The Fantastical Adventures of Leutenlieb of the House of Munchausen

by Shlomo Kalo

  So I embarked on this ancient and honorable profession – the telling of stories. And I succeeded in adding more happiness to the happiness of those young people who knew how to appreciate a good story crafted with love and narrated with talent. All the youngsters of the island came in their leisure time, of which they enjoyed a generous supply, and listened to my words with pleasure and with gratifying dignity. Naturally, I missed no opportunity when telling my stories to stress and stress repeatedly the differences between the other countries of the world and their native island. And here the children used to smile with deep satisfaction, in their big and alert and clear-sighted eyes – unshakeable confidence in the simple truth that nowhere in the world is there a place bearing the faintest of resemblances to their island home of Paradise on Earth.

  These children, like their parents, who brought them here at a very early age, in some cases so early that they were still in the womb – have long lives ahead of them. There are no cemeteries on the island of Paradise on Earth, and since the day I set foot there, I have not witnessed a single death, have not heard anyone being mourned, or seen a funeral cortege. The longstanding residents of the island are indeed called "old" but they certainly don’t look old in any sense familiar to us – they are simply living through the second millennium of their lives. They pay no attention to the passage of time and they continue sharing their happiness and their labors with their "young" and not so young brethren among the islanders. They take particular pleasure in their work and their delight is unbounded when they have the opportunity to offer someone juicy fruits or fresh vegetables or a gown woven to perfection – free of charge. The old-timers on the island, most of the population in other words, had no awareness of money even as a concept, and we, my friend and I, felt no inclination to explain to them what it was all about, lest something be spoiled in the process, although it was clear beyond any doubt that what is on offer here, the ultimate embodiment of all that is human and true, stands on firm and invulnerable foundations.

  Happiness is everywhere, and joy unstinting. Satisfaction is full and no one cherishes expectations of anything else. There is no army on the island and no police force, no courts and no prisons, no hospitals and, as previously mentioned, no cemeteries. The lives of the inhabitants are everlasting. And the one who stands at the head of this society – Always-Giving, that is – is nothing more than the devoted and steadfast servant of all, elected unanimously on account of his outstanding talent and extraordinary aptitude, his ability to distribute his goods to anyone in need of them, estimating exactly how much is needed even before the other has spoken. Naturally, like all the other residents he is involved in growing fruit and vegetables, but his special expertise is in constructing simple implements for the cultivation of this fertile and bountiful land. A blessed land indeed, since God Himself has come down and taken up residence in the hearts of those who work it so assiduously, as He dwells in the heart of every man in that he is a man; and only here, so it seems, do people know how to reveal Him and bear Him witness, and let Him manage their affairs in his way, the divine way which is all devotion and unstinting love, the gift of joy and of freedom. And since the island has no boundaries, and no taxes and no immigration laws – no written laws at all in fact, only the laws of the true human heart – always ready to sacrifice its own interests for the sake of the other – any one of you, hearing about it and reading about it, has the absolute right to come and settle here, if that is indeed his wish. And he need not worry about land-rights or "living-space"; the area of the blessed island is vast in terms of the population living on it, according to the time-honored mathematical formula which stipulates that: "The happier a man is in the service of others, so the solid ground beneath his feet will grow and flourish, capable of reaching infinite dimensions, with fertility increasing in direct proportion to its size."

  We don’t see ourselves as threatened by "over-development", and since there is no shortage of space, you may come by all means and share in our joy and we shall share in yours. And if you don’t fancy settling on the island, then come for a visit, spend your annual holiday in the embrace of the inexhaustible happiness that the island of Paradise on Earth has to offer. Don’t bring anything with you – everything will be provided for you in the appropriate form, packed and ready, and most important – free of charge. You won’t lack for food, clothing or accommodation. And if you try to tempt one of the islanders with shiny toys like digital watches, bicycles or any kind of mechanized transport, whether it’s a jet aircraft or a tractor for intensive cultivation of the land, or a bottle of brandy or a pack of cigarettes – with all due respect to you, you won’t get the response you wanted but a ringing peal of laughter. The inhabitants of Paradise on Earth will laugh in your faces. "Look," they will tell you kindly and courteously, "we don’t need any of these things!" – and they will give you a look full of compassion, which you thoroughly deserve and sorely need.

  So, consider carefully and decide, and to avoid any feelings of disappointment, or any sense that you have been cheated, I should make some points clear from the outset: there are no places of entertainment on the island, no casinos, no cinemas or theatres, no television, no radio, no newspapers, no alcohol, no drugs and no fornication. Take these things into consideration. Alternatively, you could arrange a very short visit, come here for a few hours and take away with you anything that takes your fancy – vegetables, fruits, implements of various kinds, white robes of homespun cotton, and all of it free of charge. So sit down and think it through, and work out your calculations – what is worthwhile and what is not. Weigh up the situation carefully. It has been described to you accurately, to the very last detail.

  And here I take my leave of you, all people of the distant world, that I loved and still love, although without the slightest twinge of nostalgia, since love and nostalgia are as incompatible "as light and darkness", according to Always-Giving, elected servant of the inhabitants of Paradise on Earth, and all are in agreement with him, all people of the island, old-timers and newcomers alike, along with my friend the red-bearded prophet and last but not least – me too, your obedient servant. Incidentally, the red-bearded prophet has not abandoned his sermonizing habits and once a week all the islanders gather to hear him – and the expression "young and old" does not apply here, since there are no old people among them; all are constantly happy, with happiness emanating from the heart, and happiness emanating from the heart, as is well known, dispels old age. Try it and you’ll see. At these gatherings the red-bearded prophet tells them about the real Paradise – their island, that is – and he gets loud applause, not to mention garlands of flowers and strings of beads which afterwards he cheerfully distributes among all those with smiling faces, the entire population in other words, without exception.

  So, farewell then! It may be that fortune will be kind to you and one day you will come here and gain a deeper understanding of what it means to be truly happy, and stay on the island permanently (the simplest option); or you could summon up your energies and try to turn your place of residence – your suburb, your town, your homeland – into a kind of Paradise on Earth, by abolishing money and spurning machinery and narcotics of all kinds and puerile weapons, and banning wars which testify to nothing more than addled brains – and emerge from the darkness of travail and slavery into the light of divine freedom. Then we shall be happy to visit you in your home, and if anyone needs fruits or vegetables or cereals or agricultural implements, or a robe of white cotton – he will receive it all from us with our gratitude.

  Yours sincerely,

  Leutenlieb of the House of Munchausen, great-great-great grandson of the celebrated Baron, His Excellency, Hieronymus, of the House of Munchausen.

  The Island of Paradise on Earth, May 22, 2028.

  INTRODUCTORY REMARKS (moved to the end)

  A mother approached me with a request on behalf of her son, shortly to be celebrating his twelfth birthday, asking for a book that would not only en
tertain him, but would also contribute to the beginning of his understanding of himself. I remembered that at about the age of nine I read "Baron Munchausen" and for days on end I couldn’t stop laughing. The "entertainment" part of it was absolutely fine, but it didn’t do much to improve my "understanding". I was inspired by the idea of helping the boy and trying, albeit by unconventional means, to accede to his request. Thus was born the great-great-great grandson of the Baron, none other than His Excellency "Baron Leutenlieb of the House of Munchausen".

  From the moment that I picked up my pen, the writing seemed to stream out of its own accord, a continuous and unencumbered flow, as Herr Leutenlieb described on the clean white paper, in blue or purple ink, his fantastical adventures – entirely new, decidedly entertaining, and at the same time making a respectable contribution to the mind of the reader, and helping him to know a little of himself, from the particular perspective of the celebrated Leutenlieb, and through this knowledge – to gain some perception of his surroundings too.

  About the Author and his Book

  Shlomo Kalo (1928-1984) was born in Sofia, Bulgaria and was active in the anti-Fascist underground from the age of 12. At the age of 15, he was arrested and sent to a concentration camp. At the age of 18, he won a prize in a poetry competition. He Studied medicine in Prague where he also worked as a journalist. As an overseas volunteer for the newly established Israel, he was sent to train as a pilot in Olomouc and in 1949 immigrated to Israel. He was awarded M.Sc. in microbiology by the Tel-Aviv Univ. and became director of medical laboratories in Israel's largest health care service.

  The sharp turn in his life which occurred in the first week of 1969 has been reflected ever since in his creation. 80 books of his were published in Israel: fiction and literary non-fiction written in a variety of genres. His works have so far been translated and published in 16 countries.

  Between the years 2008-2014 Kalo was a nominee for the Nobel Prize in Literature.

  Fiction titles by Shlomo Kalo available in Kindle format:

  Kalo's bestselling title, THE CHOSEN trilogy: An Epic Novel based on the Biblical story of Daniel.

  Book I: THE YOUTH

  Book II: THE PROPHET

  Book III: A MAN MUCH LOVED

  LILI A novel of love suspense and redemption of the true kind.

  THRILLER: The Galilee Plot, A cozy Thriller

  ATHAR, a Holocaust Memoir.

  FOREVERMORE, Three gripping documented stories from Jewish history.

  THE TROUSERS – Parables for the 21st Century