Nocturne

by Heather McKenzie

  “I gotta admit, Kate,” Ben said, biting into a waffle, “I never expected you to have breakfast ready. Maybe coffee and toast, but not this. Your waffles are almost as good as Thomas’s. I mean, I hate to say it, but for some reason, I didn’t think you could actually cook.”

  I couldn’t help but smile at Thomas when his eyes met mine from across the table. “Well, I had some—”

  “Good teachers?” Thomas said, finishing my sentence for me.

  “Yes. And lucky for me, that teacher had—”

  “A good waffle recipe?” Thomas added.

  “Uh, yes,” I said.

  Ben reached for the plate of bacon. “Thank heavens. A girl who can’t cook is pretty much useless. Cooking and cleaning… if you can’t do that, then what good are ya? I certainly wouldn’t hire anyone without those basic skills.”

  That was why Thomas kept interrupting me. The smile left his face. “Not knowing your way around a kitchen doesn’t make you useless, Ben.”

  Ben sighed, clearly used to Thomas challenging him. “Ah, you’re always up for a fight, ain’t ya? Jumping down anyone’s throat who dares to say something you don’t like. Now, you know I didn’t mean to offend the weaker sex.”

  “Weaker sex?” Thomas said with an exasperated exhale. A look of utter disgust came over his face. “You really wanna go there, Ben? Do I need to remind you of the definition of the word ‘weak’? Or could you just look into your past for a few examples?”

  Ben’s eyes lowered into a glare, and his hands curled into fists. A low growl came from his throat. “Watch it,” he warned.

  Mick attempted to prevent the destruction of breakfast. “I think Ben was just joking around there, Thomas. Let’s not ruin the day right off the bat, all right? Besides, we don’t want Kate to feel more uncomfortable than she probably already does.”

  Ben’s fists uncurled, and Thomas took in a deep breath.

  Crisis averted. The corners of Mick’s mouth lifted. “What’s on the agenda today?”

  Ben raised his cup to his mouth, sipping the coffee slowly. It was impressive how quickly he’d calmed down. It was strange for a boss to take such sass from an employee. Maybe Thomas had some dirt Ben didn’t want shared. Otherwise, wouldn’t he fire someone who talked back and gave him such grief?

  “I got a call from Jeb late last night,” Ben said, reaching for a waffle. “The Carlsons need our help. They bought a couple of hundred head of cattle at auction, and they gotta brand ‘em. I figured we’d head out around noon today.”

  “You’re leaving?” I said before I could stop myself.

  Ben put down his fork. “Yeah. You’re coming with us, though. Mrs. Carlson will need some help in the kitchen making meals. We’ll spend the night there, or maybe even two—there’s a ton of work to be done. Lots of cows and calves to separate and brand.”

  “Brand?” I said.

  Hank got excited. “Oh, yeah! It’s crazy cool. Your gonna love it. They stick a red-hot iron to the cow’s butt. Man, it stinks! It’s like animal tattoos, but without needles and stuff. Ya dig? My ma told Ben I wasn’t allowed to witness such poor treatment of animals, but Ben’s gonna let me go anyway. Right, Ben?”

  Ben shook his head in annoyance. “It’s not poor treatment of animals, and you’re sixteen for God sake. You can do whatever you want. Just stay the hell outta my way.”

  I suddenly dreaded the day. “I don’t know if it’s a good idea for me to—”

  Thomas cut me off. “We’ll have to make a stop in town on the way. Kate needs a proper shirt.”

  Ben nodded agreeably. “Yeah, for sure. She can’t be wearing that scarf. She needs something warmer.”

  “I totally dig the scarf,” Hank said, cheeks turning scarlet. “I think it’s pretty.”

  “It’s not practical,” Ben said. “There’s a Wal-Mart in Ginsburg. We can stop there, and she can pick something out.”

  They were talking like I wasn’t even in the room, as if my opinion didn’t matter. I was about to be upset about that, but then what they’d suggested hit me. Shopping—in public.

  My breath caught. “I can’t do that.”

  Ben smiled. “Don’t worry, I’ll take it out of your pay.”

  “No, it’s not that. I can’t go into a store,” I said, searching for an excuse.

  Henry would be searching for me, along with Rayna and Oliver…and what if I saw Luke? Would I run? No. I would probably turn into a puddle and melt right at his feet. And besides, being in public? I’d gone to the corner store and the front desk at the motel in Radium, but this was different. My sixteenth birthday had pretty much stolen any desire to be around crowds ever again; I gulped at the memory of it, and my hand instinctively went to the scar at my neck.

  “Kate. Everything all right?” Ben asked, putting down his utensils.

  The blood drained from my cheeks. “It’s just… I like this scarf. I’m fine with wearing it for now. Besides, I still have that blue T-shirt you bought me. It’s comfortable, in style, and—”

  “You need shoes, though. Flip-flops ain’t gonna cut it on a ranch. It’s October. The weather can, and will, change in the blink of an eye.”

  Thomas was staring hard at me, as if trying to put the pieces of my crazy puzzle together. “Most chicks love to shop,” he stated.

  “I’m not most chicks,” I replied.

  I hadn’t realized my hand had started shaking until the coffee cup I was gripping tipped and spilled hot liquid onto my knuckles and the table. The room fell silent. I set it down, about to try to come up with some sort of explanation, but a ringing telephone stole through the quiet room.

  “Ah, I’ll be damned. That’ll be your mother, Hank.” Ben sighed. “No one calls this early but her. Tell her I’ve gone fishing. Indefinitely.”

  Hank took his time getting to the phone, which was an ancient green thing attached to the wall. There was dread in his tone when he answered. “Hello?” he said tentatively, but then his posture changed, and he straightened up. “Nope. There’s no Ben Douglas here, only a Ben Smith. What? No, this isn’t an office…. Accountants? Hell, no. We got lots of horses and cows, though.”

  Ben rose from the table, his eyes wide. In a blur, he dove toward Hank and snatched the phone away. “Who is this?” he demanded of the caller. “What do you want?”

  Judging by the glare Ben gave the phone before slamming it down, whoever it was had hung up. “Prank call,” he said, giving Hank a slap to the head before storming out of the kitchen.

  Apparently, breakfast was over. I forced my legs to hold me up; whoever had called had been looking for me. I knew it, and so did Ben. As I headed up to the floral room, stumbling past Thomas in the hall, it was obvious he knew it, too.

  “Don’t worry,” he said. “Whoever it was won’t find you. We’ll be far away from here in an hour.”

  I felt painfully homeless sitting in the backseat of the truck sandwiched between Thomas and Mick. They had backpacks with spare clothes and phones, and I had nothing. For the first time since leaving the estate, I longed for my possessions. The things I’d collected over the years—my shells, stones, zombie movies, and comfy sweatpants… even the jewelry in the safe that I never cared about. There was no buffer between the world and me, nothing comforting to hide behind or give my attention to. I stared at my hands the entire thirty-seven-minute trek to the city while Hank described the world rolling by outside the window.

  “What’s your favorite color, Kate?” he asked after counting a flock of geese heading south.

  I’d never heard anyone talk so much in my life. I didn’t even have a chance to answer.

  “Blue? Red? I’d bet you’d look good in blue,” he said, twisting around to face me, beaming. “Ya know, cause of your dark hair and all. Maybe I can find us all matching T-shirts in your favorite color. Then we’d be a team, right? We could show up at the Carlsons all dressed the same. Some would think that was weird, but I like it. Thomas? Mick? You into matching shirts? Oh… and
they have McDonald’s in Wal-Mart. You like chicken nuggets, Kate? I do. Not the sauce, though. I prefer ketchup.”

  “What the heck is a chicken nugget?” I asked before I could stop myself.

  “Whoa, dude! You don’t know?” Hank said, his voice rising in pitch. “They’re awesome, breaded, nugget-shaped bits of mouthwatering—”

  “All right!” Ben yelled, his hands clenching the steering wheel in agitation. “You are—” He was about to tear a strip out of Hank, but his eyes met mine in the rearview mirror. He paused. “You are in dire need of a new iPod and headphones, aren’t ya, Hank? How about I foot the bill for that. Huh?”

  Hank’s jaw dropped. Thomas and Mick’s did, too.

  “Whoa! Hey Unc, that’s wicked! Ma won’t let me have one,” Hank squealed.

  “Today is your lucky day.” Ben pulled the truck off the highway into a massive parking lot packed with cars. “You go on ahead now and pick out what you want while I check on Zander. Thomas will meet you in there with my credit card. Now get moving before I change my mind.”

  As soon as Ben brought the truck to a stop, Hank was running for the store.

  I sank lower into the backseat. There were people everywhere. It was complete chaos. All sizes and shapes of characters pushed carts full of stuff and kids and babies crying, and the sliding doors of the store moved back and forth every second letting more people in and more people out… The parking lot was like main street Banff in the spring except no one looked happy or had cameras hanging from their necks.

  “I’m not going in there,” I whispered.

  Oddly, no one argued.

  “What size are your feet?” Thomas asked.

  “Seven.”

  “And jeans?”

  “Probably a two.”

  After an uncomfortable glance at my chest, Thomas was out the door with Mick in tow, leaving Ben and me alone. Ben wanted to check on his horse, but he seemed worried about leaving me alone even for a second.

  “Do you know how much an iPod is?” he asked, attempting small talk.

  “Sorry, no idea.”

  “If the kid returns with matching T-shirts, I’ll kill him.”

  “No, you won’t.”

  Ben sighed and took off his hat to run his fingers through his hair. “Yeah, you’re right. I love Hank, but I hate him at the same time.”

  “I know that feeling,” I said, Oliver’s face flashing through my mind.

  There was an awkward silence. Ben’s eyes caught mine in the mirror, and he finally said what was on his mind.

  “Whoever you’re running from might have been calling the house.”

  He was right, but I didn’t want to confirm that. “There’s no way they could have found me. It would be impossible. You know that.”

  “They? So, you are running from more than one person?”

  I sank a little lower in the seat, not wanting to think about who it might have been. “Listen, I’m not worried about it,” I said, hoping to ease his mind.

  “Let’s just say, by some stroke of luck, they were able to track you to my house…wanna tell me what I’m up against?”

  His question gave me an unshakeable chill. What he was up against?

  I had to get away from him. Had to get out of this truck and not involve him, baby-faced Hank, too-quiet Mick, or arrogant Thomas in my messed-up life. Just as I’d done with Luke. “I should probably go and help the boys,” I said, wondering how fast I could get to the highway. “Thomas will never know what size shirt to get me. I’ll go help him and be right back.”

  I pushed open the door and jumped out, but Ben was already there, blocking me from going anywhere. His eyes lowered onto mine. “There is no goddamn way you are running away from me,” he growled.

  There was something very menacing about him. Something dark he struggled to keep in check. It made my neck hairs lift and my spine tingle. Female intuition said run, but I tried to be casual. “What? I just thought I’d go and pick out my own clothes.”

  “Bullshit,” he said angrily.

  “I can’t involve you and your family in what I’ve got going on.” Could I shove him out of my way without causing a scene?

  “You already have.”

  “Well then, I really do have to leave.”

  I tried to move past him. Zander stomped around in his trailer, and Ben crowded closer to me. I could feel the heat from him on my bare legs, see the pulse of his heart race at the base of his throat.

  “You don’t have to protect me, Kate,” he said. “I made a choice to get involved with whatever you got going on when I went back for you at that diner. You’ve got nothing. Not a cent to your name and obviously no one to help you. Did you figure you’d just take off in a pair of flip-flops, wearing only a scarf and shorts all covered in bruises? Goddamn it, girl, you are stunningly beautiful. Don’t you realize that makes you more vulnerable than you already are? And on top of that, you’re extremely naive.”

  “I am none of those things,” I said defensively, backing up until I hit the truck.

  He came closer. There was a whiff of alcohol on his breath, but no. He wouldn’t be drinking and driving…

  The veins at his temple bulged. “Did you even realize the white-haired boy at the diner was checking you out? He was reading over your shoulder, staring at whatever was on that laptop that was making you cry. Yeah, that’s right. I was watching you, too, but for the right reasons. That kid started texting madly the moment you got up to leave. Now, if I hadn’t been there, you would have been followed, probably raped, and then tossed into in a ditch somewhere. Or worse. Do you really want to repeat that situation again? Because I can’t see it being any different for you. It’s evident there’s going to be some implications for me, but I’m prepared for that. You need to decide if you want to take your chances with a cowboy who has your best interest at heart or run off again and end up dead.”

  End up dead. Without Luke, I pretty much felt dead. But the idea of it happening didn’t sit very well. That would mean either Henry, John Marchessa, or Rayna would have won—and like Ben had pointed out—I couldn’t let them win.

  My delayed response made Ben’s face soften and his words catch in his throat. “Kate, you might not care what happens to you, but I do.”

  He was telling the truth. His chiseled features and gruff manner made him appear incapable of warmth, but the concern he had for me was genuine. He pushed himself closer. Too close.

  “Don’t run from me. Okay? Please promise me that.”

  Luke had made me promise that same thing. I imagined it was him standing before me, blue eyes flashing with that mind-melting smile on his face. His hand reaching for my cheek, gently pushing back my hair and making my skin tingle head to toe.

  “Promise?” Ben said again. When I blinked myself back into reality, it was his hand on my cheek.

  I recoiled and crawled back into the truck. “It’s not a good idea to be around me,” I warned.

  “I’ll be the judge of that,” he said, firmly shutting the door.

  No one spoke the rest of the drive to the Carlson’s ranch. After an unmarked turn off the highway and another onto a lonely gravel road, we made our way down a long drive flanked by fences and horse corrals. At the end stood a pink and white two-story house with a porch running along the front and overflowing window boxes beneath each sill. To the east and west were nothing but miles of flat land and bands of trees. Barns and outbuildings with well-trodden trails linking them together sat to the south. I caught a glimpse of a garden stretching almost all the way to a long band of silver birch trees that bordered the entirety of the property. Everything seemed immaculate and cared for, from the manicured lawn and freshly painted fences to the many cats and dogs with shiny fur and sparkling collars.

  “We got ninety-five acres next to government land and over six hundred head of Red Angus cattle,” Mr. Carlson boasted.

  I instantly liked him. Kindness resonated in a voice as big as he was while he told me a
bout his prized mini-pigs and his wife’s prized pies. Tanned and weathered skin crackled around his eyes and a white beard floated around his face. His coveralls and rubber boots were spotless, and I suspected he had multiple pairs of each.

  He pointed to one of many outbuildings. “The boys can have the bunkhouse. I’ve got the heat on in there, so they won’t freeze. You best not be sharing a room with the likes of them, though, eh? I’ve got a spare bedroom in the main house—”

  Ben butted in, clearing his throat. “No thanks, Jeb. Kate’s an employee. She bunks with us.”

  Mr. Carlson crinkled his nose, his brow furrowing. “Uh, are ya sure that’s a good idea, Ben?” he asked, and I noticed Thomas shift uncomfortably.

  “She stays with me,” Ben repeated.

  Mr. Carlson and Thomas exchanged a glance I couldn’t decipher. Ben stood tall, defiant. Why did it matter where I slept? I certainly didn’t care.

  Mr. Carlson mumbled something that sounded like ‘all righty then,’ and Thomas shook his head. We were led to the bunkhouse, a small structure painted deep red with white shuttered windows. Set atop a slight incline, the land stretching out behind it swayed with beige and gold grasses bordered by the line of silver birch. From the front porch, I could see the pasture speckled with low-lying bush and small patches of blue far off in the distance. I stood in awe of the landscape while Mr. Carlson whisked Ben away to show him his newest horse.

  I was an outsider here, but the land was welcoming me. It was so different than the view I’d experienced a million times out my bedroom window back home. It was freeing to be able to stare at the horizon. I could live on a ranch with wide skies and seemingly endless land.

  “The southwest section is where the cattle roam. Over there is Lake Diefenbaker,” Thomas said coming up beside me. He leaned forward on the porch rails and pointed. There was a large scar on the back of his hand, and it reminded me to cover mine. “It’s really beautiful, and the water is incredibly clean. Sometimes we go there for midnight swims. It’s probably too cold for you, though, eh princess?”