Love Like Crazy

by Megan Squires

  It’s easier for those on the broadened path. They have the multitudes to keep them company. When they tire of one relationship, they move on to the next. Attachments are easily formed based on the sheer vastness of possibilities, but when things get tough, I’m not sure how strong those ties remain.

  The relationships you form in the trenches, though? The people who intersect your life during your moments of brokenness and stay around to fight with you and for you, I think those are the sticking types of relationships. It’s called a band of brothers for a reason. If I were to take my advice from anyone, Shakespeare seemed like a reasonable enough guy.

  “From this day to the ending of the world,

  But we in it shall be remember’d;

  We few, we happy few, we band of brothers;

  For he to-day that sheds his blood with me

  Shall be my brother.”

  -Henry V

  Maybe it wasn’t the sharing of blood that made you family, but the willingness to shed it for one another. I knew of at least two people in my life that met that requirement. I considered myself one of the lucky ones. I figured that was probably two more than most people ever got.

  ***

  “You look gorgeous in that gown, Eppie.” Lincoln surveyed my reflection from over my shoulder. He’d just arrived from his latest session with Phil, and while coming to terms with the lies that coated his past would be a lifetime sort of processing thing, he was doing remarkably well. Sometimes truth, no matter how hard to hear, healed you all on its own.

  I smoothed my hair once more, pinning the cap down with two thin bobby pins.

  “Brings out your eyes,” he teased.

  “Not sure I can take that as a compliment considering it’s a formless black gown,” I laughed. “You must think I’ve got hollow, lifeless eyes.”

  He crept close, wrapping his arms around me from behind. His chin pressed into my shoulder, and I could feel the point of it push in and out as he spoke.

  “Not anymore,” he said, connecting with my gaze in the full-length mirror hung on the back of my bedroom door. “Maybe when I first met you, yeah, a little. But you were toting around a half-dead dog, so I wouldn’t imagine you would have smiley and happy eyes. That wouldn’t be right.”

  Never before had I understood the phrase ‘that was a lifetime ago’ when referencing a short period of time. Time was just time. It all ticked down the same. But now I got it. In the past several months, I’d experienced a new sort of life, one so very different from the kind I led before. So yeah, it was a lifetime ago back at that veterinarian’s office. The day when I tried to save someone else, but ultimately ended up saving myself. Or maybe, all of us together wound up saving each other. I think that’s what really happened.

  That’s how life actually worked. Just how certain people fell into certain roles—the askers/askees, etc. —there were the life givers and the life takers. Those who lifted your spirit and those who killed it. To have figured that out at just eighteen years old had to mean something. All of that missing childhood and forgotten adolescence—it felt like I got some of that back just in knowing a little more about the way the world operated. That was a gift. And so was the boy who stood beside me.

  “Are you nervous?”

  “To walk across a stage and receive my diploma?” I straightened the cap again, not able to get it quite right. Lincoln slipped his hand up to help with the adjusting. “No way. I’ve been ready for this for so long. This is the ticket I’ve been waiting forever for. I’m beyond eager to start the first day of the rest of my life.”

  He smiled tenderly at my mirrored self. “I think you started it long ago, Eppie. I know I did, at least. The moment I started loving you—our beginning was a new beginning for me.”

  I spun around in his arms. His eyes were shadowed by the brim of his worn hat, but there was so much life in them. The wrinkles in their corners weren’t indicative of a tired existence. They gave evidence to the smiling and the laughter and the love that emanated through him. I’d always known Lincoln had a secret. And I was eternally grateful that he chose to share it with me.

  “I’m so proud of you, Eppie. Of us.” His nose nuzzled mine and I pressed into the cool cloth of his blue V-neck shirt. “We’ve come a long way, baby.”

  I could almost hear Loretta Lynn’s twang in Lincoln’s voice and laughed. “I was worried you were going to start singing for a moment there.”

  “Nah,” he chuckled. “I’ll leave the singing to you. Honestly, I really wish you’d do more of it.”

  I shrugged, feeling the silky sleeves of my graduation robe rub against my shoulders. “I don’t know. I mean, I always sang before as a way of coping, you know? Like a distraction. I don’t need distractions anymore.”

  “All the more reason to compose a new tune.”

  “That’s exactly what we’ve been doing, I think.” Lincoln rested his chin on the top of my head and I drew closer to him to press my ear to his chest. This was home. Right here with Lincoln’s heart. Nothing felt more welcome. “I think before it was all broken chords. But now? With you? Now I’ve found my melody.”

  Bending down to me, Lincoln swept his lips across mine, so gently that it took a moment for me to even feel it. I pressed in and kissed back with all I had, all of the love within me that was only for him.

  “I was wrong when I said that whole thing about failing to be in the right place at the right time,” he murmured quietly against my mouth as he pulled away. “I think wherever you are at any given time, that’s where you’re meant to be. Because who would’ve thought that being stuck with Dan’s sick hamster would ultimately land me here, in your arms.”

  “That hamster was Dan’s?” I laughed, never knowing what lead to Lincoln’s veterinarian visit that day.

  “Yeah,” he nodded, his brown hair flopping around his ears. I reached up to tuck it back, realizing he hadn’t cut it since the day we met. I ran a few strands within my fingertips, holding it there. “He was supposed to take the little guy in for an appointment, but he actually had to attend a last minute ceremony to get some medal from local veterans for his bravery and patriotism.” Lincoln smiled proudly, thinking of his heroic friend. He leaned in a little and said, “So I guess we ultimately have Dan to thank for our chance encounter.”

  “I think we have so many more than just him,” I said, glancing to the clock. It was nearly time to go. I turned back to the mirror again, giving myself another quick once over. “I’m not sure we’ll ever even know all of the people and actions responsible for bringing us to together.”

  “You’re probably right,” Lincoln said with a decisive nod. “That thank-you list would likely be quite long, and I don’t know about you, but I’ve got awful penmanship.”

  I laughed, figuring he was probably right.

  “So since I can’t thank each individual person, I’m going to start with just one.” With his eyes open wide, so transparent and vulnerable, Lincoln stared directly into my own. His purposeful intensity caused my heart to thrum just a little faster than normal. “Thank you, Eppie,” he said in a firm voice, rich with sincerity. “Thank you for this life and this love, the likes of which I never knew possible. You took a leap with me, and I’ll forever be grateful that you trusted me to fall with you.”

  The tears had no other option than to trickle down my cheeks, triggered by so much more than just his words. They were triggered by his love, and if ever I had a reason to weep, it was over this beautiful boy standing right in front of me.

  He scooped me into his chest and we held one another until it was time to leave for the ceremony. And as I walked across that stage and accepted my graduation diploma, I wasn’t walking into my future. Sure, it was another necessary step in the direction of adulthood, but my real future was the tall boy sitting in the front row with a lopsided grin and a frayed and tattered hat.

  “Congratulations,” he said as I made my way back to my seat. “You did it, Eppie!”

  �
��I did,” I agreed proudly, finding my place back at his side as the principal continued calling out names. “It almost feels surreal.”

  “It always does,” Lincoln agreed. His hand found my bare knee and squeezed slightly. “The best parts of life are the sometimes hardest to comprehend.”

  We sat for the rest of the graduation with his arm draped across my shoulders and my body fitted close against his side. When the time came, I tossed my hat into the air along with my peers, celebrating our successes and our journeys and the new ventures we expected to encounter. While many things were still undecided about my future when it came to schooling and degrees and possible careers, nothing was undecided about the way I felt for Lincoln or how I wanted to always have him in the center of my life.

  As we left the auditorium and walked to the parking lot, hand in hand, he turned to me, a smile in his eyes and on his mouth. “Have I told you lately that I’m still incurably in love with you, Eppie? Because I am, since it’s incurable and all.”

  I gripped his hand tighter, confident in knowing they’d hold one another like this for many years to come. Then I lifted my head to his with a nod and said, “You have. And when it all comes down to it, I think it’s that love that ultimately cured me.”

  “I think love cured me, too,” Lincoln agreed. Then he kissed me like it was both our first and last kiss at once, the emotion climbing from those initial fluttering butterflies to the solid, steadfast confidence in knowing you were completely loved in loving completely.

  And he held me in his arms, my ear to his chest, and our hearts beat together in time and tune, just liked they’d learned to so many months ago.

  THE END

  ABOUT MEGAN

  I’m a writer. I’m a photographer. I love to photograph about what I write and write about what I photograph.

  I’m fueled by Diet Coke and an overactive imagination.

  I can’t do without the S.F. Giants, my mini iPad with the kindle app, and a daily dose of snuggles with my hundred pound Golden Retriever.

  And I love LOVE.

  Like seriously adore those butterflies you get when you think about that first kiss or when you held hands with someone you’d been crushing on for years. Even if it was cringeworthy and terrible, there’s just nothing quite like connecting with another human being on that nervous, hesitant level. Relationships are complex and wonderful and scary, and I get a rush each time I have a chance to write about them and all of their layers.

  I get to document life with my keyboard and my camera, and I’m blessed beyond belief that I can do both for a living.

  You can connect with me at:

  www.facebook.com/MeganSquiresAuthor

  www.megansquiresauthor.com