Painted Lines

by Brei Betzold

  “Hold on, Cas, she’s up,” Simon said, “How you feeling Scout?”

  I shook my head at him letting him know I wasn’t ready yet, he nodded and went back to talking to my brother. I’m sure reassuring him that it wasn’t as bad as it could be. I hated the panic attacks and causing Cas to worry about me but nothing I, nor the doctors did seemed to completely negate the attacks.

  “Okay, Cas, I’ll tell her. Yeah man I’m watching her. Don’t worry, just take care of yourself.” I heard Simon say then saw him put my cell on the coffee table from the corner of my eye.

  “It wasn’t that bad this time, Scout.” He said softly, I looked over at him and saw the vacant look in his eye, probably remembering when it was bad, he had the memories that I did not. I couldn’t remember blocks of time from all the meds, but he and those around me remembered and seemed to be haunted by them. I nodded my head letting him know I heard. They also knew that I wouldn’t be up to talking about it or anything for a while.

  I finally completely stretched out my small frame making sure not to touch him. I could not stand being touched at this point, no matter who you were.

  “Cas said he loves you and that he will see you soon.”

  I nodded again and rolled over to face the couch, letting sleep take me under once more, accepting I was safe. Simon would watch over me.

  I stretched out arching like a cat and felt warmth behind me, when I released the stretch I noticed a warmth to the front of me too, I smiled. I opened my eyes and found a drooling Liam facing me. I looked behind me and found Kale spooned around my back. I was grateful that we were in my room instead of theirs; their sheets scared me a little. I brushed Liam’s hair off his face and kissed his forehead. I noticed that above my head that their hands were interlocked and I smiled fondly at that. They were always touching each other in some small way, even in sleep. I untangled myself from them and quietly snuck out of my bedroom. I looked back at their sleeping forms and noticed that without me in the middle they were scooting closer to one another as if magnets attracted to the other. I sighed quietly, shut the door with a small audible click, and made my way towards the kitchen where I could smell coffee.

  I walked in the kitchen and noticed Simon sitting at the small table looking at something on the laptop. I grabbed the largest cup I could find and poured myself a cup of the nectar of life. Coming up behind Simon and smiled when I saw what he was looking at, Cam and Zadok on Skype. I waved at them and blew my favorite little man a kiss, then left Simon quietly talking to his wife and son. I went to the living room sat down on the couch tucking my feet under me and reached over grabbing my Kindle.

  I felt someone plop down on the couch, I peeked up to see Simon sitting there looking at me so I did what I do best, ignored him. When he finally realized I wasn’t going to put my Kindle down, he started nudging me with his foot and loudly clearing his throat. I kept reading, knowing that eventually I would get the response I wanted.

  “Damn it, Scout, we need to talk,” he finally barked out at me.

  I looked up giving him my most innocent face. “Oh you wanted to talk to me?”

  He growled, reached over taking my Kindle and tossing it on the loveseat beside him. “You knew I did.”

  “What did you want to talk about, oh wise one?”

  He sighed running his fingers through his hair. “First off, are you okay?” I nodded watching him expectantly.

  “You’re sure?”

  “Yeah, I’m fine.” I said quietly.

  “Do you even remember waking up in the middle of the night screaming?” He asked knowing as well as I did, that sometimes I didn’t remember things like that. I shook my head and looked down at my hands. That explained why Liam and Kale were in bed with me this morning though. Some of my meds made me forget things, lose time, and make me feel off the next day.

  “Have you taken your meds this morning?”

  “Yeah took them already.” I understood he wasn’t checking on me, he knew I always took my meds, but sometimes after an episode and extra meds, I didn’t remember.

  “Okay, you need to call Saul.” He stated meekly.

  I jerked my head up and glared at my best friend, “You didn’t.” He at least had the good sense not to look at me at that moment. He knew I did not want my grandpa brought into this anymore than he had too.

  “He had to know he was going to be here.” He whispered in his defense.

  I deflated, I had forgotten about him, or blocked it out. He was right, Saul would want to know about that, and I would need paperwork that he had. Then another thought came to mind and I was getting pissed again.

  “You didn’t tell Cas, did you?”

  “No I didn’t tell Cas. I know you do not want him worried about you, and he can’t do anything where he’s at now. Just make sure you realize keeping this from him is going to piss him off when he gets here.”

  I let out a breath. “I know, and I will deal with that, but he has to keep his mind on keeping himself safe, not on me.”

  “I know, and I agree, which is why I didn’t tell him.”

  “Okay, guess I will call Saul, might as well get it over with.”

  He nodded. “He’s contacting the lawyer to have any paperwork we need sent over, as well as making him aware in case he needs to contact anyone.”

  I leaned over and kissed Simon on the cheek. “Thank you, I know I am not always the easiest person to be around.”

  He wrapped an arm around my shoulder. “Scout, it’s not your fault, what happened to you, that should never happen to anyone.”

  “Okay.” I whispered and left to go outside and call my grandpa.

  I walked out onto the back patio and looked around; I hadn’t been out here yet. There was a small table and chair set out, and a metal storage shed over in the back corner of the small postage stamp back yard. It didn’t take me nearly as long as I had hoped to see everything. I took a deep breath and pulled up his number, might as well get it over with. I knew the sooner I called the better his mood would be.

  He picked up on the first ring, “Girl.”

  “Hey Saul,” I replied to his gruff one word acknowledgment.

  “Girl, what kind of mess have you gotten yourself in this time?” He asked.

  Most would hear his gruff, terse tone and think that he didn’t care, or was angry but I knew better. Saul was just Saul, an old grizzly bear of a man who loved me, and wanted nothing to happen to me.

  “It’s okay, Saul, Simon is here, and Cas will be here in a few weeks.”

  “Don’t care, Girl, I am driving up with Cam.” I opened my mouth to tell him he didn’t need to come but as usual, he knew what I would say. “And no arguing Girl, you do as you’re told and stay close to Matt and Simon.”

  “Yes, sir,” I answered.

  “Okay, I need to go, do as you’re told, Girl.” He repeated then hung up, my grandpa ever the chatty Kathy.

  I walked back inside where I found three grown men staring at the contents of our fridge like lost little boys, then as one, their eyes found me.

  I sighed loudly and as dramatically as possible, “Saul’s coming.”

  They all nodded their heads and turned to stare at the fridge, as if something would have miraculously shown up there in the past five seconds their heads were turned.

  “So who’s going to the grocery store with me?” I asked. Who knew a simple question could make three grown men run?

  Chapter 5

  I took a quick shower and got dressed. When I headed into the living room, I found all three of my housemates in front of the TV watching some football game. I walked over and stood in front of the TV, they immediately started shouting at me to get out of the way, but I ignored them and reached behind me looking for the power button. When I found it, I flipped it off, causing them to yell even more, I only smirked at them in reply.

  “Okay boys, we’re going grocery shopping.” I yelled over them. They all looked at me as if I had grown a second head.
“No, this is not debatable, we are all going to the store. I have no problem cooking for all of you, but I do draw the line at being the one stuck going to the store by myself.”

  “You’ll cook?” Kale asked, getting excited.

  “Yep.” I said popping the p at the end.

  “Then what are we waiting for, let’s go shopping!” Exclaimed Liam jumping off the couch and heading towards the door. I smile, looking over at the other two who were quickly following behind; I knew that would work.

  We went out and climbed on our bikes, I looked over and smiled at Simon, “Fancy a race?”

  He chuckled, “Sure, what do I get when I win?”

  “You can pick dinner tonight.” I stated then pulled my helmet on. Starting my bike, it wasn’t the deep throaty rumble of the others, my Ducati purred.

  I looked over and winked then hit the throttle, making it to the stop sign before he had the chance to leave the driveway. “You coming?” I yelled over at him and took off.

  I pulled into the parking lot, took my helmet off, and stood up waiting; they rolled in about a minute after me. I smiled over at Simon waiting for him to turn off his chopper, “So did I win?” He glared at me, while Liam and Kale took off their helmets chuckling at us.

  “What do you want?” He growled.

  “You’re on dish duty tonight.”

  “I fucking hate doing the dishes.” He complained.

  “I know,” I smiled evilly at him, “have fun.”

  I turned and headed into the store, wanting to get the shopping over quickly as possible. Since we were on bikes we couldn’t carry much, which is why I made them come with me, more space.

  When they caught up to me, I looked over at Kale, “Whatcha want for dinner, Kale?”

  “I get to pick?”

  “Yeah, you get to pick.”

  He smiled widely. “Breakfast.”

  I nodded expecting as much. “And what kind of breakfast do you want this time?”

  “Hmm, stuffed french toast?”

  “Okay, bacon?”

  “You really have to ask?”

  “Let’s go get stuff for breakfast. Liam leave the carts alone, no shopping cart races today.”

  He looked over at me and gave the best pouty face I had ever seen, only problem, I was immune. I shook my head at him, and pointed at Kale who took the buggy, and we headed off on our shopping excursion.

  An hour later, we stood out in the parking lot looking back and forth between the four bikes and the basket full of bags. Next time I would just go on my own, it was easier and with a lot less whining.

  “Okay, fill the saddle bags then we’ll go from there.” We played Tetris with the groceries until we finally got them all loaded and headed back to the house.

  When we got back to the rental, I let the guys bring the bags in while I went to work unpacking everything and storing it the way I wanted it. I knew from experience if I let them unpack, I would never find anything ever again. I could not believe the amount of crap they had snuck into the cart, I sighed when I found the third package of Oreos. I guess they each needed their own.

  Once I finally got things in the kitchen how I wanted them, I went in search of the three stooges. I didn’t have to look long, all three were once again parked in front of the TV.

  “Okay, everything is put away, if you move something put it back where you found it or I will remove your balls with a rusty spoon, everyone understand?” When they didn’t respond, I walked in front of the TV again, “Everyone understand?”

  “Yes,” they yelled in chorus.

  Liam looked over at me, “Really a rusty spoon?”

  I nodded, “Yep, a rusty dull spoon.”

  “You’re an evil bitch,” he said looking back at the game.

  “Just now figuring that out?” asked Simon.

  “Keep it up and she won’t cook,” stated Kale not removing his eyes from the football game, “and I want breakfast.”

  I looked up at the ceiling hoping for patience; it was like dealing with three very large, very loud, five year olds. “I am never having kids.” I muttered to myself and headed back to my room.

  I checked my cell and noticed that I had missed a call. I sat down and called my voicemail while pulling my boots off, it was the producer of the reality show. I was only half listening when I heard a name no one had breathed near me in years, my chest instantly tightened and all the air left my body. No, no, no, no, this cannot be happening, I thought while I slid off my bed onto the floor into the fetal position—the phone forgotten.

  I was woken up by my alarm clock screeching, I yawned and moved my arms to brush the hair out of my face, only I met resistance, I looked up and found that my hands were handcuffed to the bed. I started to panic looking around the room; I moved my legs only to find that I couldn’t move them either. I yelled out for Tristan, he was supposed to be taking care of me, and Daddy said he was in charge. I heard something move and I jerked my head towards the noise, Tristan stood there watching me, I screamed for him to let me go but he only laughed. I fought against the restraints wanting Cas at that moment; Cas would never let anything happen to me, he was my Prince Caspian. Tristan walked towards me and slapped me hard, I could taste blood in my mouth. I screamed out for Cas, wanting him to come save me. Tristan yelled at me to shut up, then hit me again, he hit me over and over and I couldn’t do anything, I couldn’t get away. Eventually I blacked out, when I woke back up I was still handcuffed to my bed but the room was empty and I hurt all over.

  “God damn it, Scout,” I heard someone yell. “Get the Haldol, and a syringe!” Then I was gone again in my own personal hell.

  He called me little one, he never said my name, only little one, he came back into my room shortly after I woke up calling me that name. He dumped a bucket of cold water on me, when I whined he hit me again, repeatedly. He hit me until I once again blacked out; I was beginning to prefer being unconscious, it didn’t hurt as much.

  “Fucking hell, Simon.” I heard a voice, it was not his voice it was a voice that meant I was safe. “What do we do now?”

  “We wait, Kale.” Another voice answered, another voice I knew, Simon, Simon would never let me be hurt.

  I was so cold when I woke up, and I was alone again. I was happy I was alone if he wasn’t here then he couldn’t hit me. I didn’t want him to hurt me anymore. I did not know what I had done to make him angry. Cas would never let him treat me like this, and Simon would wonder where I was since I wasn’t at school. Wait, what day was this? I couldn’t remember anymore, was I supposed to be in school?

  “Shhh, Scout,” a voice whispered. I tried to concentrate on that voice and I realized how tired I was. I felt my eyes close, but closing my eyes did not make me safe, it meant he could hurt me more. I whimpered when I felt someone run hands down my arm. “She’s so cold,” someone said, of course I was cold he dumped cold water on me and then left me. I fought for so long against closing my eyes only to realize they were closed and I couldn’t fight any longer.

  I bolted upright screaming, my voice sounded strange and my throat was sore. I instantly started looking around, I could hear voices, but I didn’t see anyone.

  “Not fucking again.” I heard Simon say, then the door opened and he walked in. “Scout, you here with us?”

  I nodded my head watching him warily. He slowed his pace and let me see his hands. I knew some place in my head that I could trust him, but I was foggy and it wasn’t all making sense.

  “Scout, you still here?”

  I nodded my head again, and opened my mouth to say something only my throat hurt so badly, I flinched.

  “You’re throat?” He guessed and I nodded. “Need a drink?” I nodded again. He looked over his shoulder and asked someone for a drink of water. It was starting to be less fuzzy and realized I was acting ridiculous, this was Simon. I let my body relax back into the bed.

  Kale walked into the room carrying a glass of water. I held my hand out for it and slig
htly sat up gulping the entire thing down, my meds always left me thirsty.

  “Another?”

  I nodded yes and laid back down, I was so tired. I looked over at Simon, he wore that look that I had gotten to know so well, this one was not minor. I realized at that moment that my hands hurt and arms stung. I looked down and saw the scratch marks on my arms, and my fingernails had blood under and around them. I looked over and found Simon watching me, “How bad?” I asked hoarsely.

  “Just your arms this time.” He replied sadly.

  I nodded and stared at the ceiling until Kale came back with more water.

  “Was it the voicemail?” Simon asked quietly. I rolled to my side and closed my eyes, the tears slipped out as if they had a will of their own; I nodded once.

  He sighed and I felt the bed dip, he knew enough not to actually touch me though. “He won’t come near you, Scout.”

  I nodded again and felt the pull of sleep; this time I kindly let it take me.

  Chapter 6

  We had been summoned to the principal’s office, or that’s what it felt like, when we were called and told we had to meet with the producer for a meeting. I had a feeling I knew what it was all about, but I still wasn’t working on all cylinders at this point. I never expected to see who I did sitting there in the office waiting. I stopped mid stride and stared at Father Dearest, trying to work out why he would be here, then it hit me because it was his shop. Simon put his hand on my shoulder and gently guided me to the farthest seat from him and the person that was sitting beside him.

  Once seated, I took a deep breath trying to keep my emotions in control. I’d been taught breathing exercises by different therapists, sometimes they helped, but not so much this time. My hands fisted and I could feel myself beginning to break out in a cold sweat, but I refused to let him see me break. So instead of looking at him I stared toward the producer, Marc, and waited for this to be over with. Simon reached out and uncurled my fingers, forcing them straight and blood flow to come back. I looked up at him and gave a nervous smile, he linked hands with me giving me a small squeeze and focused on Marc also.