A Life Plan Without You.

by Christine Wood

  “I will be okay sleeping sat up as long as Michelle is sleeping I wouldn’t want to disturbed her, I’ve done the sleeping in a chair at the hospital more than I care to remember Susan, because Mum has falls all the time.” He had his arm over me. He plays with the curls and strokes my forehead lightly leaning down and kissing it, I murmur and cuddle into him. I’m going to die a virgin, bummer and then I sleep.

  I watched as she slept, her head is nestled in my lap and as she rested I ran my hands through her hair, fed and watered by Susan she would smile and ask did I need anything.

  “No thanks Susan I will be fine, the coffee is good and I can sleep sat up I have enough practice with Mum in hospital, does Michelle get ill a lot?”

  “No she hasn’t had a day off school or college even when she was having lady troubles!” Great do I blush now?

  “Um all male house Susan, so I wouldn’t know?” She laughs!

  “No she jogs eats well and generally she hasn’t the time for being ill. Were you meant to be doing anything special tonight?”

  “No just pizza and listening to records, she won’t be in work for a while, can you ring them for her in the morning?”

  “Her Aunty Liz will do it at six because she was meant to be in the bakery tomorrow. Still she has never let them down in all the time she has been there. She will be panicking about the things she was going to get with her wages!” Umm interesting, I wonder what she needs?

  “What did she need Susan?”

  “Bloody underwear, and things her Gramps didn’t buy her, but her wardrobes got more dresses in it than it ever has. She has a thing for this new stuff, anything to do with you?” I know I blushed then!

  “I wouldn’t like to say, but I suppose with the new dresses she likes to feel good as well as look good!” Nice save Todd.

  “When the doctor asked if she was pregnant, I thought she may have not taken her pill, she doesn’t normally forget them…”

  “We haven’t Susan, that was not a lie, I promised Mick and I keep my promises.” Just then the door downstairs slammed shut.

  “Good Micks home he may be drunk, or had a few and ask you stuff, be honest and you will be fine, well if you’re okay, if you get the chance sleep in Becky’s bed it has fresh sheets on. She’s lucky to have you care so much, night Sam.” I smiled as she snuggled into my lap, not at all arousing having her so near me. That thought soon put away as I hear her dad coming up the stairs quickly, the door opens as he comes to inspect his little girl. I guess you always do worry about your children.

  “The doctor says it’s a painful water infection, she will be fine, her temperatures down and she is sleeping now.”

  “She was sick Susan said she was sick, she’s never sick, is she…”

  “No as I told the doctor her aunt and Susan I promised I wouldn’t and we haven’t I keep my word, I promise she hasn’t been touched!”

  “Sam I had to ask she is never ill!”

  “When I give my word I stick to it, though we both want to, I…”

  “Just treat her well that’s all I ask and if you held her hair whilst she spewed I guess you like my little girl!”

  “I love your little girl very much I always have Mick.”

  “Well, I will leave you to it, do you need anything?”

  “No I’m fine Mick really fine, she should sleep all night, and she was so tired after being sick.” He smiled and shut the door and I kissed her head.

  “I have done it baby I proved I loved you. So get better baby please get well, I kept my promise and he’s fine with us now.” I threw the pillow at her side and curved around her body even this way she is nice to sleep next to!”

  I woke later to find Sam curled around my head and back. I woke him and told him to lie down and sleep. He moved over me and I lay against his chest, he put his arms around me and slept. Dad had gone to work and mum had checked in on me and she too had gone to work. Sam was still here.

  “Sam, wake up your late for work, Angel get up your late for work.” He smiled.

  “Good job I’ve booked two weeks off yesterday then.” He kissed my head and hugged me.

  “Are you feeling better now? You worried me when you didn’t show up at mine. Coming up and finding you ill, wasn’t what I expected to find.” I was embarrassed and hid my face.

  “You watched me being sick and then cleaned it up.” He sat up and pulled me to him.

  “You needed me to help you and you wouldn’t let anyone else help. Your Aunts a nice lady, even your Mum was worried, and your dad sat and we had a chat whilst you were out of it too.” Oh, my word, he had watched me be sick, my doctor had embarrassed him, and he was still here.

  “What did you chat about, deflowering his daughter?” He smiled.

  “Not specifically, but I did tell, him how much you meant to me, I think he knows we’re serious Missy.”

  “I remember asking you to stay, didn’t think you would.” I was lucky and he had now seen me at my worst. “Thank you.” He got up and ran me a bath. “I smell that bad? Go get a drink and something to eat. I think I’ve got the bath covered.” He shook his head.

  “I can’t leave you in case you fall or pass out, we can't be too careful.” He undressed me and put me in the bath. Now I was embarrassed, he though actually smiled and went to make himself a drink. “I just wondered if I’d get away with it.” I'd give him that, after all, he had held my head, as I was sick and then cleaned it up. I love this man, getting out of the bath I wrapped the towel around me and went back to my bedroom, where he was on Becky’s bed watching me.

  “You’re taking this Doctor Sam thing to a whole new level Sam.” He smiled.

  “Clean pyjamas and back in bed. Please baby, you need to get some rest.” He watched as I dressed.

  “Turning the tables on me Sam?” He sat on the bed and watched me getting, dried and changed, he passed me my fluffy pyjamas he raised the sheets and then ordered me into bed.

  “Shift yourself over I’m knackered too. Dealing with a sick Michelle’s hard work.” I moved to the edge of the bed and he jumped in behind me he hugged me tightly.

  “Now sleep I will be here when you wake up. I’m not going anywhere, until later, and then I have to see Mum.” We slept, me I felt safe and loved asleep in his arms. Only waking when mum came to get Sam it was nearly time for visiting at the hospital.

  “Mum, what time is it?” Sam woke.

  “Thanks Susan I need to go and see Mum, she will only panic if I don't make an appearance. Go back to sleep Michelle, I have to see Mum. Good job I left Susan a note or I would have slept all day you Missy are so nice to sleep next to.” He climbed out of bed kissing me as he climbed over me. He sat on the bed just looking at me. Boy I must look a mess; he smiles and runs his finger down my face.

  “I love you Michelle and seeing you like that really hurt, are you sure you're feeling better?”

  “I'm fine Sam, well I will be, are you coming back or going home? Sorry I messed it up being sick last night, Sam, thank you.” He held me close feeling his breath against my neck was so soothing.

  “You didn’t mess up, and it was nice helping you. Now the sooner I leave, the sooner I get back to you Missy. Go back to sleep.” I was tired and feeling like I’d had been kicked in the kidneys. He kissed my head and smiled as he left my room.

  “Hurry back then, I'm missing you already.” I took one of the pills I had been given I lay down and watched as he left the house waving as he did. I snuggled under the sheets and fell asleep.

  “Hello, Mum, sorry I didn’t get here last night Michelle was taken ill we had to get the doctor out to see to her.” I gave her a kiss and the fudge from Blackpool.

  “Is she all right Sam it’s not serious is it? She is going to be all right isn’t she?” I smiled. My mother was worried about Michelle. What was it with the two most important women in my life, caring so much about each other, this girl stuffs foreign to me?

  “Yes Mum, she will be fine she has a b
ad kidney and water infection, she must have caught a chill, and it made her really sick.” I sat on her bed and watched as she ate her dinner. I tell her all about Blackpool and taking JJ she laughs when I tell her about the old women thinking he was our son.

  “My Grandbabies will be beautiful Sam, especially if they look like Michelle and have your dark eyes and hair.” I smile because I picture them with her beautiful blue eyes! As she listens to the rest of our day, laughing at JJ's tall tales, Jimmy and Andy came in, saw I was there and asked where I was last night. Cheeky sods normally it’s me here all the time.

  “Michelle was really ill last night, she had to have the doctor out and well she couldn’t be left. I’m going back to see her after I’ve been here.” They smiled and told me to go. Did I look that worried? I gave mum a hug and said I’d be up tomorrow, with Michelle if she was better! The lads laughed at my concern, and were shouted at by mum. I hope that the promise of Michelle coming would cheer her up. I headed back to Michelle’s, this nursing the sick larks hard work. I knocked on the front door and I’m told to come in. Susan was in the kitchen.

  “She has gone out, before you shout… Her rabbits she’s had forever have all just been picked up she was so upset and may be at the swings in the park, she used to go there a lot when she was upset or down.” Oh poor baby, this is going to hurt her, she was only showing me them the other day, her babies.

  I woke up washed and changed, tied my hair up and went down stairs nobody was in typical I could have been dying and nobody was in. I made myself a drink and went to sort out my rabbits. I had arranged for a friend who was starting to breed them for showing, to come and collect the lot. I didn’t have time for them anymore and today they would be gone. I cleaned them brushed them, cried over them. Mum came to the gate as I finished, timing it perfectly as they had come to collect them.

  “Mum they’re all done, can you see them off? I’m going for a walk to the park. I don’t want to see them go.” She didn’t argue and I left by the gate. I ended up at the park swings, sitting for what seemed like forever just sat crying. I hadn’t been to the park in ages. I stood up on the seat and swung like mad. I hadn’t done this in ages, not since I clonked Mandy on the head, I giggled remembering the first time I’d tried to kick the seat over the top bar by jumping of mid swing and heaving it over, whilst flipping the seat over your head, very cool if you could. One last try I’m getting too old for that now, I was as high as I could get and held my left leg under the seat and flipped it up and over whilst jumping under the seat and jumping clear of the now spinning over the bar seat.

  “Yes done it.” I did a victory lap of the swing.

  “Very nice, now how do you intend to get it back down?” I turned pretty damn sharp I thought the park keepers had rumbled me. It was their task to unwind the caught up seats, I turned to apologize to find Sam was watching me and smiling, he was going to shout.

  “How long have you been there Sam?” I ran and jumped into his arms. He somehow managed to sit on a swing, whilst still having me dangle on his lap.

  “This isn’t sleeping, nor is it getting rest and long enough to see that you’re not resting.” I was so happy to see him.

  “I needed fresh air and to get out just whilst the rabbits were being picked up.” I moved, so my legs were over his and I was facing him. “How did you know where I was anyhow?” He now had his hands on my bum.

  “Your Mum told me you would be in here. You need to get back to bed.” I smiled, umm in bed with Sam.

  “I like where I’m sat right now thank you, though the bed thing sounds like it could be fun Sam.” I kissed him. “Sam, how is your Mum?” Change of subject, he’s enjoying the bum massage, this I’m good at apparently.

  “She’s fed up and wants to come home, so that’s what we’ve decided, she comes home Monday. Stop wiggling that backside of yours please.” Busted, he knew what I was playing at. I'll fain ignorance.

  “What? I am not doing anything. So, it’s a good job you booked time off then. I can help out if you want?” He smacked my backside.

  “Stop it, please. Nice as it is…” I finished his sentence.

  “There’s a time and place… I know that’s my line you’re quoting back at me Samuel Todd.” I did get a kiss. “I don’t want to go back yet, can we go for a walk?”

  “If you want, where do you want to go?”

  “Just by the river and if nobody’s in at yours, on the way back you can cook me dinner.” He laughed.

  “You want me to cook for you?” I actually wanted more than food.

  “Why, how bad are you, burn toast badly?”

  “Pretty much Missy that’s why I want to marry a chef, I frequently burn toast and explode boiled eggs, so come on then hang on whilst I shuffle off this damn swing, you should be in bed!” I kiss him to shut his moaning up! We got there, after a bit of a longer walk than I thought, I wanted the talk…

  “We need to talk about taking us, to the next level Sam, I’m not too sure I can wait much longer, and I’m so frustrated Sam.”

  “I can’t wait either and I’m sorry it’s taken me so long to sort my head out, but what about a nice hotel on Saturday? I will book it and we will go away for the weekend?”

  “Yes oh yes please I love you oh wait it will have to be next weekend though, I have a visitor this week.” He smiled, and agreed bloody hell. The house was empty when we got back no notes. Jimmy was at his aunt’s he’d no idea where his dad was, and Andy was more than likely at Zoë’s house.

  “What are you cooking then Sam?” He thought I was joking.

  “Really you want me to cook for you?”

  “Really, yes I do.” I watched as he went to the kitchen and started, opening and shutting cupboard doors.

  “Need a hand in there.” He swore.

  “I think I can just about manage dear.” I got up and went in the kitchen. He had stuff out, but hadn’t a clue what he was doing.

  “How about we give making food a miss and do something else instead dear?” He didn’t need telling twice. I was over his shoulder and carried upstairs. Who needs food?

  “What are you doing to me Michelle?” I knew what I wanted damn it.

  “Sorry Sam, that’s not going to happen today, I can’t I’m on my period.” He slid on the bed and kissed me.

  “Argh that’s what you meant by visitor? I thought your family had people coming? We don’t always have to do anything your cuddles and kisses are more than fine with me.” He was very good at those two things. The front door slammed. Damn, we were in the midst of a bloody great make out session too.

  “Hello, who’s in?” Andy had arrived home. We got up and went down stairs to meet him.

  “Why? What do you want?”

  “Fancy coming out with me a game of snooker or something?” I looked at Sam I was tired I’d over done it with the walking.

  “Sam you go. I need to get some sleep, but drop me off at home on your way up there.” He looked at me.

  “Really, are you sure about that?” I wanted him with me.

  “You don’t spend time with your friends or enough time with just Andy since we started going out, please do the things you did before. Chasing the girls is out though.” He kissed me.

  “Why would I chase anyone when I have you?” Oh my, yes he did. We walked up to mine, I gave him a quick kiss, and he left with his brother, waving as they turned the corner. Bath and bed for me I stank, I didn’t want to tell him I had a raging temperature, and felt like being sick again. Nice hot bath and fluffy pyjamas, clean bedding it was lush and the best feeling in the world getting into a fresh bed. Pills and painkillers taken and I slept all night.

  “Right soft lad! What’s the story with you and Michelle? Mum says Michelle is pregnant? Her Grandbabies are going to be beautiful, that’s all she talked about, are you fucking mad?” I smiled.

  “No, she isn’t Andy we haven’t done that yet. We took her brother to Blackpool and people presumed he was Michelle’s
and mine. She just said our children would be beautiful, stop with the questions now, I’m not discussing my love life.”

  “Sam what the sodding hell are you waiting for? She is damn near perfect and you’re stupid if you don’t want to, some of the dogs that you’ve been with over the past two years have been damn ugly! I can’t get over the first really decent girl you get and then you decide to have issues with shagging.”

  “I know but I want to be married before I do that with her! She’s considering it too! You know I have some dark shit going on, and why I can’t get over what Janet did! Then what I did to all those girls, there were too many and I shouldn’t have, it was wrong on so many levels, something I’m not proud of my fucking nick-name! I only hope she doesn’t find out about it, I don’t want her to hate me like I do myself! I’m doing it the proper way this time, Michelle is the one, the only one I want!”

  “What you’ve asked a kid to marry you?”

  “That kid is eighteen, and she gave you some bloody good advice, which you were happy enough to take, she is a hell of a lot more switched on to things than you know! I know she has figured out some of our shit, and I haven’t told her jack about it! She may be young, but she’s the one I need in my life!”

  “Well yes, she did and well, she is a bit old in her head way older than our idiot brother, but don’t leave it too long or you may lose her! The way she looks, you do know she is watched when we go out all the time?” I knew it and was proud to have her on my arm and they can look all they want to she’s mine.

  “It will never happen with anyone but me Andy! They can look all they want she’s mine. She loves me too much and I love her. I’ll be sorting a weekend away next weekend too! I fancied whisking her off to Paris or somewhere just as romantic, but she hasn’t a passport! So I’m thinking London for a show and then a couple of nights in The Dorchester and then get her ring from a nice jewellers down there, I want the night to be special, she is so worth every penny it will cost.”