Donut Leave Me

by Teresa Crumpton

  “I’ll think about it. I realize this place isn’t big enough for a child and myself.” Scrubbing my face with my hands, I’m not sure what the fuck to do. I’m not just pissed beyond belief with both Hallie and Piper, but I’m also overwhelmed learning I have a daughter. And I’m for sure still in shock. My hands are shaking as I remove them from my face.

  I take a deep breath. “I’d like to meet Ella, and start whatever procedures I need to so we can start making her legally mine. No matter how pissed I am at you and Piper, I’m not going to take that out on your… our... little girl. I have to work tonight and, I know this makes me sound like a complete asshole, but I need some time to process the fact that I have a daughter, along with everything else you’ve thrown at me. Not to mention I need a stiff drink.” Or four. I look down at my watch before it registers that I’m not wearing it. “I’m betting it's still too early for that, though.”

  She nods. “You’re right. It is a little early. How about you give me your number, and I can text you a couple pictures of Ella then set up a time where we can all meet? I’ve been gathering all the legal documents to give you custody. The last thing that's needed is a DNA test. Piper did one behind my back years ago, and it proved you’re her father. However, it would be better if you submitted one too, so there are no issues later.”

  “That sounds good.” I rattle off my number for her, but it still feels as if I’m disconnected from my brain.

  My phone buzzes in the other room.

  “That's probably me. I sent you a picture.” Hallie reaches for her purse. “I should get going.”

  She stands and heads for the door, stopping when she’s next to me, and places her hand on my arm. “Forest, thanks for hearing me out. And for not kicking me out before I could tell you everything.” She looks exhausted, and now that I’m this close to her, I can see the dark circles under her eyes that I hadn’t paid attention to when she first walked in.

  “You were expecting the worst weren’t you?” I smirk slightly.

  “Piper told me to stay optimistic, but considering everything…. It’s a lot. And normally you only ever hear the horror stories about situations like this. I didn’t want that for Ella. Or for you. So, thank you.” She rises up on her tiptoes and kisses my cheek. “Call me when you’re ready. I’ll show myself out.”

  Before I can respond, the door is closing softly behind her.

  “Fuck me!” I shout as I unconsciously move into the kitchen for my coffee.

  I have a kid. A fucking seven-year-old daughter. I’m going to fucking kill Piper. Damn... Nessa might beat me to it. Shit! I’m going to be a single parent. What the fuck am I going to do? I don’t have the slightest idea how to be a parent!

  The ringing of my cell phone brings me out of my thoughts. I need coffee, and I need it now. Whoever is calling can wait until I’ve had a cup. Or five.

  Chapter 2

  Hallie

  That went better than I expected. Piper was right... I am a fucking selfish bitch.

  I left Forest standing dumbfounded in his living room. I’m not even sure if it registered with him that I was leaving. By the end of the conversation, I’m not sure he was even listening to me. Piper warned me that might happen. She’d said there was a possibility he could just shut down. I can’t really blame him for it. I mean, it's not like he finds out every day he has a seven-year-old daughter he knew nothing about.

  Speaking of Piper, I need to call her and let her know I’ve spoken to Forest. And that he wasn’t too happy with his baby sister. As I walk down the stairs toward my truck, I pull out my cell and dial her.

  The phone rings four times before she answers. “How’d he take it?”

  “Well, hello to you too. Your brother asked a few questions. He’s a little pissed at you, I think, and when I left, he wasn’t talking at all,” I reply, pulling my keys out of my pocket and pushing the unlock button.

  There is silence, so I pull the phone from my ear to check if we’ve gotten disconnected- we haven’t. “Piper?”

  “Sorry, I uh… fuck,” Piper mutters. “Do you still want me to come up this weekend? If my brother is pissed at me, I’m not sure my presence will help, but it might draw Nessa’s attention away from the situation.”

  “Honestly, I think Ella would be happier if you were here. She hasn’t said anything, but I think she misses you and the team.”

  “I’m heading to practice now. I’ll talk to everyone and let them know I’m heading up today. I’d rather get the wrath of my siblings out of the way.” She groans.

  “Are you sure? I don’t want to screw up the training schedule.” I open my door and slide into the seat, closing the door as I settle in.

  “I’m sure. I want Ella to feel safe. Besides, I’m the one that’s been telling her about Forest. Do you want me to bring anything up? Donuts? Or have you guys found a place for your weekly donut fix yet?” Piper responds.

  “You have a point. We haven’t had much of a chance to explore things. Between getting settled in the house, my new job, getting the legal papers started, and all the doctors’ appointments, we’ve been homebodies. Donuts would probably put a smile on Ella’s face, but don’t go overboard. Just grab two or something, and we’ll find a local place on Saturday.” My stomach twists at the thought that I won’t have our weekly donut dates much longer.

  Fuck! This has to be my punishment for not telling Forest about Ella from the beginning.

  “I’ll be there in about six hours. Love ya girl. I gotta go, just got to practice,” Piper announces and we disconnect.

  I toss my phone in a cup holder and start the engine. As I begin to back out of the parking spot an alarm sounds from my phone.

  Damnit, I didn’t bring my meds.

  I head back toward the house in the hopes that I get there before the nausea overtakes me. Halfway down the street I have to pull over, and I barely make it out of the vehicle before I’m throwing up.

  Shit! Today is going to be bad. I haven’t gotten sick that quickly in a while. Maybe today wasn’t the day to go see Forest.

  Slowly, I get back in my car and search for something to wipe off my face. Of course it’s in the very last spot I look. After I clean my face, I grab my water from the cup holder and take a swig. Once I’m resituated, I put the car in gear and drive home as fast as I legally can.

  I arrive home and sprint to my bathroom as the need to hurl consumes me. I make it to the toilet just in time. When everything has been expelled from my stomach, I clean myself up again and search for my anti-nausea pills.

  In the kitchen, I find the meds on the counter. Opening the bottle, I shake one pill into my hand before resealing the container. Walking over to the fridge, I grab a water bottle and pop the pill in my mouth, taking a swig of water with it. Glancing at the time on the microwave, my tardiness dawns.

  Shit! I need to get to work.

  The drive over to the University, while slower than my mad dash home, is blissfully uneventful.

  Ella

  I swear this is the longest day of my life. Every time I look at the clock above the whiteboard it says almost the exact same time. I don’t want to be at school today. At all. I wanted to go with Mom. I overheard her talking to Aunt Piper when she thought I was in bed. Mom said she was going to see Aunt Piper’s brother, my daddy, and tell him about me. Before we moved here, Aunt Piper would tell me all about her brother.

  ‘Forest is a pretty cool dude for a brother. The best part is, he makes theses amazing desserts,’ she’d say, especially when she’d bake me chocolate chip cookies from a package.

  She’d tell me, “Your daddy would never make these. He’d make them from scratch. In fact, never tell him I made these for you. He might not let me in the kitchen again.” Then she'd wink. Aunt Piper doesn’t like to cook all that much.

  It’s been a month since I’ve seen Aunt Piper, or any of my friends. I had been looking forward to starting second grade with my friends from first grade. But now I’m her
e, and I haaate it. I don’t know anyone, and everyone keeps asking me about my daddy. It sucks. The only thing I know to tell them is that he’s a pastry chef. Aunt Piper made sure I knew that. She also showed me a picture of him from when they were kids. I liked the picture. I got to see my other aunt, too. She’s Daddy’s twin, though they don’t look like twins.

  Come on bell, ring already!!! I’m boooooored!

  “Class, let's line up for music,” my teacher tells us, and my classmates run to the door.

  I’m not in a hurry to get to music. I love to sing and play the piano, but lately it just makes me sad. Mom keeps saying she wants me to have a normal life. She always makes this gesture with her fingers when she says the normal part. Aunt Piper always tells her its effing stupid, that I don’t have a normal life and never will. I know she really wants to say a bad word, but she tries really hard not to when I might hear. It makes me laugh because then she’ll say, “Your daddy would kick my ass.”

  I really want to meet him soooonnnn! He sounds like a great Daddy. But I can’t imagine him kicking Aunt Piper’s ass. I’ve seen her work out with the team, and I’ve even practiced with her. She tells me all the time I’d make an awesome cheerleader. At Mom’s old work, a few people called me a natural… whatever that means.

  As my mind wanders, I’m not paying attention to the boy in front of me, and I accidentally run into him when he stops.

  “Hey.” He pushes me back. I know better than to react. Growing up around all the football players taught me not to. They also taught me how to stick up for myself, even at my age.

  One day the guys got all of us kids out on the field, and we practiced with them. Well, not really practiced. They did show us how to play football and, of course, they made sure the girls could throw a punch. That was soooo much fun.

  The boy pushes me again. All morning he’s been in my face and, if I wouldn’t get in trouble, I’d punch him like the players taught me.

  “Alexander, face the front,” the teacher calls out, and the line moves down the hall.

  As we get to the music room, Ms. Scott stops me after everyone else goes into the room. “Ella, are you okay today? You seem a little distracted. I know it’s only your second day, and you’re just getting to know everyone.” I think Ms. Scott is going to say more but she doesn’t. She waits a second then steps aside and lets me go to class.

  “Yes, ma’am. I’m fine,” I answer her as I walk into the music room.

  “Ohhhh Ella got in trouble,” the annoying boy calls out.

  “Alexander, that is not polite, and I will not tolerate anymore of that behavior in my classroom,” Ms. Cook, our music teacher, says. “Do you understand?”

  “Yes, Ms. Cook,” Alexander answers, taking a seat next to his friends.

  “Ella, I have you sitting next to Payton.” She points to an open spot, and I walk over to it and take a seat.

  Ms. Cook explains the lesson before having us stand and find an instrument. We’re all supposed to find a different instrument, but everyone wants to play on the drums. I roll my eyes. Drums are boring, and I’d rather play the piano at the back of the room. While Ms. Cook is distracted, I drift over to it and sit on the bench. Music starts to play in the room, and while the rhythm isn’t great, my fingers itch to play. I hear her give more instructions to the class, and I all I want is to drown out all the noise. As the song changes, I flex my fingers and place them gently on the ivory keys. My eyes close as I listen to the song, A Thousand Years, and begin to play along with it. I’ve played it a few times, so it's not hard to keep up. In fact, I sing softly along with it.

  I’m so focused on the notes that I don’t notice when the room goes silent. And it does go completely quiet. But I keep playing after the song ends, morphing the melody into something completely different.

  “Ella. Ella!” Ms. Cook calls. My eyes open and, by the expressions on everyone’s faces, I think I’m in trouble.

  “Yes, ma’am,” I say, standing so I can move away from the piano.

  “Please... sit back down.” She starts to move over to the piano. “Could you not hear me calling your name?” she wonders.

  I sit on the edge of the bench so I can see her. “Sorry, no ma’am. When I get lost in the music, I zone out.”

  “Class, please take a seat,” Ms. Cook directs. “Ella, can you play anything you hear on the piano?” Her expression is one I’ve seen on Mom and Aunt Piper when they’re trying to figure out what all I can do when I’m practicing cheerleading with them.

  “No ma’am, but I know this song. I’ve played it a few times, but I play it better on my keyboard, since I don’t have to reach the pedals,” I reply, gently kicking my feet back and forth under my seat, the tip of my shoes barely scraping the tile floor.

  “That makes sense. Can you read sheet music?” she wants to know, stepping around a few of my classmates to get closer to me.

  “Yes, ma’am. I’ve taken lessons,” I inform her.

  She comes to stand next to the bench, and I scoot over to give her space to sit next to me. She takes sheet music off the top of the piano and lays it in front of us. I don’t recognize the title, but I can’t say that’s unusual for me. I know songs, but I don’t always know their titles.

  “Will you play this with me?” Ms. Cook asks.

  I nod and, reading the notes, I begin to play. It’s not long before I realize I do know the song, and I glance up at the title. Way Down We Go. It’s one of Mom and Aunt Piper’s favorites. I’ve played it a few times. We normally sing along with it. Ms. Cook stops playing on the keys and just pushes the pedals for me.

  I finish the song, and she looks down at me. “We have time for one more song. Are you willing to try it too?”

  I nod again.

  She flips through a few sheets until she comes to another one she wants. For this one, I recognize the name of the band, The Fray. This time, however, Ms. Cook rests her hands in her lap, only working the pedals for me as I play. When I finish, there are more adults standing by the door.

  “Excuse me, Ms. Cook? I don’t mean to interrupt, but I really need to get the class back to our room,” Ms. Scott tells her.

  “Yes, of course. I thought we had a little longer, but I lost track of time. Class, line up please. Ella, thank you for playing.” She rises from the bench, and I scoot out, heading for the back of the line again.

  From somewhere up the line I hear a boy’s voice say, “She’s a show-off.”

  “That was cool,” Payton, the girl in front of me, whispers.

  “Thank you,” I whisper back and chew on my lip.

  Why can’t I be back with my friends at my old school? They were fun and a lot cooler than these kids. Well, except maybe Payton.

  We walk back to class. Faint whispers from my fellow classmates, and hushed instructions as we pass other classrooms, are my only distractions. Otherwise, I keep wondering what Mom is saying to my dad. I wonder if I can meet him today? If he’ll teach me to cook? What he might make me the first time we meet?

  My questions are endless, really, but there are two questions I really want to ask, but I’m scared to learn the answers. Why didn't he come find us? And will he love and want me?

  When we get into class I head straight for my desk, but Ms. Scott’s words stop me in my tracks.

  “Class, if you brought your lunch, please grab it and line back up. We have five minutes to get to the cafeteria, and we’ll stop at the bathroom on the way.”

  Maybe lunch will get me in a better mood.

  Chapter 3

  Forest

  By the time I make it into Belladonna, I’m running an hour late. I’m distracted and really want a drink--or four. As I burst through the front doors, I’m met by Adam, my brother-in-law.

  “Hey man, you okay? Nessa said some shit went down this morning?” He’s handing me a mug of piping hot coffee. “I spiked it.”

  “Thanks, I need this.” I take a sip as I head to the kitchen. “Is everyone here?�
�

  “Just the normal crew, minus your sister. She had an appointment. Calla, Trey, Wes, and a few of the kitchen staff are all here, though. Why do you ask?” Adam questions as he starts toward the bar.

  “You’ll want to hear what I need to tell everyone,” I tell him as I pass the bar.

  Adam nods. “I’ll just grab a bottle in case we need it.”

  “Good idea.” I push through the kitchen door.

  The kitchen is already in full swing as dinner is being prepared for the staff. It’s one of the personal touches Calla does to make Belladonna feel more like a family than just a job. When she first started the practice, I didn’t think it would last. But she’s proven me wrong, even after the shit her ex pulled. Eight months ago, I really worried about the family aspect going away after Calla’s life got thrown into disarray.

  Torrance, the asshole ex, had a hand in some of the decisions Calla made for the restaurant, considering they were engaged at the time. Now the fucker is with some tart, and has been since before they’d broken up. Though none of us knew that until the night they broke up. Everything has suffered since that night, but Calla’s cooking has suffered the most.

  As her family, we are the ones closest to her. Because we love her, we’ve picked up the slack without her having to ask, allowing Calla to heal in her own way, and in her own time. I just hope she gets her mojo back, and soon, because she was… IS… an awesome chef.

  Finishing my coffee, I head directly to my work space to start prepping for the desserts I’ll fix tonight.

  “Hey Forest? Everything okay?” Calla calls out as she walks over to Trey’s station.