Rescued Hearts

by Angela Nicole

  Mac is rubbing my arm when I look up at him. “What about you? How will you move on after losing your best friend?”

  He closes his eyes, pinching the bridge of his nose. “I have been asking myself that question too but ya know what? What we do, rescuing our brothers when they need us, will never end. I am going to go back to England in two days, wait for my next mission, and save as many people as I can. Jackson gave his life in service to his country and because he did, a wife still has her husband and children still have their father. It is what Jackson would have wanted.”

  In my heart, I know that he will miss my brother just as much as I will. They have been best friends since they were little. They did everything together and now he will have to go on with his life without his best friend…just like I do.

  The sunlight peeks between the curtains in Emily’s bedroom. I have been awake for an hour or so but I did not want to wake Emily, so I watch her sleep from the chair in her room. I think about what Jackson would want for all of us but specifically Emily. He was very protective of his little sister growing up, shit, we both were. I hope that what happened between us last night helps her heal a little. Knowing that she isn’t alone in her grief, taking care of her father and continuing to build the family business should help her with her healing.

  For me, getting back to my routine with my military family will not help me to get over Jackson’s death. It will only make me miss him more. Since there are only a few air bases where PJs are stationed we were lucky enough to have the same assignment for the last year.

  All of Jackson’s things are still in the apartment that we shared. It will be hell going through his possessions but probably worse for Emily and her Dad when they are shipped home. Part of me wants to be here for them when they receive Jackson’s personal items but I know that I have a job to do and I need to throw myself into that right now.

  Emily starts to stir so I move to the bed. She opens her eyes and sits up with a start. She still has the same look on her face that she did yesterday, like she is searching for something.

  “Emily, I’m sorry if I woke you.”

  “What time is it?” She asks.

  “It’s 6:30.”

  I walk over to the bed and sit on the edge. I push her hair off her forehead and lean down and kiss her lightly on the cheek. Even though we had sex last night, we are not in a relationship and I am not going to assume that she wants me to kiss her this morning like I did last night.

  “What time is your flight out tomorrow?” She asks while not looking at me.

  “I fly to New York in the evening, 7:00, then on to England.”

  “Emily, will you please look at me?”

  She turns her head slowly when her eyes meet mine, she gives me a sad smile. Leaving her is going to break me.

  I always hated when Jackson and Mac would have to go back to their bases. When they were home we had such good times. Jackson was always the fun, flirty one and Mac was more serious. Women would flirt with both of them which was funny to watch. My brother would flirt back and occasionally go home with someone. He had one serious girlfriend in his life, but she moved to Colorado two years ago.

  Mac was broodier. I guess he was always considered Jackson’s wingman or conscience. While Mac could probably have had almost any woman he wanted, he usually went home alone.

  As for me? No guy would come near me when those two were around. It was always like having two body guards. When I was younger I hated it but as I became wiser to what assholes guys can be, it helped to weed out the jerks.

  “Emily, what you are thinking about?” Mac asks as he gets dressed.

  “I was thinking about all of the times that you and my brother stood guard over me when we were out at a bar. You two would not let any guy near me. You and my brother really showed me how much I meant to you by protecting me. I used to hate it you know? Now, I would give anything to have my brother back so that he could tell some asshole off for looking at me the wrong way.”

  “Yeah, we were pretty good at keeping you single and alone for most of your life. Of course, we were trying to protect your heart, but it was probably a shitty thing to do as you got older.” “Listen Em.” Mac says as he sits next to me on the bed. “I think we should talk about what happened last night.”

  I am trying to keep things as normal as I can after burying my brother yesterday and sleeping with his best friend last night. “What is there to talk about? We helped each other get through a bad night. There are no expectations on either side.” He doesn’t respond instead just looks at me and nods. There is something in his eyes that almost looks like disappointment.

  No expectations she says. I didn’t expect to have sex with the girl that I have been in love with since I was a teen, but I did. She thinks of me as a big brother like Jackson. The truth as to why I would never let a guy near her was because I wanted her to myself. I never told her because of my friendship with Jackson. What kind of a shit friend am I to have slept with her a few weeks after he was killed? I am a fucking asshole is what I am. I knew better. Not just because of her brother but also because it would be too difficult to walk away but walking away is exactly what I must do.

  Jackson and I went into the Air Force planning to retire when our twenty years were up. I have nine more years to go before I can come home for good. Nine God damn years. I guess the fact that my Emily has not found a husband yet is a miracle. She is perfect, strong in character, loyal to her family and friends and beautiful. Of course, I want her to be happy, but it will destroy me when she finds the guy who will share a life with her.

  “Mac, did you hear me?” Emily asks.

  “Yes, I know what last night was about. No regrets. Anyway, I should get going to the bar. I need to shower and check on some things before I fly out.”

  I am hesitant to leave her just like always but perhaps more so now. “I will be at the bar tomorrow before I leave if you want to stop and say goodbye.”

  “I will, I just need to spend the day with my Dad sorting through some legal stuff regarding Jackson.” Emily says, and I can hear the devastation in her voice. All I want to do is stay here and comfort her. Comfort her? I am such a selfish prick. It is more like comforting myself.

  I need to get dressed but Mac is still in the room, I mean he has already seen me naked so why should I care? But I do…

  “Could you please turn around, so I can put my clothes on?” He quickly averts his eyes, he must be embarrassed too.

  “Uh, yeah sure of course.” Mac stammers out.

  I pull a pair of shorts on and throw a t-shirt over my head. “Ok, you can turn around. Sorry about that I just feel a little strange dressing in front of you.”

  “I get it Em. I should be going. I will see you tomorrow? I have to leave by 4:00 to get to the airport.” Mac states.

  “Of course, I will stop by before then to say goodbye. Mac?”

  “Yeah sweetheart?”

  “Thank you for not leaving me last night. I know that I would feel a lot worse if you weren’t here.”

  Mac walks over and kisses me on the forehead like he has done a million times before yet somehow if felt different…not brotherly.

  “See you tomorrow Emily.”

  Mac walks out the door, he doesn’t look back.

  Closing the door, I shake my head realizing what an idiot I am. I seduced a man who I have known since I was little and have been in love with most of my life. I needed him in a time of desperation to forget the pain in my heart. Of course, he was perfect, gentle and strong at the same time.

  I am sure that I am not the only one to fall for their big brother’s best friend. As a teenage girl, he was my crush. The guy you wanted to ask to the prom, the one who I would giggle over during sleepovers with my girlfriends.

  I hope last night did not ruin our friendship. Losing him too would devastate me.

  Walking out that door today was difficult, walking away from her tomorrow will be damn near impossible. Christ,
what would Jackson think about this? He would cut off my balls that’s what he would do. I feel like a fucking asshole right now. Jackson used to tease me about the way I would look at his sister, but I always denied having any feelings for her other than as a friend.

  I will have to make sure she is taken care of now that Jackson is gone. He would do the same for me. Even so, sex isn’t the way to do it. I will make sure that I stay in contact with her when I go back to my base. Emily and Jackson would video conference at least once a month. I guess between that and email we can support each other.

  Deep in thought I almost walk past my Dad’s bar. When I am home I stay in the apartment above the bar. It is small, but it allows me to help my Dad out and keep an eye on the business. It is still early in the morning, but Kenny is already behind the bar getting ready for the day.

  “Hey Kenny.”

  “Hey Mac, want some coffee?” Kenny asks.

  “Please. Have you heard from my Dad yet?”

  “No, he was here late with Frank. I don’t suppose he will be around for a while.”

  My Dad, Patrick Michael MacAlister, took over the bar from his father. He expected me to take over when he retired but I had my own agenda…go in the Air Force, save lives, meet a nice woman, get married, have kids, retire.

  I am finishing my coffee and I hear the back door open and my Dad walks in looking as tired as I am.

  “Hey son, what happened to you last night? Frank and I waited until 1:30 this morning for you to come back.”

  Shit.

  “I, uh, walked Em home and stayed for a while to make sure she was ok.” My Dad looks at me like he can see right through me. He knows I am not telling him the whole story, then he stuns me.

  “Look Sean, I know that you have been in love with Emily ever since you were a young boy. You have always been protective of her just as Jackson was. She will need you now more than ever…as a friend. I know you would never do anything to intentionally hurt her, but you are leaving and will be gone for a long time. Be very careful with her.”

  At first, I want to defend myself. Tell him that he is wrong. But I don’t.

  “Dad, I would never hurt Emily, you are right about that. I wish I could stay longer and help her with all that she is going through, but you know I can’t do that. Emily and I will always be friends, I will make sure that she is ok the best I can.”

  My Dad pats me on the shoulder, “I know you will son.”

  Jesus, I needed that shower. I could not take having Mac’s scent on me any longer. As much as I love it, it’s too painful to watch him walk away. I can’t imagine how it will hurt to watch him leave tomorrow.

  As tough as that will be nothing will compare with what I must do today. My Dad and I are going to deal with Jackson’s Will and life insurance policy. I must be strong for my Dad today. I can’t imagine the pain my father is experiencing. Losing a child, no matter how old the child is must be devastating.

  I wipe the steam from the bathroom mirror and look at myself. God, I look like shit. I need a lot of make up today. I don’t usually wear too much but I need to hide those black circles from lack of sleep. My lack of sleep, that is kind of funny I almost giggle. I spent the night with the sexiest man I have ever met, during a time that was anything but sexy. Last night was about two friends sharing a connection over the grief, but I can’t get Mac out of my mind.

  He was so sexy and yet so tender, helping me forget my pain for a while. I hadn’t seen Mac without his shirt since we were teenagers having out at the beach and never without his pants. Gone was the skinny teen boy that I had a schoolgirl crush on. Now, he is a grown man who made me feel safe. Thinking about the way he kissed me, his broad shoulders, muscular biceps and tattoos has me wanting him again already.

  All right Em, you need a pep talk.

  I text my best friend Chrissy.

  Me: Hey, are you awake yet?

  Chrissy: Yep, slept for shit last night. Worried about you girl.

  Me: I am ok. Going to help my Dad with some of my brother’s legal stuff.

  Chrissy: We missed you last night at MacAlister’s. I am sure that you needed time alone.

  I am not about to tell her about last night. She knows how I have felt about Mac since I was a teenager.

  Me: Something like that. Today is the reading of my brother’s will. I am not looking forward to this. I may need a low-key girl’s night tonight if you are up to it.

  Chrissy: Sure, we can go to MacAlister’s and have a few drinks.

  Um, that is a no go.

  Me: I don’t feel like being around a lot of people. Do you want to come here? We can order take out and have some martinis?

  Chrissy: Sounds like a plan. 7:00 ok?

  Me: See you then…love ya.

  Chrissy: Love ya back!

  I finish getting ready as my thoughts drift back to Mac. I wonder what he is doing. What is thinking about? Does he regret last night? I don’t want it to be awkward when I see him tomorrow. We have too many years of friendship behind us to ruin it for one night.

  There is a knock at my door and I freeze.

  Another knock. I open the door to a flower delivery.

  “I am looking for Ms. Emily Mills.” the delivery guy says.

  “I’m Emily.” I say.

  “These are for you, have a wonderful day.” He says and leaves before I can tip him.

  The flowers are beautiful, daisies, my favorite. I open the envelope and read the card.

  Em…

  I know today may be difficult for you. Please know that I will be thinking of you no matter where I am.

  Always,

  Mac

  My heart takes a giant leap and I can’t help but smile at the card. Yes, it will be difficult to hear my brother’s last wishes, but it helps to know that Mac is aware. I am touched that he was so thoughtful. The flowers have broken the ice from last night, so I decide to text him.

  Me: Thank you for the flowers, they are beautiful.

  Mac: You are welcome. I want you to know that I will be thinking about you today.

  My heart flutters but I need to get ahold of myself. This is Mac. Yes, I have fantasized about him for years, but he is still just my friend.

  Thank God for Chrissy. After the day I had, I sure need break. She brought my favorite vodka for our martinis and we ordered a large pizza to share. I haven’t had much of an appetite since my brother died but I know if I am going to drink with Chrissy, I need to eat.

  Two drinks in, I tell Chrissy about the Will reading. Jackson named my Dad beneficiary of his life insurance, he also left me a fair amount of his savings but most shocking was he left one hundred and fifty thousand dollars to my future children with the stipulation they use it to pay for college.

  “It is still hard to wrap my head around.” I tell her. Of course, it shouldn’t be so difficult for me to believe since Jackson always took care of those he loved. I have always wanted children. I have taken it for granted that I can have kids. Just to be safe, Jackson did put a clause in that if I don’t have kids, the money should go to a charity of my choice.

  “Your brother was one of a kind, Em. God always takes the good ones too early.” I can see her tear up. Chrissy and Jackson dated in high school but broke up when he went in the military. I think she will always love him.

  Before I can answer her, my phone buzzes. Of course, I freeze hoping it’s Mac, but it is a client I am working with.

  Melissa: Hey Emily, I was wondering if we could see a house tomorrow around 10:00 am?

  Crap. I don’t know what time I am going to say goodbye to Mac tomorrow. He told me he had to leave by 4:00 so I should have plenty of time to show the house and say goodbye.

  Me: Sure, text me the address and I will meet you there at 10:00.

  “I have to meet a client tomorrow morning and then I have to go see Mac before he takes off.” When I think about Mac leaving, my chest hurts. I should be used to saying goodbye but after losing Jackson I will worr
y more than I have in the past.

  “I know it will be hard not to worry about something happening to Mac too, but you can’t stop living your life. Your brother would not have wanted that for you and I am sure neither does Mac.” Chrissy says with a small smile. I know she is right, but I don’t think I could survive losing him too.

  Yesterday was a blur. I spent all day helping my Dad get some business issues taken care of for the bar. It was busy much of the day but that did not keep me from letting my mind wander to Emily. She texted me this morning to let me know she would be over around 1:00 to say goodbye. I have a little time before she comes over, so I hop on my Ducati Diavel and head to the cemetery to say goodbye to Jackson.

  It is a workday, so the traffic is light during the midmorning and I can get there quickly. I need to tell him a few things before I fly out tonight. I park my bike in the lot and walk the tree lined trail to his gravesite. I can feel my heart rate pick up and the lump in my throat get larger. I see the freshly covered grave with the fresh flowers sitting on top. I can only imagine what he would think of all of this, me being with Emily.

  I walk over by his grave and sit on the nearby bench. I blow out a long breath and look up at the sky. “I know you are up there. No possibility for you to be anywhere else. Me, on the other hand, after last night, I am not so sure. Look, I have something to tell you, maybe you already know but I have been in love with your sister since we were young. I know, I told you I thought of her like little sister. Ok, so I lied. Sorry brother. Last night I slept with Emily. I know if you were alive you would kick my ass but then again if you were still here it never would have happened. I would never have acted on my feelings for her and jeopardized our friendship. I suppose I could blame this all on you. You had to go and leave us.”