by Linda Ford
Willow sat across the table from Johnny, Adam pressed to her side. Johnny would feel a lot better if the pair sat beside him with the door at their back, should they need to escape quickly.
Esther passed around stew and fresh bread.
“Gal,” Mr. Owen said, “you’re as good a cook as your mother was. God rest her soul.”
“Thank you, Pa. That’s the best praise you could offer me.”
“Business been okay?” he asked his daughter.
“Fair to middlin’. It’ll pick up now that you’re back.”
As the Owens talked, Johnny glanced at Willow and found her gaze on him. She smiled as if to inform him she wasn’t worried. For the first time since they’d arrived, he began to relax.
“Esther, do you have the room made up for our guests?”
“Yes, Pa. Willow and Johnny can sleep in the big bed and little Adam can sleep in the trundle bed.”
If Johnny hadn’t been watching Willow at that moment, he would have missed the shock and horror that widened her eyes. Shock, he understood and shared. But horror? Did being linked with him deserve such a reaction?
She turned to Esther. “I’m sorry if we gave you to misunderstand, but we aren’t married.” She rushed on. “Mr. Harding is helping me find my sisters, then we will go our separate directions.” She shook her head as her expression hardened. “Neither of us is interested in marriage.”
Esther covered her mouth with her hand and stared from Johnny to Willow. “I’m so sorry for my mistake. It’s just—” She shook her head. “Seeing how you are together, how you are with Adam...well, I just assumed—”
Johnny jumped in before she could say anything more. “I plan to sleep under the wagon. That way I can guard it in case some scoundrel sneaks up and tries to steal from it.”
The only sound for several minutes came from Adam, who babbled cheerfully, completely unaware of the awkwardness of the adults.
“You aren’t married?” Mr. Owen asked, looking from Willow to Johnny.
“No, sir.” Was that fact only now getting through to this odd man?
“You’re clean enough and seem intelligent enough. You’re not bad looking for a man, I guess.”
Johnny grinned. It seemed like praise, but he wasn’t certain. “Thanks.”
“So my question is, is there something wrong with you?” Mr. Owen’s gaze took in every inch of what he could see of him above the table, bringing heat to Johnny’s cheeks.
“Got other things on my mind.”
“There’s always time for love and family.”
Johnny kept his attention solely on Mr. Owen. He would not glance at Willow to check her reaction, fearing another look of horror. Nope, he did not need to see that. Once was quite enough. “Might be I’m not interested in love.” He couldn’t say or family because seeing little Adam had stirred a deep longing for children.
Mr. Owen nodded. “Ah. Now I understand. Some gal’s hurt you.”
Johnny left the unasked question unanswered.
“Ain’t fair to paint all women with the same brush.”
Johnny made a noise that might be taken as agreement or not.
“My Minnie, God rest her soul, had her faults, but then so do I. We forgave each other. That’s what love does.”
It took steely determination not to argue, not to glance at Willow to gauge her reaction to this discussion.
“You take a good look at my daughter here. She’s beautiful, useful and pleasant. You could do worse.”
Johnny’s heart sank to his toes. The man expected him to court Esther? Yes, she was all of the above, but he wasn’t interested. “Sir, I have other plans.”
Esther pushed herself to her feet. “Pa, don’t make me regret you left that stump out there.”
Mr. Owen waved his hand in a quieting motion. “Settle down. You can’t fault me for trying. If she’s not to your liking, fine. We’ll find someone else.” He likely expected Esther would find his suggestion comforting, but with daggered looks at her father she resumed her seat.
Finally Johnny allowed himself to look at Willow, bracing himself for her horror. Instead, her eyes brimmed with amusement and she covered her mouth to muffle laughter.
Esther looked her way, too, saw the humor of the situation and chuckled. “Methinks you’ll never forget meeting the Owens.”
Johnny grinned. What he’d never forget was the way Willow’s gaze reached into his chest and grabbed his heart, filling it with shared pleasure such as he’d never known. For several seconds that thought cheered and warmed him. Then he jerked his gaze past her to the wall behind. What was there about her that made him momentarily forget he meant to never again look at a woman with longing?
The meal over, he pushed himself to his feet. “I’ll get settled for the night.” Only, fleeing was not as easy as he hoped.
Before he got two steps from the table, Adam scrambled from his mother’s grasp and scooted toward him on his bottom in a funny little crab-like motion. “Man,” he said, reaching Johnny and grabbing his pant leg to pull himself upright. “Man.”
Johnny could not ignore the insistent demand and picked up the baby.
Adam gurgled with pleasure and bounced in his arms.
Despite his annoyance seconds earlier, Johnny chuckled, finding it impossible to feel anything but joy in this little boy’s company.
Willow stood before them, rubbing at the hollow of her throat, regret and caution brimming in her eyes.
He shifted Adam to one side and lifted a hand toward her, thinking to still those worried fingers, to soothe away the uncertainty in her gaze. Except he couldn’t be sure if she was reacting to his sudden departure from the table, if she was dealing with her own fears and regrets, or if she wished her son wasn’t so friendly with him. He didn’t know and placed his hand on one of Adam’s legs instead of his initial intent. His chest muscles clenched with an emotion that felt surprisingly like regret.
“I’ll take him.” She reached for Adam. “It’s time to prepare him for bed.”
Adam clung to him, but Johnny shifted the baby into Willow’s arms. “I’ll bring in his bag.” He hurried from the house and raced across the yard as if he could flee the swirling longings and wishes that warred with his caution and his vow to never again care for a woman.
Plain and simple, he cared for Willow only to the extent that she and Adam needed help and he was able to provide it. And to a large extent because he and Adam seemed to have an unexpected fondness for each other.
But it was only temporary, Johnny told himself. He’d best guard his heart and thoughts more closely in the day or two they would be together.
He retrieved two valises, dropped them on the floor in the house and backed away before anyone could say anything. He carefully avoided looking at Willow, but Adam’s pleading call tugged at his heart and nearly weakened his resolve. Forcing himself not to look back, Johnny sped to the barn and stepped inside, where he leaned against the door frame to catch his breath.
He recalled how Esther had prayed for them to find Willow’s sisters, and now added his own petition. “Father God, I beseech You, help us find them tomorrow. Help me get them back to Granite Creek safe and sound.” He said them but he really meant him. He wanted to get back safe and sound.
He grabbed his slicker from his saddlebag. He had no other bedding, having planned to spend his nights at the cabin. But he’d been in less favorable conditions before. He curled up under the wagon, pulling the slicker around his body. Being a little uncomfortable served as a timely reminder of what life could be like sometimes. Hard and unsettling.
Yet as he drifted toward sleep it was not memories of Trudy walking out of his life that filled his thoughts, but rather memories of a gurgling, downy-headed little boy and his protective, determined mother with expre
ssive brown eyes, flyaway brown hair and an easy smile.
He woke as dawn stole across the sky, and lay quietly listening. Had a sound wakened him? Did he hear Adam crying? Johnny crawled out from under the wagon, stowed his slicker and went to the pump to splash water over his face, then trotted to the house. He swung the door open to discover the household up. Willow paced the floor with a crying baby.
As soon as Adam saw Johnny, he reached for him.
Willow looked only too relieved to shift her son into Johnny’s arms.
“Is he sick again?”
“No fever and he doesn’t grab at his ears. I think he’s just fussy because of all the changes. I can’t wait to get him settled in our new home.” Willow scrubbed at the back of her neck.
“I know you’re anxious to be on your way, so sit down and eat.” Esther waved at the already-set table.
Adam nestled into the hollow of Johnny’s shoulder and stayed there as he sat. As soon as he started to eat, the baby opened his mouth. Johnny’s breath stalled halfway up his throat.
“He wants you to feed him,” Willow said, her voice guarded.
“I’ve never fed a baby. What if I choke him?”
Her expression softened. “Oatmeal is easy for him to swallow.” Willow handed over a small bowl of cooked oats with milk stirred in.
So under her watchful eyes, Johnny fed a baby for the first time in his life and discovered it took a little skill not to get food all over Adam, himself and the table. The boy smacked his lips after every mouthful, making Johnny chuckle.
“He sure does enjoy his food.”
Willow nodded. “He’s always been a good eater.”
When the bowl was empty, Johnny looked at the mess on the table and on Adam’s face. “Did he get anything in his stomach?” He didn’t realize how serious he sounded until Willow laughed.
“He’s done all right. So did you.”
Feeling particularly pleased with himself, Johnny grinned at Adam. “You hear that, boy? We did all right. All right? Huh. I think we did a mighty fine job, considering it was my first attempt to feed a little guy like you.”
Adam laughed and waved his hands, flinging bits of oatmeal on Johnny’s shirtfront.
“Goodness, you’re a mess. Let me clean you up.” Willow brought a wet cloth over and washed Adam’s hands and face, then started wiping the spots of oatmeal from Johnny’s shirt. Suddenly, her hands stilled and her gaze caught his. The look went on and on, and it seemed as if time waited, as if Mr. Owen and Esther no longer existed. Adam was but a warm weight on Johnny’s knee. His heart glowed as if his chest had opened to allow summer sunshine in.
Willow drew in a little gasp, lifted a protesting Adam from Johnny’s lap and hurried into the bedroom where she’d spent the night.
Johnny pressed his palms on his knees and waited for his world to return to normal. He was still waiting when Mr. Owen spoke.
“It was nice having you visit.”
* * *
What had she done?
It had been pure instinct to wipe the spatters of oatmeal from Johnny’s shirt. But when she’d felt his indrawn breath, her fingers had curled, just as her heart had begun to unfurl. She did not need a man’s company, she told herself staunchly. Look where thinking she needed a man had taken her. She was a widow with a child and a secret she must protect.
Adam toddled over to the bed, where she sat and pressed his face to her knee. “Mamamama,” he babbled.
She lifted him and cradled him to her chest. “Yes, I’m your mama and I promise you I will never do anything to hurt you.” Especially give anyone opportunity to call you illegitimate. And that was likely the kindest term he would be called if people knew the truth. Never mind that Jesus Himself had been conceived out of wedlock. Not that she, in any way, thought there was any similarity apart from the shame Mary must have faced.
Willow would not ever put Adam’s happiness and future at risk.
Her resolve firmly in place, she changed Adam’s diaper, gathered up her things and returned to the kitchen, where she offered to help clean up after the meal.
Esther waved Willow away. “No need. I know you’re anxious to find your sisters.”
“Thank you for everything.” Only then did she allow herself to look at Johnny, to see if he was ready to leave.
At the watchfulness in his dark eyes, Willow found her thoughts slipping sideways. Had he been aware of her unguarded reaction to him? Had he caught the fire in her cheeks? If so, the journey would be uncomfortable. Determined that wouldn’t be the case, she smiled woodenly. “I’m ready if you are.”
“I am.” He took the valises she held. “I’ll carry these to the wagon and drive it over here.”
It crossed her mind to argue, but then she nodded. A few minutes away from him would allow her to settle her thoughts. “Very well. Thank you.”
He held her look a second longer, then turned and left the house. Mr. Owen followed.
She slowly released her pent-up breath.
Esther planted on hand on Willow’s shoulder. “Father in heaven, go with these people and guide them to Willow’s sisters. ’Twould be nice if these two fine people also found some happiness. I know You know how to give them that. I just want You to open their eyes to it when You send it. Listen, I hear the wagon.”
It took a moment for Willow to realize she had stopped talking to God and now spoke to her.
Esther leaned over and kissed Adam on the cheek. “Such a lovely little boy.” She raised her eyes toward the ceiling. “Maybe You could arrange for me to find a man and have a passel of little ones.”
“Me?” No, Esther had switched back to talking to God. Reeling with confusion. Willow shook her head. At least with Johnny she just had to contend with mixed-up thoughts and not struggle to understand who was being addressed. She took her leave of her kind hostess and went outside, where Johnny waited by the wagon. He reached for Adam.
Willow’s arms instinctively tightened around her son. Though she had no fear Johnny would hurt him, she clung to Adam like a shield.
Her reaction was silly. She relaxed her hold on the baby and allowed Johnny to lift him.
In the process, Johnny’s hands brushed her arms and his elbow touched hers. Her heart hammered inside her chest, making it impossible to draw in air. The warmth of his nearness swept over her, as did the smell of leather and hay. The air shimmered around her, making it impossible to focus on the scene.
Johnny perched Adam on his hip and held out his free hand to assist Willow into the wagon.
She pressed her fingers to his and the crazy sensations intensified until she couldn’t find the strength to step up.
“Willow? Are you okay?” His concerned voice did nothing to ease her disorientation. “You look flushed. I hope you aren’t getting whatever Adam had.”
She sucked in air like a woman rescued from near drowning and drew it deep into her lungs, forcing aside every confusing thought. “I’m fine.” She lifted her skirts out of the way and stepped into the wagon.
Only when he withdrew his hand did her head stop spinning.
He handed Adam up to her and, grateful for his solid little body, she hugged him to her chest.
The wagon tilted as Johnny climbed aboard and settled at her side. As she felt his warmth, inhaled his scent again, she nearly forgot how to breathe.
Then the wagon moved forward. The Owens waved and wished them well, and they were off.
“Now let’s go find those sisters of yours,” Johnny said, as he flicked the reins and turned down the road.
Find her sisters. Her thoughts settled as if nailed in place. That was all that mattered. That and protecting the secret that, if revealed, would rob Adam of respectability.
She forced her attention to the passing scenery. The summer
grass was a dull, dusty green, like an old woman washed-out and waiting for something to come along and brighten her day. Willow wasn’t an old woman, but many days she had wished for something to wipe away the dirt and grime of her life.
But that would never happen.
“I can’t decide if the Owens are strange or if they make more sense than the rest of the world.” Johnny’s words broke into her wandering thoughts. “What do you make of a man who spends six months sitting on a stump, then snaps out of it and sets about to find his daughter a husband?” He shook his head. “Strange and yet...”
Willow contemplated the Owens for a few seconds before she answered. “I guess I had similar thoughts. Sometimes I couldn’t tell if Esther was talking to me or praying. I’ve never heard anyone pray like that. As if she saw God standing beside her.”
He chuckled. “I know. A couple of times I even glanced behind me to see if she actually saw someone. But didn’t it make you feel like God was right there?”
“I admit it did. I envy her.” Willow hadn’t meant to confess that.
Johnny turned to study her and she tried to mask her expression, not wanting him to see how much she longed for the security and assurance she’d had as a child.
“If God keeps my sisters safe and helps us find them right off, I guess I’ll be certain He heard Esther’s prayer.”
“Can’t you be certain God hears even if He doesn’t answer according to your plan?” Johnny’s dark eyes bored into her soul.
She jerked her gaze away. “How can you believe that? It’s not like God has made your life easy.”
He chuckled softly. “I remember something my ma taught us. I was about five years old, I suppose. She had a horrible scar on her side where she’d been shot by a soldier. I said I hated the man for hurting her, and when I grew up I was going to hunt down soldiers and kill them.”
Willow’s gaze returned to him. “I would likely feel the same way if someone hurt Adam like that.” She struggled to not squeeze the baby so hard he protested. “I’ll do anything to keep him safe.”
“Of course you will.” Johnny cupped his hand over her little boy’s head and his expression softened.