by Harley Wylde
“They’re perfect,” MaryAnne said, leaning against my arm.
“We can always pick out more. This is your tree as much as it’s mine. You should get to decide what we hang on it.”
She brushed a kiss against my cheek and started digging through everything.
Cache cleared his throat. “Um, Patriot, you want us to help string the lights?”
I glanced at MaryAnne and realized as short as she was, she probably wouldn’t be much help getting the lights around the fat tree. I’d picked one that was close to my height, but the base was easily two of me. It definitely would take more than one person to get the lights on it.
“Go ahead,” I said, tossing them the boxes of lights. “Use all of them.”
Morgan’s eyebrows lifted. “There’s about eight hundred lights here. Are you trying to spot the tree from the moon?”
MaryAnne snickered and I thought the humor in her eyes and the smile on her lips were the most beautiful sight I’d ever seen. She hadn’t had much reason to smile over the last couple years, but I’d made it my goal to keep her as happy as I could. She deserved the best in life, and while I didn’t kid myself by thinking I was the best, I did know I’d do anything for her. Even kill for her, which I’d done several times.
“String the damn lights, Prospect,” I said with a bit of a growl.
“Aye, aye!” Morgan saluted and I couldn’t contain my snort.
“I was in the Army, asshole. Not the fucking Navy.”
Cache punched Morgan in the arm, and they got to work stringing the lights on the tree. The kitten had charged into the living room and now eyed the tree like it was his greatest challenge. I had a feeling I’d be pulling him from the branches until I threw the tree out. Good thing most of the ornaments I’d bought weren’t breakable.
“We’re missing something,” I said. “Wait right here.”
She cast me a nervous look before glancing at the two Prospects. I hurried from the room, knowing they wouldn’t hurt her, and grabbed the radio from the kitchen. Archimedes lumbered after me, probably deciding he didn’t want to be left out. He flopped in front of the couch and huffed as he laid his head on his paws. I plugged the radio in near the couch and Christmas songs filled the air.
“Can’t decorate a tree without setting the mood,” I said.
She moved closer and reached out, wrapping her hand around my arm. I felt the way she trembled and hated that she didn’t feel safe in our own home. Cache and Morgan had always been careful around her. Hell, the entire club had walked on eggshells whenever MaryAnne was present, but it wasn’t enough.
I leaned in closer and dropped my voice so only she would hear me. “They won’t hurt you, Little Bit. You’re safe here, even when I’m not in the room.”
“Sorry,” she mumbled.
“You don’t have to apologize. I wish you felt safe. I’ll do whatever it takes to ensure no one ever hurts you again.”
She nodded and reached for the ornaments again. I kissed the top of her head. When the Prospects were finished, I stepped out front for a cigarette. I’d technically quit, but there were times I still indulged. As I blew the smoke out, I thought about all the men who’d hurt my sweet MaryAnne.
“Kurt Timms, do you know why you’re here?” I asked.
He tightened his lips and stared at me, hatred blazing in his eyes. I slid the blade of the knife along his thigh, leaving a trail of blood. He screamed and thrashed in the chair. The duct tape I’d used to hold him down didn’t give an inch.
“She’s a little whore. The doctor said so! Said some club had used her up.”
Wrong answer. I slammed the knife down into his thigh and twisted it. I yanked it free and worked on carving “rapist” into his chest. Kurt blubbered like a damn baby.
“She screamed. Begged. Pleaded with you not to hurt her.” I sliced a chunk of skin from over his ribs. “I saw the videos. You knew damn well what you were doing, that she didn’t want you to touch her. I also saw you get off on causing her pain, humiliating her.”
I reached for the branding iron. It had three bars, a throwback to an old ranch in the area. Once it was nice and hot, I used it to mark the asshole’s face. It burned through the flesh of his cheek.
When I’d finished with him, no one would ever recognize him. His teeth were gone, as were his hair and nails. Any tattoos had been burned off. I bagged him up and disposed of the body.
I pulled my phone from my pocket and pulled up my list. Using my finger, I marked off the name Kurt Timms. One by one, I’d take the fuckers out. Maybe after they were gone, MaryAnne’s nightmares would be too.
I tossed my cigarette onto the ground and stomped it out with my boot. I went back inside and ran upstairs to brush my teeth and spray on some cologne, knowing from past experience that MaryAnne would have a flashback of some sort if she smelled the cigarette on my breath or clothes. It was a large part of why I’d stopped smoking. Every now and then, I still craved the nicotine.
When I got back to the living room, she’d hung a few ornaments on the tree. The kitten had already climbed up the bottom part of the tree and tried to swat her while remaining hidden. MaryAnne ignored him and reached for another ornament. I joined her, working on the top half where she couldn’t reach. The next time she hung something on the tree, I snapped a quick picture. She probably didn’t know how many I had of her on my phone. One day, I wanted to frame some of them and set them around the house. I wasn’t sure she was ready for that yet.
From the kitchen, I heard Hatter whistling to the current song on the radio and knew he felt left out. I pressed a kiss to MaryAnne’s temple and went to get the bird. I’d made sure his cage not only could roll easily, but also fit through the doorways. I wheeled him from the kitchen into the front entry and parked him outside the living room. He had a good view of everything and started bobbing up and down to the music while he fluttered his wings.
Couldn’t decorate for Christmas without the entire family present. Even if more than half weren’t human.
Chapter Five
MaryAnne
I didn’t believe for one second the envelope of cash was actually from Sean. I loved my cousin, but he hadn’t exactly been warm and fuzzy toward me since I’d come to live with Patriot. No, the money had to have come from Patriot. I didn’t know why he hadn’t given it to me himself, but he’d been right about me wanting to buy some presents. Not having my own money wasn’t ideal, but I couldn’t exactly go out and get a job. Well, I could. But I’d run the risk of freaking out and getting fired.
Phoebe smiled as I got into her car. “You ready to shop?”
I nodded. “I mostly want to shop for Patriot, but I’d like to get a present for Titan, since he’s allowed me to live at the compound. And I should probably get a gift for my cousin.”
“Trust me, my dad is happy to have you. Besides, I think if you left, Patriot would follow you. That man is completely smitten.”
“Smitten?” I asked. “Does anyone use that word anymore?”
I heard the pipes of three bikes and noticed we were being followed by three patched members. It seemed Patriot had made sure I would feel safe, since he wouldn’t be with me.
“They do if they read historical romances.” Phoebe shrugged. “Seemed like an apt description. Has he said anything?”
“He wants to claim me. Said he’d bring it up in Church.” I twisted my fingers in my lap. “I don’t know why he’d want me. I don’t think I can give him the kind of relationship he needs, but he insists that he doesn’t care if we’re ever intimate. It doesn’t seem fair to him.”
Phoebe cut her eyes my way. “You love him, don’t you?”
“Yeah. I do.”
“Then that’s all that matters.” Phoebe turned on the radio and started singing along with Jingle Bells.
Was she right?
The mall was packed, and we had to walk what felt like miles to reach the doors. Inside, Phoebe looped her arm through mine so we wouldn’t
get separated. She stopped at a leather store first, picking out a wallet for Kraken. I browsed but didn’t really see anything that looked like something Patriot would want. There was a leather jacket I eyed, but once I saw the price tag I kept going. It cost more than what I’d been given.
Phoebe stopped next to me, looking at it. “You aren’t buying it?”
“It costs more than I have, and I want to buy several presents today.”
She pulled out her phone and started tapping on the screen. When it chimed a moment later, she showed it to me.
Can I use your credit card for MaryAnne to buy something for Patriot?
Sure.
I opened my mouth to protest, except Phoebe grabbed the jacket off the rack and practically ran to the register. I followed and felt myself pale when the clerk gave us the total.
“Four hundred, seventy-two dollars and thirty-three cents.”
Phoebe handed over the card and smiled at me. “Don’t worry. My dad wouldn’t have said to do this if he hadn’t meant it. Trust me. He won’t even blink when he gets the bill. I’ve put way more on there in the past. Kraken hates that I have it, insists he can take care of me, but my dad wouldn’t take no for an answer. Only time I use it is when I don’t want Kraken to see what I’ve bought or how much I spent.”
I’d have to make sure I thanked Titan. He had two kids, grandkids, and a wife to take care of. The last thing he needed was me holding my hand out asking him for money. My stomach knotted and twisted. It felt wrong.
Phoebe nudged me. “Hey. It’s really okay.”
I gave her a quick nod and followed her to the next store. In addition to the jacket, I bought Patriot a black sweater and a watch. Well, not just any watch. It was waterproof to fifty feet and did all sorts of cool things. If it hadn’t been marked down seventy-five percent, I’d have never been able to afford it, and I refused to let Phoebe buy anything else of mine with Titan’s credit card.
“I don’t know what to get your dad,” I said.
Phoebe pointed to a bookstore. “He likes to read, when he has the time. You could always give him a gift card, or pick up a new release. I’ll tell Delilah what title you get so we can make sure Dad doesn’t pick it up before he opens your gift.”
“He paid for a four-hundred-dollar jacket and sent Patriot to bring me to the compound. A book doesn’t seem like nearly enough.”
“Come on. Let’s see what they have.”
She tugged me into the store, and we approached the new release rack. They had a signed copy of a hardback she insisted Titan would love, so I bought it for him. I still hadn’t gotten anything for Sean, but I’d grown apart from my cousin and didn’t know what he’d like. I finally decided on a gift card to his favorite fast-food place.
“How am I getting this stuff into the house without Patriot seeing it?” I asked.
“Let’s stop at Target on the way back and get some stuff to wrap everything. I’ll ask Kraken to get Patriot out of the house. We can wrap everything at your place, then I’ll haul mine home. Besides, if I try to wrap with Ember underfoot, she’ll end up seeing stuff she shouldn’t. Not to mention she can’t keep a secret.”
We loaded our things into her car, then headed for Target. I checked the side-view mirror several times, ensuring our bodyguards were still there. Or rather mine, since Phoebe didn’t seem to mind going around town on her own. I picked up the boxes I’d need, as well as two rolls of wrapping paper, then grabbed gift tags, and tape. I couldn’t remember seeing scissors at the house, except the ones in the kitchen, so I picked up an inexpensive pair.
Phoebe got several rolls of paper and tags as well, then we made our way to the checkout. The lines were insanely long, and I found myself browsing the nearby items. I remembered seeing some baseball cards in one of Patriot’s dresser drawers so I selected a few packs to put into a stocking, only to realize, we didn’t have stockings. Thankfully, there were a handful on a display closer to the registers so I picked out one for each of us and hoped I could figure out where to hang them.
A bag of Christmas chocolates made it into my cart, as well as some peppermints. I found Patriot’s favorite gum as we inched our way closer to the counter and added it to the cart for his stocking. Then tossed in an Apple gift card he could use with his phone. I hoped I had enough, since I’d bought more than I’d planned, but when I heard my total I breathed out a sigh of relief. I was able to pay for everything and had a little left over.
Phoebe checked out behind me, and then we put our stuff into her car, with help from Stone and Philly. Brick was on his phone, even though he scanned the parking lot at least twice while we loaded the car. Once we were on our way home, Phoebe cranked the Christmas music and we both sang along.
At the house, Brick helped us carry everything inside, after assuring me Patriot wasn’t home. “I’ll keep him busy.”
I thanked him and started to spread everything out in the living room.
The kitten saw the wrapping paper and immediately pounced on it, sticking his little claws into the roll and leaving pinpricks. I didn’t think Patriot would mind. I pulled off a section of ribbon and cut it, tossing it in front of the ball of fluff. It diverted his attention and allowed me to wrap gifts relatively undisturbed.
“You really need a name,” I murmured, reaching out to stroke the kitten’s ear.
Phoebe took one half of the room and I claimed the other. I didn’t have as much to wrap as she did, so after I finished wrapping mine, I helped her finish up. If she’d already done part of her shopping, then Ember was going to be spoiled rotten. Even little Banner had a lot of gifts.
As I held the little bear dressed as Santa, my throat started to burn, and I realized I was close to crying. I pressed a hand to my stomach and wondered what it would be like to carry a baby. I didn’t know for sure because I’d been too scared to ask, but I didn’t think I could have children. It wasn’t until that moment I realized Patriot hadn’t said a word about kids. What if he wanted them some day? He’d said he wanted me, even if we never had sex, but he could change his mind.
“What’s wrong?” Phoebe asked.
“Sorry. I … I realized I don’t know if I can even have children. I was holding your son’s bear and it hit me that I may never have the chance to pick out gifts for my own kids.”
Phoebe’s jaw dropped and her eyes went wide. “Wait. You don’t know if you can have them? What about…”
“Patriot?” I asked.
She nodded.
“We didn’t discuss kids. What if he wants a family and I can’t give that to him?”
“Oh, MaryAnne,” she said in a near whisper. “I’m so sorry. Wouldn’t the doctor be able to tell you?”
I hadn’t seen a doctor since Patriot had brought me here. Well, Bones had tended to me whenever I’d gotten sick, but I couldn’t stand the thought of going to a clinic, or seeing anyone dressed in scrubs or a white lab coat. I didn’t know if a fertility test was something Bones could do or not.
It wouldn’t matter if I couldn’t get over my fears and let Patriot do more than kiss me. If we never had sex, there wouldn’t be kids anyway. I hated that he’d have to give up the chance to have a family. Maybe I should ask him to hold off on claiming me.
The front door opened, and Phoebe squealed, quickly wrapping the last of her presents. Patriot walked in, a bemused look on his face as he took in the mess we’d made. I’d put his presents under the tree, but it didn’t look like much. He stepped over the rolls of wrapping paper, tape, and scraps, then knelt next to me.
“Hey, Little Bit. Have fun shopping?” he asked.
“Yes.”
“You aren’t supposed to be here!” Phoebe stood and folded her arms. “What if she hadn’t been finished wrapping your gifts?”
“Need help loading your car?” he asked.
Phoebe smiled. “Did you just tell me to pack my shit and leave?”
He shrugged a shoulder. “Not in so many words. Don’t need Kraken getting
pissy, but yeah… I need to talk to my woman, preferably without an audience.”
Phoebe rolled her eyes. “Fine. I can take a hint.”
She started carrying everything out to her car and I heard the door shut after her third trip. Patriot cupped my cheek and leaned in to kiss me. He could be so sweet. I knew as part of the Hades Abyss he’d done his share of bad things. The men weren’t saints by any means, but they did treat women right. Or at least the women they wanted to keep. Even though the club whores were here voluntarily, I still cringed a little whenever I saw the way the club talked to them. Although, Patriot had been nice enough to the one who came here, until she’d insulted me.
“So, it seems we need to have a talk,” he said.
“You heard?” I asked, thinking of the conversation I’d been having with Phoebe.
“Yeah, I heard. Why didn’t you ask me if I planned to have kids some day?” he asked.
I didn’t like admitting there was something wrong with me. Hated it. Didn’t change the fact I was damaged, mentally, emotionally, and physically. I had my share of scars, but for the first time, I wondered about any damage done to the inside of me.
“Little Bit, I’m going to say this once and only once. So listen up. I can’t have kids. Not the regular way. I have some sperm frozen and on hold at a sperm bank. Had it done when I was eighteen before I enlisted, in case something went wrong. Got sick overseas with a bad infection that made me sterile. So if you can’t carry a baby, don’t feel like you failed me. Because you haven’t. We can adopt. Or if you’re able to get pregnant, you can still have my kid even if we have it the old-fashioned way. Well, sort of. In the sense you’d carry the baby and give birth.”
I wasn’t quite sure what to say to all that. I hadn’t realized he wasn’t able to have children. Some of the tension eased from my shoulders. I didn’t feel like a failure knowing there was a chance we’d have never had kids together anyway. From what I’d seen on TV, getting artificially inseminated didn’t always work.