The Art of Happiness

by The Dalai Lama

  I interrupted, “Can you explain a bit more what you mean by the positive states of mind having a ‘valid basis,’ and the negative states of mind having ‘no valid basis’?”

  He clarified, “Well, for example, compassion is considered a positive emotion. In generating compassion, you start by recognizing that you do not want suffering and that you have a right to have happiness. This can be verified or validated by your own experience. You then recognize that other people, just like yourself, also do not want to suffer and they have the right to have happiness. This becomes the basis of your beginning to generate compassion.

  “Essentially, there are two kinds of emotions or states of mind: positive and negative. One way of categorizing these emotions is in terms of understanding that the positive emotions are those which can be justified, and the negative emotions are those which cannot be justified. For instance, earlier we discussed the topic of desire, how there can be positive desires and negative desires. Desire for one’s basic necessities to be met is a positive kind of desire. It is justifiable. It is based on the fact that we all exist and have the right to survive. And in order to survive, there are certain things that we require, certain needs that have to be met. So that kind of desire has a valid foundation. And, as we discussed, there are other types of desire that are negative, like excessive desire and greed. Those kinds of desires are not based on valid reasons, and often just create trouble and complicate one’s life. Those kinds of desires are simply based on a feeling of discontentment, of wanting more, even though the things we want aren’t really necessary. Those kinds of desires have no solid reasons behind them. So, in this way we can say that the positive emotions have a firm and valid foundation, and the negative emotions lack this valid foundation.”

  The Dalai Lama continued his examination of the human mind, dissecting the workings of the mind with the same scrutiny that a botanist might use in classifying species of rare flowers.

  “Now this brings us to the second premise on which we base the claim that our negative emotions can be rooted out and eliminated. This premise is based on the fact that our positive states of mind can act as antidotes to our negative tendencies and delusory states of mind. So, the second premise is that as you enhance the capacity of these antidotal factors, the greater their force, the more you will be able to reduce the force of the mental and emotional afflictions, the more you will be able to reduce the influences and effects of these things.

  “When talking about eliminating negative states of mind, there is one point that should be born in mind. Within Buddhist practice, the cultivation of certain specific positive mental qualities such as patience, tolerance, kindness, and so on can act as specific antidotes to negative states of mind such as anger, hatred, and attachment. Applying antidotes such as love and compassion can significantly reduce the degree or influence of the mental and emotional afflictions, but since they seek to eliminate only certain specific or individual afflictive emotions, in some sense they can be seen as only partial measures. These afflictive emotions, such as attachment and hatred, are ultimately rooted in ignorance—misconception of the true nature of reality. Therefore, there seems to be a consensus among all Buddhist traditions that in order to fully overcome all of these negative tendencies, one must apply the antidote to ignorance—the ‘Wisdom factor. ’This is indispensable. The ‘Wisdom factor’ involves generating insight into the true nature of reality.

  “So, within the Buddhist tradition, we not only have specific antidotes for specific states of mind, for example, patience and tolerance act as specific antidotes to anger and hatred, but we also have a general antidote—insight into the ultimate nature of reality—that acts as an antidote to all of the negative states of mind. It is similar to getting rid of a poisonous plant: you can eliminate the harmful effects by cutting off the specific branches and leaves, or you can eliminate the entire plant by going to the root and uprooting it.”

  Concluding his discussion about the possibility of eliminating our negative mental states, the Dalai Lama explained, “The third premise is that the essential nature of mind is pure. It is based on the belief that the underlying basic subtle consciousness is untainted by the negative emotions. Its nature is pure, a state which is referred to as the ‘mind of Clear Light.’ That basic nature of the mind is also called Buddha Nature. So, since the negative emotions are not an intrinsic part of this Buddha Nature, there is a possibility to eliminate them and purify the mind.

  “So it is on these three premises that Buddhism accepts that the mental and emotional afflictions ultimately can be eliminated through deliberately cultivating antidotal forces like love, compassion, tolerance, and forgiveness, and through various practices such as meditation.”

  The idea that the underlying nature of the mind is pure and we have the capacity to completely eliminate our negative patterns of thinking was a topic that I had heard the Dalai Lama speak of before. He had compared the mind to a glass of muddy water; the afflictive mental states were like the “impurities” or the mud, which could be removed to reveal the underlying “pure’ nature of the water. This seemed a little abstract, so moving on to more practical concerns, I interrupted.

  “Let’s say that one accepts the possibility of eliminating one’s negative emotions, and even begins to take steps in that direction. From our discussions, however, I sense that it would take tremendous effort to eradicate this dark side—tremendous study, contemplation, constant application of antidotal factors, intensive meditation practices, and so on. That might be appropriate for a monk or someone who can devote a lot of time and attention to these practices. But what about an ordinary person, with a family and so on, who may not have the time or opportunity to practice these intensive techniques? For them, wouldn’t it be more appropriate to simply try to control their afflictive emotions, to learn to live with them and manage them properly, rather than to try to completely eradicate them? It’s like patients with diabetes. They may not have the means of a complete cure, but by watching their diet, taking insulin, and so on, they can control the disease and prevent the symptoms and the negative sequelae of the disease.”

  “Yes, that’s the way!” he enthusiastically responded. “I agree with you. Whatever steps, however small, one can take toward learning to reduce the influence of the negative emotions can be very helpful. It can definitely help one live a happier and more satisfying life. However, it is also possible for a layperson to attain high levels of spiritual realization—someone who has a job, a family, a sexual relationship with one’s spouse, and so on. And not only that, but there have been people who didn’t start serious practice until later in life, when they were in their forties, fifties, or even eighties, and yet they were able to become great highly realized masters.”

  “Have you personally met many individuals who you feel may have achieved these high states?” I inquired.

  “I think that’s very, very difficult to judge. I think that true sincere practitioners never show off these things.” He laughed.

  Many in the West turn to religious beliefs as a source of happiness, yet the Dalai Lama’s approach is fundamentally different from many Western religions in that it relies more heavily on reasoning and training the mind than on faith. In some respects, the Dalai Lama’s approach resembles a mind science, a system that one could apply in much the same way as people utilize psychotherapy. But what the Dalai Lama suggests goes further. While we’re used to the idea of using psychotherapeutic techniques such as behavior therapy to attack specific bad habits—smoking, drinking, temper flares—we are not accustomed to cultivating positive attributes—love, compassion, patience, generosity—as weapons against all negative emotions and mental states. The Dalai Lama’s method for achieving happiness is based on the revolutionary idea that negative mental states are not an intrinsic part of our minds; they are transient obstacles that obstruct the expression of our underlying natural state of joy and happiness.

  Most traditional schools of Western
psychotherapy tend to focus on adjusting to one’s neurosis rather than a complete overhaul of one’s entire outlook. They explore the individual’s personal history, relationships, day-to-day experiences (including dreams and fantasies), and even the relationship with the therapist in an attempt to resolve the patient’s internal conflicts, unconscious motives, and psychological dynamics that may be contributing to his or her problems and unhappiness. The goal is to achieve healthier coping strategies, adjustment, and amelioration of symptoms, rather than directly training the mind to be happy.

  The most distinguishing feature of the Dalai Lama’s method of training the mind involves the idea that positive states of mind can act as direct antidotes to negative states of mind. In looking for parallels to this approach in modern behavioral science, cognitive therapy perhaps comes closest. This form of psychotherapy has become increasingly popular over the past few decades and has been proven to be very effective in treating a wide variety of common problems, particularly mood disorders such as depression and anxiety. Modern cognitive therapy, developed by psychotherapists such as Dr. Albert Ellis and Dr. Aaron Beck, is based on the idea that our upsetting emotions and maladaptive behaviors are caused by distortions in thinking and irrational beliefs. The therapy focuses on helping the patient systematically identify, examine, and correct these distortions in thinking. The corrective thoughts, in a sense, become an antidote to the distorted thinking patterns that are the source of the patient’s suffering.

  For example, a person is rejected by another and responds with excessive feelings of hurt. The cognitive therapist first helps the person identify the underlying irrational belief: for example, “I must be loved and approved of by almost every significant person in my life at all times, or if not it’s horrible and I’m unworthy.” The therapist then presents the person with evidence that challenges this unrealistic belief. Although this approach may seem superficial, many studies have shown that cognitive therapy works. In depression, for instance, cognitive therapists argue that it is one’s negative self-defeating thoughts that underlie the depression. In much the same way that Buddhists view all afflictive emotions as distorted, cognitive therapists view these negative depression-generating thoughts as “essentially distorted.” In depression, thinking can become distorted by viewing events in all-or-nothing terms or overgen eralizing (e.g., if you lose a job or fail a class, you automatically think, “I’m a total failure!”) or by selectively perceiving only certain events (e.g., three good things and two bad things may happen in one day, but the depressed person ignores the good and focuses only on the bad). So in treating the depression, with the help of the therapist the patient is encouraged to monitor the automatic arising of negative thoughts (e.g., “I’m completely worthless”) and actively correct these distorted thoughts by gathering information and evidence that contradict or disprove it (e.g., “I have worked hard to raise two children,” “I have a talent for singing,” “I have been a good friend,” “I have held down a difficult job,” etc.). Investigators have proven that by replacing these distorted modes of thinking with accurate information, one can bring about a change in one’s feelings and improve one’s mood.

  The very fact that we can change our emotions and counteract negative thoughts by applying alternative ways of thinking lends support to the Dalai Lama’s position that we can overcome our negative mental states through the application of the “antidotes,” or the corresponding positive mental states. And when this fact is combined with recent scientific evidence that we can change the structure and function of the brain by cultivating new thoughts, then the idea that we can achieve happiness through training of the mind seems a very real possibility.

  Chapter 13

  DEALING WITH ANGER AND HATRED

  If one comes across a person who has been shot by an arrow, one does

  not spend time wondering about where the arrow came from, or the

  caste of the individual who shot it, or analyzing what type of wood the

  shaft is made of, or the manner in which the arrowhead was fashioned.

  Rather, one should focus on immediately pulling out the arrow.

  —Shakyamuni, the Buddha

  We turn now to some of the “arrows,” the negative states of mind that destroy our happiness, and their corresponding antidotes. All negative mental states act as obstacles to our happiness, but we begin with anger, which seems to be one of the biggest blocks. It is described by the Stoic philosopher Seneca as “the most hideous and frenzied of all the emotions.” The destructive effects of anger and hatred have been well documented by recent scientific studies. Of course, one doesn’t need scientific evidence to realize how these emotions can cloud our judgment, cause feelings of extreme discomfort, or wreak havoc in our personal relationships. Our personal experience can tell us that. But in recent years, great inroads have been made in documenting the harmful physical effects of anger and hostility. Dozens of studies have shown these emotions to be a significant cause of disease and premature death. Investigators such as Dr. Redford Williams at Duke University and Dr. Robert Sapolsky at Stanford University have conducted studies that demonstrate that anger, rage, and hostility are particularly damaging to the cardiovascular system. So much evidence has mounted about the harmful effects of hostility, in fact, that it is now considered a major risk factor in heart disease, at least equal to, or perhaps greater than, the traditionally recognized risk factors such as high cholesterol or high blood pressure.

  So, once we accept the harmful effects of anger and hatred, the next question becomes: how do we overcome it?

  On my first day as a psychiatric consultant to a treatment facility, I was being shown to my new office by a staff member when I heard blood-curdling screams reverberating down the hall ...

  “I’m angry...”

  “Louder!”

  “I’M ANGRY!”

  “LOUDER! SHOW IT TO ME. LET ME SEE IT!”

  “I’M ANGRY!! I’M ANGRY!! I HATE YOU!!! I HATE YOU!!”

  It was truly frightening. I remarked to the staff member that it sounded as if there was a crisis that needed urgent attention.

  “Don’t worry about it,” she laughed. “They’re just having a group therapy session down the hall—helping the patient get in touch with her anger.”

  Later that day, I met with the patient privately. She appeared drained.

  “I feel so relaxed,” she said, “that therapy session really worked. I feel as if I’ve gotten all my anger out.”

  In our next session the following day, however, the patient reported, “Well, I guess I didn’t get all my anger out after all. Right after I left here yesterday, as I was pulling out of the parking lot some jerk almost cut me off ... and I was furious! And I kept cursing that jerk under my breath all the way home. I guess I still need a few more of those anger sessions to get the rest of it out.”

  In setting out to conquer anger and hatred, the Dalai Lama begins by investigating the nature of these destructive emotions.

  “Generally speaking,” he explained, “there are many different kinds of afflictive or negative emotions, such as conceit, arrogance, jealousy, desire, lust, closed-mindedness, and so on. But out of all these, hatred and anger are considered to be the greatest evils because they are the greatest obstacles to developing compassion and altruism, and they destroy one’s virtue and calmness of mind.

  “In thinking about anger, there can be two types. One type of anger can be positive. This would be mainly due to one’s motivation. There can be some anger that is motivated by compassion or a sense of responsibility. Where anger is motivated by compassion, it can be used as an impetus or a catalyst for a positive action. Under these circumstances, a human emotion like anger can act as a force to bring about swift action. It creates a kind of energy that enables an individual to act quickly and decisively. It can be a powerful motivating factor. So, sometimes that kind of anger can be positive. All too often, however, even though that kind of anger can act as a kind
of protector and bring one extra energy, that energy is also blind, so it is uncertain whether it will become constructive or destructive in the end.

  “So, even though under rare circumstances some kinds of anger can be positive, generally speaking, anger leads to ill feeling and hatred. And, as far as hatred is concerned, it is never positive. It has no benefit at all. It is always totally negative.

  “We cannot overcome anger and hatred simply by suppressing them. We need to actively cultivate the antidotes to hatred: patience and tolerance. Following the model that we spoke of earlier, in order for you to be able to successfully cultivate patience and tolerance you need to generate enthusiasm, a strong desire to seek it. The stronger your enthusiasm, the greater your ability to withstand the hardships that you encounter in the process. When you are engaged in the practice of patience and tolerance, in reality, what is happening is you are engaged in a combat with hatred and anger. Since it is a situation of combat, you seek victory, but you also have to be prepared for the possibility of losing that battle. So while you are engaged in combat, you should not lose sight of the fact that in the process, you will confront many problems. You should have the ability to withstand these hardships. Someone who gains victory over hatred and anger through such an arduous process is a true hero.