Groomed

by Bethany Leigh

  "I thought we already had."

  "What are you going to do?" he asked. "Are you going to go back to Wales?" He sounded mournful at the prospect, and Charlotte snuck a glance at his face. He looked as miserable as she felt.

  "No." When his face lit up, she twisted the knife. "Don't think it's because I want to stay with you. I don't. But my family and friends didn't want me to marry you. They thought I was an idiot leaving my life there to be with you. Turns out they were right, but I'm not ready to admit that yet, you know? Going back to Wales with my tail between my legs. My job here's okay. I'll stick it out for a bit."

  He didn't reply, just looked wretched. Why didn't he leave her? Charlotte couldn't understand that. So she asked him. "What are you going to do? Leave?"

  "Don't be silly."

  "Why not? We're not suited. You think I'm sick."

  "I don't, not…not really. I shouldn't have said what I did."

  "Well, that makes me feel a whole lot better."

  "I'm sorry."

  "You're always bloody sorry. You being sorry doesn't change anything. Why don't you leave, lead the bachelor life you're made for? Work all day, spend all night on the computer; all weekends as well come to that."

  "Because I don't want to be on my own. I'd be lonely."

  "Yeah, like I'm lonely now. How much time do you actually spend with me?"

  "You've made it hard for me to want to spend time around you lately," he pointed out.

  "Yeah, so why not leave?"

  "Same as you." He rose to his feet, walked towards the door. "I had a disastrous first marriage, my family and friends thought I was making a mistake marrying you too. Welsh girl I hardly knew. I don't want to lose face either, you know."

  She looked away. Finally, the truth. He wasn't staying because he loved her. He was staying because he didn't want to be a failure. Again.

  The same reason she was sticking with him.

  It was all they had in common.

  And that hurt.

  Charlotte moved into the spare bedroom. She left her clothes in the walk-in wardrobe, but refused to join Connor in their bed. The spare bed was comfortable enough and it wasn't like her nights were any different sleeping there. She fantasised, wanked off, fell asleep like always. She only felt different when she woke each morning, alone.

  Connor didn't appear to care. His life remained the same. Sitting up late watching telly or on the computer. In some ways, Charlotte slept better. Connor no longer disturbed her coming to bed after midnight.

  She quit Spanking Sheilas. She couldn't bear to read the posts, those glorious posts about the wonderful lifestyle she could never have. Even thinking about them made her hate her own life, Connor, the choices she'd made, even more. All the same, she'd spent half her life on the forum over recent months and leaving it created a gaping hole. At least work was busy so she tried to focus on that. At home she wrapped Christmas presents, wrote cards, got them in the post early. She accepted invitations to the 21st Century Sportswoman Christmas party, Connor's office party, his old school friend Stuart's party, and a neighbour's pool party. She wrote a list of New Year's, New Century's and New Millennium's resolutions to make Y2K a great year. Top of her list was to start working on those novels she always planned to write before she became a journalist. Her work on the sports magazine would come in handy, though, because she planned a series of crime novels set in the sports world, featuring a globe-trotting feminist sports reporter. The sports reporter would investigate murders at the Olympics, at world championships, at the World Cup, at a Grand Slam tennis tournament. Charlotte came up with the titles first: Death Vault, set at a gymnastics tournament, Death Spiral, set in the world of figure skating; Dead Heat for track and field athletics, Dead Ball, at soccer's World Cup; Killer Instinct, at the Aussie Open tennis; Sudden Death, in the Masters golf. The victims wouldn't all be athletes, they could include coaches, judges, sponsors, press officers, journalists, tournament directors, admin staff, volunteers. Charlotte had plenty of insight through her work, not just on 21st Century Sportswoman but from having interviewed young British sports stars for Teen Scene. Enthused, she tapped out plotlines and character profiles on the computer, aiming to write the first two books in the next twelve months.

  She also resolved to socialise more in Y2K, join clubs, put money on one side as well, save up for when the time was right to leave Connor. Because she would leave him eventually. She just didn't know when she'd be brave enough to publicly admit that she'd failed.

  Christmas was way better than Charlotte anticipated. She enjoyed the parties they attended, got very tipsy at a couple of them. Even Connor's office party was fun this year. Although he was a graphic designer, he worked for a financial company, and in the past Charlotte had found his colleagues' conversation dull. But this time the band was good and Charlotte and Connor spent the evening dancing. That night, she joined him in bed and they had sex. Vanilla sex, but Charlotte was happy, especially when he woke up in the mood for sex again the next morning.

  The family Christmas lunch was at a pub this year, because his mum no longer wanted to cater for everybody, and neither Connor and Charlotte nor his brother and sister-in-law wanted to commit to hosting it. Charlotte and Connor joined other locals singing carols in the churchyard on Christmas Eve, and slept in on Christmas morning. After coffee, they opened their presents.

  Charlotte was stunned when she opened her gift from Connor. She could tell it was a pen from the shape of the box, but was surprised when she tore off the wrapping paper to reveal a beautiful vintage fountain pen that would have cost way, way more than thirty dollars.

  She stared at it for a moment, not knowing what to say. She'd spent the agreed thirty bucks on Connor's gift, and now felt guilty.

  "It's for signing your books when they're published," he said. He had encouraged her to write, been pleased to see her enthusiasm, asked every day how Death Vault was going.

  "It's lovely," she said, opening the box. "I wish you'd said you were spending more than thirty bucks, though. I stuck to that…I thought…"

  He slipped an arm around her. "It's okay. You deserve to be spoilt a bit. You have a lot to put up with, living with me, the way things are with Deborah. I'd spoil you more if I had more money. But now Josh has told Deborah he doesn't want to change schools, I don't have the worry of private school fees looming over me, so I thought I'd surprise you."

  He was happy with the gardening gloves she'd bought him. "Just what I needed."

  "I noticed yours had holes," she said. She resolved to go to the shopping mall after Christmas, buy him something a bit more extravagant.

  They opened the rest of their presents, all from Charlotte's small family, then made phone calls. Charlotte called her mum and dad, then Connor called Josh. Lunch at the pub was great, the food good, and Connor's family were all in festive mood. But Charlotte could tell that Connor was missing Josh, wished he was here, like his nephew and niece. Being Connor, he was deliberately hearty, not wanting to put a dampener on the day.

  Charlotte squeezed his hand. "Perhaps he'll have Christmas with us next year," she said. She was surprised how much she wanted that to happen for Connor.

  "He'd like that," Connor said.

  "Suggest it to him when you next talk." Charlotte grinned. "Don't mention it to Deborah. Just tell Josh and let him nag her until she agrees."

  The afternoon before Millennium Eve, Connor headed out to their favourite nursery to buy seeds for the garden. Charlotte decided against going. She'd be back at 21st Century Sportswoman in a few days' time, and she wanted to spend more time researching Death Vault before work took over. Plus, Josh would be visiting soon and no doubt hogging the computer. She'd decided that her murder victim in Death Vault would be a former Eastern European gymnastics coach, now working in Australia. When he was found dead, rumours that he'd been abusive towards gymnasts in his former country began to circulate. Two of those abused gymnasts now lived in Australia, with motive and opport
unity. As Charlotte researched real-life stories of abusive coaches, she stumbled upon a link to a short piece of fiction about a talented but bratty gymnast being spanked by her no-nonsense coach.

  Her clitoris throbbed, and she was soon on the sofa, fantasising, masturbating. She'd tried to ignore that need since the stand-off with Connor, but now the spanking genie reminded her that it was well and truly out of the bottle. She was never going to be really happy until this bloody need was satisfied. The yearning might lay dormant every now and then, but it would never truly go away.

  Maybe she should see a disciplinarian.

  Just once a week, confessing her sins and being spanked for them, would be enough. Connor need never know about it. Having her needs met would make her happy, less grouchy at home. It might even make their marriage better, if Charlotte wasn't frustrated all the time. She and Connor had been getting on better since he pulled the plug on spanking—no point acting out if she wasn't going to end up over his knee—but she couldn't spend the rest of her life living a vanilla lifestyle. She needed to be spanked.

  That poster Becca had found a disciplinarian in Australia. Shit, Marie Beckham. Charlotte had forgotten that possible link till now. She'd planned to investigate but then that conversation with Connor had changed everything. Perhaps she should look now.

  She checked the time. Connor wasn't due back for at least another twenty minutes. She hopped on the computer, and entered Spanking Sheilas as a guest. She hadn't read any posts for weeks, but there were fewer of them than usual, probably because of Christmas. She searched out Becca's posts and read them in order.

  Thread: Introduce yourself!

  Becca: I'm Becca, I'm 22 and I'm single, and currently on the lookout for Mr Right. I've fantasised about spanking for as long as I can remember, but it's only since the internet that I've told anybody about it—and I still haven't told anybody in real life. I'm actually from Britain, but I'm planning a backpacking trip around Australia next year, so Admin very kindly let me join. I'm sooo looking forward to getting to know you all, and hopefully finding my own spanking gentleman soon.

  That post had been written in late 1998. Becca would be 23 now, the same age as Marie Beckham. Charlotte checked the rest of Becca's posts with the mounting excitement that came when she followed a news story lead. Becca's last post was 19 September, and she'd said she was meeting her disciplinarian for the first time the following Wednesday. Charlotte quickly counted the days on her fingers. Becca met her disciplinarian on 22 September, the day Marie Beckham disappeared.

  Shit.

  She should go to the cops.

  But how could she tell them about the Spanking Sheilas link? They'd know she'd been hanging out on the forum herself.

  Anonymous tip?

  She frowned at the computer screen, trying to work out what to do. If she was smart, this could be an opportunity to break a major story, get her name out there, use it as a launching pad for a better job on a mainstream women's magazine, or perhaps as a feature writer on a newspaper. First, she'd do some digging around on the forum, find out if anyone knew what had happened to Becca. After all, the reason the 'friend' hadn't come forward might be because he was meeting Becca as her disciplinarian. He may have nothing to do with her disappearance, but could still be afraid to go to the cops with information because it'd mean being outed.

  But he might confide in another spanko.

  Then how would she tell the police?

  You're a journalist, Charlotte, she reminded herself. You could be working undercover, checking out the forums, and researching a feature on the unusual phenomenon of high-flying career women being spanked at home.

  Yes, that would make a good cover story if she needed to talk to the police. "I was pretending to be a spanko while looking for interviewees and it suddenly struck me that Becca had similarities with Marie Beckham," she could explain.

  First, she needed to sign up to Spanking Sheilas. Again.

  Not as Miss Scarlet, though. She needed a new username. She racked her brains for fictional female investigative journalists and settled on Hildy from the movie His Girl Friday. Rosalind Russell and the handsomest man who ever walked the entire planet, Cary Grant. Charlotte signed up as 'Girl Friday' and started a new thread.

  Thread: How do I find a disciplinarian?

  Girl Friday: Hi there!

  I'm finally delurking after reading your posts for a while. I hope everyone had a great Christmas.

  My husband and I briefly experimented with DD, but unfortunately it didn't work out and we decided not to continue. However, I do still feel the need for discipline, and am thinking about maybe seeing a disciplinarian. Does anyone here have any experience of this? Any advice on how I go about this would be most appreciated.

  All the best for Y2K!

  She realised she should have written an 'introduce yourself' post first, but Connor was home now; there was no time. She exited the forum and returned to her research, suddenly optimistic about the year ahead. The year 2000 was going to be a great one for her. She would finish her debut crime novel, find a publisher, and possibly break a major news story and find a better job. Who knows, maybe she'd find a disciplinarian through this too. She couldn't wait for the fireworks to usher in Y2K. It was going to be the best year of her life.

  Thirteen

  January, 2000

  Thread: How do I find a disciplinarian?

  His Precious Gem: Sorry I didn't see this post until now, Girl Friday. Mark banned me from using the computer over Christmas and New Year because he said my eyes needed a break from screen time. He also gave me a few hearty swats with his new paddle as a taste of what I could expect if I disobeyed him. I didn't dare to sneak on for even thirty seconds after that.

  I'm sorry to hear that DD didn't work for you and your husband. Was there any reason for that? Have you told him you're thinking of seeing a disciplinarian? If not, I really think you should, so that he understands how important it is to you. Might the idea of you seeing another man for discipline have him turning you over his knee?

  All the best for Y2K and welcome to the forum.

  Big Hand Bruce: I only saw this now too. Strewth, it's been quiet round here lately. Hope you all had a great Christmas and Millennium Eve. We watched the fireworks in Sydney—spectacular.

  We've had sheilas here who have seen disciplinarians, but be careful, Girl Friday. You can't be sure who you can trust on the internet.

  Good luck in finding what you need.

  By the way, there's an 'Introduce yourself' thread if you want to tell us more about yourself.

  Panda: Yes, I've only just seen this too. We've been away. AND YOU'LL NEVER GUESS WHERE!

  Okay, I will tell you.

  ***drum roll***

  Kiribati! Yes, we stayed in the first country to see in the new Millennium. It was an expensive trip, but amazing, and so worth it. We all had a wonderful time. And Hayden had hired a humongous villa, so there was plenty of distance between our bedroom and the children's for any necessary discipline. Which *I* personally didn't think was necessary, but Hayden had other ideas—of course! I swear I saw in Y2K with the sorest bum on the planet!

  What are your New Year Resolutions? Mine is to try to go for a complete month without getting spanked. Oh, perhaps I'd better start a new thread for this. Sorry to hijack this one!

  Well, of course Perfect Panda spent Millennium Eve on Kiribati. And with a sore bum to boot. Charlotte ached to be Panda, well-spanked and rich, with an adoring but firm husband. She forced herself to focus on the investigative task at hand.

  Thread: How do I find a disciplinarian?

  Girl Friday: Thanks for your responses. I've been doing some research on the forum, and noticed that last September a woman called Becca was meeting up with a disciplinarian she'd been writing to in Australia. She hasn't posted since, and I wondered if anyone was in touch with her so I can find out how it went. She might have some good pointers for me.

  His Precious Gem: Y
es, you're right, Becca had been writing to him for a while. I think she met him through this forum too. But she was always very private, didn't give a lot away.

  Becca1: Hi everybody! I'm still here. But I'm back in England now and have a new job which is keeping me busy. My time in Australia seems very long ago.

  The arrangement with the disciplinarian in Australia worked very well for me. We met up a number of times till it was time for me to come home. Now that I know the DD lifestyle is right for me, I'm hoping to find a spanko boyfriend. If I can't, maybe I'll save up and go back to Australia for a dose of discipline! Girl Friday, I'll message you. Becca xxx

  Admin: Welcome back, Becca, and Happy New Year to you. Glad it all worked out.

  Charlotte breathed a sigh of relief. Becca was still alive. Not dead at the hands of an axe-murderer spanko after all. Though she did feel a pinprick of disappointment that now there was no story. Still, it meant she didn't have to risk being outed as a result of investigative work. She noticed a message notification on the screen and opened her forum inbox.

  Private message to: Girl Friday

  From: Becca1

  Hi Girl Friday,

  I know there's a lot of negativity about meeting people from the internet in real life, but I don't regret for one minute meeting up with Ben, my disciplinarian. I got to know him on the internet first (through this forum actually, but he lurks rather than posts) and we took things really slowly when we met up. We met up about three times in public places before he spanked me. The first spanking was on a bench in a national park, away from the crowds. He gave me time to gain his trust, which I appreciated, even though it meant it cut down on discipline time because I wasn't in Australia for very long. I know you're married, but I honestly think it's a good idea to see a disciplinarian if your husband's a vanilla. Ben and I didn't have sex. He wasn't after that. He has a caring, protective nature, and wants to provide loving discipline. It's hard for guys to find women who want that these days. Hard to believe, isn't it? Becca xxx