“Samuel Todd, I am not dressed for going out, nor am I dressed for tea at Aunties.” He smiled me in a bloody games skirt with a hunk and his arm around me.
“Well, we will get you something to wear then. Shush baby your fiancé’s head is aching, I like that you’re my fiancée, not my girlfriend, better still when you’re my wife.” He pulled me in for one of his knee trembling kisses.
“I haven’t brought my money with me so I will stop in the gym skirt, thank you fiancé. This is going to be a damn short engagement, if you carry on Samuel.” He smiled.
“Shush, stop shouting and using my naughty name. I want to buy you things. Let me buy you something, to wear, please?” He smiled, the looks we were getting, a man with a school girl, umm blood and sand, dress needed.
“Alright, if it shuts you up but I will give you the money when I get home.” We went to a new shop that had opened I picked up the works, dress underwear, and shoes. I tried the dress on, a cream lace dress, with a plain cream slip underneath. Sam sat on the chair suffering.
“What do you think?” He just passed me his card. I asked if once I’d paid I could put them on. He paid and I went and put them on, putting the games kit in the bag, either he likes it or he doesn’t.
“Well, what do you think?” He moved his finger around, so I did the turn.
“Wow when did I get so damn lucky Missy I have a bloody beautiful fiancée?” He had one alright, who felt loved and cherished and as hornie as hell.
“Right back at you, you’re my hunky drunken lush of an overindulgent fiancé who I love enough to kill for. Though get drunk like that again and offer sex I won’t refuse again.” He just smiled and got up, all be it he’s still wobbly. How did he get himself dressed?
“Lunch I’m starving, drinking gave me an appetite, I fancy Michelle the Italian place we were at the other night?” I liked the food, so we headed there. We were shown to a table, and given the menus. He looked over the top of his and smiled.
“I would love a Carbonara please, Sam. Are you all right? Has last night’s hangover kicked in? I didn’t know you were on shorts at the bar too. Why did you feel the need? I knew I’d upset you again, me and my mouth.” As the waiter came, I ordered in Italian for us. He was sticking to pizza.
“Can we have a bottle of house white too, please?” He added I just smiled the old hair of the dog cure.
“I think, I was just relived it was over and Mum was safe, no worries anymore, I can’t believe you got me home in one piece. Sorry, I can’t remember even getting home. How did we get home? And who undressed me?” He must still be drunk I’d already told him I did.
“I got you in a taxi the driver helped me get you out of the taxi. I got you up the stairs with the promise of sex. Which I intend to collect on Sam, when you’re sober can you actually do it drunk? You were more than ready, if you know what I mean. I undressed you and you asked me not to leave you ever, to stay and climb on you were ready. You showed me how you liked to wank when I refused the offer of sex, and it had to be said you playing with yourself was kind of hot, and then you wanted your favourite treat and you were damn loud to, I bet the bloody neighbours complained, if we get a house the neighbours if we have them best be deaf or better still we don’t have a wall between us and them.
You were very nice to watch and well I was turned on, so yes I helped you out a little, you also really surprised me and made me cry too, because you asked me to be the mother of your babies and you want lots of them. You wanted to get married at Christmas and in the snow or in Vegas or on a ship. You settled for an after sex cuddle off your fiancée telling me you loved me over and over again, I sort of like this tale angel it’s been told twice, your never drinking again your murder. Oh and I am never taking you to the toilet again ever, you had me hold it whilst you leant against the wall laughing and moving it you are a damn funny drunken lush, angel you’re damn funny. I had to leave, but you had me locked down and I couldn’t move you, Andy came home and helped me escape. He then walked me home safely.”
“Erg I did all that and your still sat here with me, it’s way more than I deserve, and I do remember the toilet stop that was really funny you were laughing and you said you were snake wrangling. My soldier is good to go all the bloody time, around you. You make him stand to attention all the time, he’s always ready, has been from our very first kiss Michelle. I should have known it then, that you and he were going to be best friends, it was just a matter of when. As to babies, of course I want them with you, did I really make you cry I’m sorry, but I want a big happy family baby and yes lots of babies, your great with JJ and will be great with ours all ten of them.”
“Erg I agreed on two you settled for six. So you may need to get married more than once.” He laughed and gently kissed my lips.
“Andy said, you had to leave, because of the exam, and I was an idiot, your dad would be gunning for me if you didn’t get home. Good job he came home, was he alright with you? Andy did he try anything on…”
“Yes, he asked me to marry him too, he wished he’d seen me before you told me how much you loved me and I was to treat you right, he really does love you. I told him I loved you too and his sort of love wasn’t for me, I liked the Todd man I had I wasn’t for changing, so he settled for being my brother because his brother would be upset if I didn’t marry him, he was good. He needs help though angel and a lot of it, you all do.” Our food came and the waiter poured our wine.
“Grazie signore questo sembra meraviglioso, this is wonderful Sam, taste.” He took the offered mouthful.
“Umm nice, try this, you and that sexy Italian voice, are hot baby.” I politely refused the food.
“I don’t like anchovies, sorry baby I hate them. So if I speaka da Italiano I get nooky, I may have to try that then.” We talked, and discussed the idea of just looking for a ring. The one he’d already given me was perfect, and most likely cost an arm and a leg. He paid the bill, and we window shopped for a while, there were loads of jewellers, and after the first three I’d had enough, the ones I liked were too small he said they were too cheap, the ones he liked I would be afraid of wearing. We left it, I really wasn’t that interested in another expensive bit of jewellery. We ended up at the Night Owl, where he got the drinks in.
“We need to talk about last night you told me lots, which I don’t think you have any memory of telling me about some important stuff, on how you afford to buy me a house and how I can still go to uni and not work, it was one of my many worries about us getting married the expense of it all?” He looked puzzled. “About money, the fact you have some and something about money held in a trust for you?” I smiled he just looked at me clueless.
“I told you about it then, and you’d like an explanation?” I shrugged my shoulders.
“Only if you feel you want to, it‘s just you were insistent on telling me quite a bit of stuff, before we got married, you know those things called practicalities?” He took my hand, playing with my ring, turning it around my finger and smiling.
“You agreed to marry me Michelle, that’s all I remember. I will tell you everything, after all we promised we’d have no secrets, after the massive fall out thing we had, and I never want to lose you, ever.” He had the biggest smile he leant in towards me and gave me a kiss.
“Yes I did, agree, but no fancy rings please Sam, I love the one I have.” He kissed me again.
“Well, whatever you want for now. However, when we announce it and the date, after your exams it has to be a big one. To prove to your dad, that I can afford to give you nice things and treat you like, you deserve, getting you the best of everything and give you everything you want and need.
“Well I won’t be needing things then, that’s a simple fix. Sam do you want me to call it off before it starts?”
“No I don’t Missy ever; all right this is fine for now.” He seemed happy, but knowing him, he’s cooking up and excuse for going to the jewellers.
“Right now into the finance
s and how I can afford to treat you like a Princess and buy you things. You’re lucky Zoë doesn’t know about Andy’s money. My Grandfather was very wealthy he had three daughters who he left all his money to and there was a lot to leave. Mum’s however was left in trust for her children and was to be split equally between more if she had more, she only had Andy when he died and he was only months old. He did not approve of her choice of husband. Funny old thing that. He was it seems a bloody good judge of character my Grandfather. I think I would have liked to know him.
Aunty doesn’t talk about him much because she gets upset. Anyhow I’m back tracking, money and stuff and how it’s become the bane of my bloody life... We are able to access to the interest only on the large and stupid amount of a lump sum held in trust for us. All income, from investments we still hold, are paid into the interest account too, that’s enough for me never to have to work again, that’s my black card baby, from the day we each reach twenty. When we reach thirty, we get full control of it. We get full access too it when we marry. Aunty Allison is executor of the estate and is in charge. We realise the money is rightly Mum’s, that’s why we give her what she needs to keep Dad quiet, but that all stopped as of yesterday. All thanks to you girlie.”
“So you just want to get married, to gain the money?”
“What? No I have enough in my access account, without the stupid amount in that account.” Shit, my head is spinning. “Baby your quiet, the money I would give away, if I didn’t like spending it so much, I love seeing people’s faces when I get them things, I get more enjoyment out of that than you know baby, it is bloody hard work trusting people with that nugget. I do trust you Michelle and totally, you have my trust my heart and everything I have is yours too.” Oh, picture girl knows all about Andy’s money, not the amount though just they have it and he has been paying her money, he assures me he’s now stopped, I cringed, the shivers ran through my body. I know more about his twisted brother and that girl than I care to remember.
“Never, ever, ever say girlie to me again. I have access to trays and know how to use them Mister.” He laughed. I was serious, it made me sick just the thought of what his dad did to me, and that word, girlie made me feel dirty...
“I know he was rough when he got up and went out, I don’t think he knows his meal tickets left yet. That will be fun when he finally realises. He had a few nasty bruises on his head though.” I smiled his face was so full of pain before. Now the pain had gone, and that was worth having a sore backside, just to see him smile again.
“Don’t look now Dad’s in.” Sam got up and bought himself and dad a drink and me a coke. I’d half a bottle of wine with dinner, so hoped he didn’t come over as my mints were in Sam’s pocket. He didn’t come over he just waved.
“He wanted to know why you weren’t in college.”
“He doesn’t listen when we talk to him. That is very typical of you men, selective hearing.” He grinned.
“What didn’t quite hear that?” I drank my coke and listened as Sam explains what had been decided at the meeting after we had left. Emma and Jimmy were to stop at Aunty Allison’s for the time being. Andy and he were to stop with their dad unless things get bad and then they would re-think things. I grabbed some mints from his jacket. As I looked up I saw his dad walking into the pub he glares at me and I ignore him, he hasn’t spotted my father, who is chatting to the landlord.
“Things are going to get interesting look what’s just walked in and please stay sat down, and don’t make a fuss or even acknowledge he’s here. Dad’s not to get wind of what he did.” He looked over and saw his dad approach the bar. His hand was tight on my knee and he was shaking. This I still couldn’t understand, why he was afraid of the man stood at the bar? Given the bits and pieces I picked from his drunken ramblings yesterday, he had been terrorised by that hateful man all his life and it would take longer than a Michelle chat to sort Sam out and stop him being afraid of the hideous little man.
“Sam boy get me a drink in and you’d better make it a big one your tart gave me a headache, so make it an extra big one.” I smiled at my dad and waved I grabbed Sam’s shaking hand and led him from the pub. “Where’s that bitch taking my boy? Sam get me my fucking drinks now.” He came towards us; good old dad was behind him. He had hold of Dennis’s arm. Dennis turned and looked to see who had grabbed his arm, he looked very worried, and he had every reason to be, my dad had heard the tart and the bitch comments and was happy at neither one being said about me.
“What did you just call my daughter? I hope it wasn’t what I thought I heard you call her. You wouldn’t be that stupid would you, because my eldest and beloved daughter is neither a tart nor a bitch? As to your drinks, buy your own. Now sit down or go home, before a broken leg makes it impossible for you to do either.” I looked at Dennis and made a pushing motion with my hands, he looked sick. He followed us out of the pub, watched closely by dad. I held on tightly to Sam’s hand and we walked away from him. Dennis went towards home. Waving goodbye to dad and we went across to The Frog, Andy was in and I thanked God he was, because Sam was so shaken up. I made him sit down.
“Sit down Sam can I have some money please?” He passed me his wallet. “We’ve just had a run in with your Dad. Lucky for us my dad was there. We need to get him a drink. Can you get the drinks?” I handed him the wallet.
“Go sit down and put that away.” I went back to sit with him, passing him back the wallet.
“Andy’s getting them. Oh, angel he can’t hurt you any more, stop it. Please, for me just try putting him out of your mind. Stop at mine tonight or we can stop at your Aunts? She’s running Jimmy in tomorrow, she can drop me off too my chefs whites all there.” Andy brought the drinks over.
“It was just a bit of a shock him coming in there, that wasn’t his usual watering hole he normally stays close to home or Lower Stockton. He’s going to be in foul mood when we do go back Andy.” I held his knee tight.
“Your both big enough to deal with him, you have my full permission to borrow my tray.” He put his hand on top off mine.
“Thanks, your quite calm in a crisis, aren’t you Michelle, I can’t say I’ve ever met anyone quite like you before, you were awesome to watch, when you tackled him Monday, were you not a little bit intimidated by him?” I laughed.
“I’m not calm, I just run on this auto pilot thing I do, I sort of shut down and something else in me takes over and I can’t explain it. My friend Adam calls it my inner warrior, sometimes I just black out completely, and that’s when I do real damage and then I can be a bit mouthy Andy. Like I was with him.
Can you try and tell me why you are frightened of him? You’re both bigger than him and look stronger than he is He’s a mean drunk I’ve seen that for myself, first hand and had the smack. So I know what he’s capable of to a stranger. What’s he done to you four over the years, doesn’t bear thinking of he’s terrorised you for bloody years.
He’s a narcissistic old man, who has little or no empathy for you his family, at all. He deserves locking up and the key throwing away. You don’t have to deal with him again, ever. You two have the means to find somewhere safe for Emma, and keep him out of your life for good.”
Andy threw me a dirty look, really? After all I know and he’s worried about bloody money? Is he’s forgetting he's told Janet? Then again, he did trust someone once and she cost him a lot of money and caused him a lot of heartbreak. She used that information and screwed with his brother. So did he think I would do the same, Sam trusts me but Andy doesn’t know me? I will have to earn his trust.
“Tomorrow we find somewhere for you to live. You need to be with your mum, and she needs to be with you.” I sat back Sam still holding my hand.
“You’ve got a way with words Michelle. I don’t know why we are like we are? Yeah I suppose it’s all those years growing up, when he did as you say, he terrorised us both mentally and physically, he used whatever he could to get us to bend to his way of thinking and his wants an
d needs always came first. I remember him starving us for a week when Sam was little he didn’t let Mum out of the house and he’d lock us in, he’d come back and eat his food in front of us and if we were lucky he’d throw us scraps from his takeaway supper. I remember that like it was yesterday.
Sam had to share Mum with me, it was what kept us going, but she was a wreck, a neighbour heard Mum crying one day and she fed us as soon as he went out the door. She got a message to Aunty, and well she came around had words with him and we ate properly for quite a long time after that, she sent a big weekly shop around he got his booze we got food and he allowed us to eat. Big of the little bastard. I squirrelled away the odd tin of stuff in case he did it again and he did.
He’d do it again to get more stuff off her, but she hardened up because Mum wouldn’t change. I could tell you tales Michelle that would make you physically sick. So after all he’s done to us I suppose yeah your right something just clicks and we can’t or don’t know how to stop him, he shuts the fuck up around me and when it’s Sam and me he’s afraid of us, but put Mum or Jimmy or both in the room and bam he’s in control again. Narcissistic, that’s a big word for a kid, and how do you know what means we have?”
I hated the thought of them starving and begging for food off him. Poor Emma, those poor boys have really had it tough. Sam is quiet I don’t think he wants me to know this stuff. He gently strokes my thigh and lets out a sigh as Andy fills me in. Now Andy is trying I think to make me look stupid and I’m far from it.
“An extreme interest in your own life, and an inbuilt problem in a part of the brain, which prevents you from caring about other people, making you a vain and self-absorbed person, is that better than Narcissistic Andy? I actually passed to go to the Grammar school and the private school too, with really high test results, I have a high IQ too, I’m far from stupid Andy I am just not world wise, being such a Daddy’s Girl, I don’t do things other girls my age do, I prefer talking to older people, people my age grate on my nerves. My Gramps wanted me to go to either of the schools I passed to go to, but I chose to go to Stockton Secondary Modern, because my friends were all going there, sometimes I wish I did because of those bloody Manning bitches, especially bloody Rachel Manning. Now she made my life miserable.”
A Life Plan Without You. Page 49