would be on her own, with her sisters and Adam to care for.
She studied Johnny out of the corner of her eye. He was a kind man with high ideals. Which meant he had high expectations of others.
Adam played with Johnny’s fingers as the man smiled down on her little son.
Too bad he was trapped in the memory of his fiancée’s deceit. He obviously liked children and deserved love, a wife and children of his own. Though perhaps he spent time with his brother’s children and that was enough. But it seemed a shame not to have those things for himself.
Adam squirmed about, trying to get off the seat, and she lifted him down to stand at her feet. He clasped the front board and bounced up and down, glad to have his legs under him. Her heart swelled. No one could ever love a child as deeply as one of their own. It was a warning she needed to keep firmly fixed in her mind.
“We’ll be arriving at a stopping place soon,” Johnny said. “It’s mostly used by the stagecoach, but others stay there, as well. It’s where we’ll spend the night.”
She lifted her head and looked down the trail. She could see no buildings as yet. “I need to find my sisters.” She shivered as a whirl of worries raced through her. “I can’t imagine what’s become of them. Maybe someone made inappropriate advances to them. They might be in danger.” Her concern mounted with every word and her voice grew pleading. “It’s early yet. Can’t we push on?”
“We can’t reach our destination before dark, and this mare needs a break. All in all, it makes sense to stay where you can sleep in a bed.”
“I don’t need a bed,” she protested hotly. “I don’t deserve one when my sisters are missing.”
“It would not do your reputation any good to spend the night alone with me at a campsite.” He spoke firmly, as if to remind her of proper conduct.
Her cheeks burned. “I wasn’t thinking we’d do that. Isn’t there another town or stopping station farther along?”
“This is our best choice.”
She wanted to argue, urge him to continue, but she knew it was useless. He wouldn’t bend when it came to principles. Not that she wanted him to. She just wanted to find her sisters. “I shouldn’t have sent them tickets. I should have gone and got them myself. Why didn’t I?”
“I’m sure you did what you thought best.”
“Celia is fourteen and a big girl. She’s always been resourceful. I thought they’d be safe traveling together. It gave me time to sort out my own affairs and put them in order before I met them. But it was a mistake.” Willow’s words ended in a wail. “Am I doomed to always make choices that I regret?”
He patted her arm. “Perhaps you didn’t make a mistake.”
Her runaway thoughts stilled as she waited for him to explain. If only he could offer reassurance that she hadn’t acted foolishly.
“Maisie is always saying that God uses the unexpected to do something good and wonderful in our lives. Maybe this is one of those times.”
“I can’t see how that’s possible. My sisters are missing and could be in all sorts of trouble. What good could come of that?”
“’Fraid I can’t say, but God sees and knows.”
Again he spoke as if he trusted God to take care of them. “How can you be so sure? Was He doing something good and wonderful when Trudy did what she did?”
Willow regretted the words the moment she said them. He’d told her his greatest sorrow and here she was, throwing it back in his face. “I’m sorry. I have no right to talk like that.”
“You have every right.” He spoke calmly, as if unaffected by her accusation. “I confess I have struggled with those very thoughts. I suppose one good thing about it all is I learned the truth about her before I married her.”
“But you got hurt in the process. What’s good about that?”
“I don’t know.” He’d been staring down the road and slowly brought his gaze to hers.
She blinked at the force of his look.
“But I pray I will someday find out.”
His faith shook her. “If you do, will it make you able to trust again?” Where had those words come from? She answered her own question. From a place of longing and emptiness deep inside. Was it possible to let go of the past and see a bright future? Or was she simply looking for something that came with a price she wasn’t willing to pay?
She reached for one of Adam’s hands and held on. One price she would never, ever pay? Anything that would jeopardize her son’s happiness.
“I’ll pray the same for you.”
“For me?” She didn’t need or want him to pray for her. Or did she? “My parents said they prayed for each of us daily even before we were born. That ended two years ago.”
“Their prayers will not go unanswered.”
She couldn’t decide if his assurance annoyed her or encouraged her. Though thinking of her parents’ prayers made her realize they would be disappointed in how she’d pushed God out of her life. She said as much to Johnny.
“Do you think that’s possible?” he asked her.
“I don’t understand.”
“Do you really think you can push God anywhere?” He pointed to the mountains. “Don’t suppose you could shift those a fraction of an inch. God is the Maker of heaven and earth. Seems it would take more than one measly man or woman to make God do anything.”
The picture Johnny’s words produced so surprised her, she laughed.
He grinned at her. “Seems pretty silly to think you might have pushed God out of your life, doesn’t it?”
She nodded.
He turned his attention back to the road and pointed. “There’s where we’ll spend the night.”
She made out a few buildings ahead. “Doesn’t look like much.”
“It will have to do.”
Willow settled back, content to believe the place was suitable. Something about Johnny’s acceptance of things he couldn’t change eased a whole load of worry from her shoulders. She couldn’t make the horse go any faster, couldn’t put her sisters back on the train, couldn’t undo her sinful actions with Adam’s father, couldn’t stop her parents’ accident. But she could rest at this way station and let God take care of her sisters. For now, she’d ignore her doubts as to whether or not He cared about her.
They turned off the road and stopped in front of the wide veranda of an unpainted, weathered building.
The door opened. “How do. You’re welcome as sunshine. Put your horses in the barn. Ma’am, come right in.”
Willow blinked and tried not to stare at the speaker, whom she’d taken for a man at first sight. But as soon as she spoke, Willow realized it was a woman dressed like a man, her hair stuffed under a hat.
Johnny helped Willow from the wagon and handed Adam to her, then drove toward the barn. His departure left Willow feeling alone and vulnerable. She shook it off. She would not allow herself to be dependent on anyone.
“How do,” the woman said again. “Name’s Esther. Esther Owen.”
Willow gave her name and Adam’s.
“That there is my pa.” Esther jabbed her finger toward the tree line.
At first, Willow did not see anyone, then she made out a man hunched down on the butt end of a log, staring into the nearby trees. She wanted to ask why he was there, but it would be rude.
“He sits there every day, all day, since my ma died. Says he’s regretful because he didn’t realize how sick she was. I say he’s trapped unnecessarily. I tell him he’s no different than the rest of the world. Everyone has regrets and failures. Trick is to use them as building blocks, not stumbling blocks.” Esther crossed her arms and stared at the immobile man. “He doesn’t listen to me.”
“How long is it since your mother passed?”
“Nigh on six months.”
Adam squirmed to get down and Willow released him on the boardfloors of the veranda. He grabbed the nearby bench and walked around it, chortling with pleasure.
Esther watched his every move. “I sure would like to have a man of my own and some children, but I’m stuck here. Can’t leave my pa until he snaps out of this mood.”
Johnny returned and introduced himself.
Esther greeted him with a quick handshake, then continued talking about her pa. “I pray every day that something will happen to bring him back to the land of the living.” She looked skyward. “Please, God, what good is a wasted life?”
Willow couldn’t tell if she meant hers or her father’s. Both, likely.
Esther brought her attention back to Adam and then Willow. “Is there anything you need at the moment?”
“No. I’m fine, thanks.”
“Then I’ll get on with my chores.” She hurried off the veranda and headed for the corrals, pausing to call over her shoulder, “Make yourselves at home.”
Willow stared after her, then looked at Johnny. He appeared as startled by the woman’s sudden departure as she.
“Let’s take Adam for a walk.” Johnny took the boy by one hand.
Seeing his intent, Willow took her son’s other hand and together they set out on the little trail that led between the barn and the trees.
She knew the minute the man on the stump saw them by the way his chin lifted off his chest. Apart from that he didn’t move, though his eyes followed them. She stepped ahead enough to shield Adam from the man’s insistent stare, and glanced at Johnny to see if he’d noticed.
“I expect he’s harmless,” Johnny said, but he, too, edged closer to Adam.
They passed the man, then followed the path that circled toward the barn.
Willow glanced over her shoulder. “He’s following us.” She increased her pace.
Johnny scooped Adam into his arms and they hurried in the direction of the house.
Esther stood in front of the barn, her gaze going past them to the man in their wake. “Pa? Glory be, my prayers are answered. Pa got off his stump without being bullied to do so.” She lifted her face toward heaven. “Praises be. You’ve answered my prayers.”
Realizing what this meant, Willow and Johnny turned to watch the man’s progress.
He stopped before them. “How do. Name’s Sid Owen. Pleased to meet you.” He shook hands with Johnny and nodded toward Willow. “Nice-looking boy you have there.” He turned to Esther. “Ain’t it about time you got yourself a good man and gave me some grandchildren?” And with that, he went inside.
Esther pulled her hat off, letting a mass of black curls fall down her back, and slapped her knee with the hat as she laughed. “Just like that he joins the land of the living again. Who’d have thought it would be so easy?”
“Maybe you could pray for my sisters. It would be nice if finding them was as easy as that.” Willow could not believe those words had come from her mouth, but if Esther’s pa could come round because of his daughter’s prayers, Willow was more than willing to let her pray for the safety of her sisters.
Esther demanded an explanation and when she’d heard the tale, she looked upward. “You hear this gal’s need. Might it be You could protect those little sisters and help her find them real quick. Okay?”
Could it really be that easy? Esther seemed to think so.
Willow raised her questioning gaze to Johnny. At the way he grinned at her, his dark eyes flashing, her thoughts stalled. What kind of world had she entered? One where a woman talked to God as if He was but a few feet away. One with a man who snapped in and out of reason. And another man who, despite his painful past, remained unflappable and steady. A man of principles. At least on the surface,
she warned herself.
“Come on in and join us for supper.” Esther waved toward the door. Seeing Willow about to refuse, she added, “I owe ya for bringing Pa back.”
“How can we say no?” With Adam still in one arm, Johnny guided Willow forward, his free hand on her elbow. To her amazement, she let him do so, and quite enjoyed the feel of his fingers. She had not thought a man’s touch gentle since... Well, she might have thought Peter was gentle, but he wasn’t principled. If her father had been alive, Peter would have been forced to marry her. Sort of like Bertie was forced to, and look how that had turned out. Perhaps, like Johnny, she should count herself fortunate to have escaped two men who didn’t want her. Would any man ever want her?
It wouldn’t matter if one did, she firmly reminded herself. She would never remarry.
She stepped into the house and breathed deeply, enjoying the succulent aroma of stew. What a day this had been, from leaving the Sundown Ranch early in the morning to this little way station.
Her insides quivered as a dozen uncertain thoughts raced through her mind. How had she gone from knowing exactly what she wanted and how to get it, to wondering about something entirely different? What was she doing, almost trusting Johnny, when she’d vowed to never again trust a man?
She rubbed her lips together and tried to untangle her thoughts. Was she running from something or running to something?
Chapter Six
Johnny watched Mr. Owen. He seemed perfectly normal now, but any man who sat on a stump for six months could not be considered normal. At the first sign of odd behavior, Johnny would drag Willow and Adam from the house and drive away. Even if they had to drive all night. Better a ruined reputation than facing the actions of a crazed man.
Mr. Owen grabbed a pot of coffee and filled mugs for the adults.
Johnny held his breath until the pot stood again on the stovetop and the man sat down.
“I’ll ask the blessing.” Mr. Owen prayed like a man of sound mind.