“The boys should be here soon,” Kat notes from her comfy seat as I chill on the couch, watching Vikings on Prime. The plot itself is more fascinating than I expected. The blood and gore doesn’t hurt, either. Lagertha’s the ultimate badass, my hero. Ghost mentioned the show a few nights back, and I started watching it yesterday.
“Does that mean we should start dinner now?” I ask, eyes fixed on the screen.
The loud rumble of Harleys riding up the driveway is answer enough. I move to get up, but Kat waves me back down. “It’s not even close to dinner time. They can wait. It won’t take long to make. Finish your show.”
The sound of the back door opening and closing, followed by heavy footsteps, sets my teeth on edge. Will Kade be his normal self? Will he return for another night of conversation? It’s pathetic that I even care. I couldn’t tell you the last time I’ve given a shit about anything enough to feel this out of sorts. My logical side knows this isn’t a good sign. Feelings of any nature lead to pain. It always has.
Pretending not to notice their presence, I watch Floki do his thing as the space on the couch beside me dips with added weight. I don’t have to look to know who’s there. His gaze scores my flesh as it rakes up and down my relaxed form. I cross my arms over my small chest, ignoring the unwanted attention.
“I see you picked a good episode,” Ghost remarks from the other room.
“Ragnar or Rollo?” Is Bear’s contribution.
“Rollo,” I say at the same time Ghost blurts, “Ragnar.”
Bear chuckles a big barrel laugh that matches his big barrel body, complete with long, gray beard. “You think he’s hot,” he torments his man, not me. I wouldn’t respond even if addressed. Although, Ghost does have a point, Ragnar is attractive. It’s the eyes. Ironically, they’re similar to Kade’s. Though Rollo hasn’t been beaten with an ugly stick—objectively speaking.
“He’s impulsive,” Kade remarks, referring to Rollo, Ragnar’s brother.
When I pretend not to hear him, he adds, “I’m surprised you like him best. He might be a fierce warrior, but he’s childish.”
“He’s the underdog,” I explain. Ragnar has big aspirations and will trample anyone in his way. Whereas his brother seems to want respect and nothing more. I haven’t watched enough episodes to get a real feel yet. Not that I should entertain myself this way. I can’t remember the last time I’ve watched anything. There was always too much to do. Guarding Katrina has given me time to waste. Too much of it.
“Ah. So that’s why.”
I shrug, dismissing him as two excited girls come tromping out of their room to see their grandpas and uncle. On impulse, I scoot away from Kade to make room for his favorite niece to sit. His hand clamping down on my knee stops me in my tracks. It freezes me altogether. My breath seizes in my lungs, fists balling. Every muscle engages.
He’s. Touching. Me.
Goosebumps sprout, standing the hairs on the back of my neck on end.
“Don’t,” he commands in that deep sensual bass.
I dunno why, but I listen.
Satisfied, Kade removes his palm, knowing how uncomfortable it is for me to be touched.
“Sorry,” he whispers lowly. “I would like to sit by you. Is that alright?”
I nod once, refusing to look anywhere but the screen.
His handprint has branded my thigh. I can still feel the radiant warmth somehow growing hotter in its wake. He’s a goddamn wizard.
Scarlett, Katrina’s youngest daughter who’s either eight or nine, climbs onto Kade’s lap like he’s Santa Claus.
“How was school today?” he asks her.
Sprinkling on her own special brand of dramatics, Scarlett drops her head on his shoulder like a diva. “Bor-ing.”
Kade chuckles. “You didn’t learn anything new?”
“I did. But it was still boring.”
I try hard not to laugh. Kids and their lack of appreciation for school never ceases to amaze me. It’s not their fault. They’re kids. All they want is to explore and have fun. It’s a precious time in life. If only their innocent minds knew that these would be some of the best years of their lives, they might learn to embrace them more. Then again, you know what they say about hindsight.
“What did you do today?” Scarlett then asks her uncle.
“What do you think I did?” Kade’s arms close around the not so miniature person in his lap. She’s tall for her age. Not that I have any room to talk, I’m short.
“I don’t know. Biker stuff?” Comes from Scarlett.
“That works.” Kade plants a smacking wet kiss on her forehead that sets off effervescence in my gut.
More school age dramatics ensue. “Ughhh. You’re not gonna tell me, are you?”
“Mom, what are we having for dinner?” Roxie asks from somewhere in the room. I’m trying to tune them out to watch this show, but it’s hard when I’m used to reading every person, in every room I’m in. It’s a habit I can’t seem to break. It also doesn’t help that Kade has spread his thighs further, to relax with blondie in his lap, and it’s an inch from touching mine. I squeeze my own together to give ample space. This subtle move is met with a not-so-subtle adjustment from H.B.B. There’s a grunt from his end as he literally lifts his niece off him with those bulging muscles and maneuvers her wherever he wants, all so he can close the distance between us. That extra inch or two is swallowed up by a much thicker thigh than mine pressing cloth to cloth, heat to heat.
Why’s he doing this?
My first instinct is to jerk away.
The second is to pretend he’s not crossing a line. That would only serve to prove some point he’s trying to make. One I’m sure he’ll enlighten me on, in the near future. And here I thought he would act differently. Should’ve known Kade would return to his normal self. Whatever that entails.
All around us people talk amongst themselves as the TV plays on, and here I sit unable to think about anything but this foreign touch. The warmth turns into a special brand of meth as it seeps through the fabric of my jeggings into my skin, only to hit my bloodstream and drug my brain. Losing my composure, I scratch my nails across the top of my pants, wanting to claw out of my skin. My pulse beats faster and faster until I’m afraid I’ll pass out. The last man to touch me beyond a friendly nudge was the night I died completely. When semen of another was spilled into my center, rotting me from the inside out. The closest I’ve come to men since is when I’m killing them. And that’s intimate in a gruesome, religious persecution manner. Not like this. Nothing has been like this since Johnny.
Kade’s thigh muscle tenses, I feel it through my own. I tighten mine in response. His double clench as if he’s speaking in Morse code. Weird sensations swirl in places I don’t wish to acknowledge.
It’s too much.
I… I can’t.
Freaking out, I shoot off the couch, and beeline it into the kitchen, away from everyone. Not waiting for Kat, I tear through the fridge to find the chicken breasts we’re using. A looming presence comes up behind me. Again, I know it’s him. With anyone else I’d have to guess. Not with Kade. I can feel him when I shouldn’t. Think about him, when it’s wrong. This isn’t me. I’m not this person. I wish it would all go far, far away.
His rock-hard front meets my back as he crowds me, the open refrigerator door blocking my escape. He lays his hand on the fridge top, leaning in until his breath washes across the nape of my neck. I have to bite my bottom lip to keep from making a noise.
“Don’t run from me, my Swan. I will catch you.”
I can’t speak. Can’t move.
I’m trapped.
If it were anyone else, I’d fight my way to freedom. It wouldn’t take much.
My gaze fixes on a gallon of milk, as a thick erection presses against my spine, just above my butt. “You’re mine. Tonight. Tomorrow night. A month from now. Six. A year. Three years. Don’t forget that,” he whispers against the shell of my ear.
I won’t.
As insane
as it sounds, Kade believes every word.
Even if I don’t.
Fairytales don’t belong in my world. Even those with a haunted, dark prince.
Kade will tire of me soon enough. Realize I’m not worthy of his attention.
I want you to live for us, my beautiful Rosie. Live for me and Sebastian since we can’t. Embrace life. Find someone to love you as much as I do. Find a purpose. I want the whole damn world for you that I couldn’t give.
Ugh! Not now.
Why am I thinking about the letter now?
Kade’s not my purpose.
Love… what a joke. It brings heartache and with it… death.
Soon, I will be rid of this place. Soon, I’ll move on with my life. Soon, the man who calls to me will be a mere figment of my imagination.
And…
I relish in the thought.
No… Dread it.
Love it.
Hate it.
Need it.
Freedom. That’s it. That’s all I need. To be by myself, away from domesticated living. Away from this confusing Hell Big has thrust upon me. To a place where I can breathe.
Once upon a time my thoughts made sense. They never swayed. Ever since the day Kade opened Katrina’s front door… Nothing’s been the same. I’m trying to cope, but I’m not sure I know how. Not with him.
Nothing’s scared me before. Not since I died.
Until… now.
Chapter Nine
Rosie
I need to kill. Kill. Kill. Fucking kill.
Pacing the forest floor, the handle of my largest knife clutched in my fist, I seethe, and I seethe, as I try not to lose total control. But it’s slipping. Fast.
I was benched tonight.
Those overbearing assholes benched me. Rosie. Their asset.
Big, Ryker, Bear, Gunz. They’re all to blame.
They’re the jerks who’ve kept me from hunting. That’s what I do. I hunt. I execute. That’s part of the job. Yet, I’m supposed to sit tight as a man from the rival club is floating around town somewhere. Oh, they said they’ve searched for him. That they tried to track him down. But they’re not me. Nobody is. They won’t find diddly squat. Not like I could.
Today, while I stayed at the cabin, against my better judgement, waiting on the girls to return from school, Katrina and her baby daddy met with an obstetrician in town. As Ryker was off doing fuck knows what, Kat encountered a rival club member outside the doctor’s office. He didn’t try to hurt her, thank God. It was a warning. I know that much. What I wanna do is send an even bigger warning back. With his head mailed to his New York club buddies in a box with my name scrolled in blood across his forehead, and a note stapled to his lips that’d say, Come and get me.
If I had gone along for the appointment, none of this bullshit would’ve happened, and Kat wouldn’t have had to tell us what the man looked like when she returned to the cabin.
Sitting on her chair, hands clasped in her lap, Kat clarified. “He was tall. Maybe as tall as you.” Her chin lifted in Ryker’s direction. I sat beside him on the couch. “Long, dark hair that curled at his jaw. Not sure what color his eyes were. But I can say for sure he was either very tan or biracial. Medium build. Wore what all bikers wear. And he had a lot of tattoos. I don’t know what they’re of, but he had one on his cheek, and his neck was covered. Sorry. That’s all I can remember.”
Even since she returned, I’ve been on edge. Thanks to Big, I’m under strict orders to be patient. Which isn’t my style. Not when I know what I need to do.
“Calm down, babe,” Kade remarks from where he leans against a tree, watching me with those hawk eyes.
“I need to fight.” Not wanting to alarm Kat, I kept my cool all evening. So cool, I deserve a medal for my fortitude alone. Even cooked dinner with her like every other night. Ryker stayed well past his welcome. Which made me spitting angry. I can’t stand that cocky fucker. As far as I’m concerned, all of this is his and Ghost’s fault. And I’m here to clean up their shitty mess.
“No. You need to fuck,” Kade remarks in that no-nonsense tone I’ve come to hate and… lo-like, in equal measure.
I screech to a halt, spine going ramrod straight as I release a tiny growl in the back of my throat. “Ex-cuse me? I’m not fucking you,” I rage. Hell no. Never going to happen. How dare he.
My vagina weeps in protest. Too damn bad. Sex and me is an impossible algorithm. Always will be. I’ve lived with that knowledge for years. If it weren’t for my attraction to the dark and demented prince, my woman parts would be on the same page as my brain. Unfortunately, this twisted man has somehow awakened certain erogenous zones without even trying. If I didn’t enjoy his company as much as I do, I might hate him for it.
“I wasn’t asking.” Kade has the audacity to sound offended.
Uh, huh. Sure, he wasn’t.
Resuming my march, I grind my heels into the ground as I watch Kade out of my periphery. “Really? Then why are you adjusting another boner in your pants?” I twist in his direction and point the tip of my blade toward the giant salami he’s smuggling in his pants. It’s impossible not to notice.
Kade lifts both hands in defense, glaring at me through tiny eye slits. “You turn me on all the time, woman. Plus, you’re carryin’ a knife around. That’s the equivalent of a striptease to my cock. Ignore him. He has a masochistic mind of his own.”
Not in the mood for his lame words, I roll my eyes. “If you say so.”
“I do,” Kade growls, tearing a knife out of the inside of his boot. On cue, it strokes up and down his forearm in quick, even strokes, giving him the relief he so desires. Like hunting does for me when it’s warranted.
Fucking benched.
I continue to pace.
Once Kade has himself reeled in, he switches gears. “Take a deep breath. I’ve never seen you like this.”
Passing by a tree, I scrape my blade across the bark, scoring it. The sensation vibrates through my arm, providing little reprieve to this fury. “Well, now ya have. Enjoy the show.”
“I’m not enjoyin’ any of it,” Kade grits.
Neither am I.
“Says the biker with a boner.”
“Christ, woman. Stop fuckin’ pacing.”
I don’t. Can’t. Not yet.
Instead, I change directions, opting to weave in-and-out a cluster of tightly packed trees. Where the limbs hang so low, I have to slap them out of the way or risk getting stabbed in the eyeball.
“What else am I gonna do?” I test. “I can’t leave. Your national prez has me on a short leash. Can’t hunt. Can’t… end this domestic life that I don’t even want. I’ve been here nine days.” That’s five too long.
The insistent man follows, never allowing me to stray from his ever-watchful eye as if he’s afraid I’ll vanish into thin air. “What do you want?” he questions, leaning against yet another ancient trunk.
That sounds simple enough to answer. Too bad it’s not.
Lost in thought, I slice another tree down the bark as I mark it as my own. “To be free,” I reply eventually. “Not trapped in a cabin day in and out with a nice, normal woman, who reminds me of the kind of woman I’ll never be.”
Perfect. Kat is perfect. There’s no other word for it. If I didn’t already like her, I’d find a reason to hate her. People aren’t that flawless. At least, I didn’t think so, until I met her. Sure, she’s too forgiving, and has questionable taste in movies, books, and men. But the more I’m around her, I realize the goodness she exudes makes you feel both better and worse. Better, because she’s an optimist, always looking for the best in you, while bringing out the best in you. Worse, because she makes you realize what you’re not. It isn’t her fault. It’s mine. This feeling of inadequacy falls on me. That’s why you stick to what you know. This lifestyle, I don’t know. No matter how hard I try, it still doesn’t fit right. Square peg, round hole.
“The meatloaf you made tonight was delicious,” Kade compliments out o
f nowhere.
I snort a sardonic laugh. “Is this your way of changing the subject?”
“Yes?” The side of his mouth twitches under moonlight making him look like a dark and sinister prince, which I shouldn’t find endearing, but do.
“Hate to break it to you, but you officially suck at it,” I deadpan.
“I got ya to laugh, didn’t I?”
“No.” I fib only to press his buttons, ‘cause they’re fun to press. Especially when I’m in a shitty mood.
“Liar.”
For show, I double shrug. “Whatever.”
“I’ll buy you a toy,” he offers as I circle ‘round a large oak.
“For what?” The sass rolls off my tongue like fine silk.
“Orgasms, what else?”
Argh! Why? Why is he doing this? My heart screams to run away while my lady bits want to take him up on the offer. And my brain, the part of myself I listen to most, wants me to kick him in the nuts for not letting this go.
“I do not need, nor do I want any of those,” I snap, re-adjusting the beanie on my head.
“When was the last time you came?”
Last I checked that’s nobody’s damn business.
Escaping his view, I toss a haughty, “I am not gonna dignify that question with an answer. I won’t be fantasy fodder when you polish that pole tonight,” over my shoulder.
“Hate to break it to ya, but you’re already spank bank material, with or without that information.”
“You’re disgusting.”
H.B.B. winds through the forest, finding me once more. “You like it.”
“Nope.” Yes. No. Goddammit.
“Yes. Admit it. You like me, my beautiful, feisty Swan.” This fool’s relentless.
“I don’t.”
Kade, hot-boy leans against the trunk, ankles cross, knife blade glistening from starlight filtering through the branches as it resumes its job. “Mmm hmm… If you can’t leave and you won’t get yourself off, then we’ll scrap.”
“I’m not fighting you.” That can never, and will never happen, even if I itch to let loose every now and again.
“Why not?”
Wrecked & Reclaimed (Sacred Sinners MC - Texas Chapter Book 5) Page 7