Healing His Heart

by Carol Rose

  Spontaneously, she moved to him. More than anything, she needed to take away the raw agony holding him. Her hands gently held his face and pulled him down to her lips.

  He went stock still as she kissed him fiercely, the warmth of her mouth moving against his. He seemed so cold, so deep-down cold. He needed a fire to warm his heart, and this was all she could offer.

  His hands closed on her in a second, and she felt the angry pressure of his mouth on hers, savage. Possessing her, his touch carried rage and defiance. Fury drove him, but she knew his anger wasn't directed at her.

  Julia held still against his onslaught. She'd seen it in his eyes, the weight of knowledge and guilt. He labored with it and Julia felt the burden now as if it were her own. No matter what had happened to drive him away from medicine, he didn't deserve this punishment, this self-condemnation.

  He kissed her with bitterness, the fury of a man who lived with a failure he couldn't shake. He kissed her with need.

  And somewhere in that kiss, anger yielded to longing, darkness shifted to desire. The bruising pressure of his mouth eased into wooing, and Julia was lost.

  His tongue teased at the softness of her mouth, demanding, and she let him in with a welcoming murmur in her throat. Long nights had been haunted by the taste of Caleb. She knew the texture of his skin against her fingertips, knew the fire in his eyes. Her soul cried for his touch, the claim of his possession.

  Trembling, she was flooded with sensation, cascading from the sweet ravaging of his mouth. Pressed against the length of his hard male body, she couldn't have backed off from him anymore than she could have given up sunlight.

  An ache of arousal coursed through her. His sexuality was an unleashed power, out of control and she wanted more, wanted the force of his desire to spill over her.

  Anticipation beat through her with every pounding beat of her heart, and her hands locked behind his neck.

  Hot and deep, he kissed her, warming her body with his passion for her. He plundered her willing mouth until she shook. His teeth grazed her lower lip and fever spread through her.

  Powerful hands lifted and carried her from the living room, his mouth never leaving hers. Mindlessly, Julia twined her arms around him. The fire in her craved his fuel. The room shifted and she felt the firmness of the bed beneath her and the hard man above her at the same time. Their breath mingled, caught between them, shared like a prize.

  He would be her first lover and nothing had felt more right.

  Caleb shifted his body over hers, trailing his mouth along her neck as his fingers pushed against her blouse, tugging it from the waistband of her skirt. His knee wedged hard between her thighs, pressing against her softness. With a quick flip, he opened her bra. Bending to her breast, he wet the beaded nipple with the heat of his mouth.

  Arms tangled in the blouse above her head, Julia arched to the glory of his mouth. Caleb drew in her sensitive flesh, relishing its tautness with his tongue. Fire coursed over her, igniting from all points of contact. The roughness of his work-hardened hands shaped her breast, smoothing the rounded softness.

  Dimly, Julia heard hungry whimpers coming from her throat. His hand rubbed at the aroused nipple of one breast as his lips teased the other. A vortex of desire spiraled through her, coursing down between her legs. As if he knew, he moved against her, his hard thigh seducing her to ride him.

  His hand left her breast to stroke down her inner thigh. Julia arched to him, the heaven of his tongue swirling at her breast.

  Hunger thrummed between them, hot and powerful.

  She tasted like heaven. Caleb bent over her, hungrily, the blaze of desire burning him. The memory of her face as she had touched him that first night haunted him, seductive as the promise of sin. He wanted her. Wanted again that sensation in his belly, that moment of knowing himself to be much less than perfect, but feeling only her cherishing.

  Sex was readily available. But this woman, who touched him so lovingly, was rare. She gave him a glimpse of something that could not be real. He wanted it anyway.

  Brushing aside the cup of her bra, he bent to lavish his tongue on her other breast. Her pink nipple was tightly puckered, begging for his touch. Her skin smelled glorious, a faint, clean sweetness no perfume could ever duplicate. Tugging, he swirled his tongue around her nipple. He was drunk on the ambrosia of her.

  Days and nights, he'd kept thoughts of her at bay. But the answering leap in him to the sound of her voice, the ache she created in his bones, never left him. He lusted for her at this moment with a desire completely new to him.

  Light glowed from the living room, casting a pearly light over the glory of her nakedness. Taut above her, he suckled, drawing her softness into his mouth and gently rolling her nipple with his tongue until she moaned, thrusting against him.

  The soft dampness between her legs tempted him beyond measure. He was rock hard, the blood pounding in him so fiercely that he felt its throbbing throughout his body.

  "You are perfect," Caleb murmured. "Your body is so white against my hands."

  Leaning forward, he thrust himself gently against her. "Feel what you do to me, Julia. I'm burning. Do you feel me? I'm like this whenever you're around."

  He bent, sweeping his tongue along the side of her rosy-peaked mound, tasting her faint saltiness. Julia reached to hold his head to her breast, silently urging him to taste his fill.

  Murmuring against her warm flesh, he spoke, "Every night I lie in bed, hard as a rock, hurting for you. Remembering your skin against mine. Remembering your face when you touched me that night. God, Julia. Never touch a man like that unless you want him between your legs."

  "Yes," Julia writhed beneath him, arching against his thigh.

  Responding to her plea, Caleb slipped loose the button of her skirt and tugged it down over her hips. He pulled back, his mouth releasing her breast. She lay on the bed beneath him, her clothes tangled, her breath coming in gasps.

  A surge of power shook Caleb, a massive jolt of affirmation. He felt utterly alive, on fire with wanting. There were days when he felt he'd died with Erin, that he could never find himself again. Now kneeling above Julia's beautiful nakedness, his entire body vibrated with life.

  Spread before him, supplicant to his touch, she was a feast of sensual entreaty. Her arms reached up for him again and he bent down to press a string of kisses along her inner arm. Straightening, he slowly removed her pantyhose, trailing his fingers along her soft inner thighs and strong calves. Nothing felt as glorious as Julia.

  Julia moaned again and reached for him, tugging at his shirt buttons. Wanting to feel the slide of her skin against his as he entered her, he pulled at the constriction of clothes, ripping buttons off in his haste.

  When he was bare, his lips slanted over hers again. Tugging at her panties, he pushed against her, the ridge of his arousal hard against her soft belly.

  Shared need, sharp and driving, bound them together.

  Julia waited, the blood drumming in her veins as he knelt over her. He was magnificent. His powerful torso sloped down to firm, tight hips. Soon his erection would fill her deepest core. She'd waited for this moment, hungered for him.

  Reaching for his pants, he drew out a small packet. The light from the living room cast his face into shadow as he tore it open. Impulsively, Julia leaned forward, her hands trembling slightly as she took the condom from him.

  "Let me do it," her voice came out in a husky whisper. He flinched and then groaned as her fingers smoothed the heat of his arousal. Carefully, she stroked the thin covering over his erection, feeling the fine tremors of his control.

  Caleb's hand pushed her back. He loomed above her, his gaze scorching her nakedness. The touch of his eyes ran over her like flaming velvet. She shook with wanting.

  The intensity of his eyes met hers before his gaze wandered down the length of her, laid out on the bed. And then, lifting her hips for his thrust, he sank into her softness inch by inch.

  She felt the slight, painle
ss resistance of her body and then its gradual adjustment to his entrance.

  Totally sheathed in her, Caleb stopped and bent down to trail murmured kisses along her cheek.

  "God, you feel good around me."

  "Ah...." Julia moved against him urgently, pleasure radiating through her. Responding to her need, Caleb thrust long and slow, sending waves of erotic sensation through her body. He bent forward, murmuring his desire in her ear, tender words spilling from him like unstructured poetry.

  "I've ached for you like this, love. Your body under mine..." His words trailed off as the rhythm of their bodies increased.

  Julia was aware of little else but the fire building in her. The sound of his breathing washed over her. His touch spoke of his deep need to cherish her with his body. She welcomed him in with each thrust, gasping his name as tremors shuddered through her. Clenching in the grip of glorious waves, she felt the tightening of his body in response as his release filled her.

  *

  Caleb cradled her to him, their legs intertwined. She felt so good, soft and warm. With each breath he took, his amazement increased. He wasn't an inexperienced man. But he'd never in his life, ever experienced this. The word chemistry didn't describe the explosion that had just happened between them.

  Her breathing slowed, and Caleb found his matching, even and deep. Every particle of his body seemed in harmony with the universe; he'd never felt so peaceful. He felt himself sinking into sleep, and wondered when was the last time he'd actually slept with a woman.

  She threaded her fingers through his chest hair, rumpling, then smoothing it. As her hand swept from his pectorals down to his navel, he felt himself harden, swelling to reach to her. Brushing down over his stomach, her hand bumped his erection. In a boldly erotic move that took him by surprise, she stroked down the length of his arousal and gently cupped the rest of him. Caleb started.

  Swiftly turning to face her, he instigated some exploration of his own. He gloried in the satin smoothness of her skin. The contrast of his suntanned hand against her breast could be clearly seen even in the dim light of the bedroom.

  He explored the perfect hollow at the top of her thigh, the curve of her hip. Lying on his side next to her, his erection brushed against her thigh. His fingers sizzled, stroking ever so gently down her belly until her breathing was as ragged and broken as his own.

  They came together again in a passionate rush, impatient for the moment of union. Thrusting together, the sweet fire of completion consumed them. Caleb held her to him, gasping as their mutual climax sub-sided. It wasn't until minutes later that he realized she hadn't spoken at all in the last hour.

  They lay together in silence, not stirring until Julia got up to go to the bathroom. Caleb watched her, a pale and lovely shadow in the dim light.

  He stretched back on the pillows, feeling more complete than he could remember. The past hour had been a revelation. He hadn't known how desperately, hungrily, he could take a woman, lose himself in her, body and soul.

  Brushing back the sheets, eager to tuck her glorious nakedness against his own again, Caleb glanced down.

  There was a spot of blood on the sheets.

  Instantly, he hoped she wouldn't be embarrassed. He'd heard that some women experienced their highest sex drive at the end of their cycles. It was a natural process and for some reason, Caleb hated the thought that she might be uncomfortable with him. Her body was a work of art. How could its natural rhythms be anything other than acceptable?

  When she stepped out of the bathroom a moment later, he found himself wanting to reassure her, set her at ease. Being open about the blood on the sheet seemed the best course.

  "I guess we didn't time this well," Caleb said gently, moving his hand slightly to indicate the stain.

  Julia stopped beside the bed, staring down, her expression unreadable in the darkness.

  "Don't worry about it," he said, stretching his hand out to her. "Come on. We'll scrunch together on this side. I don't want you far from me anyway."

  "Caleb," she said slowly, allowing him to take her hand and tug her back into bed. "It's not what you think."

  "No?" He pulled her closer, reveling in the slide of her smooth skin against his.

  "No," Julia responded, lying very still next to him. "It just surprised me because I'm a little old to have an intact hymen and there wasn't any pain."

  "What?" He'd heard the words, but the obvious message didn't make sense. An intact hymen? No pain?

  "You were a virgin?" Caleb heard himself ask incredulously.

  "Yes." She looked up at him, a question in her eyes.

  He'd gotten his wish. Julia didn't seem the least bit embarrassed by the natural consequences of her first copulation. Caleb, however, felt stunned.

  It just didn't make sense. Julia was the sexiest, most sensual, desirable woman he'd ever known. And she'd reached her late twenties without ever having intercourse? "You've never had sex before?"

  "No, I haven't."

  He shook his head. "And you didn't plan to mention this?"

  She drew a deep breath. "It didn't seem...pertinent."

  "Of course, it's pertinent," he retorted. "For one thing, I could have hurt you. And for another...didn't you think I had a right to know?"

  "I knew you wouldn't hurt me," she said, sifting slim fingers through the hair on his chest. "If there had been any discomfort, I was so far gone, I wouldn't have noticed."

  No man could help but be flattered by that, Caleb acknowledged to himself. But he still felt indignant for some reason. Making love to Julia had just about shattered him. He couldn't imagine better sex, but this had been a moment for her, a hugely significant initiation. He should have known, should have...shared it with her in a conscious way.

  "Would knowing have kept you from being with me?"

  Caleb looked down at her, her bare breasts gleaming white in the dark room. She smelled soft and sweet, her leg tucked intimately between his. He could feel himself getting hard again, his erect penis brushing against her soft stomach.

  Nothing would have kept him from her. There were lots of reasons not to want her, but none of them had mattered.

  "No," he acknowledged.

  Julia ducked her head, snuggling closer. "Then let's just forget about it."

  He should have, Caleb knew. But he couldn't.

  How could she be a virgin at this point in her life? Julia was a doctor, for God's sake, not a nun.

  "Julia," he started, sure he'd regret it. "Why exactly haven't you...."

  "I thought you'd ask," she said, a humorous tone in her voice.

  "You don't have to explain."

  "I know," she said reflectively, "but I think I should."

  Caleb waited, his mind racing through all the reasons a sensual woman like Julia would withhold from such an important part of being an adult.

  "I fell in love when I was seventeen," she said.

  It wasn't what he expected her to say, but Caleb kept quiet despite the pit that had opened in his stomach.

  "He was older," she murmured. "Only a little, but my parents were still hesitant to let me date a twenty year old."

  "I should think so," Caleb interjected. The bastard must have hurt her badly.

  "But Steven won them over. He was working, supporting himself and going to college all at once. I still don't know how he managed to find time for me."

  She didn't sound like a jilted woman. Instead, her voice was warm with a remembered sweetness. Her fondness for this guy still threaded through each word. But how could a happy love affair keep her celibate even in the prime of life?

  "I wasn't a very secure teenager," Julia said. "Remember I told you my father was in the service? We'd moved all over and it always took me a while to settle in. But Steven was so nice. I never felt uncomfortable with him."

  It suddenly occurred to Caleb that she couldn't say the same about him.

  She stirred against him. ''I'm sorry to say I've never had much of a relationship w
ith my father. He was used to barking out orders and making decisions for everyone. That kind of thing leaves you wondering if you can do anything for yourself.

  "But Steven believed in me," she said, unmistakable love in her voice. "I confided my most secret dreams in him and then he asked me over and over why they had to be just dreams. Steven was the one who insisted I plan to take pre-med courses in college. "When I questioned whether I should even go to college, he marched me to the SAT test and insisted I give myself a chance."

  Listening without comment, Caleb couldn't help admitting that the guy sounded like an angel. Hell, who wouldn't fall in love with him? So where was he? And why hadn't this Steven been the one to initiate Julia into the world of physical desire?

  "He was incredible," Julia said softly.

  "So why wasn't he your first lover?" Caleb asked, more bluntly than he'd intended.

  A gentle smile curved Julia's lips. "Steven said I was too young. He could wait, he said. I didn't like it at the time, but what choice did I have?

  "Later," she continued sadly, "I almost hated him for it."

  "Later?"

  "After the accident." Her voice was even. "For years I wished I could have had one night with him."

  "Steven is dead?" Caleb recognized how sick at heart he felt to be glad of this.

  "Ten years," Julia told him. "A car accident. He was in a coma for days. I'd never felt more frustrated and helpless in my life. I remember standing by his bed, holding his hand and trying to make all kinds of deals with God."

  Julia shook her head slightly, her face somber. "My father didn't want me at the hospital. He said it was better for me to 'forget' Steve since he'd be a vegetable if he survived."

  Okay, so her father was a bastard.

  "I suppose he thought he was trying to protect me. I know down deep my dad really loves me, but at the time it felt like my whole world was ending."

  She'd been only eighteen, in love for the first time, and facing her lover's death alone. How had she managed? Who'd comforted her then, when the most important person in her life had been so cruelly ripped away from her?