I'll Sleep When I'm Dead

by Crystal Zevon

  On the other side of it, he would call me with terrible horror stories from whatever tour he was on or what the record company had done to him. He usually had a pretty colorful list of grievances…and most of them justified in my view.

  January 10, 1995…

  Meeting with Peter and Glo. I assumed they wanted to hear my album ideas, perhaps even my complaints, but I was told Peter’s leaving to run Sony Music. I was shocked; he was at no loss for placative gestures (he loves the new tracks now). He’ll be leaving just when I finish the album. Well. Went to Maxfield’s annual private sale. Went to Cathy’s for a sex session which definitely helped me sidestep a headache coming on for hours.

  With Peter Asher leaving his management company to run Sony, Warren realized that he would not have management after Mutineer came out. He spent months on the phone conferring with everyone he knew. Eventually, he decided to manage himself—with a little help from his friends.

  He had been on the same touring circuit for long enough to know where he could play and what he should be paid. The fact that he hadn’t read a bank statement or a contract in thirty years seemed inconsequential. He had friends who read contracts, and others knew the road. Best of all, he had time before the transition to put things in place.

  January 17, 1995

  …Peter Asher—singing—11:30. David Lindley at 3:00. Peter did his parts with startling speed and accuracy, doubled—that signature sound. David played great fiddle on “Monkey” & “Look Alike.” Sounds swell. Bad headache all day. Whatever I do in spite of it, free me from it.

  January 20, 1995

  …This morning I dreamed I was naked at the circus.

  January 26, 1995

  …Went to the office so Peter could hear “Mutineer.” He likes Duncan’s mix…I wasn’t nice to Glo (nor was Peter). She was upset, we got into a terrible shouting match. She’s acting like someone who wants to break up before they’ve left. I said, “I’m not leaving—and I need help,” & stormed out.

  January 27, 1995

  …Jimmy arrived with J. D. They liked songs. “Jesus Was A Cross Maker”—J. D. was stunned: he says Judee Sill wrote the song about him. Well, it’s my album, but it’s still John David’s world.

  January 29, 1995

  …David Keith’s stag Superbowl party. Steak & Strippers—a few lap dances (one felt obligated)…Went to Annette’s and we made love.

  February 9, 1995—Northampton

  …Pearl St., downstairs metal club—“I love what they’ve done to the place—It used to be just a shithole.” Packed. Ariel arrived with pleasant school chums at showtime—I saw her by the monitors later—she brought me a delightful Mexican money skull with hinged jaw. Ariel looks wonderful—radiant. Nice visit.

  ARIEL ZEVON: My friends were into academic stuff, and so he could talk to them about whatever they were studying. It was still weird and awkward because he would do that thing where he would get right up next to me and only talk to me. I’d have this room full of friends just sitting there. He’d talk in that really low voice so nobody else could hear what he was saying.

  BILLY BOB THORNTON: Dwight Yoakam and I used to laugh about what we called the Warren lean. He used to lean over like people do when they’re about to whisper something, but he’d lean way further than humans can do it. I always wondered how he stayed upright because he looked like he was about to fall over. But, he’d lean up close like that, and you’d think he must have something really important to say, but then it’d be something like, “Do you think it’s going to rain today?”

  David Crosby and Warren at a benefit for Yvonne Calderon.

  RICHARD LEWIS: Let’s say he had a gig in Denver. I’d call him and I’d say, “Where are you?” And he’d say, “Well, I’m going about a hundred and twenty miles per hour somewhere in Utah.” He would drive in the opposite direction of the venue and be states away from where he had to play. I found that unbelievable. When I go to a gig, I have to get there well in advance. I’m in my hotel, and I don’t want to leave until ten minutes before I go on. The last thing I’d want to be is three hundred miles away with three hours to get there.

  I found it fascinating. I found it hilarious. It was one of the most eccentric things I have ever witnessed, and it wasn’t like it was a one-shot deal. It was like it was almost every gig that he didn’t want to play. I would call him and get him on his cell and I’d go, “Where are you?” And, he’d say, “Idaho.” I’d say, “Idaho? What happened to North Dakota?” He says, “I’ll be there. I’ll be there.”

  DAVID CROSBY, musician: We did some benefits together for Yvonne Calderon and one thing I learned about doing a benefit with Warren Zevon was what a very strong performer he was. He didn’t have a dulcet-tone voice—he was a very different singer from me—but, my God, was he strong. When he did “Werewolves of London,” he had the people in the audience freaking out.

  March 4, 1995—Concert for Yvonne*

  …Sound check at The Palace. Looked out during “Mr. Bad Example” and saw Jackson—we chatted briefly. And, the others: condescending geriatrics. Crosby’s okay. The concert was a little dull, given all the true talent. Annette was gorgeous, gracious with The Art Director. Crosby told her that far, far beneath my crusty exterior beats a crusty heart. Yvonne made a moving, articulate speech about organ donorship.

  March 27, 1995—Florida

  …Left from Key Largo to hunt the elusive bonefish. I did haul in a big (37"—40 lb.?) permit—although after a flurry of rod exchanges—I’m certain Carl hooked him. Almost an hour wrestling with him. Carl caught a few bonefish—They’re exquisite.

  April 10, 1995

  …Lunch with Jordan. He talked me into playing the House of Blues. He seems happier. Letter from Cathy at the office (“I saw a little boy brat…” and other estrogen-fuelled sentiments—mildly insulted).

  April 14, 1995

  …Annette & I went to noon Mass at St. Ambrose church.

  April 21, 1995

  …Found Ariel’s college easily in the daytime. She looks more beautiful every time I see her. We sat in her nice little room, smoked and chatted. She took me around the campus, introduced me to friends. We ate dinner in their dining hall (appropriately awful: stuffed peppers). She was great in two roles. Afterwards, a young man came up & introduced himself—a musician, and Ariel likes him. He was well-spoken, and he recited the hook from “Rottweiler Blues”!!…There was a lovely moment, I looked at a picture on the wall of us—me playing guitar, her as a baby. I said it made me sad. “Why?” I said, “I should have been there…I’m sorry.” Surprised, she looked at me with kindness and love and said, “Oh, Daddy. I know.” Happy, I left.

  April 24, 1995

  …Billboard interview with Giant execs/Irving. No mention of me.

  Shortly after he returned from visiting Ariel in Vermont, Warren got the call that his grandmother, now ninety-six, was in the hospital. His mother was disoriented and waiting for him in Fresno. Warren spent the next two weeks there doing the duty of a son. He cleaned the house his mother and grandmother had been living in. They hadn’t thrown out a newspaper or scoured the sink for years. He paid bills that had mounted for months. He cashed uncashed Social Security checks. And, with the help of the Mormon community, Warren made arrangements for the care of his mother and grandmother in nursing homes. Within days of returning home, he got the call that Nam was gone. He headed back to Fresno.

  May 21, 1995

  …Before leaving I got Carl’s manuscript, accompanied by a big scorpion labeled “Guest Room 4-28-95 11:40 p.m.” Very affectionate two-hour conversation with Crystal.

  May 23, 1995

  …Many calls relaying messages to Mormon contingent…101.9 officially added my record. Message from Julia, 101.9’s been announcing a family death (why else would anyone dream of postponing a 101.9 live interview?) I was to call her in Kansas City…a man answered. It was exquisitely awful. Also, okay. Met Ariel at the airport. Snacks then we watched “Dumb & Dumber” wit
h pleasure. It’s nice having her here. The record’s out all over (I got Ariel to buy the cassette). While I plod through more Amis, Ariel’s devouring Julian Barnes.

  Jordan on a rare visit to Fresno with “Nam” and “Grandma,” Warren’s grandmother and mother.

  May 24, 1995

  …couldn’t get the Bishop, so three Mormon missionaries came. They comported themselves with skill & decorum. Then, I took Ariel back to the rest home to break the news to Mom. She said, “Are you trying to tell me something?” She cried a lot, then was okay. Is she wearing a polite mask, or just letting it go? Ariel has been great. She and Mom barely spoke to each other—only with prompting—although they were cordial. We went to Barnes & Noble and Ariel wanted “Time’s Arrow.”

  Warren continued to travel to Fresno to visit his mother, and he was there when she died.

  August 5, 1996

  …I got up at 5:00 to catch the doctor. He says it’s a “terminal situation” but could last a month, two weeks…Evening visit, she seems completely comatose. I went to see “Eraser,” grateful for a couple hours of escapist entertainment…Went to the motel, got into bed, the phone rang. “Her breathing’s changed.” When I got there shortly after midnight, Mom was dead. Her forehead was still warm when I kissed it. A nice Catholic chaplain lady came and stayed with me for awhile. When I kissed Mom’s forehead again it had grown cool.

  August 6, 1996

  …All the arrangements had been made by the Mormons—very considerate. I drove back to L.A.

  * Yvonne Calderon suffers from a rare kidney disease and was on donor lists through the loss of both kidneys and the failure of her liver. She did a great deal to raise public consciousness about organ donation, but Yvonne never got to the top of the list. Jorge takes her to dialysis three times a week.

  SEVEN

  MUTINEER

  I was born to rock the boat

  Some may sink but we will float

  Grab your coat—let’s get out of here

  You’re my witness

  I’m your mutineer

  Warren tested the women who loved him by demanding more and more of them, particularly in terms of sexual complicity. The women he loved were compassionate, respectable women, and they touched him in ways that got too close for comfort. He craved their tender devotion, yet reciprocation in kind was more than he was willing to give.

  CARL HIAASEN: It was always the same, “She wants to have kids.” I’m convinced that in quite a few of those cases, it was Warren who brought up the subject. “I bet you want to have kids, don’t you?” Because he was getting ready to go on tour, and he didn’t want the guilt of having to be faithful to someone back home.

  SENATOR STEVE COHEN: He would often tell me he’d talked to Carl about a situation, and he’d tell me what Carl said. I know Carl heard about me, but he never put us together. And, he talked about Susan [Jaffy], but I didn’t meet her until the memorial service. I knew School Marm and a couple other girls who were with him when he was in Atlanta, but I can’t remember their names. Some of them just had nicknames. There was Porny Neighbor. I think she was just someone for kinky sex on occasion, or often. She was apparently not very attractive, but she was very willing and creative…Her father was a sexologist and had a great collection of pornography, and had Masters and Johnson over to the house when she grew up. I thought, “God, what a find this was.” She started calling me and talking about Warren. She said, “I love him and now he doesn’t talk to me.” He got upset that she called me, so after that I didn’t return her calls. He liked Susan, but every woman was the same MO. “They want to have children and I need to break up with them.”

  October 31, 1995

  …Annette wanted to have a talk about her biological clock—sort of sad, really. Cathy came over later.

  Warren’s alternate avenue to male companionship didn’t require equal billing. While he gave his aides-de-camp prominence in his personal and professional life, he was also paying their salary. The problem was that eventually they, too, would know a little too much and begin to take back the pieces of themselves he stole.

  July 13, 1995—New York

  …Annie told me The Times was coming to the show. She should have known better (& probably did)…Cousin Dan sang “Excitable Boy” but the bit fell flat. Still, the show was good. Peter Asher surprised me with a hug before the show, saying he’d sign me to Sony.

  August 9, 1995—Los Angeles

  …Jerry Garcia passed away this morning, and (although I have a sweet Jerry anecdote from his generous San Rafael session) I still say I don’t want to be a self-promoting celebrity eulogizer. Long CNN interview with only one question about him. Then, an unscheduled “Entertainment Tonight” interview—and they had no idea who I was. House of Blues show was great—I dedicated it to Jordan’s birthday (“He turned 13 again.”) Kim barged in (they said) with flowers. I was told that Annette, Merle and Wendy were also there. David Keith was right in front, Larry Klein, Duncan & his wife—he was a sight for sore eyes. Jackson came back and we chatted. Britt looked rather foxy. Best of all, Jordan took me aside for an amazing speech of love & appreciation.

  September 30, 1995

  …I never admit to being bored, lonely or depressed…so I drove to the Barnes & Noble in Encino. There’s a new Mailer. A couple shopping there seemed thrilled to see me—strange.

  November 6, 1995

  …A John Laroquette offer came (do I really want to play a panhandling musician?)…I had a surprising burst of creativity—considerable progress on new song “Life’ll Kill Ya.” It’s the eve of the full moon again.

  November 10, 1995—J. D.’s birthday party

  …Bought “Being & Time” for him. I’ve never seen so many people I know (slightly) in one place before; it was horrible. Given time, I’d think of why in every case: This one’s manager said I stole from him; that one tried to get my production from Irving; them I never was friends with in the first place…feigned friendliness toward Jimmy. Mostly hung out with Richard Lewis who was funny.

  December 25, 1995

  …Ariel came over, then Jordan, then Annette…I had the apartment reasonably tidy, snacks and presents laid out. The kids liked theirs. Jordan gave me an intricate spooky CD-rom game. Ariel gave me a gray cashmere scarf from Barney’s (incredible!) and a very nice, translucent bat…Jordan and Annette left Ariel and I playing the computer game, then we went on a search for someplace to eat. At last we found the Moustache Café, so-so food & delightful Euro-off-kilter ambiance—perfect, like everything else. We went to the 9:45 of “Persuasion” at The Music Hall. An hour in, Jordan ambled in and sat down with us! He left, then met us back here where we chatted until two or so. It’s been a great, great Christmas…the best of my adult life, surely.

  DUNCAN ALDRICH: We had an ascetic sameness, and I knew how to remove myself from the other parts if I had to. The last tour we did was just before he was going to turn fifty, in ’96. He had psoriasis and he was miserable, and miserable to work for. I kind of fell into silence at that point.

  January 11, 1996—Aspen

  …Hunter’s working on his collected letters. Also, Hunter’s involved in a misdemeanor impaired driving charge he says is political—he’s writing, “See you in court, Whore-face” letters to the D.A.

  January 12, 1996—Wheeler Opera House

  …Concert good but house pitch dark & quiet. Hunter came out & clapped an oxygen mask on my face during “All Along the Watchtower.” Given some outlaw ointment in response to my hypochondriacal cold sore query…I ended up driving Hunter back to Owl Farm. He gave me a poster inscribed to a “fellow failed Jesuit.” (We had a discussion earlier, prompted by “Indifference,” perhaps. “You’re a Mormon Jew.” “How did you know?” He said, “I sense it.”)

  February 16, 1996—Reading

  …Snow falling, blizzard warnings. By the time we arrived at the Jersey shore, the promoter had blown off the show. Ran into a cute blonde who invited us to coffee…Half-way throug
h, I realized I was re-seducing the girl from Dallas last summer! Nor did she remind me…

  PHIL CODY, musician: I was always touring with him in winter. Most people tour in the summer, but Warren seemed to like touring in the winter. Maybe there wasn’t as much competition. Who knows?

  Warren was booked to play this brewery, a little place, two flights upstairs. These poor people were clearly paying the promoter, and they had a nice table set, and the staff was out there serving dinner. Warren comes in, and he has his leather satchel over his shoulder and it was like a ninety-mile-an-hour fastball. He rips it off his shoulder and hurls it right down the center of the room—three chairs fly, a table goes flying, and he says, “So, this is what my career has come to?”

  March 10, 1996

  …Leaving Chicago—Duncan & I on each others nerves since he said I was “too negative” (when pressed as to why I made so many enemies.)

  June 4, 1996

  …Had a great idea to film the tours, especially if they’re awful, and script it. A “Let’s Get Lost” style documentary. A look-how-run-down-my-career-is meets “The Dresser.”

  July 19, 1996

  …I picked Crystal up & we went to see plays Ariel’s been working on—her under privileged kids theater project. It was well attended and I said to Crystal it was nice that so many parents brought their kids to a play instead of “Eraser.” She said, “I took Ariel to lots of plays—you don’t remember because we got divorced.” I said, “Oh yeah—and I’ve got to be getting back to those cigars & prostitutes I gave it all up for.” We laughed hard and I told her this was the kind of dialogue we needed for my movie. Thinking she could also play a part—not the ex-wife, but my manager or something.