“Your into rope play and heavy sadomasochism, some very dark sex games and your right, ones I don’t want to know about, that isn’t love Andy, and that’s your trouble, its torture and pain and domineering there’s no love in that for you to get hurt, and that suits you Andy, but not Sam and certainly not me, but hey it would be a pretty damn boring place if we were all the same, wouldn’t it?”
He looked very shocked at what I did know. I also knew from the pain his eyes and from the woman at his side he was tortured and abused, she said he was much troubled and disappeared saying he was in love with the wrong girl, he loved me, and loving me meant, we would end in tears, he would destroy me and I was to be careful, I had to be careful, he would destroy me if I wasn’t careful. She walked away, and I watched she disappeared, leaving me to think about her words, a tad cryptic, but I laughed, because Andy wasn’t capable of that type of love and he knew I loved only Sam not him. Damn these visions, they never tell me how to stop something just that its coming.
“Well, aren’t you the dark horse Michelle Welles? Back to the house, not to put too fine a point on it she’s good at what she does, but all that was before she used my weak link in my armour, you see she knew Sam was, and still is my weakest link, he always has been and always will be, he’s my baby brother like you are with little JJ? I will kill for him and to keep him from danger Michelle, and don’t think I’m joking. He is the one I will walk over hot coals to make sure nothing bad happens to him. I love Mum and Jimmy, but for so long it was me and him against Dad and that made me need to protect him.
Janet, that fucking bitch knew this, and well she used him against me, my brother, she made him her pawn, and dragged him into her web of deceit. Please believe me I knew nothing about it until, well I went for a session at the house and he came running out of the house. I thought he was just using it, to lose it the house is a brothel. I wrongly thought he’d paid for a girl. He was painfully shy, he was a skinny kid with spots and nothing like he is now, he couldn’t catch a cold let alone a girl and as you correctly pointed out, his friends had done it he wanted not to be left out, and I had suggested it, as a way to lose his virginity.
I knew what Janet was capable of, she’s good at what she does Michelle, it was my fault she dragged him into our seedy circle, he never knew about me and I certainly didn’t know we were sharing a girl, as soon as I found out I broke all contact. Sam walked in on Janet with another fella and it broke his heart, it fucked him up in so many ways and all that was my fault too. Please if you do nothing else don’t tell him. I will tell him eventually but for now, please we have too much other crap to sort out without her too.”
“I wouldn’t want to upset him, the things I heard her saying, made me want to kill her. If he had just told me, I would have been better prepared. However, we sorted it and I told him just enough to appease his need to ask more. I’m not stupid I know it would hurt him knowing you did her too. I’m glad photo girl has a name. I promise not to say anything, unless it comes between us and well I'll give you the heads up first, and we haven’t had sex, Andrew Todd. He’s definitely is messed up in that department, but well, when he’s ready, we will.”
“Thanks Michelle, it was all her doing, I would never hurt him like that ever, and you’re some kind of girl, Michelle. I wish I’d seen you first you may have been able to save me too. Sam is so in love with you, don’t hurt him Michelle ever, losing you I think would kill him, your sickly perfect together, and you’re the one he needs to fix him, we all needed you it seems.
I really thought the damn Michelle from summer, was a pain in the bum. You though are slowly growing on me. He’s right I can’t tell why you are as you are you’re a sodding mystery. I don’t know there’s something familiar about you, it’s like I know you, or have known you, yes stupid I know I had left school before you came, it’s just a nagging thing at the back of my head. I just don’t know you are a mystery Michelle a damn mystery, sent to save the bloody Todd’s from Dennis Todd hell.” He walked me to the door, gave me a quick peck on the cheek. I’d broken the rule about being alone with Andy, but I had no choice, and the talk I think cleared a few things up, and made sense of what this Janet had said.
“Thanks for today Michelle, It’s not too late to swop brothers, you know?”
“Erg what did you say earlier about loving your brother Andy, me swopping brothers even if I wanted to be so stupid, would hurt him too much? I love him and only him, you had your warning when you had your hand on my knee, no Andy, Sam is all I want, sorry but he is… Besides your way too old for me, old man.”
“You are wonderful and my brother doesn’t know how lucky he is, and no I know it would kill him if I did anything to spoil it between you two, and me and you, only in my dreams Sister Dearest. You and Sam are perfect and well enough mush, you really don’t know how this will change everything for us, tonight was the best night I have had in a long time, knowing Mum is finally out of there and for that I am thankful really I am and you Michelle are just what my family needed and we will be good for you too.
Get some sleep and good luck in your exams tomorrow he will be fine in the morning, he will take an age to sober up too, he’s not a great drinker it makes him do and say stupid things.” Seems I did the right thing. I know he says some stuff when he’s drunk it’s called the truth and for that I’m glad he did get drunk and tell me everything well almost everything. I needed sleep and lots of it.
“Wake up pisshead, now.” I’m being shaken awake.
“Who put me to bed? What time is it? Where’s Michelle? Why is my head thumping?”
“That would because you got hammered last night, it’s eight o’clock and I have to get to work. Michelle got you home and I walked her home, you had her pinned down under you she couldn’t move!”
“We had sex and I passed out on top of her?”
“Err, I don’t know what you did but she was fully clothed and I don’t think sex was involved though, what the hell were you drinking?”
“Oh a lot of lager and double whiskey chasers, I needed it, but fuck I can’t remember getting home, was she dead angry with me?”
“Yeah, she dumped you…” I jumped out of bed…
“What fuck I have to get to her why did she dump me after she said yes she would marry me?” I began crying like a child, who had dropped his ice cream on the floor…
“Fuck I was only joking, Sam I was joking sorry, please stop crying I was pulling your leg!”
“You bastard that was below the belt, was she fine when you got her home?” Thank fuck I can’t lose her I love her and she has my heart wrapped so tightly in her hands, I can’t breathe when I see her and realise she’s mine, oh hell I need her and soon.
“Yes sorry she was and she is some sort of girl. I may have a crush on your fiancée bro, here take these she left them for you and drink that drink there, apparently it’s good to rehydrate you?” I took the three pills and drank the flat lemon drink, she is so thoughtful and I bet damned mad at me?
“Umm, join the fucking club. She is off the market and has been since she met me!” I look and realise he is smiling at me I look that bad eh?
“Right I’m off to work and Michelle left your wallet under the mattress, as it seems she knows our Father only too well. She scribbled a message on your hand too, I’m off and you stink!”
“I need more sleep, thanks for getting her home in one piece!” He laughed and left me suffering on the bed. I collapsed back on it and pass out again.
I wake up in desperate need of a pee and I stumble out of bed and fall to the floor with a thud, fuck why is it spinning out of control? I crawl to the toilet and I quite spectacularly throw up, great I am never drinking again. I stand and try to pee, leaning against the wall to steady myself, I did this last night too, then I laugh, I have a flashback, Michelle had to toilet me, and she held my soldier as I arsed around, happy thoughts. I wash and add bleach to the stinky mess and flush the toilet, definitely never drin
king to excess ever again!
I look at my hand I have to meet her at two at college, opps best I try to get ready, I risk a shave and a have a quick shower apparently I stink? I look at myself in the mirror, who got me in these pyjamas, Andy? I make my delicate way to the wardrobe and get a clean pair of boxers and black chinos, fuck this is hard work. My bloody legs don’t want to go in the bloody things, I manage just and then grab a tee shirt and shirt, even more bloody obstacles to get my arms into, it’s taking me forever as I grab the socks I sit on the bed and attempt to put them on. I lie down and admit defeat I can’t do this. I remember I was wanking last night who finished me off? Fuck how did I get home I pray to God it was with Michelle? Hell I didn’t bring someone else home, no I was with her all night, and did Andy say we broke up? No…
I have a flashback, (my alcoholic amnesia is a fucker; I hardly ever remember anything I do after indulging in copious amounts of alcohol and I consumed loads last night!) I remember the wank though, and showing her how I did it before her, thank God it was Michelle, and umm it’s twitchy dick time again, she finished it for me, my memory is coming back, I hope!
I get the bloody socks on and shoes too, I put the Bally slip on’s on as I can’t do bloody laces too not today! I put on my watch and grab for my wallet, shit where is it? I look in the drawers and on my shelf. Then I get an idea to look under the mattress. Thank God it’s there. Michelle must have put it there or Andy? I need to be off, but I need to sober up a little, so drink a couple of cups of strong coffee, I know I have said this before but I am never drinking again, ever!
Dad comes downstairs and he looks rougher than me, he has a shiner and a bruise or two on his forehead, I wonder if he remembers? He says nothing and fucks off, I laugh his eyes are a mess and she has broken his nose! I need to get to college to pick her up and quickly, she will be finishing soon, my fiancée, and oh hell I remembered she agreed to marry me. I have another flashback remembering her saying she would and I smile. I really need to see her and as I arrive she is screaming abuse at Becks and a bunch of girls, my baby has a very loud gob! I watch as she kicks and hits the ball, she’s bloody good as she saves and kicks the balls at the girls several at a time. Good she has finished and has seen me. Umm my girl is beautiful…
CHAPTER 12
Waking in the morning, I’m refreshed and strangely happy. I am engaged and wondering if my fiancé remembers we are? I wondered too if Sam is awake yet? I doubt he is sober though, how did he get so drunk? Either way he would be nursing one hell of a headache, come hangover. Jimmy was getting out of Aunty Allison’s car, as I arrived at college.
“Are you, all right Jimmy?” He smiled.
“Yes, thanks, can I ask…”
“I won’t tell anyone it’s no one else’s business but yours and your families. Right exam to be done Jimmy walk this way?” He laughed.
“Prefer not to, Michelle I’ll walk proper thanks.” Funny hearing him laugh.
“Your brother was wasted last night, so he may have a headache, drunken Sam was bloody hard work, was Emma alright this morning?”
“Yes, she slept really well, and ate her breakfast and was so different, I have never seen her so happy. Sam was drunk really? He’s not been wasted in a while, New Year I think, even then he came home as bloody miserable as sin, his hangover took a couple of days, he stopped in bed. He’s a funny drunk, cries a lot, after he comes home, he’s full of sadness because he well he…”
“I know Jimmy, he came back from his nights out full of shame and regret for the things he did to the girls, believe it or not he has told me some really bad stuff how he is, hell I mean how he was a whole load of a man whore. I know Jimmy he told me that first night, he tells me something’s and hides others, but he’s letting me in slowly. He will be in a sorry state and boy I’m going to enjoy tormenting him, wanna join in?” He laughed. He had his arm over my shoulder when we entered the gym Karen was wide eyed and smiling, umm dream on Karen.
“See you later, Sister Dearest, oh and you are too, part of our family, congratulations on the engagement, our Mum loves her new Daughter.” Oh, my word he actually said that aloud. The wasp gawped and Tasha smiled, Karen well, what can I say apart from, thanks Jim Bob.
“Jimmy, that wasn’t common knowledge yet you blabber mouth, he hasn’t asked Dad yet.” I laughed. Her face was a picture. I did my maths exam not my best subject in the world because maths and I did not understand each other at all. When am I going to need to know, algebra doing cooking? The square root of a leg of lamb, is…? I laugh Pythagoras isn’t a great help in making an apple pie either, oh my jokes are shit.
I had a goal keeping practice straight after the exams with the girls from my old school we share the field and the coach. It was like yesterdays practice. The girls, including Becks, lined up and fired away, they had to field off my return shots. After a good work out and practice, they were focused and if they could beat me to score, they would do well in the match. They play well and respond to my instructions. They give me a bloody good work out too, we finished playing, I had an audience, I ran to the fence, to meet my lush of a fiancé, if he in fact remembers I said I would marry him, and as soon as possible.
“How’s the head Sam thick and sore?” He looked rough.
“I should have just stuck to the pints, the double whiskey chasers were a tad too much.” I hadn’t even seen him drink the shorts.
“You’re a pillock, Sam what were you thinking, or weren’t you?” He walked with me to school.
“Michelle, shush my head is really sore, I can’t remember getting home. Thanks for getting me home in one piece and undressing me, it was you who got me home where you serviced my drunken hard on, I really thought I dreamed that baby it was so good, I went to bed happy again. The bloody heads sore this morning. I do hope it was you I err had a wank in front of, or I have a lot of explaining to do to my fiancée?”
“Um yes it was me do you know how tempting your very ready naked soldier was last night and so ready for the taking, and umm the err wank, as you so nicely put it, yes it was fun to watch, you were so near to having me last night I swear angel, I can’t wait for Friday?” He looked embarrassed.
“Did we do that, please tell me we didn’t because I can’t remember if we did, just the amazing treat you gave me, baby please I… We… We didn’t do did we, shit I am never drinking again?”
“No we didn’t though you did offer it up, you told me you were ready and to jump on, it was so sodding comical. I had to say no, hard to believe I know, but I did. You also offered to rub my bum in front of the whole pub, the people on your street, oh and the taxi driver, who you wanted to have sex in front of, you tipped him well, by the way.
You asked me to stop the night, but I had an exam first thing. Nice as the prospect was of you me and Andy in the same room I sort of had to say no to that one angel. I need to speak to you Sam, about me being Jimmy’s sister, you couldn’t wait then?” He looked at me and smiled.
“You said yes last night, Mi cielo, I thought I dreamed that bit, but you actually said yes. Oh thank God that bit wasn’t a dream, you really are my fiancée.” He smiled and came through the fence to walk me to the gym.
“Let me get changed, I’ll be out in a minute, we can discuss that over lunch. I’ve finished college for today.” I removed the pads and kickers then put my stick away, and washed my hair under the shower, leaving in my games kit. Checking I was on the list as goalkeeper, for tomorrow’s game. I came out to find him surrounded by girls, for a change.
“I can’t help it, I blame her, can you tell her to shut up she’s ignoring me, if I pay you will you go away Becks, much as I love you, your bloody loud? You’re as loud as your sister, who by the way is coming for a posh lunch do you want to come too?”
“Nope Sam I don’t, but thank you, I’m going to the chippy for dinner Michelle have you got…” Sam gave her a fiver to shut up.
“Shush, I have a bad headache little Sister.”
> “Has she said yes then? Ha, you have to ask Dad, which leg do you want breaking? Why are you marrying her? She’s no fun, thanks for my dinner money I have two banks to call on now.”
“Oh but she is Becks, I beg to differ.” Argh she was winding, me up again. Good heavens above manners and being nice wonders never cease? Her friends are all mooning over my fella. Who picked me up and threw me over his shoulder.
“Sam, the whole college can see my knickers. Please put me down.” Pleas ignored. I laughed as Karen and the others watched as we left. I waved from his back he put me down and kissed me.
“Now, Mi cielo, that’s worth coming to see you for.” Jimmy was walking towards us.
“Are you coming for something to eat with us?” His lift was pulling up. Aunty was out and giving me a hug, much to their shock, I gave her a cheek kiss and she smiled.
“I’m here for James, Emma had a wonderful night’s sleep Michelle, she talked about you all night long, it really was nice having her under my roof, and protected, thank you.” More kisses. “Get in you two. I will drop you off in town.” I had my games kit on wonderful. I smiled, that one backfired a bit. He grinned across at me, as I sat in the back of her car sulking.
“Thanks Aunty, we are going to eat do you want to come? You’re more than welcome. Jimmy you coming?” Sam looked at me and smiled.
“Yes please come if you want to, more the merrier.” Jimmy refused he wanted to play on Teddy’s games whilst Teddy was at work.
“I am on Emma duty for the day and such a pleasant duty for me to perform and much waited for, oh how happy I am at last she is with me and safe as is my boy James. Samuel, you look a little worse for wear my boy, did you not sleep? Your Mother is on top form and wants to see her daughter, because she has something for you Michelle, what a wonderful day it was when you came into my boys lives, oh I am so very happy listen to me waffling. Samuel, bring Michelle up please you are both at home for tea.” He agreed, for us. “See you two later.” She dropped us off in the town centre.
A Life Plan Without You. Page 48