Dirty Cowboy

by Alycia Taylor

  “Hi Jessie!” I turned around and saw Victor and Marie coming towards us.

  “Hey kid! How are you?”

  “I’m good. Are you okay?” Victor asked me with a concerned look on his face.

  “I’m doing great. Teaching your uncle a few moves.” Marie walked up behind him and I saw a subtle wince when she looked at my face. It looked a hundred times better than it did, but evidence of the cuts and bruises were still there, faded but still evident when I wasn’t wearing make-up.

  “Hi Marie.”

  “Hey Jessie. It’s good to see you.”

  “You too, and you!” I told Victor.

  “Hey Jessie…I’m sorry for what my dad did to you.” Victor said it so sweetly that I felt worse for him than I did me. It was the first time since what I’ve dubbed “AM” “After Mitch” that I felt like I wanted to kill that SOB myself. This sweet little boy should never feel like he has to apologize for something that monster does.

  I sat on the edge of the ring with the ropes behind me so that we were eye to eye and said, “You have nothing to be sorry for. Grown-ups are supposed to know how to handle themselves without using violence. Unfortunately, some of them don’t learn that so well. You’re a great kid. We can all only be responsible for ourselves. I like you and consider you my friend. I don’t hold you responsible for anything that anyone else has done.”

  He smiled at me and his little freckled nose wrinkled as he did. I found myself hoping that someday Paul and I had one just like him. I was beginning to accept that even with all the drama I wanted to keep him around. Kids are so resilient and I saw that in the next instant when Victor said, “Hey Uncle Paul, can I spar the winner?”

  Sam laughed and took out his guard and pulled off his headgear. “He already won,” he told the boy. “Come on up.”

  I got one of our smaller head gears and a new mouthpiece for him. Then Marie and I watched while the two of them went at it. Neither of them was really throwing punches, but at one point they hooked arms and Paul took him down to the mat.

  They wrestled until Victor was on top and he held up his arms and said, “I am the champion!”

  Paul reached up and tickled him underneath his arms, knocking him to the mat in peals of laughter. I looked over at Marie and saw the love for both of the in her eyes. She finally looked at peace. I was happy for her…for all of them. If anyone deserved some, it was this little family.

  Victor and Paul played for a couple of hours and Marie and I talked, getting to know each other more as I cleaned the machines and finished cleaning up the things from my party. She was like Victor, apologetic and feeling bad about what Mitch did to me.

  “I know that I of all people shouldn’t have a hard time believing he did that to you. He gave me a few beatings when we were together that I thought I wasn’t going to see the other side of. I’m just so damned sorry that you got caught up in our nightmare.”

  “And I’ll tell you the same thing I told Victor: There is only one person responsible for what happened to me and that is Mitch.” I looked over at Paul and said, “I wouldn’t go back and change any of my choices about letting any of you into my life.”

  “We’re lucky to have you in ours,” she said. “You’re good for my brother. I don’t think I’ve ever seen him so happy or so at peace. He’s been wound up inside since he was fourteen years old.”

  “Thanks. He told me that his teen years were pretty rough.”

  “Yeah they were. A lot of it was or dad, but a lot of it was worry over me too. He couldn’t get his own life on track because of it all. I’m so praying that will all change now that Mitch is going to be out of the picture…at least for a while. The night that Paul told me he was in jail I slept through the entire night for the first time in six years,” she told me.

  I shook my head. “I can’t even imagine how you’ve done this for so long. You’re a lot stronger person than me, that’s for sure.”

  She laughed and said, “Are you kidding? My ex-creep is a moose. You tangled with him and the fact that you’re standing here today and he’s in jail says that you won. You have to be incredibly strong to walk away from what he did to you and just go back to your usual routine. You look great and again, I’m so sorry you had to go through that.”

  “Thanks, Marie. I guess we all just do what we have to do.” I was glad that everyone saw me as strong and brave. I liked that. I never wanted to be seen as weak or incapable of taking care of myself. The truth was though that inside; I wasn’t the same person I used to be. The paranoia I’d been feeling before Mitch attacked me had turned into full blown panic attacks sometimes when I was at home alone. I hadn’t told anyone…I was sure it would pass eventually and again, I didn’t want anyone to look at me like I was a “victim.”

  Chapter Six

  Paul and I stayed at the gym until closing time and he continued to work on his skills while I helped out where I could. He was determined to win that title and I was determined to do anything I could to help him. It could be life-changing for him and I wanted that for him more than anything. When it was time to leave and we walked out into the dark I could feel the tiniest bit of anxiety beginning to take hold in my chest.

  “You want to leave your car here for tonight and take mine. We can get a movie on the way home?”

  I liked the way he said “home,” like it was where we both lived. Most of all, I liked that he was planning on staying with me tonight. The anxiety was gone as quickly as it had come on.

  “Sure, I have stir fry vegetables and pork; I can make us dinner…”

  “Nope,” he said as he closed the car door on my side and went around to the other side.

  He got in and I said, “You don’t like my cooking?”

  Smiling as he started the car he pat his flat belly and said, “I love it…too much. But tonight I’m going to take care of you. I’ll cook.”

  “You cook?”

  He laughed. “Yes, I can cook. As a matter of fact, I’m so good at it that if this MMA thing doesn’t work out, I was going to be a chef.”

  He said it completely serious so I wasn’t sure if he was kidding or not. I waited a few beats and said, “Really?”

  Laughing he said, “No, not really. But I can cook.”

  We stopped at a Redbox on our way home and Paul asked me what I wanted to watch. “I don’t care,” I told him. “Whatever you think looks good.” He looked over at me and wiggled an eyebrow.

  “I think you look pretty damned good. Will you entertain me?”

  “You know I will. After you make me dinner and show me a movie.”

  “Women, always with strings attached,” he said. “Do you like Mark Wahlberg?”

  “Yeah, he’s hot.”

  He made a face and said, “That wasn’t what I was asking, but thanks for sharing.”

  I laughed. “Sorry, but he is.” Trying to straighten the smile out of my face I said, “Why yes, Mark Wahlberg is an amazing actor. Why do you ask?”

  He rolled his eyes and said, “Have you ever seen The Fighter?”

  “Nope. What’s it about?”

  “Micky Ward and his brother who trained him…”

  “Who’s Micky Ward?”

  He was shaking his head at me. “I will never know how a girl who knows so much about boxing can know so little about it at the same time.”

  “So who is he?”

  “You’ll see when we watch the movie. I know you’ll pay attention because Mark Wahlberg plays him and he’s “Hot.” He said “hot” in a girlie voice. It was cute.

  He got the movie and we went back to my apartment. I took a shower and put on my comfy pajama bottoms and tank top while he cooked the dinner since he ordered me out of the kitchen. The first thing I realized when I got out was how good it smelled. As I came down the hall I saw him putting the plates on the table filled with brown rice and stir-fried vegetables. He left out the pork, but as it turned out, that was okay. After my first bite I was in love, both with the di
sh and the chef.

  “Oh my God, this is delicious.”

  He smiled. “Thank you. See, I could be a chef.”

  “I didn’t doubt it for a second. I think you can be anything that you want to be.” The last part just came out but he looked like he was touched by it.

  “What about an MMA champion? I go up against Trent in two weeks. Beating him is probably going to be the biggest challenge I’ve faced in the ring yet.”

  “Anything,” I said again. “Most definitely an MMA champion.” He was searching my eyes; I think to see if I was laying it on thick or if I really believed it. He looked satisfied by what he saw there and took another bite of his dinner. “Are you nervous?” I asked him. This fight was huge for him. It was what he’d been fighting towards all along.

  I’m not sure what I expected, but I didn’t think that he would actually admit that he was. I took it as a sign that we were growing closer when he looked me in the eyes and said, “I’m nervous as hell. I can’t afford to screw this up. I’m twenty-six years old. This might be my last chance.”

  Twenty-six was on the older side for a UFC fighter, but he was in outstanding shape and although I teased him about it, his form and skills were impeccable. “You got this,” I told him. “Just keep moving your feet.”

  He smiled and winked at me. We finished our dinner as I told him about my latest conversation with my mom and how well she was doing.

  “She doesn’t regret going in?” he asked me.

  “She doesn’t seem like it. She’s quoting things to me right out of the NA bible,” I laughed. “She is a little obsessive about things so I don’t doubt I’ll know as much about recovery as she does eventually. It’s good though, that way I can help her.”

  “It’s good that she has you. Someone else might have turned their back on her after all she put you through.”

  I shrugged and said, “I won’t say I haven’t come close a few times. But the thing is, no matter what happened in the past, she’s still my mother and I still love her.”

  He reached over and touched my face. “She’s lucky,” he said. I almost blurted out, “I love you too!” but I held back again. It still wasn’t time.

  After we finished eating we cleaned up the kitchen together and we moved into the living room to watch the movie. It was good and now I know who Micky Ward is. It was also good to watch an example of a family as dysfunctional as or even more so than ours. It’s nice to know you’re not alone, that was one thing that I never realized until recently. And just for the record, Mark Walberg is hot, but he’s no Paul Delport.

  *****

  Paul spent the night with me again and it was so nice to wake up in his arms. I was almost afraid that I was getting too used to it. We had a light breakfast together and then he went out for his run. While he was gone I took a shower and got ready to go see my mom. It would be the first time I saw her since she went in and I was a little nervous. I talked to her on the phone a lot and she sounded good, but I was going to worry until I saw her in the flesh. She had definitely passed on some of her obsessive genes to me.

  I put on a little bit of make-up after the shower. I don’t usually wear much during the day but I wanted to make sure the yellow of the old bruises didn’t show. I didn’t want to give her anything more to worry about than getting clean and learning how to stay that way. I threw on a pair of jeans and a t-shirt and by that time, Paul was back.

  “Where are you going?” I hadn’t told him because I got the phone call and the all-clear from the facility after he left this morning.

  “To visit my mom,” I said. Her therapist said she could have visitors beginning today. She’s been doing so well. I’m looking forward to seeing her. Are you going to see Marie and Victor today?”

  “Not until later. I was going to take them dinner tonight.”

  “Oh, so what do you have going on today?”

  “I guess nothing since I wasn’t invited to go see your mom. You’re probably ashamed of me…embarrassed to introduce me to her…”

  I smiled and rolled my eyes. “Like I’d ever be embarrassed to introduce you to anyone. Everyone there would be jealous that you’re with me and not them,” I told him.

  “That’s a good answer,” he said. “I like that. How about I go with you and make them all jealous?”

  “Really, you want to go with me?”

  “I’d like to, if you don’t mind.”

  “No, I don’t mind. I’d love for you to go.”

  “Good. Give me a few minutes to shower.” He kissed me and went to get ready. While he was doing that, I was thinking that this was a pretty big deal. He was not only willing to meet my mother, he suggested it. If he didn’t want me to fall in love with him, he was going about it all wrong.

  The rehab facility was on the West side of Los Angeles. It was in one of the older residential areas of the city and it just looked like a big old Victorian house. It was painted light blue with white trim. The day I took her, the therapist that talked to us told me that it was all decorated in what they called “calming colors.” Everything inside was painted a “calm” shade of beige or pale yellow.

  We went in and told the lady at the front who we were and who we were here to see. While we sat and waited for them to let us go back I said, “You remember what I told you about her the first time we talked, right? She’s not like other moms.”

  He smiled and squeezed my hand. “Don’t worry. It’ll be fine.”

  “I’m not worried,” I said, not exactly honestly. “I just wanted you to be fair warned. She’s going to ask you a bunch of silly questions and tell you how nice looking you are and…”

  “Okay,” he said, still smiling but interrupting my tirade. “I consider myself warned.”

  “For Lynn?” the nicely dressed lady from the front desk was calling us in. We followed her into a comfortably decorated living area. It had the old big windows surrounding it and letting the sun shine in on us. It had a nice “homey” feel to it and I could see why Mom liked it here. She was sitting in one of the window seats looking outside. She jumped up when she saw us come in.

  “There’s my girl!” she held her arms out and I went into them. She felt thinner to me but when I pulled back and looked at her face I could see that her eyes were clear and her skin was glowing.

  “Hi Mom. You look great. How are you? Have you been eating okay?”

  “I’m real good, baby. I eat fine. They serve healthy food here and I’m not eating take-out and fast food so I’m losing weight. It’s good; I was getting a little fluffy. I like it here, but missed you terribly.” Then suddenly changing tracks, she looked at Paul and said, “You brought a friend…who is this?”

  Paul smiled at her and held out his hand. I could see in my mother’s eyes that it was love at first sight…but who could blame her? “Paul Delport,” he said.

  “Well hello Paul Delport.” She was using her husky, flirty voice. When I was a teenager it used to bother me a lot because she really was prettier than me and I never knew what she would do. Now, it’s a little embarrassing, but amusing at the same time. “It’s nice to finally meet the man in my daughter’s life. The real one,” she said with a sly glance in my direction. “Sit down, both of you,” she said.

  Mom and I sat on the couch and Paul sat across from us in a wing-backed chair. It was perfect actually…the sun was streaming in on his face and he looked like he was under a spotlight…which from the look on my mother’s face, I had a feeling he was about to be.

  “So Paul, what do you do, honey?”

  “Mom…”

  “I’m a fighter,” he said. “Mixed-martial arts.”

  “Well, I guess that explains all the muscles,” she said, again in a flirtatious voice.

  I decided to try and save him. “Mom, we came to see how you were doing. I don’t think Paul really wants to…”

  “How long have you been seeing my Jessie?” she cut me right off. She wasn’t going to be denied her interrogation. />
  “Mom…” I tried again. This time I was cut off by Paul who looked at me and smiled. He turned back to my mom and said, “A few months…off and on.”

  “Off and on, huh? Why off?”

  “Mother!”

  “It’s okay,” Paul said, still smiling. “I’ve had some family stuff going on that kind of got in the way. I think we’re back on track now.”

  “Well, that’s good to hear on both counts. Family should always come first, and my Jessie needs a good man in her life.” I didn’t bother trying to get her attention that time. I just sat back and watched the train wreck happen. “So tell me, Paul…what is it that you like about my girl?”

  Looking amused he looked over at me and grinned. “There are so many things. I almost don’t know where to start.”

  “Like what?” she asked. She was a dog with a bone. Who asks these kinds of questions about their grown-up children?

  “She has really pretty hair,” he said. “And her eyes are gorgeous.” That made me feel warm inside. My mother of course had to take credit. Rehab does not a personality change.

  “Thank you,” she said. “She got those both from me.”

  “I can see that,” he said with one of his most charming smiles. He was good, I’ll give him that.

  “What else?” She wanted more that she could take credit for.

  “Her smile, I definitely love that smile.”

  “Me again!” And there you go!

  “Okay, well that was fun. Mom, let’s talk about how things are going here.”

  “Things are good, honestly. The people here are nice and I’m actually paying attention in group and individual therapy and I’m learning a lot about myself and why I do the things that I do. I’ve even made a friend or two and you know how hard that is for me. Female friends!” she seemed proud of that, so I smiled. Then she was back on a roll saying, “You know Paul; I wasn’t a very good mother…”

  “Mom…”

  “How’s is your relationship with your mother?” My head was going to explode.

  “It’s…complicated I guess I’d say.” Paul was doing so well with all of this; I was humiliated and proud of him at the same time.