Secrets: The Complete Collection

by H. M. Ward

  I pull back and look him in the eye. Smiling, I say, “I love you, too.” My words are sincere. I care about him. I think about it and realize that I do love him. I want things to work out between us, so I say it. But I say it too soon after he drops a bomb on us and the consequence is disastrous.

  CHAPTER 8

  The next morning I find Emma sitting in the kitchen shoveling Cheerios into her mouth. “I can’t believe you’re dating my brother. That’s so gross.” Milk drools a little from the corner of her lips and she snort-laughs, wiping it away.

  I roll my eyes. We’ve had this conversation already. “I know. Ick. Yuck. Don’t tell you about sleeping with him. I know the rules, Em. I won’t make it weirder that it has to be.”

  She points her spoon at me, “I never called them rules—”

  “Same difference,” I shrug. It was a condition of going out with her sibling. She didn’t want to know details, didn’t want to hear anything.

  Memories of the night before play through my mind. I told him I loved him. That feels like the stupidest thing to have said. It will drag out the relationship when it should have been shot in the head. I need to talk to someone about it. I don’t know what to do. Edward is great. This was his worst trait, and it doesn’t seem that major in the light of day. But then again, it does. He made me feel like I was undesirable. The expression on his face when he left to wash his hands was burned behind my eyes. If he did that after we have sex, I wouldn’t be able to take it. It was like he couldn’t wait to get to the soap. I sighed, throwing my head back in an exaggerated whine.

  “Don’t even,” Emma says, “You’re the one who wanted to date him. And I heard you last night—which wasn’t ideal by the way—if you tell me what happened, I’ll cut my ears off.”

  “Well, then you’ll look really dumb. And I’m not telling you a thing,” I snap and walk away.

  It’s Sunday. I head to my room and pull on a pair of ratty shorts and a tank top. Screw this. I’m not sitting at home, moping. I’m not that kind of girl. When things get messed up, I can sit around and sulk or try to figure out how to fix them. There has to be a way to fix this. I don’t want to put my sexual fantasies to rest yet, although the last two guys had similar reactions. From what I’ve read on the internet, the things I want aren’t that weird.

  ______

  My feet pound the pavement until I make it to the park. I have an earbud in one ear and the other is tucked into my sports bra strap. I want to be able to hear if someone is coming up behind me. I find my pace and jog the familiar trails beneath the leafy green canopy. The sunlight forms patches of lace on the ground. The splattering of light is a photographer’s nightmare, and a nature-lover’s dream. I’m both. I love the feel sunlight on my skin.

  My mind goes back to last night. If I can get through this with Edward, everything will be all right. It’s always a little bumpy in the beginning, right? I think back to the other two men. Honestly, I ‘m not even sure if they count. We did stuff, but my first boyfriend wasn’t exactly skilled. And the second guy turned out to be an ass. I huff a steady stream of breaths. The music soon diverts my thoughts and I sing softly to myself, going faster—trying to outrun problems that would crush me.

  I don’t realize how zoned out I am. Normally, I make sure I pay attention while I’m running, but today I’m out of it. As I pass the clearing toward the swank end of the park, I see someone on a bench stand up. My mind makes a mental note, but I don’t notice that it’s him until it is too late.

  Suddenly, a strong hand touches my shoulder. Without hesitation, my elbow flies back and my fist comes up. I twist out of his grip and pivot, my knee rising to kick him in the crotch, when I see it is Cole Stevens. He is dressed in a suit like he’s been at church. My knee nearly connects. When I realize who it is, I try to stop. It throws off my momentum and my knee kind of brushes his pants and I lose my balance.

  Before I can fall back, his hand shoots out and grips my arm. He steadies me, “I didn’t mean to startle you. I’m sorry, Anna.”

  Crap. Can this day get any worse? I just brushed my boss’s nuts with my knee. I pull out of his grip, and bend at the waist breathing hard. Sweat drips down my spine. I sputter, “What the hell, Stevens?” Tiny beads slip over my neck and when I look up, they slip down between my breasts.

  He holds up his hands, palms facing me like he means no harm. “Again, sorry. It’s a mistake I won’t repeat. You nearly took my balls off.” His voice is light and he seems off balance.

  I nod, admitting that’s exactly what I would have done. He says nothing. After a moment, I ask “What do you want? Did you stop me to throw more threats in my face?” I shouldn’t mention it again, but I had to.

  “No. Nothing like that,” he twitches slightly, like my words surprised him. “Actually, I wasn’t sure it was you, until you attacked me—”

  My jaw drops, “You scared the hell out of me! I thought you—”

  He’s smiling, laughing at me, “I know. I’m teasing. Listen, I’m sorry for the way things went yesterday.”

  Straightening, I wipe the sweat off my temples with the back of my hand, “Yeah, me too. I shouldn’t have shown up dressed like a circus freak and you shouldn’t have been a prick. Does that sum it up?” I push the damp hair out of my face. “Let’s cut through the crap, Stevens.” The smile melts off his lips. My voice is cold and curt, “I don’t like you and an apology isn’t going to fix it. You fucked up my life, and I’m not letting it go, so deal with it.”

  I stare into his eyes and wonder if he’s a sociopath, but when our gazes lock my body reacts to something else. My heart skips a beat and my stomach twists. Annoyed, I turn on my heel, ready to jog away. His hand shoots out and clasps my wrist. The movement slows me. My body is covered in sweat. His hand pulls away damp, and he makes no effort to wipe me away—no movement to show how repulsed he is by my appearance. I can’t help but notice his reaction is different than Edward’s.

  Cole’s jaw tenses, like he’s trying not to fight with me, “I plan on it. In the meantime, I wanted to tell you that I’m willing to start over whenever you are—with everything.” His gaze is intense; his dark lashes lower after a moment. He looks past me, then back at my face.

  “Then let me go.” My voice is soft, and askance. It doesn’t sound like me. Unblinking, I look into his face. His eyes are an intense shade of blue with black and silver flecks. They are locked on mine.

  His lips form a thin line and he shakes his head, “It isn’t what you want.”

  I look both ways, making sure no one is within ear shot, “Fuck you, Stevens! You have no idea what I want.” My voice is low, threatening. He took away the thing I wanted most. In one move he out played me and I’d pay for it for the rest of my life. I jab my finger into his chest, poking his ironed shirt. “No, wait. Actually, you do know what I want, because I told you. I was stupid enough to trust you and I told you exactly what I wanted.”

  “The internship with Sottero.”

  I nod, dropping my hand. “And you made sure I’d never have it.”

  “Fine,” he says pulling a phone out of his jacket pocket. The way the suit clings to his lean body makes me notice his figure. That suit fits him like it was made for him. It probably was. Fucking rich people think they own everyone. I don’t want to stand there. I don’t want to talk to him, but that phone makes me nervous. It feels like he’s doing a replay of yesterday.

  “One call puts things back the way you wanted,” he says. “I’ll call Sophia right now. We swap interns. It’s your choice.” He arches a brow and glances at me, the phone cradled in his hand.

  Shocked, I glance at his palm and then back at his face. I don’t buy it, “You’re lying. I don’t know why, buy you’ve decided—”

  “Lamore, you’re trying my patience.” He shifts his weight to the other foot, like he’s been standing there too long. “You pissed me off yesterday, and there were better ways to deal with you. I apologize. I’m not saying it again, an
d I won’t offer this again. You blamed me for fucking up your life, so fix it. Have me call Sottero and you’ll start there tomorrow.”

  I blink. It feels like I’m falling off a cliff. There are no bearings and I can’t tell which way is up. “Why are you doing this to me?” My breath hitches in my throat and I want to punch him. “Why are you batting me around like my life doesn’t matter? I don’t come from a pampered-ass home like you did. Everything wasn’t handed to me on a silver platter with a side of gold doubloons. I carved my own path, and you decided to crush it on a whim!” My hands ball at my sides. No one pays any attention to us. They walk on by, ignoring my tirade.

  “Doubloons?” his lips pull into a smirk. My eyes widen, shocked that he decides to tease me when I’m ready to rip his head off in the middle of a very public park. Every inch of me is vibrating with anger and I know he can see it.

  The smile fades from his face, “Fine.” He presses a number on his phone. It dials and I hear a woman’s voice, but I can’t make out what she’s saying. “Sophia,” he says curtly. “Cole. Yes, I’d like to exchange interns with you. I know you wanted Miss Lamore.” He pauses, then nods. “Yes, a trade. Mine for yours. That’s my offer. I’m handing the phone to her. It’s her call.” Cole extends his arm, shoving the phone at me.

  Time slows to a crawl. Light-years pass as I reach out to take it. Sophia’s voice echoes in my ear. It’s her. It’s Sophia Sottero. She wanted me to be her intern. Yesterday could be erased. All I have to do is say yes.

  “Anna, darling let’s put this whole mess behind us.” She laughs, but it sounds bitter, “You know, for a moment I actually believed that you choose to work for Cole. As if you would sink to his level…” she continues to criticize Cole, undermining his ability and reputation.

  I stare at Cole wondering if he has any idea how much Sophia Sottero hates him. I missed it during the interview, but now it’s completely clear. He’s put his hands in his pants pockets and is looking at his shoe. The action makes him seem younger than he is. Why did he do this? He chased after me through the park, risked getting maced, and clipped in the groin by my knee—for what? To say sorry? To set things right?

  Something keeps me from speaking. I can’t find my voice even though Sophia is excitedly chattering in my ear about the internship and the things I’ll learn—skills that I can use toward my own business one day. Skills that will help me get a kick-ass job at the end of the summer. Skills that I don’t have and desperately need.

  Skills that Cole can’t give me.

  Cole pushes a rock with his shiny black shoe. He doesn’t look at me until it’s obvious Sophia has grown quiet and I’m not speaking. It feels like the air is fluid. I hear nothing. Sophia’s words float away from me as she asks if I’m still on the line.

  Cole looks up at me. There’s something there—I can see it within him in that moment—something that is better than I am. I would have never tried to fix a mistake of this magnitude like this. He is offering me everything I want, I just have to take it. He apologized. He fixed his mistake. I didn’t.

  Without a word to Sophia, I hand him back his phone wondering if I’m insane. He takes it, but doesn’t end the call. Glaring at him I say, “Last time I trusted you, you screwed me.”

  “Likewise,” his expression is hard.

  “So, what?” my eyes shift over his face, taking in the stance of his body, the tension in his shoulders. “We just start over?”

  He nods, “Yes. Or say yes to Sottero and good-bye to me.”

  I eye him, my gaze sliding over his suit. My mouth hangs open and I shake my head, not believing what I’m doing.

  Reaching out, I take the phone from him and press it to my ear. “Good-bye Sophia. Enjoy your afternoon. I’ll be interning at Le Femme.” I press end call and hand him back the phone. “Prove to me that I didn’t just make the biggest mistake of my life.”

  He seems surprised, but takes the phone back and slides it into his pocket. “There’s no reason to. You’ll see it for yourself soon enough.”

  CHAPTER 9

  Stupid men. One won’t touch me. The other won’t stop screwing with me. My head is spinning. The past twenty-four hours have left me in emotional overload. Edward is sitting next to me while I eat chocolate ice cream out of the carton. My hands are getting sticky. I can tell it’s bothering him, but he says nothing. I consider taking his face in my hands and smearing the ice cream over his cheeks, and pressing my lips to his. Getting covered in ice cream and licking it off his skin sounds wonderful, but I don’t do it. Edward would freak out. No sticky sex.

  The TV flickers with some show neither of us is watching. Glancing at the carton, Edward says, “You don’t have to be nervous about tomorrow. Le Femme has a sterling reputation. I’m sure you’ll do fine.”

  Edward thinks I’m nervous. He thinks it’s because tomorrow is my first day and I have new-job-jitters. I didn’t tell him what happened in the park. Without meaning to, I bypassed an important part of my life. I just didn’t want him to freak out about Cole, and now I can’t backtrack and add what happened today.

  I nod and shove another scoop in my mouth. “Thanks.” I put the carton down and push it away. Grabbing the napkin, I wipe my hand off. When I go to hold Edward’s hand, he takes it, but makes sure that he doesn’t the touch the spot I cleaned with the napkin. “I’ve known you for what, two years and I had no idea you were such a germ-a-phobe.”

  He glances at me out of the corner of his eye, “I’m not. I just don’t do sticky.”

  I snort, “Then what do you do?”

  “What’s the matter?” his voice is soft and comforting. He wraps his arms around me and my anger deflates. “You seem bent out of shape. Like something’s wrong. You can tell me, baby. If it’s the ice cream, cover me in it. I’d do sticky for you. I’d do everything for you.”

  Those are the words I wanted to hear. I melt in his arms. The tension flows out of my body. I feel better. He made things better. “I know you would.” I lean into his chest and blink at the TV, not seeing the picture on the screen. “Can you stay a little longer?”

  He nods, “As long as you need.” His hands pull my hair away from my face. “Summer sessions don’t start for another week. I can stay overnight, if you’d like. On the couch,” he adds quickly.

  I smile, “When you stay overnight, it won’t be on the couch.” I feel him smile against my head. He’s happy. “What’d I say?”

  “You said when... not if.” Turning me toward him, he tips my head back and lowers his lips to mine. His kiss heats my body and makes me feel better. When he releases me, he kisses my temple, and whispers into my ear, “Just let me know when. I’ll be there for you in every way you want.”

  They are nice words, words that I wanted to hear—words that I needed to hear. But even as he says them, I know they are like the early morning mist that burns away in full heat of the sun.

  CHAPTER 10

  The skinny girl looks like a model, not a receptionist. “Yes?” she asks as I push through the door on Monday morning. “Can I help you?”

  I’m dressed normally now, a dark suit clings to my body. It’s not as nice as hers, but interns aren’t paid much and I’m next to broke. “Anna Lamore. I’m the new intern.”

  “Ah, yes,” she presses her manicured finger to a button on her desk phone. It looks like a sleek piece of glass. Figures. Cole has a designer phone, and a designer receptionist. The piece of plastic beeps and I hear his voice.

  “Yes,” Cole’s voice sounds relaxed.

  “Miss Lamore is here. Should I send her back?” I stand there in shock. Why is she telling him? Cole can’t be the one training the intern. That doesn’t make any sense.

  “Yes,” he replies.

  She stands and smooths her outfit. She’s wearing a silk skirt with a vibrant floral pattern. Her blouse is sheer and I can see a lacy cami underneath. Her arms are bare. The heels make her nearly a foot taller than me. “This way Miss Lamore. I’m Vanessa Todd
...” she speaks as she takes me through the building toward Cole.

  I trail behind the woman, feeling like an ogre in comparison. I try to remember everything she’s saying but feel a little bit overwhelmed. When we stop in front of the mahogany doors, she places a hand on my shoulder. I glance up at her.

  “If you need anything, have any questions, I’m happy to help you get on your feet here.”

  Dazed, I nod and smile, “Thank you.” She walks away leaving me alone. The studio is quiet and I can’t help but wonder where everyone is. This is a huge company. There should be graphic designers, photographers, and assistants—but there’s no one in the halls. The offices we passed are empty.

  I look at the silver plaque on the door. It’s Cole’s office. His name is scrawled across the plaque in an elegant script. I push the door open and step through.

  I don’t feel nervous, but I’m not confident either. Yesterday knocked me off kilter. The day before that blindsided me. Since I met Cole Stevens, nothing has gone according to plan. The thought of hanging up on Sophia Sottero made me feel sick. There’s no way to know if I’ve made the right decision, not until it’ll be too late, but I refuse to second guess myself. Something burned through me yesterday in the park. It was like a spark of fate ignited within me indicating my future was somehow tied to Cole. I don’t believe in destiny, but the surge of—whatever it was—was too powerful to ignore. It made me confidently end the call with Sophia Sottero and walk into Cole Steven’s office today.

  Cole’s sitting on his desk wearing designer jeans that hug his beautiful body perfectly. I wish I could afford jeans like that. After the thought passes, I realize that I’m over-dressed. He swings his legs once, dangling his feet. The desk is made from dark, carved wood. It must have cost a fortune.