by Tracey Ward
“Who?” I ask automatically.
He nods toward the center of the pool. There’s a group of six people, a mix of girls and guys. At the edge of it are Karina and Grayson. They’re treading water as they talk, sometimes laughing. Sometimes touching. At one point she looks right at me before asking him a question. His answer is a sharp shake of his head.
I look away, scooping my hands into the water to pour it over my thighs. “Are they a couple? I didn’t know.”
“Oh yeah,” he answers enthusiastically. “They have been for years. Since they were kids. They’ll get married any day now.”
“That’s good. She’s nice.”
“She is. She’s beautiful too, don’t you think?”
I nod my head, glancing up at her. At her ebony hair reflecting the light like oil, prismatic and soft.
“I hear I make you uncomfortable,” Holster says conversationally.
I sit up straight, studiously looking away from him. “Isn’t that your intention?”
“Not always.”
“Well, you don’t always make me uncomfortable.”
“How about now? Are you uncomfortable now?”
I glance at him, surprised to find that he’s leaned in closer. His eyes feel too large, too close. They’re taking up too much of my vision just as his body is taking up too much of my space.
“Right now? Yes. You’re making me very uncomfortable right now.”
He grins as he leans back, giving me room. “I’m sorry.”
“No, you’re not.”
“I could be.”
“You could be, but you’re not.”
He smiles, amused. “You’re smarter than I thought you’d be, Eventide.”
The way he says that, ‘Eventide’, it’s different than the way Grayson said it earlier. He said it playfully. When Holster says it, it sounds derogatory. And like my mother always told me, it’s not what you say. It’s how you say it.
“You’d better be careful, Holster,” I warn him quietly. “I might turn out to be a lot of things you didn’t think I’d be.”
“Don’t be offended, but I sincerely hope you are.”
“Whenever someone starts a statement with ‘don’t be offended’, it’s almost always intended to be offensive.”
“Take it how you like it. I always do.”
“What are you even doing here? I thought you were second shift. Shouldn’t you be at work?”
“Didn’t you hear? I’ve been reassigned. New partner.”
My stomach drops. “Not Grayson?”
He laughs. “No. No one wants that. Nah, I’m working with Krysan now. First shift.”
“What happened to your old partner?”
“We had our problems. Insurmountable, as it turns out.”
“That’s too bad,” I lament dryly. “What’d you do?”
“I slept with his girlfriend.”
I wrinkle my nose in disgust. “Charming.”
“Come to think of it,” he corrects pensively, “I guess our issue wasn’t that our problems were insurmountable. The issue was that his fiancé was so mountable.”
“I thought it was his girlfriend.”
He shrugs. “What does it matter? She’s neither now.”
“You’re despicable.”
“So are you, sweetheart,” he grunts, standing up suddenly. “Homewreckers, the both of us.”
“How am I a homewrecker?”
“Liv!” Grayson calls. He’s cutting through the water with decisive strokes, his eyes intent on my left. On Holster.
I turn to ask him again what he meant, but he’s already walking away. Grayson has run him off.
Grayson swims up to meet me, stopping just shy of my legs.
“Are you ready for your swim lesson?” he pants. He’s smiling but his eyes are irritated, and for once it’s not with me. It’s all Holster.
I glance over my shoulder one last time, but he’s gone. Disappeared into the darkness outside the firelight.
“Yes,” I agree, focusing on Grayson. “If you’re willing to teach me, I’m ready to learn.”
“You got it.” He reaches up like he’s going to take hold of me. “Scoot to the edge. As far as you can. I want you to slide into the water. Right into my hands.”
“You’re going to catch me?”
“Yep. That’s the plan.”
“Then what?”
“Then you learn to swim.”
“But how? What happens after I get in?”
His lips form a thin, impatient line. “Liv, do you trust me?”
“Yes.”
“Then shut up and get in.”
I kick my foot, splashing him in the face.
He sputters in disbelief, splashing me back. I shriek happily, laughing in the back of my throat.
“Stop, stop, stop!” I cry.
He’s laughing when he lowers his hands back into the water. “Truce?”
“For now.”
“Are you ready?”
I look down at my shirt, at his shirt, and see it’s drenched all the way through. I can see the ghostly outline of the white bathing suit underneath but he was right, I can’t see the writing on my side. “I guess I better be. I’m already soaked.”
“That’s what you get for splashing me.”
“That’s what you get for being rude.”
He snorts. “Do you want me to start calling you Princess again?”
“No. I really don’t.” I take a deep breath, bracing myself on the edge of the rock. “Are you ready?”
“Have been for the last hour.”
I roll my eyes before launching myself into the water. Into his waiting arms.
I knew he was going to catch me but the feel of his hands on me still surprises me. I’m not used any of this; this touching. On the ship boys are barely allowed to look, let alone touch, and my heart hammers hard in my chest whenever Grayson comes too near me. When he takes my hand, when he hugs me goodnight. When holds me hard against the shaking of the Earth. When his large hands accidentally slide up inside my shirt, his thumb skimming my tattoo. There’s a peculiar moment when I worry he’ll figure the words out. That he’ll be able to read them like Brail with the pad of his thumb and he’ll have my biggest secret. He’ll have this part of me that I can only give once.
The thought doesn’t terrify me as much as it should.
I take us both all the way under when I jump to him, but he’s quickly kicking, pushing us back up. I’m gasping anxiously when I break. My hands take hold of his shoulders, his skin moving smoothly over his coiled muscles as he strains to keep us both afloat.
“You good?” he asks briskly.
“I’m great.”
He eyes me dubiously. “Are you sure?”
“No. But I’m trying to be.”
“You’re doing a good job.”
“I’m not doing anything.”
“You haven’t freaked out and accidentally drowned us both, so you’re doing a great job. Keep it up.”
I chuckle shakily, adjusting my grip on his shoulders.
I feel breathless and buoyant as he turns us in the water, his feet kicking up currents that swirl around my legs. I test it out, trying to mimic the movements I imagine he’s making.
He smiles at me encouragingly. “That’s good. Keep doing that. You’re helping keep us up.”
“Should I let go of you yet?”
“Do you wanna try to float on your own?’
“No!”
He chuckles, the sound vibrating under my hands. “Then don’t. Just get used to being in the water. I can take care of everything else.”
I kick with him, wanting to help in whatever way I can. It amazes me that he’s able to keep both of our heads above water. In my mind it’s an exhausting task, but Grayson’s face is calm and unstrained. Sort of serene in this beautiful way I’ve never seen before.
He’s right; the water is his element.
“What were you and Holster talking about
?”
I groan, accidentally kicking him under the water. “I’m sorry.”
“You’re good, don’t sweat it.” He changes his grip on me, his fingers tickling over my sides. “Was he hassling you?”
“Not any more than normal.”
“What’d he say?”
“Uh, let’s see. He said he got a new partner. I guess he and his old one had a falling out.”
“Mason, yeah. Karina told me,” Grayson grumbles. “He slept with Mason’s girlfriend.”
“Fiancé.”
“What a dick.”
“He said you and Karina are practically engaged.”
Grayson pauses. It costs us. We start to sink down with only my kicking to keep us afloat. Our chins go in. Our mouths go under. Mine was open like an idiot, pulling in a lungful of water. When he resurfaces us I’m gagging. Grayson wraps his arm around my waist, pulling me in until my chest is against his. He takes hold of the ledge behind me with his free hand to hold us up.
“Sorry,” he mutters.
I cough up the last of the water that snuck into my lungs. “I guess I earned that for kicking you.”
“It wasn’t payback, Liv,” he replies seriously. “Do you want to get out?”
“No, not yet. If that’s alright?”
“We’ll stay in as long as you want.”
I nod my head, my cheek brushing against the light scruff on his face. We bob silently together, him holding me loosely. Me with my arms wrapped tightly around his neck, holding on for dear life.
“Karina and I aren’t engaged,” he tells me suddenly, his voice low in my ear. “We never have been and we never will be.”
I lick my lips. They’re sulfurous and warm. “You seem so close.”
“We used to be.”
“What happened?”
“We grew up. We outgrew each other. Now she’s in love with someone else.”
“Who?”
“A better version of me.”
I frown. I have no clue what that means. I don’t ask. I let a silence ease around us, weighed down by the water in the air until it settles on our skin. It sits heavy on our heads. I can feel it in my veins, moving slow like honey, and when I lean back, loosening my grip on Grayson, I see it in his eyes. In his face. This calm, this comfort that comes out of nowhere. That’s everywhere. That surrounds us and creeps inside us until floating together in a fire lit hot spring miles under the Earth seems like the most natural thing in the world.
It feels like the only thing in the world.
Chapter Twenty-Five
TWO MONTHS LATER
Gray
Easton is good at a lot of things. Being obnoxiously handsome, being disgustingly charming, being annoyingly intelligent. But what Easton is not good at is telling jokes. He got it from our dad.
Liv is laughing at his terrible jokes. She’s shining him on, something the rest of us at the table learned a long time ago only makes it worse. It’s a rookie mistake, but you gotta learn somehow.
“Have you been to see the farmlands yet?” Easton asks her. “Or the livestock?”
“No, but I want to. I’ve never seen a sheep up close.”
“Well, ewe shouldn’t miss it.”
I cringe.
Liv giggles graciously.
“You should visit the cows too. They’re udderly—“
“No,” I interrupt on a groan. “Stop. I can’t take anymore animal humor.”
Easton smiles, taking a bite of his chicken. “Grayson gets embarrassed by me. It’s adorable.”
“I’m not adorable.”
“Come on, Gray,” Karina teases, her voice practically singing. “You’re kind of adorable. Don’t you think, Liv?”
Liv smiles at her mildly. “I don’t know. I’m pretty partial to Tae.”
Tae lifts his fork in salute. “Thank you.”
“You’re welcome.”
“Why Tae?” I challenge.
Karina laughs. “What’s the matter? Are you jealous?”
Liv shrugs at me. “He’s nice and he smells like varnish.”
“That’s a selling point?” I press. “He smells like chemicals?”
“He smells like wood shavings too.”
“Ladies love it, man,” Tae tells me with a smug grin. “It’s my musk. It’s manly.”
“It smells like home,” Liv clarifies. “Like the ships.”
Tae sits forward eagerly. “I would kill to see the inside of one.”
“They’re beautiful. The Dashers are floating pieces of art.”
“Is it true the Eventide are the only people the Aedha’s will build boats for?”
“Or are they the only ones that can afford it?” Karina adds.
Liv shakes her head. “No. They’ll build for anyone who can buy. And the Eventide aren’t the only people who can afford them. The Morgentide buy from them too.”
“But they’re basically you.”
“They’re not,” Liv corrects Karina patiently. “I’m no more Morgentide than you’re New Chilean. Just because we both sail the Seventh doesn’t make us the same people. They live on the other side of the world from me. I’ve never even seen a Morgentide.”
“We haven’t either,” Easton tells her.
Liv lowers her head, poking at her food. “I’d like to. When they sail by at the end of the night I’d like to go to Porton to watch.”
“Why?” Karina prods gently. “I mean, if they’re not your people…”
“I miss the boats, not the people. At least not all of them.”
That ends the conversation right there. No one touches that. No one can.
Liv doesn’t bring up the boats often. She talks about her brother even less, but everyone knows that’s where her mind is heading because how could it not? It’s been months of torture for her wondering if he’s dead or alive and she still has months to go. I treat the topic the same way I treat her mother – I avoid it. I try not to tread there because I don’t know where it’s safe to step. I want to make it better for her but I can’t so I do the only other thing I can manage. I try not to make it worse.
Easton rises from the table suddenly. “Hey, Liv. I’m heading back to the kitchen to find Babs. Stock up on cheese snaps. Come with me?”
“Yes!”
Liv is out of her seat and behind Easton in a heartbeat. That’s how strong her love for cheese snaps is. Personally I couldn’t care less about them. Despite their name, they’re soggy cheese biscuits that are supposed to ‘snap’ with flavor. Easton is nuts for them too. He’s the reason Liv discovered them and now she asks for them at almost every meal. I think it’s insane that a girl brought up on the best food served by the finest chefs her entire tribe had to offer is addicted to a weird piece of bread that smells like a mouse’s butt, but that’s life. That’s Liv.
“She’s doing pretty good here, isn’t she?” Tae asks, watching me with interest.
I realize I was staring at Liv walking away, probably for too long. I clear my throat, giving him a noncommittal shrug.
“They’ve gotten really close,” Karina informs him. “They do everything together.”
“Like you guys.”
She shakes her head. “No. Not like us. I never see him anymore.”
I cast her a wry glance. “I’m sitting right here.”
“You know what I mean. Any free time you have you spend with her. I don’t even know what you guys do together.”
“Nothing. She’s a job, Rina.”
“She’s more than a job.”
“Fine, she’s a friend too.”
“You like being with her. There’s nothing wrong with that.”
“So why does it feel like you’re pointing it out to make me feel guilty?”
“I’m not,” she argues petulantly.
I turn to Tae for support.
He silently lifts his tray and disappears without a word.
“Nice,” I tell Karina. “You ran Tae off.”
“Good. I was g
etting sick of his musk.”
“What is with you?”
She glances over her shoulder toward the kitchen. “Nothing,” she mutters.
“Is it Easton or Liv?”
“Neither.”
“So both? Is it them together? That’s bugging you?”
“Does it bug you?”
“Why would it?”
“That’s what I was wondering.”
I sit back hard in my seat, watching her. “Is it because she laughs at his jokes? Because she thinks he’s funny even when he’s not? Or is it because he touches her when talks to her? Because she blushes every time and she obviously likes it? She likes him. Is that what’s bugging you, Karina?”
She frowns at me, her eyes brittle with hurt. “Tell me that this little game isn’t upsetting you just as much as it’s upsetting me.”
“It’s not.”
“You’re lying.”
“I’m really not,” I lie. “I don’t care about any of it.”
“Not even the part that hurts me?” she demands angrily, her voice cracking. She stands to leave. “God, Grayson, when did you get mean?”
“Stop. Wait.” I jump up to block her way. She runs into my chest, her hands going up to brace herself against it.
I take her hands to steady her as I step back, putting a small gap between us.
“I’m sorry,” I mutter quietly. “I didn’t mean to hurt you. I’d never do that on purpose. You know that.”
Her eyes are downcast as she nods. “I know.”
“Why are we like this? We fight all the time. We never used to fight.”
She takes back her hands, lowering them slowly. “Who are you kidding? We used to fight all the time. Who’s smarter? Who’s faster? Who’s taller?”
“That was when we were kids.”
“Back then we could fight and still be best friends.”
“Why does that have to change?”
Karina looks up at me, craning her neck to level me with her knowing eyes, and I see the outcome of two of our fights right there. I’m taller, but Karina is definitely smarter.
“Because we fight about different things now.”
“What are we fighting about?” I ask, but I know. We both know.