Forever at Conwenna Cove

by Forever at Conwenna Cove (retail) (epub)

  Nate smiled and she knew she’d just read his mind. He wouldn’t have wanted to drink the wine Finn brought with him. There’d been an undercurrent of something emanating from Nate when Finn had been there and she wasn’t sure, but she thought it could have been bordering on jealousy. Although why would Nate be jealous? He had no reason to be.

  They took a fresh bottle of white and two glasses outside and sat on the wooden bench in Zoe’s front garden. The light was fading fast and the moon was already visible. The air was heady with the fragrance of honeysuckle from the plant climbing along the trellis fixed to Zoe’s fence, and from the roses that grew either side of her front door.

  They sat in silence for a while and sipped their ice-cold wine. Zoe enjoyed having Nate sitting next to her, his large frame filling the bench, so close she could touch him if she moved a fraction.

  So she did. Because she wanted to feel his heat and to hold his hand.

  And he didn’t flinch; he just let her take his hand, then he raised hers to his lips and kissed her fingers, one by one, gently, in a way that made her yearn for more.

  ‘Nate…’

  He turned to meet her gaze.

  ‘Zoe.’

  ‘When are you leaving? Is it next weekend?’

  ‘It was going to be but I can’t leave until I know Mum is all right.’

  ‘Then you’ll be around for a while?’

  He nodded.

  ‘That makes it more difficult.’

  ‘What?’

  ‘Trying to resist what I feel for you.’

  ‘Then don’t.’

  ‘But… it will be even harder letting you go.’

  ‘Then come with me.’

  ‘How can I do that?’

  ‘I have an idea.’

  ‘You do?’ Her heart soared but her feet stayed firmly planted on the ground. What possible solution could he have to their dilemma?

  ‘Trust me.’

  ‘But I can’t leave the diner. I can’t give my business up.’

  ‘I wouldn’t ask you to. But what if I could find someone reliable and experienced to run it for you while we’re away?’

  Zoe scanned his face, wondering who he was thinking about and whether she’d be able to trust them enough to hand over her livelihood so that she could travel with this wonderful man. The glimmer of hope made her belly fizz with excitement.

  ‘Like who?’

  ‘Look… it’s not something I’ve spoken to her about, not yet, because it hadn’t occurred to me before, and I might be overstepping the mark here, so please tell me if I am, but I was thinking that my mum could be a possibility.’

  ‘Your mum? To run the diner?’

  He nodded.

  ‘Would she want to?’

  ‘Well, that’s what I need to check first, but I didn’t want to suggest it to her if I hadn’t run it past you first. You could hate the idea and that’s fine, but I’d prefer to find out before I speak to her about it.’

  ‘She has lots of experience.’

  ‘Bucket loads, and I know she’d do a great job. I mean… I know she’s my mum and I’m biased but she does know the catering business inside out. Plus, she’s at a loose end now and looking for work.’

  ‘It sounds like a wonderful idea… but I’d hate to get my hopes up then find out that she doesn’t want to do it.’

  ‘Well, let me speak to her and see what she says.’

  ‘Of course.’

  ‘Now… can I kiss you, Zoe?’

  ‘I thought you’d never ask.’

  He took her wine glass and placed it on the wooden decking next to his then turned to her and gently cupped her face. He ran his thumbs over her chin, her lips, and moved closer until their lips met. The world around Zoe swirled and all she was aware of was Nate’s touch, Nate’s lips and Nate’s intoxicating scent.

  When Nate finally pulled away, Zoe knew she never wanted to let him go again.

  ‘You know…’ Nate’s voice was husky with passion. ‘I would offer to show you the rest of my tattoo now but you have company inside.’

  Zoe laughed. ‘We didn’t see foresee that as a problem, did we?’

  He shook his head.

  ‘Bit of a passion killer having my mum in the next room.’

  ‘Yes, I wouldn’t be able to… relax.’

  ‘Me, neither.’

  ‘Let’s just stay out here for a while then, shall we?’

  ‘Please.’

  Nate took her hand and pulled her to the grass next to the bench, then he lay down and she lay next to him with her head resting on his arm.

  ‘Let me impress you with my knowledge of the night sky.’

  So he did. And Zoe tried to focus on the dark sky with the twinkling stars and the bright arc of the moon and she nodded and agreed and made all the right noises. But in reality, she was only aware of the warmth of Nate’s body, and the muscles in his arm beneath her head. She didn’t care if anyone walked past and saw them lying on her front lawn. She didn’t care if the air grew cooler or if they didn’t finish their wine.

  All she cared about was being close to Nate and knowing that he wanted her as much as she wanted him. That was all that mattered to her right now and that, for once, Zoe was living entirely in the moment.

  * * *

  The next morning, Zoe crept down the stairs, keen to avoid waking her guests. Paula was sleeping in her spare room and Nate had ended up spending the night on the sofa. Zoe would have loved to sleep in his arms but neither of them believed it would be appropriate with his mother under the same roof, and as they were still in flux about their relationship, they didn’t want to confuse matters any further.

  When she reached the bottom of the stairs, Zoe peered into the grey light of the lounge. She could make out Nate’s bulk on the sofa but couldn’t see which end his head was, as he was completely covered with the blanket she’d given him. She approached him on her tiptoes, holding her breath, and leant forwards to get a better look. Reaching out, she gently lifted a corner of the blanket then gasped as Nate opened his eyes and smiled at her.

  ‘I thought I heard you coming down.’

  ‘I tried to be quiet.’

  He pushed the blanket away and her breath caught as she saw he’d removed his shirt to sleep. His chest was bare except for a dusting of golden hair and his arms were strong and defined. Her eyes moved lower and desire shot through her as she saw the thin line of hair that ran down his belly and disappeared beneath his jeans.

  ‘You looking for more of my tattoo?’ he teased, and she blushed at being caught admiring him.

  ‘Sorry!’

  ‘Don’t be. I like you looking at me.’

  He slid his arm around her waist and pulled her onto his lap so she was pressed against his chest and his chin rested on her head.

  His scent overwhelmed her and Zoe’s yearning for him stirred again. She turned her head and pressed her lips to his warm skin and breathed him in, filling her lungs with Nate. It was euphoric, the effect that being so close to him had upon her, and she wished she could stay like that all day. She lifted her chin and met his eyes. She knew she could easily surrender to loving this man and that she would be happy being with him, but she didn’t know how long that would last or if he would always feel the same way, and that was such a big risk to take.

  She curled her arms around his neck and hugged him tight, wanting him yet holding back because she knew if she made love to him then she would be completely lost, and that thought terrified her. Yet it also made her want to get lost, to give herself to him, because she wanted to feel alive again as only Nate would be able to make her feel.

  ‘Zoe?’

  ‘Yes?’

  ‘I think I just heard a car pull up outside.’

  ‘You did?’

  He nodded.

  ‘I’m not expecting anyone.’ She sighed, hoping it wasn’t Finn back again.

  ‘I think it could be Richard. He said he’d come asap and I’d be surprised if it wasn
’t today.’

  ‘But it’s so early.’

  ‘He’s worried about Mum.’

  ‘Of course.’

  Zoe slid off Nate’s lap, then went to the front window and peered out into the hazy morning light.

  ‘There’s a black car out there. I can’t tell what it is but it looks expensive.’

  ‘Sounds like my stepfather.’

  ‘Wouldn’t they have seized his car, too?’

  ‘He might have borrowed it from a friend if his Audi has been taken by the bailiffs.’

  Nate came and stood behind her with his hands on her shoulders. His warmth penetrated her pyjamas and dressing gown and she wished they had more time alone. But for now, at least, they had company.

  The car door opened and a man in his fifties got out. He looked well groomed in his lightweight pale blue summer suit and white shirt open at the neck, but his face told a different story. The skin that covered his neck was loose, as if the flesh underneath had fallen away in mere weeks. His brown hair, streaked with white, was combed back from a square forehead and, in the early morning sunlight currently burning through the haze, Zoe could see it was thinning at the temples.

  ‘That’s Richard.’

  Zoe glanced at herself. ‘I’d better get dressed.’

  Nate nodded. ‘You go on up and I’ll let him in and put the kettle on.’

  Zoe headed upstairs. From her room above the hallway, she heard Nate open the door and greet the older man and take him through to the lounge. She pulled on jeans and a T-shirt then quickly brushed her hair before going to the bathroom.

  When she descended the stairs, Nate and Richard were nowhere to be seen so she went through to the kitchen and found them sitting at the table. Both men wore serious expressions.

  Nate looked up. ‘Ah, here she is. Richard, this is Zoe, the wonderful friend who invited Mum to stay.’

  Richard got up and shook Zoe’s hand. ‘I’m very pleased to meet you, Zoe, and extremely grateful for your hospitality towards my wife. I can’t tell you how worried I’ve been.’

  ‘No problem at all.’ Zoe smiled. ‘I’m glad I could help.’

  ‘Do you want tea, Zoe?’ Nate asked.

  ‘It’s all right, I’ll get it. You two carry on talking.’

  Zoe filled the kettle and while she waited for it to boil, she tried not to listen to the men’s conversation. She hummed to herself as she got bread out of the cupboard and put a few slices into the toaster before fetching the butter and marmalade from the fridge. She busied herself with making breakfast and when it was done, she placed it on the table.

  ‘Shall I go and wake Paula?’ she asked.

  ‘Actually, would you mind if I went up?’ Richard asked. ‘I’ve missed her dreadfully and I’m desperate to see her. I didn’t want to disturb her too early but if I take her some tea and toast, I’m sure she won’t mind.’

  ‘She’ll be delighted to see you.’ Nate smiled.

  Zoe loaded a tray with two mugs of tea and a plate of toast, then gave it to Richard and he slowly climbed the stairs.

  ‘Come and sit down.’ Nate nodded at the chair Richard had just vacated.

  Zoe did so, then picked up a piece of toast and took a bite.

  ‘You probably overheard some of that?’ Nate asked.

  ‘I tried not to.’ Zoe grimaced. ‘But I did hear some of what he said. It doesn’t sound good, does it?’

  Nate shook his head. ‘They’ve lost the house and Richard’s business, but at least Mum has got her redundancy that she put aside in her name, and her pension, although she doesn’t want to claim for a few more years.’

  ‘Well, that’s something.’

  ‘It’s just such a shame, though, you know… to get to their time of life and lose everything.’

  Zoe nodded. It must be absolutely awful. She’d been in her twenties when her life had been turned upside down, but to be in your fifties must be even worse. Poor Paula… and she was such a lovely person. Her old fear surged inside at the thought of how vulnerable being in love made her. Would she want to risk losing everything again?

  ‘So what will they do?’

  ‘Cause Mum as little stress as possible. Richard agrees on that.’ Nate rubbed his face. ‘You know… it’s like life is going to get you one way or another. There was my dad, dying in his fifties and not getting to enjoy his later years. My dad had so many things he wanted to do but… he didn’t because of his sense of responsibility towards Mum and me. He wanted to travel and swim and…’ He shook his head but his words had lodged in Zoe’s chest. Nate’s father had been tied to his family and not done the things he wanted to do, then died suddenly.

  Nate was so lost in his worries that he was oblivious to the fact that he’d shared something with Zoe that instantly concerned her. What if Nate settled down with her then regretted it? All her fears could be realized then: she would be holding him back and she could be hurt if he left her. It was a minefield.

  ‘Then here’s my mum and Richard, still alive but they’ve lost their home, their car, their financial security. I mean, yes, they have Mum’s pension but it won’t go far, and her redundancy money is, like… what they need as a buffer against poverty.’

  ‘I’m so sorry, Nate. It’s a terrible situation and I don’t know what to suggest.’

  Nate reached across the table and took her hand. ‘Me, neither. All they can do really is try to get jobs. If I go away soon, they can always take the flat above the cafe and—’

  ‘They can’t live there, Nate. It’s far too small for them. Besides, what about your aunt and uncle?’

  ‘I don’t think they’d mind. Kevin and June get on well with Mum, and I’m sure they’d be happy to help.’

  ‘But long term it’s not a great solution is it?’ Zoe stroked Nate’s fingers with her thumb. She wanted to comfort him, to make it better for him, but she didn’t know how and she was so afraid.

  ‘Thank you.’

  ‘What for?’

  ‘For being here. I’m so used to thinking things through alone but it’s nice to be able to talk about this with you, even if it is all so difficult’

  He gazed at her and Zoe’s heart swelled.

  ‘I’m happy to be here with you, Nate. Look… I can definitely give your mum some hours at the diner once she’s feeling better and I’m sure Richard can find something local. That is, if they want to move to this area?’

  ‘Richard said he does. Said they need a clean slate and that he can’t face seeing the home they shared everyday knowing someone else is living there.’

  ‘I know this all seems dreadful right now, but they do still have each other. And they have you.’

  ‘You know… you’re right. They could have millions in the bank but if they didn’t have each other, then what would be the point? Zoe… I’m not going to go away.’

  ‘What?’

  ‘I can’t. Not now. I’m going to stay in Conwenna. I need to be here for Mum and I want to be with you.’ He bit his lip as the enormity of what he’d said hung in the air between them.

  ‘You want to be with me?’

  Zoe’s head spun and she held his hand tighter, as if he could stop her drifting away from the table. She ran through how life could be for them if he stayed. They could live together, go out together on walks and exercise the greyhounds; maybe they’d even adopt a dog or two. They could have candlelit picnics under the stars and maybe he would propose. Would she say yes? She smiled at the thought. They could think about having a family a few years down the line and their babies would be beautiful, blond and blue-eyed like Nate and…

  She stopped the carousel of her thoughts and got off.

  What the hell was she thinking?

  Nate was a beautiful, free-spirited man. He needed to travel, to open his wings and fly before it was too late. She couldn’t bear the thought of him having regrets as his father had. He loved to swim and to surf, and Zoe couldn’t join him in those things. Nate was gorgeous and could have any
woman he wanted and Zoe would be holding him back. Yes, he would stay a while longer in Conwenna for his mother but then he needed to go and be free, not be tied to someone with her baggage and her insecurities and her scars. She automatically rubbed her forehead under her fringe as if to remind herself of what she was and what she’d never be. In many ways, Nate was like Finn. They were water babies, at one with the sea and that was something Zoe would never, ever be.

  ‘Zoe? What is it? You don’t look… happy about that idea.’ He frowned at her and she shook her head.

  ‘Nate, I’ll help with your mother’s situation and always be here for you…’ She took a deep breath. ‘As a friend.’

  He scanned her face and her cheeks burned. This was agony, like jumping off a cliff; it went against everything her heart wanted and yearned for and yet it had to be done because Zoe knew she couldn’t let another man hurt her. And she didn’t think Nate would knowingly hurt her, but to wake up one day in the future and see him staring at the horizon with longing in his eyes would truly break her in two. She wouldn’t survive heartbreak again and she suspected it would be a hundred times worse losing Nate than it was losing Finn. So she had to do this; she had to be brave.

  ‘As a friend? Zoe… what the hell? I thought you wanted to be with me. I thought we had a future together. All the things I’ve said to you about my parents and travelling and… I’ve never felt this way before.’

  Zoe bit her lip to stop it wobbling. She wouldn’t be the reason for Nate’s regrets and she couldn’t allow him to break her heart, so she was putting an end to this now.

  ‘I can’t do this, Nate. I thought I could but I can’t. I’m not ready for this kind of… commitment.’

  ‘You’re not ready? Are you saying that you don’t feel enough for me to take a chance on us?’

  She nodded but she couldn’t meet his eyes.

  ‘Okay, Zoe.’ He pulled his hand away and tucked it into his jeans pocket. ‘I understand. If that’s how you feel then I won’t try to change your mind. And thanks for the kind things you’ve said about Mum.’ He stood up. ‘I’d better go. I have to get to the cafe.’

  Nate left the kitchen but Zoe stayed where she was, pressing her nails into her palms and swallowing hard. She knew if she followed him to the door and he said one kind thing, that she would weaken and beg him to love her. So she stayed where she was and only let the tears fall when she heard the front door closing and knew that Nate had gone.