by Anne Douglas
‘We’ll have to think about getting you a place to live here, now that we’re ready to advertise for players.’ Lorna was yawning again, her face rather pale. ‘Shall we all go to Ma’s, then? You could have your fish and chips there.’
‘Fine, I’ll lock up for you,’ Ewen said cheerfully. He stood, smiling, taking a last look round the studio. ‘Looks grand, eh? All ready for the lassies. You girls decided what to call yourselves, then? Flo and Lorna’s Band, or what?’
‘We’re still thinking.’ Flo was putting on her cardigan. ‘Got any ideas? Apart from Flo and Lorna’s Band, which doesn’t exactly appeal!’
‘Ivy Benson calls her band the Ladies’ Dance Orchestra,’ Lorna said thoughtfully. ‘I can’t think what we should be.’
‘I think we should go for girls in the title,’ Flo suggested. ‘But Rhythm Girls, that’s been used, and All Girls Band as well.’
‘I know!’ Lorna cried. ‘How about the Melody Girls?’
‘Inspired!’ Flo cried.
‘The Melody Girls it is,’ Ewen said. ‘But, like I said, you’d better get on with finding other people to play. You’re going to need more than two Melody Girls to get your show on the road. Wish I could’ve joined you somehow.’
‘Wrong sex, Ewen!’
‘And then there’s the little problem that I can’t play anything, either.’
‘Shall we go?’ Lorna asked, leaning against the door. But as the others came up and she took a step away, she seemed for a moment to waver.
‘Hey, are you all right?’ Ewen was grasping her arm.
‘Oh yes, thanks. I just need to get some fresh air.’
‘You’re right, it’s the paint,’ Flo said, opening the door. ‘Might be a few days before the smell clears.’
Both she and Ewen watched anxiously as Lorna stood taking deep breaths of the fine summer air, until her colour returned and she smiled at them. ‘Told you, I feel much better now. Come on, let’s go for the tram.’
‘Wouldn’t like to take a taxi?’ Ewen asked, rattling coins in his pocket. ‘My treat.’
‘A taxi? What a piece of nonsense! No point in wasting money. You know what, I might even have some fish and chips when we get back. There’s quite a good shop near us.’
They had a very pleasant evening at Tilly’s, all four eating excellent fish and chips with bread and Tilly’s butter ration, and afterwards sat talking of plans for the Melody Girls until Ewen reluctantly took himself home and the others prepared for bed.
‘Sure you’ll be all right there?’ Lorna asked Flo on the sofa, to which Flo of course answered that she was fine.
‘It’s been a grand day, eh?’
‘Lovely. I feel we’ve really done well. Goodnight, Lorna.’
‘Goodnight, Flo. We’ll write the advertisement for the girls tomorrow, shall we?’
‘Can’t wait to see what replies we get!’
But in the morning, when Lorna came to breakfast she was not looking well. Seemed she had been quite sick.
‘Must have been the fish and chips,’ she muttered. ‘I shouldn’t have had them.’
‘Never did suit you,’ her mother said, fixing her with a thoughtful gaze.
‘We needn’t do the advert today, if you don’t feel up to it,’ Flo suggested. ‘I’ve got to go back to Glasgow, but you could maybe put something in the paper later?’
‘Yes, I’ll do that.’ Lorna drank some tea and cautiously ate some toast. ‘I’ll go with you to the station.’
‘No work today?’ Tilly asked, still watching her.
‘No, we took a couple of days off to finish the painting.’
‘Grand that it’s all done, eh?’
‘Yes.’ Lorna rose. ‘What time do you want to leave, Flo?’
‘Any time now. I’m catching an early train. Mrs Fernie, I’d like to thank you again, for putting me up. And for everything.’
‘Get on with you!’ Tilly answered, smiling. ‘Always glad to see you. And I’ll be seeing you again, when the band gets going.’
‘I’m looking forward to that.’
As soon as they were outside, Lorna grasped Flo’s arm with strong fingers. ‘Oh, Flo, something’s happened. Something awful.’
Flo’s dark eyes widened. ‘What? What are you talking about?’
‘I don’t know how to tell you . . .’
‘For God’s sake, spit it out! What is it? What’s wrong?’
‘I think I’m going to have a baby.’
Flo stopped in her tracks. ‘Lorna, that’s nonsense. Heavens above, you’re sick once and you think you’re in the club? Come on, be sensible!’
‘I was already worried before I was sick. Thing is, I’ve missed two.’
‘Oh.’ Flo looked away.
‘Yes, oh.’ Lorna smiled drearily. ‘I felt pretty odd yesterday, but I kept telling myself no’ to worry, I’d be OK, but then this morning, when I was sick – Flo, I just knew.’
‘You can’t know until you’ve seen a doctor. I mean, for sure.’
‘I tell you, I feel it in my bones. I’m no’ mistaken.’
They began to walk slowly towards the tram stop, Flo looking as though she’d taken a few steps that weren’t there, Lorna as though her world was collapsing around her. Which, in fact, was how she’d felt, ever since she’d sat on the side of her bed that morning after the sickness and looked into her future. It couldn’t be, it couldn’t be, but it was. She was going to have Rod’s baby.
‘I didn’t even know you were sleeping with Rod,’ Flo said after a time. ‘Suppose I should have guessed.’
‘It was only the once. That last night before I left.’
‘Only needs to be once.’
‘We were always so careful, not to – you know – go all the way and then, that last night, it just happened and it was so wonderful . . .’
Tears were gathering in Lorna’s eyes, her voice sounding strained and choked with the effort of not letting them fall. ‘When Rod asked me if I regretted it, I said no . . .’
‘And now you do?’
‘What do you think? My whole life has changed. All my plans – our plans.’
‘You haven’t thought of . . .’ Flo hesitated. ‘No, of course not.’
‘No, of course not,’ Lorna echoed. ‘If you mean am I going to find some little old woman to poke me about in a back street basement? No thanks. I’ll keep the baby. How, I don’t know at the moment.’
‘Well, are you going to tell Rod? It’s his baby as well, you know.’
‘No, I’m no’ going to tell him. We don’t want to marry now. What’s the point?’
They had reached the tram stop to stand some way away from the other people waiting, their eyes on each other’s faces.
‘I think we could still go ahead with the band idea,’ Flo said uncertainly. ‘I mean, we’ve rented the premises now and done all the work.’
‘You could go ahead, but without me.’ Lorna shook her head. ‘Can you see me conducting the band, getting bigger and bigger? Having to tell the girls I’m expecting and no’ married? And what would the public think, if they got to know? It’s out of the question, Flo. I have to accept, it’s just the end for me.’
‘There’s no way I’ll be trying to run the band without you, Lorna. Let’s just put everything on hold and see how things go. There’s no need to make decisions now. First, you have to see the doctor.’
‘I’ll see him,’ Lorna agreed, ‘but I know what he’ll say.’
What would her mother say, though? That, Lorna couldn’t even guess.
Twenty-Eight
Though she’d been praying she might be wrong, Lorna was right about what their old family doctor would say. She’d been his patient since she was a little girl, and guessed he’d be cheerful when he broke his news, which indeed he was.
‘Middle of January is your date,’ he brightly told her. ‘Looks like you’ll get Christmas over, anyway, though can’t be sure about Hogmanay. Might be early. Come on, now, lassie, don
’t be looking so glum! These things happen.’
‘Never thought to me,’ she sighed.
‘Well, how about the father? He going to do the right thing?’
‘He doesn’t know, he’s just gone to America.’
‘Well, you tell him to get himself home again and take you down the aisle. In the meantime, put a ring on your finger and call yourself Mrs. Makes life easier.’
Could anything make her life easier? Laura wondered, returning home. She didn’t think so. Certainly not buying herself a ring and calling herself Mrs Warren. No, she couldn’t do that. But what was she going to do? Letting herself into her mother’s flat, she could only think of the next step to be taken. Telling Ma.
Tilly was busy unpicking a customer’s dress which she was to refashion into a more modern style, and looked up quickly when Lorna came in. ‘Another afternoon off!’ she exclaimed. ‘That shop hardly sees you, Lorna. What was it for this time?’
‘Shall I make some tea?’ Lorna asked, not meeting her mother’s eyes.
‘Aye, I’m parched. It’s warm today.’ Tilly sat back, removing her thimble, as Lorna made the tea and looked in the tin for biscuits. ‘What an appetite you’ve got these days, lassie! You’ll soon be putting on weight.’
Lorna’s cheeks were scarlet. ‘Eating for two,’ she said quietly. ‘I bet you knew that, eh?’
‘Guessed,’ Tilly said, with equal quietness. ‘I’ve heard you in the mornings, you ken. Why didn’t you tell me about it before?’
‘Wanted it confirmed.’ Lorna crunched on a digestive biscuit. ‘Saw Dr Atkins today.’
‘Whatever did he say?’
‘He was very nice about it. Said these things happen.’
‘I never thought to you.’
‘No.’ At last, Lorna’s eyes rested on her mother’s face. ‘Well, it did happen, Ma. Just the once.’
‘All it takes.’
‘And my life is ruined.’
‘Oh, now, that’s no way to talk. It’s no’ the end of the world.’
‘Well, you tell me how I’m going to start my band when I’m expecting? And when the baby’s born, I’ll have to look after it.’ Lorna looked desolately into her teacup. ‘It’ll be years before I’ll be free, Ma.’
Tilly sat with her finger to her lip, a considering look in her eyes. ‘I could look after the bairn,’ she said slowly. ‘I’d no’ mind.’
Lorna looked up, her lips parting, unable to speak.
‘Aye, it’d be no trouble,’ Tilly went on. ‘A babby in the house again! When I lost your wee brothers, I always wanted more children, but none came after you.’ She leaned over and looked into Lorna’s face. ‘Well, what do you say?’
‘Ma, I don’t know what to say. You’re always saving me from something!’ Lorna tried to laugh. ‘Do you mean it, though? Would you really do that for me?’
‘You’re so set on this band thing, and I’m thinking now you’d be good at it, it’d be a sad day if you had to give it up. So, if I can help, Lorna, I will.’
‘Ma, you’re a saint! Yes, you are.’ Lorna’s voice was trembling. ‘It’d make all the difference if I could just look forward to getting the band going. All the difference in the world!’
‘Well, you can look forward to it. Though you’ll have to wait a while longer than you thought.’
‘I know, I know. But if I can be sure it’s going to happen, I can put up with that.’ Lorna hesitated. ‘But might it be too much for you, Ma? Folk always say babies are terrible hard work.’
‘Och, I’ll be fine! And the best thing would be I could still do my dressmaking, seeing as I work at home. Look, let’s say I’ll take charge, then, but in the meantime, as I say, you’ll have to put off starting the band. No point in booking lassies to play for you if you don’t want ’em to know about the bairn.’
‘That’s right,’ Lorna agreed. ‘What I’ll have to do is keep on with my job as long as I can to pay the rent for the studio, and it’ll be the same for Flo. She’ll have to stay with her typing job and I’m sorry about that, but she says she doesn’t want to start without me.’ Lorna’s mouth twisted. ‘Och, I was a fool, eh, to get caught in this trap?’
‘No doubt of that.’ Tilly began stitching again. ‘But what about your young man, then, the one I never saw? You’ve never even mentioned him. I suppose he is the father?’
‘Of course he is!’ Lorna drew her brows together. ‘I only had one young man, Ma.’
‘Sorry, it’s just that you’ve never said anything about him. Have you told him yet?’
‘He’s in America.’
‘You could still tell him. He should know. Should help to support the bairn when it comes.’
‘I haven’t told him. There’d be no point. We’d already decided no’ to marry.’
‘Oh, Lorna! So he just skips off to America leaving you in the family way. That’s what men do, of course.’
‘I told you, we never meant it to happen. And I don’t want anything from him, I’ll bring the baby up myself.’ Lorna suddenly smiled, leaped to her feet and hugged her mother. ‘I mean, with your help. Oh, Ma, you’ll never know how grateful I am! Somehow, I’ll make it up to you. I will, I promise.’
‘You just think about keeping well and having that grandchild.’
‘And then starting my band.’
They were both quiet, contemplating the differences in their lives that would soon be upon them, when a knock sounded at the front door. Lorna said she would answer it.
‘Canna think who it’d be,’ Tilly said, beginning to fold up her work.
It was Ewen.
‘Hi, Lorna!’ His broad face was lit by smiles. ‘I’m just on my way home. Wondered if you’d like to go for a walk later on? It’s sunny again.’
She hesitated, swinging the door. ‘Yes, I think I would. That’d be nice.’
‘I’ll call for you, then.’
‘OK. As a matter of fact, I’ve got something to tell you.’
‘Oh?’ He grinned. ‘Sounds interesting. Why no’ tell me now?’
‘Later. See you, Ewen.’
‘See you, Lorna.’
As she closed the door, she asked herself why she’d decided to tell Ewen her news then; she could have waited, until she had no choice. But somehow she felt she wanted to tell him as soon as possible. She wanted to be honest with him, who’d always been her most loyal friend.
Twenty-Nine
At first, Ewen seemed to be taking her news well. They had walked quite a way through the streets before she had found the courage to speak, finally reaching the Water of Leith in the Coates district of the city, where his kind eyes rested on her.
‘What’s up?’ he asked gently. ‘I know something’s bothering you.’
‘I hope you won’t be upset, Ewen. Or, angry with me.’
‘Angry? I’m never angry with you, Lorna.’
‘Well, disappointed. The fact is I’m . . . going to have a baby.’
He had been smiling, but instantly the smile was wiped away as the kind eyes were lowered and, for what seemed an age, he bent his head away from her. At last, he looked up, though not into her face.
‘A baby? Oh, Lorna!’
‘I know. I’ve been a fool. I feel terrible.’
‘And that fellow is in America?’
‘It was just the one time, Ewen. I keep saying that, as though it makes things better, but of course it makes no difference at all. We were just crazy, that’s all.’
As he said nothing, she touched his hand. ‘You can imagine how it was.’
‘Imagine?’ His tone was suddenly rough. ‘Oh, yes, I can imagine.’
He walked a little way away to stand looking down at the sluggish water winding its way towards the Dean Village, his shoulders hunched, his head again bent. It was clear her news was now sinking in and he was not at all taking it well. She had hurt him, grievously hurt him, and there was nothing – nothing – she could do.
‘Shall we go back?’ she called at l
ast.
He nodded, turning, his face very pale, and came towards her, but still he didn’t look at her.
‘I knew you’d be upset,’ she said in a low voice. ‘But I wanted to tell you, Ewen, because I couldn’t face keeping it a secret until the time you’d have known anyway.’
‘Something of a shock – to know now.’
‘Yes. I’m sorry.’
‘Hell, I don’t know why I’m so cut up. It’s none of my business what you do.’ He ran his hand over his face. ‘Except, we’re friends. I care for you.’
‘That means a lot to me.’
‘Me too. I just never . . . I never thought . . .’
‘I know.’ She shrugged. ‘I never thought, either, that this would happen to me.’
‘What are you going to do? I mean, about the band?’
‘Put it on hold. Until after I’ve had the baby. Then Ma’s offered to look after him – or her – for me. That’s wonderful, eh? Letting me have my chance. I’m so grateful.’
‘Yes, your ma’s wonderful, but what about the father? What’s he doing for you?’
‘He doesn’t know.’
‘You haven’t told him? Lorna, you have to tell him. It’s his responsibility, this bairn, no’ just yours.’
She had begun to walk back. ‘I don’t want to tell him. I don’t want him to marry me, because it would never work out. We had a terrible row that last night, when we realized we wanted different things, but I’d rather bring up the baby without a father than give up my band.’
‘Aye.’ He gave a long sigh. ‘But it’ll be hard for you. Even with your ma’s help.’
‘Life’s always hard for women. Especially if they want more than men think they should have.’
Ewen suddenly laid his hand on her shoulder, finally meeting her eyes as he made her turn to him. ‘I always said I’d be there for you, Lorna, and that’s still true. If it’s going to be tough for you, I want to help. If you need anything, just ask.’
‘You really mean that, Ewen?’
‘I said I did. It’s still true.’
‘I don’t know what to say, then. Think I don’t deserve you.’
‘For God’s sake, don’t let’s talk about deserving. You loved somebody, you couldn’t help that. It’s no’ something you can order.’