We finished the Friday session with our new chef’s whites being given out I had already had the sexy wine waiter’s uniforms, I was doing the advanced sommelier course too, I wanted to be a good wine steward, all new books given too and all sorts of paperwork to fill in. That would be coming with me to Hambleton for the summer. I was going tomorrow and couldn’t wait.
My time there though would be spent packing and cleaning, as they were moving back to Stockton, unless I get Gramps to change his mind, but either way, I’m not that sad though, Gramps would be near. I got off the bus at the end of the street loaded down with so much stuff. Unbelievable, he was bloody waiting for me as I got off the bus. Just when I though he had taken the bloody hint, he was here again.
“Need a hand?” He piled the stuff up in his arms and walked me to my door.
“Thanks for that. I have to be getting this lot in and I still have packing to do. What can I do for you?” I was blunt because he was pissing me off. I could swear he had been stalking me. I had one nice stalker before, my heart sank because Sam was still there every day in my thoughts, and so I didn’t need nor want the crazy one…
“Are you at classes tonight, fancy going out after them?” I shook my head.
“I can’t, I’m off to my Gran’s for the summer, so I have to be at the coach first thing.” He handed me my stuff and I threw it in a neat pile on the hall floor.
“Were you off to for the summer then?” I wanted him to go.
“I go to my grandparents for the holidays and I leave tomorrow and return the week before university starts, I have my naval entrance exams to take too and so I’m having four months off, bliss.” I wasn’t telling him where. Knowing him he’d turn up and pester me there he shuffled his feet.
“Will I see you at the dance tonight then?” I shrugged my shoulders.
“I will be there, but I’m not stopping though, I’m just getting my lessons done and results sorted out and stuff.” He climbed on his bike, which the cheeky git had left parked up outside my house. Waved and disappeared, I put all the new whites in the hamper mum would do them for me. I packed the things I would need for my time at Gran’s, including two or three posh dresses and shoes, some as yet to be worn, my white dress was ruined though, it was sent to be dry cleaned, but I didn’t hold up much hope for its recovery, I’d killed my dress. I had a promise of nights out with Michael and Michelle I didn’t need a lot, having stuff in my room there. I looked in the wardrobe my blue dress didn’t do the trick, so that could stay there.
This out for revenge thing wasn’t working it was just making me sadder and angrier again and my emotions were all over the place. Sod it black jumpsuit thing, red heels and belt. I set off for class and bugger me, Paul was waiting at the end of the street, this was really too much. I kept my hands in my pockets he wasn’t having a death grip on those again.
“Walk you to dance class Michelle I’m going that way? It’s on my way to the pub.” We talked on the way up he was asking why I spent so much time with my grandparents?
“I spend time with them because I like where they live, I love my grandparents and I need the break, this summer will be longer because I have finished college now, so I’m making the most of it.” I remembered the last time I was there and Sam, he was going to book a hotel and come and see me at Easter, but that something had happened at home with his mum, he’d had to cancel.
“I’m going to miss you.” I was shocked.
“Why will you miss me, we’re not going out or anything?” He wrapped his arm around my waist there was no escape, he made me want to hurl.
“Will, you go out with me Michelle?” I was shocked again.
“No Paul, you’re not who I want to be with ever and thanks to that kiss you sneaked in, it cost me the one person I do want. I’m not over Sam and to be honest with you the way we finished, I’m not sure if he isn’t still interested in me. He’s the one I want to be with, I’ve already told you no three times Paul, please stop all this now. Perhaps my time at Gran’s will clear the cobwebs a bit, and I will change my mind, but I highly doubt it.”
He looked angry, he let go of my waist and walked off, I was at class anyway, so went in. The school actually closed down for the whole of the school summer holiday period, to allow the teachers time off too, most either at university or in college, and escaped for the Summer working in bars abroad for sunshine and sex filled holidays, Ava another young teacher, asked me to join her in Marbella for the summer, I laughed and said next time, I had no passport.
The older ones had families. Lee did summer seasons at the pier in Blackpool, and worked in a salon in Thornton. The floors here were stripped and re varnished, it also allowed Ridgley’s time in their Spanish villa. I would be missing three or four weeks though, this I would try to keep up on when I did dancing at the village hall with Miss Lizzy. She did summer dance classes and yoga. Grams church packed the church halls with activities all summer long. I will give yoga a try and the self-defence lessons again, I need to do a de-arming a manic drunk with a knife course, I will ask if they do those? I inwardly laughed for the first time in ages.
“It will be a nice presentation, we’ve had to hire the Stockton Civic Hall we’ve had such a big influx of new people learning, this place isn’t big enough. We will hold it the last Saturday in September. Michelle, your test results, Ellie yours. Your class ones are in the envelope there Michelle well done they all passed with good grades too, yours were excellent and I have the forms here Lee says fill them in, we need a professional couple to represent us.”
I loved the presentations, professional dancers and a good night with friends. I often dreamed of being in a floaty dress in posh shoes, with the makeup and the hair and dancing as a professional dancer too, I promised I would give it a go when I got back from my summer away. I hadn’t yet told them I might never be back, that will break my heart, but all I see now is Sam everywhere and I shiver as someone walks over my grave the cold shiver was just that freezing cold.
We started teaching the nippers Ellie and I, they had passed their exams too, so we started on their new exam dances, old time for them this time. I didn’t stay for the social; I didn’t need the hassle of Karen, Sam and now Paul. I left and as I did I was stopped on the stairs by a police officer.
“Can I ask if you were here earlier, there was an incident just outside the building we believe the attack took place here and we’re looking for witnesses?” I said I hadn’t seen nor had I heard anything, the music is loud and all the rooms are sound proofed.
I told them, I’d been in classes for the three hours and best they asked the later arrivals, they disappeared upstairs. I slept awfully that night I could have sworn I heard a bike and singing. I got up and ready and set off for my coach, I was going to be late. When I arrived at the coach stop he was waiting! Fucking-hell-bells does he never give up?
“I didn’t expect to see you, why the visit?” He looked rough as though he hadn’t slept. I had to wonder if he had been riding his bike all night? No, no one would be so stupid to do that.
“I just came to see you off and hope you have a good holiday and ask you to think about us when your there?” Oh shit, I’ve need to sort my mess out, this is awful, what have I done in the name of revenge? There was quite a queue of people waiting to get on the coach, so I took him to the side of the coach shouting at him so he could hear me over the traffic.
“Look Paul, I don’t know how to make this any clearer? I love Sam and no matter what he has or hasn’t done, I will forgive him. He is the one I want, if I can’t be with him, you won’t be taking his place, there is no us, there never was, not in my normal world, perhaps we’re a hot couple in your head? But that’s the only place it’s ever happening.
I’m sorry I led you on, but I did it to get him back, that’s all, just to get him back, but when you kissed me, you ruined that for me. So because of my stupidity in using you it lost me him and now I only have myself to blame. Please leave me alone,
I am doing no thinking concerning you Paul ever so please leave me alone. I love Sam, always and forever, no one will ever take his place ever, especially not you. Sorry Paul, but fuck off and leave me alone please, just leave me alone.”
I got on the coach quickly and sat down behind the driver Sid, my Gramps buddy, he shut the doors quickly before Paul got on. Now that was a stalker and not a nice one at all. I slept all the way to Fleetwood, cuddled in my comfortable Grams cardi and feet up, bliss. Sid had to wake me as we arrived and I woke fresh as a daisy.
CHAPTER 16
Arriving in Fleetwood to my darling Gramps, he wouldn’t ever let me down he would always be here for me. He waved as the coach passed I needed the hug of all hugs from my Gramps. I wanted to jump into his arms, as Sid teased me with the doors, making me laugh.
“Now that’s the smile I’m used to seeing my girl, have a good few weeks with Gramps, give my love to Maria and Jim I will see you in the week, I’ve got a regular run for the ferry and I get to go with them. Here Michelle some spends. He gave me a pound note bless him he cheered me up. I took it off him giving him a kiss and thanked him, as he gave me a hug it went straight back into his tips box, much to Gramps delight. They had a conversation as I sat and waited, I waved at Sid as we set off.
“Are you all right Missy?” I looked at Gramps and cried as he gave me the nicest of hugs.
“I just need time to get over him Gramps I don’t know how I could have been so wrong about him.” He carried my case.
“He has problems Missy, things he needs to sort out in his head and according to your Father, he will get better and well we will see what time brings shall we? Missy you’re my number one concern and we need you to get better first. We will make sure you’re all right here.” We crossed by the ferry and did the short walk home. Michael met us from the ferry, he was here too working at the fishing places by the docks for the summer, with the skipper another of Gramps friends and yet another oldie I spent time with, he taught me to fillet fish and I was good at it too after four summers practice, my knife too was finer than a needle, I ran to Michael.
“We have to stop meeting like this.” He gave me a huge hug.
“Are you all right Michelle?” I just wanted to cry.
“I’m fine and if everyone would leave me alone I’d get better quicker.” He pulled me onto his back yeah I got a piggy back home.
“We're sharing our room, Aunty isn’t sleeping well.” I smiled and went to put my stuff away, his crap was everywhere and so I tided up. At least we could talk, as we used to. I came down for the salad tea, which Grams had left in the fridge for everyone as she was at bingo. I made the drinks and we sat and ate.
My appetite had been next to nothing, since my split with Sam and I had lost more weight than was good for me. I hoped that the sea air and being here would help mend my broken heart and as Gramps said ‘fix my soul’, all I could do was think about Sam and wish I knew what I’d done or could have done to keep him with me.
I went for a long walk after tea, I’m glad he didn’t come here this place, apart from in my head, was Sam free. I walked for hours there and back to the edge of the estuary, only coming back as the evening tide was making its way to the shore I followed it back, it bounced at my back all the way to the shoreline. Tomorrow I would start my life again, do the beach running and get him out of my head, I needed to he was in there constantly. I walked back home and waited for Grams to come home she did and looked miserable.
“Did you not have any luck Grams?” She frowned.
“No, one number off. Are you all right Michelle?” I nodded
“I’m going to bed Grams I only stayed up to see you back, see you in the morning.” She smiled.
“My lucks changing, you’re here. I always win when you’re here. There’s plenty more fish in the sea Michelle, plenty more.” I smiled, if I had a fish for every time someone said that, I’d have enough to open a blinking fishmongers shop. I got in bed and slept. I slept so well for the first time in weeks I drifted off to music playing. In fact sleeping so well I missed Gramps going to Manx land and Michael going to work.
I put on my joggers and trainers and went for a run. I ran first to the wreck, then to the estuaries edge. I walked back well walked and semi jogged back and along the sea wall, my thoughts are the same and I couldn’t shake the feeling that there was something bad happening or had happened, yes besides losing Sam, what could be worse than that?
I’d been out three hours and I wondered where the time had gone, I only seemed to be out an hour tops? I grabbed a glass of water and ate tomatoes from the green house. Yummy, oh I’m having myself a cucumber, I washed it and sat and ate it like an apple. I’m set for summer that tasted great and my bowl of tiny tomatoes eaten, yellow ones and red ones, these tasted like sweets, so good and umm they won’t rot my teeth.
“Sorry I was so long Grams, I sat and watched the water at the estuary and walked back, the cucumbers are sweet and I’m sorry but I ate one.” She laughed and said that’s what they were there for. I went for a shower changed and came down to find Grams talking to Michelle from next door.
“Michelle how are you? I just came in to ask if you still want to work at the Castle for the summer. I have a place for you, if you still want it?” I smiled.
“Michelle thank you that’s wonderful and where exactly will I be working then?” She smiled.
“The kitchens, its only pot washing and running around after the chefs, sorry I did ask if they needed chefs, they don’t, but it’s in the kitchen though. You start in the morning at seven thirty, Michelle it means leaving here at quarter past six, every morning too.” I smiled and laughed.
“You Michelle you are the best mate, I could ask for and to think I turned it down at Easter, oh thank you.” She stopped for a drink and we chatted about ferry times and trams. I couldn’t have had better news this was just what the doctor ordered. We went for a walk before she met her mystery date, to the Bourne Arms by the jetty, I drank my cola and spilled out my heart to a very upset Michelle, and she was lost for words, especially as I’d given him what I most prized.
I’d told her all about his sudden hatred of me and just how heartbroken I was. She listened and gave her opinions. I smiled because she was as clueless as I was but she had given me hope that I could do this. I would get over Sam Todd, if it killed me she left for her date on the ferry to Fleetwood. I stopped to meet Gramps ferry, I watched as the Manx Man came in and circled the channel, and docked Gramps would be on the second ferry. True to form, he and Michael stepped off the gangplank on to the jetty and Gramps gave me a warm hug, Michael just gave me a piggyback ride home, he had no choice I was tired.
I told them both about my summer job at the Castle, Gramps promised to match what I banked weekly, for the university fees I would have to pay. I smiled yes things were finally coming around and back to normal. My life plan, before Sam was now on track again. I hurt, but I had to continue to live, I went to bed and slept.
Gramps got me up early and after he made me eat breakfast, porridge oats with thick cream on top and a melted sugar moat of rot your teeth sweetness. He caught the ferry across with Michelle and I, he kissed my head and watched as we got on the tram. Waving as we left, Michelle laughing, it was like my first day at infant, junior and yes secondary school again, with my Gramps coming to see me into the big school doors and being there when they opened them, such a big softy. He was on holiday when I started college or he’d have been there too.
I was mesmerised by the place, it was massive and so loud. Nothing like my college as I walked around getting lost and distracted, it was huge. I'm kitted out by a man called Albert: I was given more chefs’ whites and a hand full of aprons, a locker, and a key card for dinners and drinks in the staff restaurant. Told to change and check in at the pot wash station. I did, I walked into the pot room and just looked, oh my word the mass of pans in my sight of vision was sky high. Yes, a proper job in a proper kitchen, it didn’t bother
me that I was just washing up, it was in the kitchen.
I cracked on, scrubbing cleaning and putting them through the dishwashers, music in the background was playing and I worked. I’m loving it, the occasional chef came in asked me for things, showed me where to put stuff and smiled as they continued to create. I cleared the backlog, to see the breakfast plates and associated breakfast things had appeared. Bummer.
I moved a spare table to the corner, put the bin at the end and set up a clearing station. I set about doing that scrapping plates pilling them up in neat stacks and putting them through the washer. I put the dried on ones in a sink of warm water, the cutlery, I put in another sink with bubbles and hot water. I had a pile of them to shift, at the end but soaking that had freed the dried on food from them, for easy washing, I had cleared the breakfast pots in no time at all.
As I cleared my area and dry mopped my area, I was grabbed by Michelle, for staff breakfast, I hadn’t eaten in ages and ate scrambled eggs on toast and slices of delicious liver, which tasted wonderful. I went back to find a woman looking at my work area. Good job I had left it clean and tidy and free from rubbish and mopped, before I went for breakfast.
“You’ve been in a kitchen before Miss Welles.” I smiled.
“I have yes. Ma’am, I have just qualified as a chef at Stockton Catering College.” She smiled
“The Queens Ma’am, I’m Pam… Woos, I’m a poet and didn’t know it.” She burst out laughing I just chuckled. “No, I’m really pleased to meet you Michelle, you’ve had help her today and shown the ropes?”
“No Pam, I just jumped in and did it nobody has helped, other than to show me where to put things.” She went to talk to the kitchen porter he came and introduced himself to me.
A Life Plan Without You. Page 70