Book Read Free

I'll Sleep When I'm Dead

Page 28

by Crystal Zevon

September 2, 1990

  …Ran into Annette by the pool—I thought she was chilly—I guess she thought I was. I called Julia—she’s nice, seems smart (Dartmouth). I asked her to call me after she saw “Wild at Heart” which she did…A long chat.

  JULIA MUELLER: We had a couple of phone conversations over the next couple of weeks. I couldn’t stop coughing, and I went to see Wild at Heart. He hated it and David Lynch. I said, “The thing about David Lynch is I feel like I can hear the houses talking when I get out of his movies.” He loved that.

  STUART ROSS: Annette and Julia crossed paths in Warren’s life several times. Julia was always on and off. He was a creature of habit with girlfriends in the same way he was with restaurants. Once he felt comfortable, he tended to go back.

  September 6, 1990

  …Crystal & Ariel in town. Date with Julia…

  JULIA MUELLER: I wasn’t completely taken with Warren right away. There were some weird things; he changed his shirt in the car. I guess the first shirt had become bad luck for some reason. Later on, of course, that would make perfect sense to me, but that night I really didn’t know if this was right for me. He asked me what kind of music I liked. I said the blues. He thought I was saying it because he had just done Hindu Love Gods, and then I said I liked Eric Clapton.

  He got mad about that because Eric Clapton had gotten all the Color of Money attention over him. Later, I said I got mad at celebrities who became political—I was bitching about how Jessica Lange was testifying before the farm commission. I said, “She did a movie about being a farmer. She’s an actor, not a farmer.” Now, I realize she is using her status to get people interested in the issue, but at the time, that’s an idea I was committed to and Warren loved that.

  Warren and Julia Mueller.

  September 7, 1990

  …several messages from Crystal. Ariel’s in a rehab hospital. Recent wild behavior; big blowout between them last night…the therapist I talk to sounds really dumb, unfortunately…Crystal came over—she was very reasonable. Obviously, if Ariel’s flirting with disaster—possibly clinically depressed—we can’t afford not to try anything. I’m told she wants to be there. It’ll no doubt be extremely expensive…Britt & Andy very supportive. I said I’d participate—although I refuse to be in group therapy—I’m told Ariel doesn’t want to see me now because she “hates me.” In the evening, hungry & wacko, I spilled my guts to Waddy before Roy arrived to work on “Denver.”

  CRYSTAL ZEVON: My relationship with Warren was strained. Ariel was on a death mission. The details of what had happened to our thirteen-year-old daughter are gruesome and tragic with lifelong consequences, but

  Warren decided that I was overreacting.

  September 12, 1990

  …Upsetting talk with Crystal (Prozac & guilt trips). Sweet conversation with Julia. We’re both serious. Love!

  JULIA MUELLER: On our second date, we went to the Ivy and after dinner he said, “What do you want to do now?” I said, “We could go for a walk.” He looked at me like I was insane. I thought, this is L.A. and people don’t do that, and he said, “Do you want to walk on the beach?” I thought, okay, but it will be cold. We went back to his apartment and he got me a sweater, which he told me was a nine-hundred-dollar sweater from some guy in New York.

  He played me Things To Do in Denver When You’re Dead and then we got back in the car, drove back toward Malibu. He asked where I’d like to walk and I said I didn’t know. He had asked me on a previous date who I liked musically and I had said Eric Clapton and John Hiatt, and as we were driving, he said, “I bet old John Hiatt would know where to go.” It was really funny. It was that night that I felt like I might really like him.

  Warren didn’t see any reason why he couldn’t commit to Julia and continue to satisfy his purely sexual needs at the same time. He excused his infidelities by explaining to Julia that sex, to him, was “like taking a shit.” When she caught him in lies, he shrugged it off with the explanation that he had come to believe in lying.

  JULIA MUELLER: When I started seeing Warren, this young filmmaker had seen my work and fell in love with me and my work. Warren and I hadn’t been going out long, so I went out with this guy, and he’d gotten sober in AA. He asked if Warren went to meetings. I said, “No.” He said, “You’re fucked.”

  Warren said, and I’m sure he said this to others because I doubt if Warren ever used a good line only once, “I got sober, and I felt like my reward for getting sober was I didn’t have to see those people again.” Being in program like I am now, I realize, that ain’t sobriety. Humility is the key.

  JORDAN ZEVON: I never got attached to Dad’s girlfriends. I liked some of them. Kim had her moments. Annette and Julia were fine…but I never brought them into any kind of parental framework. They always seemed temporary.

  November 12, 1990—Tempe, Arizona

  …Involved in brouhaha with Slater…Talked to pretty, bleached blond Sales Manager for the Holiday Inn—Carla. She already had ticket to the show…she was looking fine in the audience in a red dress. Carla was brought on the bus—very shy…we kissed passionately…

  November 15, 1990—Austin, Texas

  …Bought the new Freida [sic] Kahlo book and left it with the concierge to mail to Annette.

  November 16, 1990—Dallas

  …Distracted by a gorgeous gal in the front row…The monitor problems were bad…I stopped the second set in the middle—made speeches—denounced the venue—insuring that I’ll never play it again, I hope. Ugly words with the monitor guy.

  November 22, 1990—Wichita

  …Ritz-Carlton. Foul matter in the sink, moved to another suite. Lots of telephone all evening—LeRoy, Andy, Carly, Waddy, the DJ, Julia…the DJ and Julia both talking about coming to the Beacon…

  November 23, 1990—Chicago

  …Paul Shaffer called with a request from David Letterman: “Raspberry Beret.” Saw LeRoy. Saw beautiful blond that’s made me a character in a comic book. Brought her back to the hotel, unsnapped her big black bra and felt her big breasts…sex.

  November 24, 1990—Minneapolis

  …Nice fax from Julia. No sign of…HER…at all. More sex with Blondie back at the hotel.

  November 28, 1990—New York—Letterman Show

  …Taxi to the airport. Car to Morgan’s. Played “Poor, Poor Pitiful Me,” “Boom Boom Mancini” and “Werewolves” in addition to “Raspberry Beret.” Annie came over, we ate, talked: she’s a Moroccan Jew, has been in the Israeli army (Intelligence!)…we were sitting on the floor, we kissed, it went on and on…I like her. Put her in a taxi in a sudden, intense rain storm.

  November 20, 1990—Cincinatti

  …reached Andy after days of trying…Irving doesn’t want to renew the option.

  December 5, 1990—Providence

  …Irving signed me for another year…I called Annie, Carla & Julia…she called travel agent about her tickets, identified herself as my girlfriend and said the woman there said, “Another one?”—I was livid.

  December 11, 1990—New Haven

  …Annie left. Arrived to long, indignant fax from Julia & left her an indignant message…20 minutes before a Chicago Tribune interview, Britt called to say I ought to call Crystal—Ariel attempted suicide. Postponed the interview and eventually reached Crystal—the message was days old and Ariel’s okay. Had a good, long talk with Crystal—Ariel’s mostly doing okay in school; peer influenced depression. Urgent message from Blondie—she thinks she’s pregnant. Minutes after the call, I was on stage. Talked to her again afterwards (“Isn’t it a little early to tell?”)

  December 12, 1990—Poughkeepsie

  …Pregnancy was confirmed by the doctor WE hired. Nightmarish, hellish day.

  December 12, 1990—Northampton

  …Left a message…I’m crying, begging, assuring her I can’t live with a decision not to terminate the pregnancy. As nearly as I can tell, this is entirely true. I see myself as having no recourse but to get fucked up & hightail it to
the blackest hole in the night…She’s flying to Washington Sunday—I’ll be spending time with her. As for me, I hate to piss—I don’t even want to look at it that long.

  December 14, 1990—New York

  …Headache…the DJ was at The Beacon in some “friend-of-Delsner’s assistant” capacity. Annie came by, too…Rushed back to Morgan’s to prepare. Headache, sweating. (“You don’t see sweat like this outside an abattoir.”) Everyone said the show was good. Julia was actually in the wings before the encore. Talking to people, all three women came up…on my way down to see the cousins, I saw Annie and Julia in a room together! Nothing terrible seems to have come of all this.

  ANDY SLATER: I got a call from Warren. He said, “I’m in big trouble, Andy. You’ve got to help me. This girl is pregnant. I’m not in love with her, and I don’t want to be with her, and she’s going to have the kid. You’ve got to come here and explain my life to her.” I said, “Okay.”

  December 14, 1990—New York

  …Bob took Julia over to Morgan’s and we got to be alone for awhile. I told Julia the truth—she was understanding.

  JULIA MUELLER: We were sitting on the bed, and he expressed a really strong interest in our relationship. Then, he said, “There is this groupie. She has been following me around for a long time, and I made a big mistake.

  I let her come up and be with me.”…I thought he wore condoms. But, he had gotten this girl pregnant. Warren said he had to convince this girl to get an abortion—which she did not want.

  The way he and Andy had figured out how to do this was to bring her on the tour and convince her that she was going to become an important part of Warren’s life, if she would just have this abortion. I was pretty shocked. Warren was so completely terrified and saying, “I do not want another child, ever, ever, ever.” It became about taking care of him.

  I thought of Last Exit to Brooklyn and that fabulous scene where Jennifer Jason Leigh has just been beaten up and raped, and she is out on the dock and this boy comes out and he starts crying and she comforts him.

  ANDY SLATER: I got on the plane to Washington D.C. I took her aside and I said, “So, you’re going to have Warren’s baby?” She said, “I haven’t decided.” And I said, “You know he’s got kids and his current financial situation is not great, and he may not be around for raising another kid. It’s your choice, but you should know the hard facts of his situation.” Then, I left. This was a girl he went out with for two weeks. It wasn’t like Merle or Eleanor. I’ve often thought about it. It could have been a disaster.

  December 15, 1990—Washington D.C.

  …Andy had a long talk with her. I was still in bed when she arrived. She said she’d made up her mind to get an abortion—after talking to Andy. I guess he saved my life. She & I made love. Two wretched—but funny—not totally unenjoyable—Bayou shows.

  December 24, 1990—Atlanta

  …2:00 appointment for the abortion. Blondie was very brave. The nurse was very nice, very thorough; requested IV Valium but no local—she can’t take novocaine—painful. She seemed to recover rapidly (as promised) & we went directly to Lenox Square and shopped. I was exhausted.

  December 27, 1990—Ft. Lauderdale

  …Big talk with Blondie at her instigation—she’s flying home tomorrow. Then, I cheered up & we had a nice night. Saw the DJ’s old vegetable slicer commercial in the night, then almost immediately flipped over to Kim in an old “Knots Landing.”

  December 28, 1990—Ft. Lauderdale

  …Blondie left for a 6:00 flight home. She hasn’t been bad company, but closing this chapter suffused me with happiness.

  JULIA MUELLER: Later, she put Krazy Glue in our locks. She did this crazy thing against her values. She did not believe in abortion. She thought she loved Warren—to her that was reason enough to chase him around the country. Yeah, it was a mistake—but add mistake onto mistake. There were other ways to convince her to have an abortion, or be part of the decision, but the way they did it was to bamboozle her.

  I was also in pain because he told me he needed to hang out with this woman to trick her, so he couldn’t hang out with me. I went back to my family to have Christmas dinner. Warren would call, and my family would be around the tree doing all these Christmas-y things, and they would have no idea what juxtaposition of worlds I was in.

  JORDAN ZEVON: I tried to tell him so many times, just get a vasectomy. That way the minute you get into a relationship with somebody, you can say, here’s where I am, and that’s not going to change. I think that his fear of doctors and surgery and all that prevented him from doing something like that.

  JULIA MUELLER: Warren was certainly faithful to himself. Once, he said, “I never masturbate, you figure it out.” At the time, I didn’t get what he meant by that.

  RYAN RAYSTON: Warren had a sexual addiction. He didn’t go to meetings, and he chose to remain sober, but he did it his way. He transferred his addictive behavior to sex. He had a lot of sexual encounters. He gave little names for everyone…Porny Neighbor, Pretty Neighbor, School Marm, Disney Girl…Some of them were significant but…Tattoo Lady…Cannon Lady…They were important to Warren because they filled a need. They were his drug. But, as an emotional connection, no. They were his drug.

  THREE

  MR. BAD EXAMPLE

  I’m very well acquainted with the seven deadly sins

  I keep a busy schedule trying to fit them in

  I’m proud to be a glutton, and I don’t have time for sloth

  I’m greedy, and I’m angry, and I don’t care who I cross

  CARL HIAASEN, novelist: When I met Warren in the early ’90s, he was clean and sober already. I never had been exposed to the crazy stuff. I knew of the legend of it, and I knew there were certain songs and periods of his life that he wouldn’t talk about. If I was being too much of a fan and talking about a song from an old album that I really liked, and it was one of the “bad luck” songs or a song he wasn’t going to talk about, I knew to steer clear it of right away in conversation. I don’t know if we could have ever gotten as close had we met back in the cowboy days.

  JORGE CALDERON: All those years Warren and I were so close…but you know a funny thing? He never talked to me about this OCD stuff. I never saw him do anything that was weird like that. He would be neurotic and do crazy things, but never like open the door three times before he closed it, all these things other friends of his talk about. I missed that, or he didn’t do it in front of me, which is funny.

  That bad luck stuff I know about. So that’s part of it. He might not have wanted to do that with me because he was afraid I might think it was weird. I was totally okay with him about everything, but I think he just didn’t want me to think he was too strange.

  Warren and Carl Hiaasen.

  CARL HIAASEN: With women, I know there were transient and fleeting relationships, but I didn’t meet half of them. In the entire time I knew him, I think I met three women. I didn’t see him much because we lived at opposite ends of the country. We talked all the time and I met some through phone conversations, but not more than three that he felt like he wanted to introduce to me.

  He may have been one of those afflicted with the truly tragic side of a genius, which is that they’re never happy. Never completely happy—because they know too much.

  JORGE CALDERON: He would never tell me about the weird sexual stuff, either. It’s like some things you know, some things you don’t. It wasn’t important to me. It was not something I liked talking about. Maybe with other friends of his he could talk about it.

  With Warren…to have that deep a friendship with a man…I’d never had that before. Every time he would call after not calling for a long time, it would be this ridiculously joyous phone call—and funny. He would reawaken my interest in music, in songs, in literature. I mean, he was that kind of guy who would really wake you up. But, then he would say that about me, too. We did that for each other, in many ways.

  Warren’s professional life in the ’90s
was a struggle. Irving Azoff’s label, Giant Records, picked him up when Virgin dropped him. They released the already recorded Hindu Love Gods, more on the strength of R.E.M.’s reputation than because they wanted to champion Warren Zevon. They offered meager budgets for Mr. Bad Example, Learning to Flinch, and Mutineer, and they did little to promote them.

  With the recording industry treating him more like a charity case than an artist of merit, there was scant chance that Warren’s new albums would sell beyond the tried-and-true Zevon-ites. But, Warren knew how to pay the rent. He booked club tours in tiny-town USA, with occasional concerts in Chicago, New York, and Boston. As Warren’s career made another shift, he was fostering new alliances and friendships. Along the way, there were casualties.

  ANDY SLATER: I had been managing all these bands and trying to deal with Warren’s situations. I was always unhappy, and I realized my own disease was progressing. I was trying to get sober, which triggered me going into treatment. I had just gotten Warren a deal with Giant Records, but Irving Azoff and I had a difficult relationship. Warren and R.E.M. had put out the first record at Giant, Hindu Love Gods, a collection of covers that were done during the Sentimental Hygiene sessions. It was in Warren’s best interest that I not alienate the president of his record company, and I tried my best to not do that.

  When I went to rehab, Warren was finally in good financial shape, sober, had a healthy touring base, and was about to release a new record. I called him from treatment. “Hey, man, how’re you doing?” He said, “Good.” I said, “What’s going on? How’s the record? blah blah blah.” He said, “Yeah, it’s going fine. I’ve got to talk to you about something.” He says, “Look, Andy, I just got off the phone with Irving. He said that if I fire you and make a change in management, he’ll really work my record and I’ll get better promotion and marketing.” He said, “Listen, man, I’m forty-four years old, and this is my last chance. I’m sorry, but he’s asked me to meet with Peter Asher, and I think I’m going to go do it.”

 

‹ Prev