The Last Days of Rabbit Hayes

by Anna McPartlin

  ‘What does that mean?’ Francie had asked.

  ‘I stop falling, me eyesight gets a bit better or at least no worse . . . I don’t know, just things will stop falling apart, I suppose.’

  ‘Are you falling apart?’ Jay had wondered.

  ‘I’ll be OK.’

  ‘What’s it like?’ Francie said.

  ‘It’s like being under water.’

  ‘What about the record deal?’ Louis asked.

  ‘It’s not going to affect that,’ Johnny had promised. The four Hayes family members said nothing and Johnny noticed. ‘What do you say, Mrs H? I’m going to be OK, right?’

  Molly was stunned. ‘Of course you are,’ she said, stammering a little.

  ‘Mr H?’

  ‘We’ll deal with it. We’re all in this together,’ Molly said.

  ‘She’s right. Nothing’s insurmountable,’ Jack added. Johnny, Rabbit and the lads visibly had relaxed and the mood lifted. If Ma and Da Hayes say it’ll be OK then it will be.

  Of course, nobody knew how bad Johnny’s case was, but despite every medical intervention, he never really had a chance. He couldn’t perform as often or as well as he used to; the band were forced to cancel one out of every three shows, and when rumour spread in the local industry they soon lost their small Irish record deal. The next day Louis announced he was leaving Kitchen Sink. After a week in bed, and when he was strong enough, Johnny returned to the garage to announce they would become a new band called the Sound. They got another guitarist instead of a replacement keyboard player, and Kev fitted in well with the lads. Everyone knew it was going to be an uphill battle, but their new music reflected a more mature songwriter, and his pain, anguish, hope and desperation seeped into every haunting lyric he wrote. They couldn’t play as many gigs, and they were right back down at the bottom of the pile, but the lads didn’t care: they were together, family, doing what they loved, and they were still determined to make it work. In the two years since the demise of Kitchen Sink and the birth of the Sound, Kev had become another brother and, after a slow start, in part due to Johnny’s health, they were beginning to gain a fan base. It was a new era.

  Now Kev appeared beside them, holding his motorcycle helmet. ‘Traffic’s a nightmare,’ he said, sitting down beside Francie. ‘Did yous eat?’

  ‘Had some sandwiches from the canteen,’ Jay said.

  ‘Have they worked out why he’s pissing himself yet?’ Kev asked.

  Johnny threw a magazine at him. Kev ducked.

  ‘Nah, although he’s been drinking shite and filling bottles all day,’ Francie said.

  ‘Do you think we’ll make the gig?’

  ‘If we have to leave before they’re done with me, we’ll just go,’ Johnny said.

  ‘We will not,’ Rabbit contradicted him.

  ‘We will,’ Johnny said. ‘Conversation over.’

  ‘This is bullshit,’ Rabbit said.

  ‘It’s an important gig for us,’ Davey reminded her.

  ‘His health is even more important, Davey Hayes, and well you know it.’

  ‘He’ll get done and we’ll make the gig, so, everyone, chill the fuck out,’ Jay said.

  ‘And Rabbit’s right. We’re not leaving till whatever they’re shoving in comes out,’ Francie said.

  ‘Stop talking about me like I’m not here,’ Johnny said.

  ‘Well, stop acting like a thick,’ Francie replied.

  ‘This is my band, my life and my say.’ Johnny got up and moved slowly away, hand on the wall to steady himself as he walked.

  ‘Nice one, Davey.’ Rabbit was clearly pissed off.

  ‘What did I do?’ Davey said.

  Kev stretched his legs and shouted after Johnny, ‘Get us a Twix, will ya?’

  Rabbit found Johnny at the vending machine. ‘They’re ready for you.’

  ‘Don’t want to be here.’

  ‘Me neither.’

  ‘I’m so sick of this.’ He leaned his back against the wall.

  ‘It’s shit.’

  ‘I just feel worse. Shouldn’t I feel better by now?’

  ‘With the amount of stuff they have you on, I would have thought so, but sometimes things take time.’

  ‘My voice isn’t going, is it?’ he asked.

  She saw the fear in his eyes. ‘No way. Your voice has never sounded better.’

  ‘Promise?’

  ‘I promise.’

  ‘If I can’t do it any more, you’ll tell me, won’t you?’

  ‘If you can’t do it any more, you’ll know. Now, come on, you’ve a date with a tube.’

  He transferred his weight from the wall to her shoulder. When they returned to the waiting area, Francie and Kev were flirting with a pretty nurse, Jay seemed to be asleep with the magazine over his face, and Davey appeared from the toilet, ashen-faced.

  ‘What’s wrong with you?’ Johnny asked.

  ‘Me guts are at me.’

  ‘Your guts are always at you – it’s his arse you should be shoving a pipe into,’ Francie told the nurse.

  ‘It’s just this place, the bleedin’ smell of it. No offence,’ Davey said.

  ‘We need to go in now,’ the nurse said to Johnny.

  Johnny let go of Rabbit and walked slowly behind the woman. When he had disappeared, Rabbit turned to the band. ‘If he’s not out in an hour we’re cancelling.’

  ‘Since when have you become the boss of all things Johnny?’ Davey asked.

  ‘Since I told her she was,’ Francie said.

  ‘No, you didn’t.’

  ‘Rabbit, will you be the boss of all things Johnny?’

  ‘Yeah.’

  ‘There. Done.’

  ‘Are yous listening to this?’ Davey said to Kev and Jay.

  ‘I’m trying to snooze over here, man,’ Jay grunted.

  ‘She’s the only one he listens to,’ Kev said to Davey.

  ‘For fuck’s sake, she’s sixteen years old. Next you’ll be telling me she’s taking over as manager.’ He walked off in a huff.

  They got to the gig just in time to sound check. Since he’d become ill, Johnny had spent more time playing piano than guitar. He could sit at the piano and it suited their new sound. He had slept on the table during the test at the hospital and in the van on the way to the venue. After sound check he slept for another hour in the dressing room. By stage time, he had recovered sufficiently to walk onto the stage unaided, and when he sang, he lifted the roof off the place. The venue was small but packed to the rafters. Grace and Lenny were at the front waving. Jack was by the bar and Rabbit sat by the sound desk. The house guy was working it, but he had no problem with her input: it made his life easier and she was nice to look at.

  The gig ended and the crowd cried out for more. The lads put down their instruments and the crowd booed.

  ‘Come on, lads, just one more,’ Johnny said, from his seat at the piano. The lads pretended to concede, then put their instruments back on, and Davey sat behind his kit. The audience roared. Johnny began the song with just his voice and the piano. Everyone hushed. Rabbit looked over to the bar and shared a smile with her da. The band kicked in on the chorus and they bounced up and down to the beat. Rabbit left the desk before the song ended. She went back to the dressing room to sort out water and a few beers for the lads. After that she went to the toilet and queued for ten minutes in the main venue because Davey had blocked the backstage ones with his dodgy guts. When she got out she found the band celebrating at the bar.

  ‘I have beers backstage,’ she said.

  ‘We wanted to be out here,’ Francie said.

  ‘What about Johnny?’

  ‘What about him?’ Jay asked.

  ‘Where is he?’

  Jay asked Davey, but he was surrounded by girls and not in the frame of mind to engage. He raised his hands in the air.

  Kev was kissing the face off a tall blonde. Rabbit grabbed his shoulder. ‘Kev, where’s Johnny?’ As she spoke, the crowd parted and she saw him still sitting
behind his piano on stage. She looked from Kev to Francie. ‘You left him on stage?’

  ‘Oh, fuck.’

  Rabbit walked onto the stage. She could see Johnny was in a temper. ‘I couldn’t walk off by meself – there’s too many dangerous wires. Davey’s effing gaffer-taped them everywhere. And it’s so dark I can’t see.’

  ‘They just were high, full of adrenalin,’ Rabbit said.

  ‘They left me.’

  ‘They just forgot.’

  ‘I’ve been sitting here like a spare prick with drunk dickheads coming up to me.’

  ‘We’ll go.’

  ‘I need your shoulder, Rabbit.’

  ‘I’ve got you.’ She helped him stand. He was exhausted now and his hands were shaking. He leaned on her and she negotiated their way back to the dressing room. She left him there and found her da sitting in the front bar with Grace and Lenny.

  ‘Da, we need to go.’

  ‘OK, kiddo. I’ll bring the car around.’ He finished his glass of orange. ‘I’ll leave yous to it. Don’t wake your mammy when you stumble in, Grace.’

  ‘I was thinking of staying at Lenny’s,’ she said coyly.

  ‘Over my dead body.’ He stood up to leave. ‘Don’t get on the wrong side of my wife, Lenny. She’ll hunt you down.’

  ‘I won’t, sir.’

  Johnny didn’t want to see the lads. He was too annoyed. Instead he left by the side door, Rabbit holding him tightly. He fell asleep as soon as he got into the car.

  Jack was worried. ‘How long can this go on?’

  ‘He could still go into remission, Da. I’ve been reading about it and it could still happen.’

  ‘Of course it could. He’s only a young fella.’

  Rabbit helped Johnny out of the car and up to his front door. Johnny’s ma called his da, who took him inside and upstairs. Johnny’s ma thanked Rabbit and waved at Jack in the car, then closed the door. Rabbit got into the front seat of the car.

  ‘If he doesn’t go into remission, how long has he got?’ Jack said to his youngest child.

  ‘Not much longer, Da.’

  They drove away.

  Chapter Ten

  Davey

  BY THE TIME Father Frank had left, it was well after six when the meeting finally kicked off. The dishes were washed and everyone had the obligatory cup of tea. Molly was anxious that it was wrapped up quickly so that she could visit Rabbit. She’d been keeping tabs on her over the phone. Jay had spent an hour with her but she’d slept the rest of the afternoon away. Molly wanted to be there when she woke up and, with that in mind, she felt it unnecessary to beat about the bush. She sat down at the table and looked at everyone sitting around it.

  ‘Obviously Jack and I will be taking Juliet,’ Molly said.

  ‘There’s nothing obvious about it, Ma,’ Davey replied.

  ‘We’d like to take her,’ Grace said, raising her finger.

  ‘Don’t be ridiculous, Grace. You haven’t got the room for her,’ Molly said dismissively.

  ‘We’ll make room.’

  ‘You did. It was called your sofa, and we already have a room,’ Molly said.

  ‘It’s not just about a room, Ma,’ Grace said.

  ‘Then what’s it about?’ Molly asked.

  ‘It’s about what’s best for Juliet,’ Davey said.

  Molly stood up and placed her hands on the table. ‘And we’re not? We raised you, didn’t we?’

  ‘Exactly. You’ve done your raising,’ Davey told her.

  ‘What’s that supposed to mean?’ Molly said, straightening herself.

  ‘It means you’re seventy-two, and Da is seventy-seven,’ Davey said.

  ‘And we’re fit as fleas.’

  ‘You’re not being realistic, Ma,’ Grace said.

  ‘I bloody am.’

  ‘She can’t have another parent die on her,’ Davey said.

  His statement had sounded harsh and he hadn’t meant it to. He could see that it had taken his mother by surprise. Of course she knew what age she was and of course she had worried about it, but still it hurt. She sat down heavily and looked at her husband. ‘Jack?’

  ‘He’s right, and deep down, you know it,’ he said.

  ‘Grace can’t fit another soul into that house,’ Molly protested.

  ‘Maybe I could sell and either buy or rent a two-bed apartment,’ Marjorie suggested.

  ‘That’s kind, but you have your own problems, Marjorie, and Juliet is ours,’ Grace said.

  ‘She’s not a problem, Grace.’

  ‘I didn’t mean it like that, Ma.’

  ‘My problems are not that big, so I’d like to be considered,’ Marjorie said.

  ‘She’s coming to us,’ Grace insisted.

  ‘That has not been decided,’ Davey reminded them.

  ‘Really, Davey? Well, what do you think?’

  ‘I think she should come and live with me.’ The words just fell from his mouth. There had been no thought or consideration. He just heard himself say it. Everyone stared at him, as if they were waiting for him to burst out laughing and yell, ‘Joke!’

  ‘Oh,’ Marjorie said. ‘That’s why you wanted me here – you thought I’d vouch for you.’ She sounded annoyed.

  Davey was still surprised by what he’d just said, but he didn’t want to take it back. ‘No. I thought you’d speak for Rabbit.’

  ‘OK,’ she said. ‘It’s a bullshit idea. Whatever about your ma and da’s ages, Grace’s lack of space and me not being family, you’re a bachelor who lives between two American states and a bus, you’ve never been in a relationship that’s lasted longer than six months, and you haven’t even taken care of a pet, never mind a child.’

  ‘Couldn’t have put it better myself,’ Grace said.

  ‘I appreciate your candour and you’re right. I do have homes in New York and Nashville, and I do spend months on a bus. I’ve never been in a relationship that’s lasted more than four months, not six, and I’m not really an animal person. What I am is Juliet’s uncle. I have the money and I can make the time to take care of her.’

  ‘So you want to take her away from her grandparents, her aunt, uncle, cousins and everything she knows in the wake of her mother’s death?’ Marjorie asked.

  ‘Yes.’

  ‘You can’t do that,’ Grace said.

  ‘I plan on living a long time and I have the room, not just in my house but in my life. I can do this.’ It was as though someone else had possessed him and was speaking through him, because Davey couldn’t believe what he was saying, yet it felt right. What the hell is going on? What am I saying? Could I really take care of a twelve-year-old girl?

  Everyone was silent for a few moments, mostly due to shock: certainly no one appeared to be considering his pitch.

  Jack stood up. ‘Juliet belongs here. Grace, if you can work out a way to fit Juliet into your household, you’ll take her. Until then her nan and I will keep her here. It’s not ideal and it’s not what I want for her, but, right now, it’s all we can do.’

  He walked out of the room. The meeting was adjourned. Molly followed her husband.

  Grace sighed heavily. ‘Well, Da told us.’

  Davey stood up. ‘I should take you home,’ he said to Marjorie.

  ‘I can find my own way.’

  ‘I brought you here, I’m bringing you home.’

  ‘OK.’

  She said goodbye to Grace and Lenny, who were still sitting at the table, drinking tea.

  In the car Marjorie was quick to apologize to Davey. ‘I’m sorry I didn’t support you.’

  ‘You did what you felt was right for Rabbit.’

  ‘I did.’

  ‘And so did I.’

  ‘At least we can both sleep easy tonight.’

  They didn’t speak again until he parked the car outside her apartment.

  She hesitated before she got out. ‘You’re a good man.’

  ‘Honestly, Marjorie, you don’t have to explain.’

  ‘I wasn’t j
udging you. Rabbit says I can be a bit judgey, which is ironic because I’m a cheat so who am I to judge?’

  ‘You are perfectly entitled.’

  ‘It just seemed to come from nowhere.’

  ‘It did.’

  ‘What do you mean?’

  ‘I hadn’t considered it for one moment until suddenly you were all arguing over who was best to care for her and I thought, Why not me?’

  ‘Just like that,’ Marjorie said.

  ‘Just like that.’

  ‘She’s not a toy. You can’t return her.’

  ‘I know that.’

  ‘Do you, Davey?’

  ‘I want her, Marjorie.’

  ‘You don’t know what you want. You never have.’

  ‘Please don’t make this about us.’

  ‘It’s not about us. It’s about you taking a young girl who’s lost her mother away from the people who love her most.’

  ‘I know what you’re saying and I hear you, I do, but I can do this and, more importantly, I really want to.’

  ‘As of five minutes ago.’

  ‘My da can decree all he wants, but I’ll fight for her.’

  ‘Oh, I know,’ Marjorie said, ‘but you’d better talk to Rabbit about it.’

  ‘And if she supports it, will you?’

  ‘If she supports it, it won’t matter what I think.’

  ‘It’ll matter to me,’ he said.

  ‘It’s been a long day, Davey.’ She got out of the car.

  He rolled down the window. ‘So sleep on it,’ he said. He waited until she was safely inside her flat before driving off. Am I insane? he asked himself on the drive home, but despite the weight of responsibility in raising a teenage girl, Davey Hayes felt lighter than he had in years.

  Jay had a pint waiting for him in the pub. The place was quiet, not like back in the day when Sundays were busy. Jay finished his meal. ‘The missus has the kids at her mother’s.’

  Davey supped his pint and nodded.

  ‘Visited Rabbit today,’ Jay went on.

  ‘Ma said.’

  ‘I knew she was bad but . . .’ He was shaking his head.

  Francie appeared behind Davey and ruffled his hair. ‘Hey, DB, what’s going on?’