Phoenix Rising: Issue #2 (Pretty Boy Rock)

by S R Watson

  I’m the first one back on the bus this morning, so I use this time to write. I have a new song I’ve been working on this past week, and it is already nearly done. It’s another personal one, so I hope it’s well-received by the guys. Another hour passes, and those lazy fuckers still haven’t made it onto the bus. I grab my bag and head for the shower. Maybe then, I’ll feel like meal prepping. I need to get back to that.

  I let the water get hot before getting in. As the water hits me, my thoughts wander over Harlow and this past weekend. I close my eyes and let the stream flow over me.

  It’s not long before I feel arms wrap around me from behind. I don’t have to open my eyes to know that it is Harlow who has decided to join me in the shower.

  “What are you doing, Harlow?” I ask. Her hand reaches around me and grabs my already half-mast cock. She chooses to show instead of tell. My dick hardens in her hand as she begins to stroke. I let her play for a bit before I grab her wrist. I give a slight tug until she is standing in front of me. The showerhead rains down on us both. She licks her lips, and I know that we’re on the same page. I take myself into my own hands and watch through hooded lids as she drops to her knees. I rub my dick against her soft, pink lips, and she immediately takes me to the back of her throat.

  “Hmmm,” she moans around my cock. I love it when she does that. The sensation is incredible. She alternates between teasing the head and playing with my balls. Her tongue darts out to tease that vein on the underside of my dick she likes so much, and I have to brace myself against the shower wall. I grab her head and begin to fuck her face with wild abandon. My control has snapped, and she takes every inch of my dick without gagging. My legs stiffen, and my hips piston toward my release. She palms my ass and takes me deeper until I come down her throat. She takes every last drop and then licks her lips again.

  “Goddammit,” I say in total fucking awe. She simply stands up and begins to soap herself down as though she didn’t just suck the soul out of my dick.

  Seeing her soapy tits and soap suds running down her hairless pussy, has my shit right back ready to go. One turn deserves another. I push her forward slightly until her hands brace on the travertine in front of her. Her intake of breath spurs me on. I spread her legs and enter her tight pussy from behind.

  “My turn, baby,” I warn. I slide my dick in and out, taunting her so slowly that her hips begin to buck. I know how she likes it. She wants me to take her hard, deep, and fast. I need her to say it. “Tell me what you want.”

  “Pleeeeaaaasee, Phoenix,” she begs.

  “As good as it sounds to hear you beg for my dick, I’m going to need the words, baby. Tell me how you want it.”

  “I need to you de-deeper,” she stutters. I deepen my strokes. “Faster…harder, please, Phoenix.”

  And there it is. I slam into her over and over again. Her pussy clenches around my dick to milk every thrust. I’m so close again, and I need her to get there. She’s on the brink. I can feel it. I reach around her and rub her clit while my dick goes deeper still. I then pull the triumph card that shatters the rest of her control.

  “Feel me deep in your pussy, baby. Feel how hard you make me. I’m getting ready to come in this pussy that belongs to me, so let go. Come on your dick, baby. It’s yours.” My filthy mouth. It gets her every time. She fucking squirts all over my dick like a waterfall. I let my own release go and come with her. We ride the wave together. That may be our hardest orgasm together yet. “Shit” is all I can say. We hear talking outside the bus, and reality comes crashing down around us. The guys are getting ready to load the bus. I grab the soap to reluctantly wash her off my dick as quickly as I can. I leave her in the shower so I can get the hell out of this bathroom before we’re caught. I dry off in record time and throw on a pair of basketball shorts before they even board the bus. Thank God, Wild Silence held them up. I don’t even know what they were discussing, and I don’t care. That was close. I’m going to have to be more careful than that.

  Chapter Eighteen

  Phoenix

  We’re back on the road and heading toward Texas. We’ve kind of settled back into the status quo with everyone off in a little space they’ve claimed for themselves, but all I can think about is Harlow. When did I let her back in? I can’t even blame it on our earth-shattering sex because I suspect that she never left my heart.

  I sit here at our dinner slash card table, wishing I could go to her. I don’t want to put a title on it because that just screws everything up, but I can’t deny it anymore, I need her in my life. We have a record deal, we’re already beginning to climb the charts, and it seems the world is our oyster right now. Yet I can’t help but feel like she is the one piece that is missing. And since I can’t offer her a relationship, I can’t even approach Asher about us. The whole thing is so complicated. I watch her lying across her bunk, biting her lip like she does when she’s deep in thought. I see the algebra book she has open, and suddenly, I have my excuse to go to her.

  I plop on the small bunk next to her. She looks up at me in surprise before looking around nervously to see where Asher is.

  “Relax, princess. You look like you could use some help over here,” I say, pointing at her math book. She turns over on her back and grins up at me. Those fucking beautiful grays of hers send a punch to my gut.

  “That obvious, huh?” She makes room on the bunk for me. “They just want our money. I don’t even need this class for my career path, yet they make everybody take these core classes.”

  “Well, good thing I just happen to be good at math,” I say, smirking. “I can be your private tutor.” I draw tiny circles on her wrist with my finger. The look that passes between us is electric.

  “I’m just a little ole poor college student,” she drawls out, eager to play along.

  “Oh, I bet I could think of some ways for you to pay off your debt.” I wink. She tries to hold it in at first but fails. She laughs so loud, it gets the attention of our guys. I don’t miss the curious stare from Asher, in particular.

  I don’t even care. I fucking love that sound coming from her, especially since I was the one to break her before. Her laugh is the most amazing sound to my ears. I ignore the attention on us and begin to tickle her. She laughs even harder until her cute little ass wiggles right out of the bed and onto the floor.

  I don’t want Asher to blow a coronary, so I get up to join the guys, but I help her up first. “We’ll talk about the terms of my tutoring later, princess,” I whisper before I go. She smiles as she climbs back into her bunk to try to resume her studying. Good luck with that. I can’t help my own smile that forms knowing she’s thinking about me now, too, if she wasn’t already.

  “What was that all about?” Asher asks when I sit down on the sofa next to him and Lily. Lily hides her own smile behind her shirt sleeve, and I know instantly she knows. Harlow has been talking, it seems. Hmmm, good things, I hope. The blush trailing up Lily’s neck is an indication that it was.

  “Oh, just teasing your sis for sucking at math. I happen to be a math genius, you know?” I wink at Lily because I know she sees through my bullshit. If Harlow trusted her enough to tell her anything about us, then I know that I can too.

  “Well, that definitely explains the laughter.” Asher chuckles. “Damn self-proclaimed genius,” he adds. If only he knew. The guys may think that music was the only gift I was given, and I’m fine with letting them believe exactly that.

  “Hey, I have an idea for another cover song for our next concert if you guys can learn if before we get to Texas,” I mention, changing the subject. Honestly, the song is an old favorite, but the fact that it popped into my head when I was tickling Harlow makes me want to perform it.

  The mention of a new song has his attention. He calls for Killian and Ren to come hear about it.

  “This new song…is it something we can rock out to or a ballad?” Ren asks. The guys know I like to keep us diverse. We can rock with any song, but sometimes we want to slow th
ings down and give the audience some of our tenderness to keep them guessing.

  “A ballad, but one that is open for interpretation. It can be about love, a personal struggle, redemption, or whatever the listener identifies it to be,” I explain.

  “Sounds deep, man. What is it?” Killian joins in on the conversation.

  “‘The Unknown’ by Dirty South featuring Fmlybnd,” I tell them, but I see the confused expressions on their faces. “You guys need to broaden the genres you listen to. Asher, grab me your guitar and a mic.” He shoots me the finger but then gets up to get what I asked for. I see Harlow close her laptop. She joins us in the living area to hear me play. She’s the inspiration for wanting to do this cover, so I want her to hear me.

  “Here you go, since you asked so kindly,” Asher says, handing the mic and guitar to me.

  Since I can’t play and hold the mic at the same time, I pass it to Harlow.

  “Harlow, do you mind holding the mic so I don’t have to find a stand for this thing?” She takes the mic from me and nods nervously. It’s cute. Wait until she hears the lyrics. I’m going to sing to her in front of the entire bus and enjoy her reaction when she realizes why I picked this song.

  “Head shaking, heart racing, thick fear is all around. A wall of darkness in front of me,” I sing, looking into Harlow’s eyes. Recognition of the lyrics is apparent. Her eyes begin to water before I even make it to the chorus. Thankfully, Lily is tearing up too. It keeps the guys from figuring out the significance. “Dive deep to the unknown,” I repeat over and over. I close my own eyes as the chorus resonates so deeply with what I’m feeling right now. I don’t have all the answers—whether I should stay away from the one woman who has the power to destroy me or embrace the fall of the unknown. This song coming to me when it did, tells me I should just dive deep into the unknown.

  “I freaking love it,” Asher says after I sing the last lyric. “It’s definitely a song that will move the crowd. I can’t wait to bring in all the instrumentals. It even has the girls crying.”

  “Yeah, man. What made you think of it?” Ren presses. His piercing stare is telling. He’s trying to figure out if I really just laid my feeling out about Harlow for everyone to see. The answer to that was received by its intended recipient, so he can just keep wondering. I love my guys like they are my brothers, but somethings I can’t share.

  “I don’t know, Ren. I guess having my brother visit just kicked up a lot of past history and unresolved shit simmering at the surface. Like I said, this song is about individual interpretation.” He and Killian nod their understanding, so I guess my explanation is satisfactory.

  The thing is, everything I said is true. My past is the reason for my mistrust. I’ve experienced firsthand how fickle love is. All the shit that I try to suppress is never far from the surface—there threatening to be seen…to be exposed.

  “I have one more song about redemption,” I tell the guys. “I wrote this one and have laid the tracks to it, but we can tweak it later.” If they thought the first song was something, this one is even more revealing. So much so, I hesitated if I should share it or not. Throwing caution to the wind, I begin.

  I told myself that I'd never look back

  I was the reason for all your pain, and I never wanted to hurt you again

  I never wanted to be the reason for your tears, so it was best that I moved on

  But then you forgave me for all my past sins

  You refused to give my heart back, and it was then that the road to my redemption began

  Here is my creed of Redemption

  I promise to be a better man this time around

  My heart was never mine from the minute you came around

  Here is my creed of redemption

  I will give you my all

  You've seen me at my worst

  You see me like nobody else can

  You have my heart, and I will forever be your man

  Redemption

  Redemption

  You’re my redemption

  The guys applaud and tell me how badass they think the song is, but I can only focus on Harlow. What is she thinking? She will always have my heart, and I know this now. My thoughts are interrupted by Harlow, handing me back the mic. She wipes away her tears with the back of her hands.

  “That was beautiful, Phoenix,” she says as she looks away. I don’t want her to look away. I want to see the feelings that she’s hiding. I want to kiss her tears away and dive deep within her. Instead, I have to watch her walk away. She climbs back into her bunk, but she doesn’t open her laptop this time. She moves the book out of her way. She turns so that her back is facing us and I fucking hate that I can’t go to her.

  I get up to get myself a glass of water. The guys are still discussing the songs and their take on it. Lily comes up to me and puts a hand on my shoulder. I jump from the shock of her touch. I wasn’t expecting it.

  “I got it, Phoenix, and so did Harlow. That was fucking beautiful. Ballsy, but beautiful,” she says. “I’ll go and talk to her. I think I know what she may be feeling right now.” I knew Harlow had told her about us, and now she just confirmed it. I don’t know how much she knows, but I’m glad Harlow has someone to confide in.

  “What is that, Lily? What is it that you think she’s feeling?” I make sure the guys are not listening to us, but they’re not.

  “Well, if I just had the man I have feelings for sing a song like that to me in front of everyone and I couldn’t react, I’d be pretty bummed about it. I’m not inside her head Phoenix, but if I had to guess, I’d say she’s sad that she can’t just be with you.” I never thought about that. Lily is nearly out of the kitchen before I answer her.

  “Same.” I shake my head. “Fucking same.”

  Harlow

  “Hey,” I hear Lily whisper behind me. She climbs onto my bunk with me, and I look up at her through teary eyes. “Aww, Harlow. Come on. Let’s go talk.” I don’t want to get up, but she’s not having it. I don’t want to cause a scene, so I follow her. She throws her head back in laughter as though I’ve just said the funniest thing ever. I’m guessing we’re being watched. Once we’re behind closed doors, she pulls me into a hug. I let the sobs wrack my body.

  “It’s not fair, Lily. Happiness has always been just out of reach for me. Sometimes I don’t even feel like I’m alive—like I’m just existing, you know?” She hugs me tighter, and I let it all go. “I watch everyone else in their own happiness, but I can’t seem to have any for myself. Something always happens, and now this. Phoenix practically admitted that he still has feelings for me with that song. He doesn’t let people in, Lily. Neither of us can do jack shit about it without the risk of unraveling everything the band has worked so hard to build.”

  “I’m so sorry. Maybe I could talk to Asher. He’s the key to this shitstorm, right? If he was on board with you two being together, then Killian and Ren would have no reason to care.” I can see the concern etched on her face.

  “It would never work, and I couldn’t gamble the band’s future on him understanding. Too much has happened. He witnessed me going from his princess to what he called Goth Barbie. I transformed into an introvert who was only a shell of the girl he once knew. He had always been overprotective of me, but even more so when he saw the change. He even speculated that some douche had broken my heart. You saw how Phoenix was at the beginning of this tour with Ivy and then Melissa. You think my brother would willingly give him the green light to be with me? Not to mention the shit he probably has inside knowledge of that I have no idea about.”

  Lily takes a seat on the bed and pats a spot next to her. “I know you’re right. I just wish there was a way,” she agrees sadly.

  “Me too. I didn’t come here for Phoenix. I really didn’t. We’re like magnets. When we’re in the vicinity of each other, we can’t resist the pull.” My tears fall harder. “Maybe I should just leave. We’re both stronger apart.”

  “No way. You’re not leaving. I’ll
do what I can to cover for you guys,” Lily pleads. I guess I said that out loud. “Look, we will think of something to get you two some alone time until you can figure out a better plan.”

  “I can’t ask you to do that, Lily. If this all comes out, and Asher finds out that you not only knew, but had a hand in us being together, he will feel betrayed. He may not forgive you.”

  “I get that, and it’s not a betrayal. I love you both. You’re his sister, and you need me too, Harlow. We all need to feel like we have somebody. I know you have Irelyn, but guess what? You have me too, and I say just existing is not a way for anyone to live. If Phoenix is the man who makes you feel alive, then it is not up to anyone else to dispute that. If Asher ever finds out, I’ll just have to make him see that I did this out of my love for you. He loves you, Harlow. I talked to him briefly before I came to you. He’s sad too. You two need each other, and I plan to do everything in my power to make sure the two of you have a chance.”

  Lily has said a mouth full. I know I should insist again that she stay out of this, but she is just as intense as Irelyn. Her intentions are pure and sweet, and frankly, we could use her help. She’s right. Phoenix is the only man who makes me feel alive—my skeletons don’t seem so suffocating when everything is right between us. I need him.

  “Okay,” I whisper.

  “Okay,” she agrees. She scoots farther up the bed and folds down the covers for me. “Everything is going to be all right. I’m here, Harlow.” That’s all she needs to say. There is no way I can go back out there without drawing suspicion, and there is no way Phoenix can come in here to comfort me for the same reason. Lily turns out the lights, and I know that she’s not going to leave me. For the first time since this tour began, I’m hopeful. I may not be able to have the relationship that I want with Phoenix, but with Lily’s help, it will be more than nothing. That’s a start. I’ll take something over nothing.