Immortal Suffering

by Shana J Caldwell

“How did you find me?” I ask, curious.

  “I was with Nardia; she was fine one minute and the next on the ground with her head in her hands, screaming your name over and over. That’s how I knew you were in the city; I found your scent easily enough and followed it.” I perk up at the mention of Nardia, I miss her so much.

  “Is she okay? How is she?” I ask, leaning forward and gripping my skirt in my hands. His eyes flicker to them.

  “She’ll be fine, I think once I found you it would have stopped whatever was happening. In general she’s recovering. She has a lot of… things to work through from that camp.” he whispers the last bit, I understood what he meant. Her poor eye.

  “I must have been screaming down the bond,” I whisper, thinking back to when I was panicking. It must have reached her, which was odd because I hadn’t felt her down the bond recently.

  “Most likely. I’ll visit her after I take you back to the castle. You’ll have fun facing Kalabhiti.” He raises his eyebrows and I frown at him.

  “Why can’t I come and see her yet?” I ask, crossing my arms. He sighs and rubs a hand over his mouth.

  “Because you’re nowhere near stable enough. You need to control that power of yours before you come back to the city. It’s frowned upon to use your powers on others in the city.” I stand up.

  “They attacked me first!” I throw my hands in the air, it was self-defence.

  “Ali, you didn’t see it from where I did. You were literally something supernatural and the power was throwing itself off you in waves. What snapped you out of it?” he asks, taking a step closer.

  “A memory.” I say simply, not telling him that he was the reason. I didn’t want to deal with the repercussions or feelings that would come if I did. He doesn’t press it.

  “Now I want an honest answer. How have you been?” he asks, his eyes roaming my body. I raise my chin, I knew I was skinner. Nearly as skinny when he first met me.

  “I’m doing okay,” I say, avoiding his eyes.

  “No, you’re not,” he says softly. I bite my inner cheek and look away.

  “I’m getting there. It isn’t easy, but I’m managing. Kal wants me to pretend I’m his Queen in a week for some important vampires, and we made a deal. If I can show him I’m serious about training he’ll let me get an apartment in the city in exchange. I’ll act how he needs me to. I can’t stay cooped up in that castle, it’s driving me crazy.” He snorts.

  “You’re going to act like a queen?” I look at him and frown, he was fighting a smile; and failing miserably.

  “Yes, I am. I’m sure it can’t be hard. I’ll just have to talk proper and whatever else. I already wear pretty enough clothes.” I gesture towards my skirt and shirt. He rolls his eyes.

  “You’ll be dressing in clothes much nicer than what you’re wearing now. Your hair looks nice by the way. It brings your eyes out.” I raise my eyebrows at his compliment; I can feel my guard slipping. I curse myself for being so forgiving.

  “Thank you. Everything around me is changing so I figured I needed a change as well. I love it.” I run my fingers through the curls, loving the silver and red. He moves closer, stopping in front of me. I freeze as he runs his fingers through the ends.

  “Soft as well,” he murmurs; he doesn’t take his hand out of my hair. My heart picks up, this is where I step away and tell him to not worry about taking me back, that I’d find my own way.

  “Mmm, thank you,” I whisper, dropping my hand back to my side. His lips twitch as he steps away.

  “You’re welcome. Have you begun to learn about your power?” He walks into the kitchen. I follow him.

  “No, today was our first training session. It was just defence techniques.” I lean against the island bench as he opens the white fridge, pulling out a large glass bottle of blood.

  “I saw that. Drink?” he opens the cupboard beside the stove and pulls out two champagne glasses.

  “Water, please.” he turns the tap on and fills the glass up, and then he fills his up with blood. I take the water from him and take a sip. He places the bottle back in the fridge.

  “Nardia will probably be the one to teach you more about it, considering it’s her power. Kalabhiti would be able to teach you how to control it, which is in your best interest.” he takes a sip of blood, licking his lips. I swirl the water around in my cup.

  “Yeah I don’t know when that will be though. I think he wants to focus on my fighting skills first.” Zeke leans back against the kitchen counter; watching me.

  “He’s not a bad man, as much as you may think differently. He really does… care for you.” the words sound bitter in his mouth, but I doubt Kal cared much at all.

  “You’re wrong; he’s only doing what he has to because I’m Cassidar’s descendent. I’ve been thrown into his lap and he’s just expected to look after me.” I finish the water and sit the glass down; Zeke finishes the blood in a gulp.

  “No, you’re the one that is wrong. I’m sure time will show that though, much to my displeasure.” he places our glasses in the sink, before turning back to me. “I’m taking you back to the castle.” He begins to leave.

  “Wait, those vampires said something that’s sort of stuck.” I say, Zeke turns and looks at me. I take a deep breath.

  “While I was at the camp I was injected with green liquid every day after I was chosen or some bullshit, but those vampires could smell it. Why couldn’t you or Kal?” I say gesturing to myself; Zeke rolls his eyes and comes over to me. He takes my right arm in his hands and brings it up to his nose. He takes a deep breath, breathing me in.

  “There is something, it’s faint though. I wouldn’t have noticed if I wasn’t looking for it.” he lets my arm go. I fold them over my chest and follow him as we leave the apartment.

  “It might be worth telling Kalabhiti though, in case it is something we need to be worried about.” I nod as we step into the elevator. I was going to be in so much trouble.

  “You’ll be fine; he’s got a soft spot for you. I’m sure he’ll be relieved you came home in one piece over everything else. Just please, don’t pull a stunt like this again?”

  “Noted.” I mumble, suddenly feeling utterly alone. That dark feeling I was running away from has crawled back under my skin, making its home there. Maybe I couldn’t out run it.

  “Do you think I’m a monster?” I whisper, not really expecting an answer. I don’t know why I needed his opinion, or even wanted it. He stays silent, debating.

  “We’re all monsters here Allison, just make sure you’re the biggest one in this city. The last thing you want to be is a deer in a home of carnivorous wolves.”

  Chapter 11

  Allison

  Zeke opens the castle door for me and I reluctantly enter. He shuts the door behind us before heading to the sitting room. I was not eager to see Kal and explain myself. Our footsteps echo off the stone floor. Dread builds up in my stomach. We turn down the hall that leads to the sitting room; I close my eyes and send out my energy. Kal is indeed in there.

  Zeke opens the sitting room door, gesturing for me to go first. I take a deep breath and stride through. I get halfway before Kal’s eyes pin me in place. His eyes hold a fury I’ve never seen before and I can’t look away. He is still in his leathers. His hair flows around him with his rage.

  He stands in the middle of the room, in front of the couch. Zeke shuts the door, his presence still behind me. I keep my chin high, I wasn’t a deer. I was a wolf.

  “Zeke, thank you for bringing her back safely,” he says, deathly calm.

  “That’s okay. I found her at one of the clothes shops.” I keep my expression neutral. He is covering for me, so I won’t get in trouble. I send a silent thank you out.

  “You’re dismissed.” Zeke leaves immediately. Once the door shuts the room is silent. I nibble on my bottom lip.

  “Well… care to explain yourself?” his jaw twitches.

  “I wanted some fresh air and I wanted to change my hair,”
I say simply, I wasn’t sure what else he was expecting me to say.

  “So you risked your life to get your hair done?” I suck at my teeth. When he put it like that…

  “That’s correct to an extent, I mainly just wanted to explore and get away from the castle for a little bit,” I say clearly. I’m not lying. Maybe I should be.

  “Allison, you can’t just run off like that without letting someone know.”

  “Right, because if I told you, you really would have let me go in.” Sarcasm drips off of my words. He walks forward and stands in front of me. His shadows swirl around my ankles, gently caressing my calves.

  “I would have accompanied you or had someone else go with you,” he growls. The situation was beginning to heat up. I wasn’t just going to back down and beg for forgiveness.

  “I forgot I’m on house arrest.” I growl back, crossing my arms over my chest. His eyes flicker over my face. He steps closer, my arms just brushing against his torso.

  “You’re not on house arrest,” he grits out. I throw my hands in the air.

  “Yes, I am.” How could he not see it? “You take me from my world, bring me here to this stupid castle and lock me up! I’m not some princess waiting for her prince to come and save her!” I shout; the last strand of my patience snaps.

  “I am trapped here with a fate I never wanted. Everything you do is only to benefit you. What about me? Have you ever considered how I feel in all of this? Or am I just a pawn to you and your stupid vampire followers?” My voice continues to rise. I take a deep breath and something snaps in him.

  “You came to me! You begged me to save you and I did! I didn’t trap you here; you’re not a caged animal so stop acting like one. Everything I do is in your best interest. You have no idea what I have to go through to keep you safe here. Do you really think I’m the only vampire that wants you?” His hands gesture around us angrily.

  “You’re part vampire. The sooner you accept that the better, stop being a victim to your circumstances. I know you’re stronger than that, I see it in your face every day. You show me every day.”

  “I don’t want to be part vampire!” I scream, my hands shaking violently by my side. My whole body is on fire with the emotions coursing through me.

  “Well too fucking bad. You made that choice. That’s on you. When Nardia bit you it sped up the process. Regardless of whether you want it or not, you were always going to have it,” he growls. I snarl at him.

  “I can’t even look at you.” I spit out. I turn to leave, wanting to hide in my room for eternity. A cold hand wraps around my arm, gently. I turn back and look at him with wild eyes; tears threaten to stain my cheeks. I can’t admit he’s right.

  I knew exactly what I was getting into when Nardia bit me; I just never thought it would be this hard.

  “Ali, please. Calm down,” he says gently. His eyes hold no hint of the rage that was in them moments ago.

  “I-I can’t.” I choke out, my body still shaking. He pulls me in and hugs me. His strong arms wrap around me, one arm sits tightly around my waist while the other strokes my hair. I wrap my arms around his waist and cry into his chest, welcoming the coolness of his touch.

  I scream and cry and sob. His hand doesn’t stop stroking my hair.

  “It’s going to be okay, Ali,” he whispers into my hair and I let the tears fall. I wasn’t strong, I had no idea how I could let myself get this broken.

  This isn’t me.

  Surviving isn’t living.

  “I just want the pain to stop,” I whisper. I sob against him as my body shudders. I hold onto him tight, afraid to let him go.

  “It will; I’m here for you. I’ll be there every step of the way. You need to learn to trust me.”

  “I don’t know if I can. I can’t lose any more people. It’s not worth it,” I whisper. I’m still grieving losing Xavier. I can’t imagine getting that close to someone else again only to go through the same thing.

  “I know, trust me I know,” he whispers back. I lean back and look into his eyes. Their sadness crushes me even more. He was still mending, just like I was.

  “I’m not her Kal, I never will be,” I say softly. He shakes his head.

  “I don’t want you to be anyone else but you.” He licks his lips. I watch as his tongue moistens them and inhale a sharp breath. I am a crying mess and all I can think about is kissing him? God, what is wrong with me?

  “Go have a shower and relax, dinner will be ready soon. You look beautiful by the way, I love your hair.” He presses a cold kiss to my forehead before stepping out of my grip, surprising me. My arms fall to my side as a blush creeps into my cheeks. I nod and suck on my bottom lip.

  I numbly walk to the bathing chambers. I strip out of my top and skirt, running the warm water. I sit on the bottom and let the water beat down on my back. I cry for the last time, I have to be stronger than this. If not for myself, for Kal. I didn’t come this far to only come this far.

  *

  I walk into the dining room, my hair a wavy mess around me. I am wearing an oversized white shirt with a pair of black shorts. I am past the point of dressing up to impress. Kal sits at the head of the table, glass of blood in hand. He must be on the same page as me, with back loose pants and a black V neck loose shirt.

  To his left at the empty chair, a full plate sits. Some sort of meat with a colourful salad awaits me. I take a seat and tuck my hair behind my ears, not missing the length of it.

  “Thank you,” I say as I begin to cut into the meat.

  “That’s okay. But we do need to discuss those creatures that were in with Dominic,” Kal says, sipping his drink.

  “Is he okay?” I ask, looking at Kal. I fill my mouth with the salad, savouring the exotic flavours. He arches an eyebrow at me.

  “Yes, he is fine. Our medicines are much more advanced than the humans; most of his cuts are healed now. We think they somehow managed to get into his area through the feeding door.”

  “But that would mean someone let them in?” He stays silent.

  “Oh my god, do you suspect foul play?” I whisper, afraid whoever it is might be listening. He sighs and sits his cup down, half the contents gone. He puts his head in his hands and massages his temples.

  “It’s too soon to come to a conclusion, but it is a possibility.” I sit back and think about this. Who would want to harm Dominic? Who else would be able to get into his area?

  “Who has access to him?” I ask, happy for a distraction and happy to try and help.

  “Me and you. I’m the only one with a key,” he says and the weight of his words settle in.

  “Well it wasn’t me!” I squeak, my voice high. He sighs again, his shoulders sagging.

  “I know it wasn’t, you don’t need to worry your pretty little head about that.” He sits back and looks at me. I suck at my bottom lip.

  “There is something I need to tell you though.” I muster up the courage, he raises his eyebrows. “Well, a few things.” I take a steadying breath. He waits silently.

  “In the first week I was here, I was in the sitting room listening to the storm. As I was heading to my room a flash of lighting startled me, I looked outside and I saw one of those creatures. That’s what had scared me when you asked that night, I only saw one and I promised myself I would tell you if I saw one again.

  “Um, also when I was going through the forest today I felt something following me, like chasing me almost. I can’t really describe what it was, I never saw it but I could feel it and hear it all around me.” He opens his mouth to reply but I hold up a hand to silence him.

  “Also, when I was in the human camp they were… injecting me with this green liquid. I’ve come to the conclusion it has something to do with the grobblers. I can’t be sure what they were planning to do with it but I think they’re trying to modify humans to match vampires in strength.” I take a deep breath and sit back. As the silence ticks on, my courage slips and is replaced with nervousness.

  “Thank yo
u for telling me.” He sits back and sips his drink.

  “You’re not angry?” I ask, leaning forward. He leans forward in turn and runs a hand lazily down my cheek. His hand holds my chin gently and his eyes flicker over my face. I nibble the inside of my cheek, the distance between us closing slowly.

  “I’ve been angry enough for one day. I will consider what you tell me tomorrow.”

  “Okay, are we training tomorrow?” I ask; my voice soft. He swallows hard, his Adams apple bobs. The tension in the air picks up like static and everything in the room dissolves around me. Kal is my only focus.

  “In the morning again. I’ll defend tomorrow, you can attack.” His voice is rough, I find myself getting lost in his eyes.

  “Are you sure? I sort of kicked your ass this morning,” I whisper, teasing. I lick my lips and watch as his eyes trail my tongue.

  “That’s only because I let you. Tomorrow it will be a lot…” He pauses, I lean forward more. Needing him to finish his sentence.

  Anticipating it.

  “Harder.” The word is soft but rattles every nerve in my body as his breath hits my face. I never felt this much energy when I was around Zeke or Xavier. Blood fills my senses, which only makes me want him more. I squeeze my legs together and try to ignore the warmth that is spreading between them.

  “I’m sure I can help with that.” I murmur, biting my bottom lip hard. His thumb trails over my cheek and jawline, skimming my wet lips. I suck in a breath at his touch, the coolness of it sending electricity through me.

  “I’ll have to show you the right position.” His voice is deeper and rougher and drives me over the edge. I might be mistaking the hunger in his eyes but I can’t deny myself anymore. I stand up slowly and close the distance between us. He sits back and looks up at me, his arms resting on the chair’s arms.

  “Like this?” I ask, breathless. I rest my hands on his arms as I move in front of him. I straddle him, my knees resting between his body and the chair. I’m not entirely sure what I’m doing but he doesn’t stop me. He sucks in a sharp breath as I sit on his lap, I run my hands along his arms; only stopping once I reach the back of his neck.