Baggage & Buttons

by C. J. Fallowfield

  ‘You hate babies, when did you become the pregnancy expert?’ she asked as we queued up for the coffee.

  ‘Since my best friend got knocked up Lex. I’ve been reading up it on the web so I could support you and try and understand what you were going through.’

  ‘You really did that for me?’ she asked, looking all touched.

  ‘Yes of course I did, you’d do it for me.’

  ‘O god,’ she sighed.

  ‘What?’

  ‘You’re only like the best friend ever, I feel all emosh,’ she groaned as she looked at me, her eyes filling up.

  ‘See hormones Lex, you never get emotional like this and you cried over my letter last week too. Go and sit down, I’ll bring you your coffee,’ I said, rubbing her back as she sniffed.

  We finished our drinks and headed off for our second counselling session. It went quickly and I managed not to cry this time, as I discussed my fears that Gabe and I were moving too fast. She only asked me questions, never gave advice and I ended up convincing myself that if it felt right to spend so much time with him, then there wasn’t a problem.

  I left the session feeling much happier and Lexi came out tear streaked, but said she’d got some stuff of her chest and it had gone better too.

  We made our way back to the apartment with our Chinese and as soon as we got in the lower door, Lexi made a beeline for the stairs.

  ‘Where do you think you’re going Clarke?’

  ‘Upstairs to eat, I’m bloody ravenous. Another thing I’m blaming on this damn pregnancy. Why?’

  ‘Post box, four weeks of mail. I can’t believe you’ve forgotten already.’

  ‘Shit sorry.’ She rummaged on her key ring and opened up box number five, which was rammed with post. ‘Christ where’s this all come from?’ she exclaimed. I sighed and shook my head and headed up without her. I was in the kitchen as she came in with an armful and dumped it on the dining table. ‘Here you are.’

  ‘You sort it Lexi. I’m sorting out dinner, I can’t do everything around here. I also need to show you how to use the washing machine again, as you seem to have forgotten how to do that too.’ She groaned and sat at the table and sorted it into piles, for me, for her and possible junk. My pile was the biggest, Lexi only had three envelopes and opened them as I spooned out the Chinese onto the plates and organised the trays and soy sauce.

  ‘Shit good job you reminded me. My appointment at the clinic’s tomorrow morning at ten.’

  ‘Lexi, you could’ve have missed that,’ I scolded. ‘You need to make sure you check for post every day. What else did you get?’

  ‘Just a Uni letter detailing what we were supposed to attend freshers’ week and a card off your mum wishing me good luck with my studies,’ she waved it at me to let me see the front. ‘You have a fair bit, shall I leave it here for you?’

  ‘No pile it on my tray will you, I can open it when we’ve eaten.’

  I devoured my chow mein, fried rice and crispy seaweed. I loved the stuff and always ordered a container of each and halved them so I’d enough to have a second meal the next day. Lexi would just eat all of hers in one sitting. She’d a crazy appetite, when she actually ate, which seemed to be a lot at the moment.

  I picked up my mail and set my tray on the side and started working my way through it. It was mostly confirmations of the monthly direct debits I’d set up for our regular bills. Mum and Gerry had insisted on paying for everything, except food and alcohol, which was really generous of them. They’d set up a monthly standing order to my account to cover them all, so I could put them in my name to help my credit rating. I had a freshers’ week letter as well, which would have been helpful if we’d received it in time. I shook my head as I looked over at her, but she was already engrossed in an xbox game. There was also a good luck card from mum too, as well as another from my sister and a couple of cards from friends, welcoming Lexi and I to our new home.

  I recognised Christine’s writing on the last envelope, as dad’s PA she did pretty much everything for him. I immediately felt guilty, I hadn’t contacted him since thanking him for the apartment when we moved in. He’d put it in my name and was paying £1,000 a month into my bank account to fund my spending, like he’d done with Georgie while she was at Uni. I knew it was a drop in the ocean to him, but decided I needed to grow up and start making an effort with him. I opened it and found, as usual, he was a man of very few words. It was a moving in card, no mention of my degree at all, something he found very distasteful for his daughter to be doing. It simply read Mia, Hope you enjoy your new home. Richard. Christ he couldn’t even sign it off with “Dad” let alone any pleasantries, kisses or declarations of love. I figured I should at least be grateful that Christine hadn’t completed the message inside as well.

  I sighed and decided to call him and try and fix up a day to meet him at half term, we’d never move forwards if someone didn’t make the effort and I had to accept that if I did want him in my life, it seemed I was going to have to be the one to try and make that happen. I cleared up our plates and got myself a coke, leaving Lexi shouting at her game, then headed to my room with my phone. I stared at his name and number for a while, before plucking up the courage to dial.

  ‘Richard Kensington,’ came the deep well to do, very serious, voice.

  ‘Hi dad it’s me.’ There was complete silence at the other end and I realised he still didn’t recognise my voice and was obviously trying to work out if it was me or Georgie, that was assuming he still remembered he even had another two daughters. ‘It’s Mia,’ I clarified.

  ‘What’s wrong Mia?’

  ‘Nothing’s wrong, I just rang to say hello.’

  ‘Do you need more money?’

  I shook my head and rolled my eyes, our first conversation in weeks and he assumed it was financially related. He hadn’t even said hello back.

  ‘No dad, I’m more than fine for money what with the allowances from you and mum thank you. How are you?’

  ‘What can I do for you then?’

  Jesus he was seriously hard work and did he ever answer a question?

  ‘I just rang to see how you were and to see if we could maybe meet up in half term? It’s in a few weeks.’

  ‘Why? What’s wrong?’

  ‘Nothing’s wrong, I just thought it would be nice to spend a bit of time together and try to get to know each other.’

  Silence, again. This time it was a lengthy silence. Normally I’d fill a silence, I’d try to break the awkwardness with anyone, I’d babble on about rubbish, but never with dad, he always put me on edge. One didn’t normally speak to Richard Kensington unless one had been expressly invited to do so.

  ‘I’m rather busy in October Mia, I’m not sure I have any free time.’

  ‘Christmas then? I’ll be going home for a long weekend as soon as term ends, I could come to London to meet you.’

  ‘I don’t know my schedule.’

  ‘You’re really not making this very easy are you? I just thought it might be nice to have lunch or something, we hardly ever see each other and I’d like to work on that. Is that too much to ask?’ I sighed, wondering why I was even bothering. I heard a deep sigh at the other end of the phone.

  ‘Fine. Christine can set something up. Is there anything else?’

  ‘No that was all I rang for,’ I said with a shake of my head. Christ he couldn’t even set a date to see his own daughter in person?

  ‘Well, excellent. Goodbye then.’

  ‘Will she ring me or will I ring …’ I stopped when I realised he’d already put the phone down. I looked at my watch, just under a minute, which was actually a personal best over the phone with him.

  I’d really had enough of pussy footing around the issue of why he was so absent and uninterested in my life, I decided I was going to get to the bottom of it next time I saw him. I wasn’t entirely convinced he was even going to remember to ask Christine to set up a meeting, so decided I’d ring her myself tomorrow and force
one and have it out with him. I mean he hadn’t even asked how I was, how Uni was going, or how I’d settled into the apartment. I wondered if he was so distant with his new kids? At least one blessing was having taken Gerry’s surname, Mia Page sounded a whole lot better than Mia Kensington. Mum had given Georgie and I the choice, when we were old enough to understand, of which surname we wanted to have. Georgie had stuck with Kensington, for some reason she idolised the bloody guy, but I’d asked to change to Page, which probably hadn’t helped my relationship with him at all. He’d been furious and had even offered money to mum to make her convince me to keep his, which she’d refused. I took my coke back into the lounge and curled up on the recliner.

  ‘Ok?’ asked Lexi.

  ‘Sorry what?’

  ‘You ok? You look kind of pissed off.’ She paused her game.

  ‘Just the usual loving father daughter telephone conversation,’ I smiled.

  ‘How many seconds this time?’

  ‘54.’

  ‘Wow, that’s an improvement of about six seconds, a new PB,’ she nodded, looking impressed. ‘So why did you ring him?’

  ‘To ask if we could meet up in half term. He said he was too busy and would get Christine to fix something up in December. I think he was actually trying to avoid fixing up anything at all. He didn’t even know it was me when I rang.’

  ‘Why do you persist? You always end up feeling like shit after you’ve spoken to him?’

  ‘Don’t know,’ I shrugged. ‘Because he’s my bio dad and I feel like I ought to I guess. I’ve really had enough though Lex, if we meet I’m going to ask him to be straight with me. I can’t be doing with this anymore, he’s either got to make an effort to be present in my life or I’d rather have nothing to do with him. How do you do it?’

  ‘Do what?’

  ‘Have no contact and not seem to care?’

  ‘You look into things too deeply Mia. You’re always wondering “why?” what did you do wrong? It’s not you, it’s him. He’s a crappy father and human being, end of and the sooner you realise that the better. As far as I’m concerned my parents are equally crappy, they don’t want to know me. Why would I chase them, put myself or worry about people that obviously don’t give a shit? My time’s better focussed on the people in my life that do give a damn about me, like you and Mrs P.’

  ‘If either of them reached out though, would that change your mind?’

  ‘They won’t,’ she replied with a firm shake of her head.

  ‘What makes you so sure?’

  ‘Mia it’s been seven years since I saw my dad, if he wanted to get in contact he would have. As far as he was concerned I was a permanent boarder at Rowleys, he could have got in touch with me there anytime he wanted and mum’s not interested in anything that’s not shaped like a bottle. I’ve accepted that they don’t care and I’m not a priority in their lives. Once you accept that with your dad, it’ll make it so much easier to move on and forget him.’

  I looked at her and sighed, she was right, why couldn’t I just accept it and stop chasing after him? I mean if it was a guy that treated me that way, I’d end it, cut off all ties, move on and never look back. I’d never lower myself to chase after someone who’d made it obvious they really weren’t interested in me. Just with my dad … I couldn’t seem to do it, I just couldn’t accept that it wasn’t something I’d done, that maybe if I was different, he’d love me and be more interested in me. Lexi was so chilled about it, or at least she made out she was. I wasn’t convinced that she was totally immune to the fact her parents had abandoned her. She admitted her one night stands were a way of avoiding commitment, but I wished she’d open up to me about this sort of stuff, as much as I did to her.

  ‘You know you’ll always be a priority in my life don’t you Lex?’

  ‘Well I better bloody had be, best friends for ever. You can chose your friends but not your family, isn’t that what they say?’

  ‘It sure is,’ I grinned. ‘But I got lucky and got a best friend and a sister rolled into one. I love you Lexi Clarke.’

  ‘Love you too Mia Page. Come on, come and get your arse kicked on xbox.’

  It really wasn’t my thing, but she loved it when I played with her, so I went and sat beside her and we spent about forty minutes playing, with her whooping with joy that I was so shit at it and she kept beating me.

  It was about half ten when I heard the door buzzer and went to answer it.

  ‘Hello?’

  ‘It’s me baby.’

  ‘Come on up sex machine.’ I heard him laugh as I pressed the button to let him in and I opened the front door and leaned over to watch him coming up with his bag. He looked up and smiled as he saw me and quickened his pace, dropping his bag when he made it to the top. He pulled me to him and started kissing me, ramming me back against the wall and pressing his hips against mine. I could feel the urgency in him, as well as the rather substantial erection rubbing against me.

  ‘God, I thought you didn’t want to do anything?’ I gasped as I came up for air.

  ‘That was then. Your text promising to satisfy me has got me all excited. Plus I peed earlier with no pain, I’m good to go baby.’

  ‘You sure know how to woo a girl.’

  ‘Are you still on?’

  ‘Yes,’ I grumbled. ‘But don’t worry I’ve an idea to try that I think you’ll like.’

  ‘Tell me more,’ he murmured as he nibbled on my neck and his hands roamed over my upper body.

  ‘Not out here on the landing. Come on, let’s get in.’ I led him into my bedroom and as soon as he dropped his bag and shut the door, he tried to grab my hips. ‘Gabe, god what is it with everyone’s sex hormones today? Go in the bathroom and strip off, I’ll call you in when I’m ready.’

  ‘You really are the boss tonight. Ok, ok I’m going,’ he smiled as I smacked his hands away again. ‘Don’t make me wait and I think you need to leave the handcuffs out of it. I need my arms on top form for Friday.’ He winked at me as he started unbuttoning his jeans and left the room.

  I went to his drawer and got the tube of lube out of it and put it on the bedside cabinet and quickly undressed until I was wearing just my black lace g-string. I propped myself up on my elbows and adjusted my hair, so it fell over my bare breasts and lay back and called for him to come in. I don’t know who looked more excited, him at seeing me lying there waiting for him, or me seeing him naked, hard and ready to fuck.

  ‘Gabe, I suddenly don’t care that I’m on, I want you so badly,’ I sighed as I raked his body up and down.

  ‘Mia I can’t, if you just had normal periods I probably could, but not when I know you’re suffering.’

  ‘Gabe please, I’m so horny.’

  ‘I know, but I’m not fucking you Mia.’

  ‘Why not Gabe? I feel fine, honestly,’ I pouted.

  ‘Because it is the right thing to do, I know you’re feeling more pain that you’re letting on, I can see it in your eyes, so don’t ever ask me to do something to make that worse Mia, because I won’t.’

  ‘Fine,’ I sighed. ‘Well if you won’t do that, then I’ll do this,’ I said as I leaned over and took the lubricant off the bedside table.

  ‘I’m not having anal sex with you either Mia,’ he said firmly. ‘You’re not ready, not until we try those beads again and you can take them all. Until then there’s no way I’m going near you with this,’ he said as he grasped himself, making me quiver and sending a surge of heat through my core.

  ‘Well that wasn’t actually what I was going to suggest.’ I couldn’t take my eyes off him, I was so turned on, watching him standing there with his big erection pulsating in his own hand. ‘I was going to let you fuck my breasts.’

  ‘O christ. What are you trying to do to me?’ His eyes were blazing as they flitted down to look at them.

  ‘Is that a yes? I told you I was going to satisfy you tonight. You have a choice though, breasts, hands or mouth?’

  ‘Let’s try something
new and go with breasts,’ he grinned. ‘God, you’re the best girlfriend ever.’

  I smiled happily as I wriggled down the bed a bit more and pulled a pillow under my head. I tucked my hair out of the way and held out the lube to him. He just stood looking at me his eyes travelling up and down my body lustfully.

  ‘Well we don’t have all night, climb on board big boy,’ I giggled.

  ‘I love you Mia Page,’ he laughed and came to the bed. He took the lube off me and crawled over me and kissed me. I grasped his hair and enjoyed a long hard snog before releasing him and letting him sit up. He was careful to keep himself from sitting on me, god he’d some control in those powerful thigh muscles, I took advantage and ran my hands up and down them.

  ‘Ok rub some on my breasts and in my cleavage,’ I ordered, gasping at the coldness as he squeezed a generous amount down my breastbone and slowly spread it out over my chest. I groaned to feel his fingers touching my skin and my nipples immediately hardened and I watched his eyes widening as he looked down at me. ‘What are you waiting for?’ I sighed, feeling all soft and pliable, just from his touch.

  ‘Just appreciating you and your appetite for sex and pleasing me.’

  ‘You please me all the time, it’s your turn. So get at it, my boobs and I have other things we could be doing.’

  ‘I’m so going to look after you when you’re ready baby,’ he leaned forwards and shuffled into position. He held himself up on his hands and lowered himself as if he were doing press ups, until he was between my wet shining breasts and his abs were above my face. I lifted up my head and ran my tongue over them, which made him moan, then I squeezed myself around him, which made him moan even harder and he started to move.

  ‘O god, that feels good,’ he sighed.

  ‘Better than being inside me, or in my mouth?’

  ‘Nothing’s as good as being inside you Mia, that’s the best feeling ever. This comes a close fourth after your mouth then hand, god squeeze me harder.’