by Dawn Brower
None of that mattered though. She’d made peace with them both and was working on moving on with her life. Her therapist encouraged facing her past and seeking forgiveness. Jessica should try to reach out to Imogen and be a better friend. She wasn’t sure if she could call their past relationship friendship when she didn’t really remember her. Of course, that was the point of doing something different now that they’d reconnected. This was her chance to really be a friend to someone else. She didn’t realize Jessica had trashed her marriage to Ren.
“Actually, Ren and I are divorced.” That was somehow getting easier to admit. Guilt was a nasty bitch and had taken up root in her soul. The ramifications of her actions were crushing to live with. “I’m as single as can be these days.”
“You poor thing,” she said sympathetically. “Did he cheat on you?”
She almost laughed at that. Oh, no, it wasn’t him that had broken their vows... That had been all on her. Ren had been faithful up until the bitter end. Jessica shook her head. “It’s complicated.” Admitting her part in the destruction of her marriage was difficult. If she’d been closer to Imogen, perhaps it would have been easier to explain everything to her. It was hard to say one way or the other.
“It usually is,” she agreed and opened Jessica’s chart. “So, you’re in for your yearly examination?”
Jessica nodded. “I am.” A part of her wanted to ask for a different nurse. The idea of her doing the exam didn’t sit well with her. The new her didn’t want to put up a fuss though. She told herself to breathe. The woman was a professional, and this was her job.
“All right,” she said. “You’re already changed and the medical assistant has taken your vitals. I just need to go over a few things with you.” She checked off some things on the chart. “Has your cycle been regular?”
Jessica frowned. “Actually, I don’t remember the last time I had my monthly period.” That was weird... How had she forgotten about it?
“Could you be pregnant?”
At one time she could’ve said yes, but now... “No, I haven’t been intimate with anyone in a while.”
The last man she’d been with was Preston. That had been so long ago she didn’t want to think about it. A baby would’ve been a nice surprise. Too bad that wasn’t a real possibility.
“Hmm,” she mumbled. “I wouldn’t worry about it. A lot of things can affect your period. I’m sure it’s nothing.”
Jessica didn’t like her tone. She hadn’t been concerned until she’d said that. What was the woman thinking? “I...” How did she ask? “What do you think it is?”
She shrugged. “I’m not a doctor. Some women miss periods because of stress, weight gain or loss, or...”
The door opened and the doctor stepped in. His hair was snow white and his face was weathered with wrinkles. “How are you today?” He smiled congenially. He was old, but his presence always put her at ease. It was his solid presence that helped her through her miscarriage. She’d been a raging mess when she was in the process of losing her baby. The doctor would have saved her child if it was in his means. She didn’t blame him for the loss even when it would have been easier to do so. Ren had taken the brunt of her grief because he was the easier target.
“I’m good,” Jessica said. There couldn’t be anything seriously wrong with her. At least she hoped that was the case. Stress had to be the contributing factor with her issues. What else could it possibly be? She had her whole life ahead of her, and she refused to believe she might have a fatal ailment.
“Wonderful,” he said. “Can I see her chart?” he asked Imogen.
The nurse handed it to the doctor. He read it over and then closed it. “So, you don’t recall when you had your last period?”
She shook her head. This was all starting to get rather tedious. “And before you ask, no it’s not possible for me to be pregnant.”
Jessica wanted this appointment over with. It was grating on her nerves. She hated these yearly exams as it was, and this was making it inherently worse. First, she had Imogen grilling her, and now she had the doctor staring down at her with concern etched on his face. What could be the big deal? Her cycle wasn’t regular and hadn’t been since her miscarriage. So what? In her mind, it was a blessing. Bleeding every month was annoying and gross.
“I’m going to run a few extra tests to make sure,” he said. “Imogen, please see if we can squeeze her in for a quick ultrasound today?”
“Yes, doctor,” she said and exited the room.
The doctor returned his attention back to Jessica. “Can you lay back on the table for me?”
Jessica scooted up and laid back as the doctor asked. This was the part she hated. He had to touch her in all her intimate places to make sure she was healthy. It was a necessary invasion, but it was uncomfortable. He pressed down on her belly and she screamed. “What the hell are you doing?”
The pain burned through her and made her stomach roil. If he pressed down again she might lose the contents of her stomach. She was already teetering on the edge of discomfort, and now she might do something even more embarrassing.
“Have you been experiencing pain like that for a while?” He met her gaze. “Has it always been so sharp?”
Jessica swallowed hard—this wasn’t normal. The edge in his voice had changed. It wasn’t light, or even calm any more. It was sharper, more intense, and concern flowed off of him in waves. Was the pain that big of a deal? Should she have come in sooner? The tense silence sent a shiver through her and goosebumps crawled up her arms as anxiety rooted itself in her gut. She nibbled on her bottom lip trying to control the sudden emotional overload. Clenching her fists tight against her side gave her something to focus on other than the dire possibilities reflecting on the doctor’s face.
“Not long, I don’t think...” Why couldn’t she remember? Was she that much of an idiot? “A month maybe.” She’d made her yearly appointment when she started to notice the twinges. It hadn’t seemed important enough to insist on a quicker appointment. Had she miscalculated? With youth on her side, she hadn’t stopped to consider if her pains might be acute.
“I see,” he said. “It might be nothing. I don’t want to speculate until I have all the tests back.”
Jessica nodded. Waiting sucked. Her heart sped up inside of her chest. Her hand started to shake so she clenched her gown to still it. Dr. Albright said it might be nothing. She wouldn’t worry about it until she heard something different.
The door opened again and Imogen came back inside the room. “The technician has an opening right now and can squeeze Mrs. Sousa in.”
“Excellent,” he said. “Please go with the nurse. We will talk more after the ultrasound is completed.”
Jessica nodded and followed Imogen into the room two doors down. She didn’t particularly like walking through the back of the office in a hospital gown, but the doctor seemed worried and that in turn concerned her. This test must be important or he’d not have insisted.
Imogen opened a door and Jessica went inside. “I’ll be back in a few moments.” She closed the door and left Jessica alone with the ultrasound technician.
“What would you like me to do?” Jessica asked uncomfortably.
The technician gave her directions to lie down on a nearby bed. Her dark hair was pulled back into a pony tail and it bounced back and forth as she gestured her hands toward it. Once she was lying flat, she squeezed gel on Jessica’s stomach and started to move a wand over her, spreading the cold gel all over. The last time she’d gone through this ordeal had been when she’d been pregnant—the baby that she’d lost. She closed her eyes and welcomed the grief in. Remembering the baby always brought it to the surface. It was almost comforting to let those emotions roll over her. They were familiar and soothing in an odd way. It gave her something else to focus on other than the outcome of her exam.
The whole process hadn’t taken long. The technician took lots of pictures of her insides. It looked like a bunch of blobs and line
s to her. Every now and then, the technician pressed down enough that screams erupted from Jessica. Each time it happened she apologized to her—it couldn’t be helped. So, Jessica gritted her teeth and endured it with as much dignity as she could muster. What the hell could she be marking? None of the terminology she used made sense, and half of it she couldn’t even read because the technician typed so fast.
“We’re done,” she said and wiped the gel off of Jessica. “Do you remember where your exam room is?”
Jessica nodded. Where was Imogen to escort her back? “I know the way.”
She left and headed back to her exam room. No one was inside when she entered. There wasn’t much she could do, so she shut the door and sat down on the bed to wait. It seemed like forever before anyone came back in. The doctor finally returned with Imogen. They completed her exam in silence. When he was done, the doctor sat up and said, “All right, we will leave you for a few moments so you can dress. I’ll return shortly so we can talk.”
Jessica didn’t like the sound of that. What could the doctor have to say that was so important? Had the ultrasound uncovered something? Should she be scared?
Hell, there was no should about it. She was terrified...
CHAPTER TWO
Dr. Preston West rounded the corner of the hospital and ran smack into Jessica Sousa. He reached out for her on instinct to prevent her from falling. “Easy now,” he said.
She held herself stiffly and stepped out of his reach. Her blue eyes had dark rings underneath them. Exhaustion spread across her face like a frayed blanket. Preston hadn’t seen her in weeks, and he couldn’t stop himself from staring at her. Why did she have to be so beautiful? It didn’t matter to him what she wore or how perfect she tried to make herself look—to him she was wonderful. He wouldn’t change a thing about her.
Concern for her filled him as he studied her. Today she looked weary and tired. Her normally neat appearance was nowhere to be seen. Her blonde hair was pulled up into a messy bun and she wore lounge pants, matching sweatshirt, and a T-shirt of all things. The shirt had a picture of the Cheshire Cat on it with the saying: “We’re All Mad Here...” emblazoned across the top. Had she finally given up on appearing perfect at all times? If he didn’t know better, he’d assume she’d come from a workout session with her personal trainer, but Jessica always changed after those workouts. She never left the gym without making sure every hair was in place. This was not the woman he’d fallen in love with.
“Sorry,” she mumbled. “I wasn’t watching where I was going.”
“It’s fine,” he said soothingly. “Are you all right?” He stared at her and actually took in everything. She wasn’t just dressed differently. She was—not herself. Her cheekbones were more prominent and made the dark circles under her eyes even starker than he realized. Her skin was almost translucent it was so pale. Something wasn’t right, and she was going to tell him what the hell was going on with her.
“Of course,” Jessica replied. She refused to meet his gaze, and that put him on red alert. “I need to go. I have an appointment with Dr. Adams.” She attempted to push past him, but he wasn’t going to let her get by him that easily.
“You can spare a minute of two,” he coaxed. “I’ll walk with you. Marlee isn’t a beast. She’ll understand if you’re late.”
“I don’t want to be late,” Jessica snapped. Her hand shook at her side. “I can’t do this with you right now. I’m exhausted. Please let me by.”
He was being a jackass. She did look like she hadn’t slept in weeks. Maybe she was suffering from insomnia. If so, it was good she was keeping her appointment with her therapist. Perhaps it was stress. Marlee Adams was one of the best, and she would help her through whatever she was going through. Jessica wasn’t the type to ignore a problem. She faced everything head on and would find a way to get through her current situation. He wished she still felt comfortable enough to come to him with what was bothering her. There was a time she would have turned to him for anything. Now she avoided him at all costs. He missed her desperately and had to find a way to get through to her.
“I’m sorry,” he said and held up his hands. “I won’t keep you from making it to your appointment on time.” He’d casually bring Jessica up to Marlee later. She might let something slip.
Who the hell was he kidding? Marlee Adams was one of the most professional doctors he knew. There wasn’t a chance in hell she’d let something out unintentionally. That didn’t mean he couldn’t get a feel for what was going on with Jessica. Marlee might not come right out and say it, but she’d hint at something if she was concerned for a patient. She’d know how much Jessica meant to him. “If you don’t mind, I’ll still walk with you though.
Jessica shrugged. “Not as if I can stop you.” She pushed her hands into the pockets of her sweatshirt and sneered up at him. “You are one of the big wigs in this damn hospital.”
“Sarcasm doesn’t suit you, dear,” he shot back. “You used to come by the hospital every day. Did you grow tired of volunteer work?”
Jessica didn’t have to work a day in her life if she didn’t want to. She’d been given a small fortune by her father—the quintessential trust fund brat. She’d gained control of her trust when she married and left it in the hands of her favorite accountant. Ren had pretty much let her keep the house and anything she wanted in the divorce. Most of her days were comprised of volunteering at the hospital and running various charities. She’d actually started her own charitable organization, but Preston wasn’t sure what she did with it. She’d quit telling him everything so long ago he didn’t have a clue what was going through her pretty head anymore.
“Being at the hospital is depressing.” Her lips formed a flat line. “I don’t come here unless I have to. Unfortunately, that is more than I’d like lately.”
Was she avoiding him? He couldn’t think of another reason she’d stop doing the volunteer work she had loved once upon a time. None of it was making a lick of sense to him. “Why do you stay here if you hate it so much? You could move back home.”
He didn’t want her to go anywhere. What he really wanted was for her to wake up and realize they belonged together. For a brief moment, he’d thought she would be his. What a fool he’d been. He should have realized that it was a mistake to let things go as far as they had. She should have been free to love him first, but he hadn’t been thinking clearly then. All he’d known was that the woman he’d wanted beyond all reason wanted him too. At the time that had been enough. For a brief moment, her heart belonged to him and he had hope for a future with her.
They had gone about everything completely wrong. If, for one second, he had stopped to think of anyone other than himself and what he’d wanted, he would have done things differently. Jessica had been married to his best friend and colleague. Both of those things should have made him pause and consider what being with her might mean. Unfortunately, going back and correcting his mistake wasn’t an option. All he could do was make reparations where he could and move forward with his life. He was already making progress with Ren and they were finally getting their friendship back on track. His fledgling relationship with Jessica, on the other hand, was teetering on the edge of tumbling over a cliff and crashing into thousands of pieces.
She glanced up at him, her face devoid of all emotion as she shook her head. “There’s nothing there for me anymore. I’m alone in the world.”
His heart broke down to nothing but shredded misery. He reached out and stopped her from moving forward. She’d been walking almost aimlessly. “You’re not alone. I’m here. Hell, even Ren is here. If you need someone...”
“I don’t,” she interrupted. “This is how it is supposed to be. I’m not about to disrupt Ren’s life any more than I already have. He’s happy and he should be. The love of his life has finally deigned to return to him.”
She pulled her arm from his hand and continued to move toward Marlee’s office. God. What was going through her head? She wasn’t s
uicidal, was she? His heart skipped a beat at the idea of her leaving him forever—not moving away, but truly gone. He couldn’t handle the idea of her not being alive and well. If she didn’t want to be with him... Fine, he could handle that. He didn’t have to like it, but she came first, always. Was she depressed because Ren was sickeningly sweet in love with Daniella? He wasn’t sure what do to or say to her. Every second of their interaction in the hallway had been nonsensical from the start.
“Jessica,” he called out. She ignored him and kept walking with her hands stuffed inside her pockets. Preston had a bad feeling, and he couldn’t shake it. Whatever was going on with her... It wasn’t good. He took several long strides to catch up to her. He was almost near her when she halted in front of a door. Jessica glanced up at him as she stood in front of Dr. Marlee Adam’s office. Sadness poured off her and smacked him hard in the gut. A small tear fell, glistening as it trailed down her cheek. Fuck. He reached for her, but she jerked away and pushed the door open. She’d brushed him off and didn’t look back.
That wasn’t the end of their conversation. He was a doctor in the hospital, and if he had to he’d break every rule there was to find the answers he sought. She was too important for him to ignore his instincts. She wasn’t acting out or merely sad. That was devastation in her eyes, as if the whole world had smacked into her and she couldn’t find her way upright again. Jessica didn’t realize it yet, but she’d called out for help. If she wouldn’t accept it from him, he’d find someone she would.
He strolled away from Dr. Adam’s office and headed to the nearby nurse’s station. Lana Kelly was working at a nearby computer, inputting some notes from a medical chart. Her auburn tresses were pulled back in a neat braid and she kept her brown eyes trained on her work. She was the head nurse on the floor and probably knew more about what was going on in the hospital than most of the doctors. She worked with Ren often and had to deal with Jessica in the past. If anyone could handle her, it was Lana. She glanced up at Preston and lifted a brow. “Did you need something, doctor?”