The Switch

by Heather Justesen

  “Come on Emily, fight,” he growled under his breath as the ambulance zoomed down the road to the hospital. He worried about internal bleeding, and he knew the pain had to be crippling from the broken leg, but her slow and shallow breathing made it so he couldn’t administer morphine or fentanyl if he didn’t want her to go into respiratory arrest. He double-checked her leg to see if she had broken a major vein there, but saw no evidence of swelling from blood loss. Her stomach, on the other hand, was growing hard and distended, which indicated internal bleeding.

  Danny pushed the glucose into one vein while James continued to bolus fluids in the other, trying to rehydrate her as quickly as possible. The second set of vital signs looked somewhat better than the first, but were still far too weak.

  Danny called into the ER, wedging the cell phone between his shoulder and ear as he counted Emily’s breaths. He kept the conversation with the nurse on duty brief, then dropped the phone on the bench behind him and got out the intubation equipment. “Her breaths are too far apart. We’re going to lose her.” His heart raced and his hands shook, but he injected the medication that would keep her from gagging on the tube and slid the ET tube into her trachea as he’d done for so many patients in the past. “How’s the bolus coming?”

  “Almost done.” Sweat dripped from James’ brow. He glanced out the window and sighed. “We’re here.” The ambulance slowed and pulled into the entrance to the ER.

  Reaching the ER didn’t mean their work was over, however. The patient rooms were nearly full and Emily’s injured mother hadn’t arrived yet. The staff scrambled to keep up, so once they got her moved to the regular bed, Danny and James stayed, fighting to help the little girl as she continued to go downhill.

  * * *

  Back at the station an hour later, Danny showered, then headed for the kitchen. The internal bleeding and damage had been too serious. Though they’d rushed Emily to the operating room within five minutes of her arrival at the hospital, the little girl had died on the table before the paramedics had been able to finish their report.

  Danny flopped into a chair and rubbed his face, trying to hold back the tears threatening to pour down his cheeks. He kept seeing Samantha’s bright, laughing face in his mind, seeing it darken with pain, as she weakened before his eyes.

  How did he deal with this? His heart ached and his eyes stung as the tears began to flow again. He’d thought he’d gotten them all out of his system in the shower, but he found it wasn’t the case. He stood and walked out the back door into the cold night. He wanted nothing more than to hold Samantha close, feel her vibrant life in his arms, to remind himself she was okay, even if another family mourned the loss of their little girl.

  Since he couldn’t leave the station, he pulled out his phone and dialed Tia’s number.

  “Hello, Danny? What’s going on?”

  It was late to be calling, he knew. “I need to talk to someone about normal stuff. I suppose Samantha’s in bed.”

  “Ages ago. Is she the one you called to talk to?” There was a hint of amusement in her voice.

  “No, well, I wouldn’t mind saying goodnight to her, but if she’s in bed, that’s fine. I’m more than happy to speak with you instead.” He tried to make his words sound teasing, but wasn’t sure he succeeded.

  “I heard her giggling. She thinks she’s being sneaky, reading under the covers, like she’s pulling one over on me.” Tia chuckled.

  Danny smiled. He could see Samantha with her little princess flashlight, the covers over her head. The flashlight would be tucked between her shoulder and head as she turned pages in the book and giggled at funny drawings and lame puns. “I’m glad you’re letting her stay up a little later than usual.”

  “Pretending like I don’t know she’s still up means she won’t be in here in ten minutes complaining about how she can’t sleep. At least she’s in bed and quiet. More or less.”

  “You’re an awesome mom.” His feelings for her expanded in his chest, filling all of the empty holes. He couldn’t imagine a future without her in it.

  “Lazy is what I am. Now, what’s eating at you?”

  He smiled despite himself. She’d come to know him so well. “We had a bad run tonight. We lost a kid.” It’ll haunt me for months.

  “I’m sorry. It must have been awful.”

  “I keep seeing Samantha’s face.” He paused, trying to hold back the emotions. He didn’t want to crack again. “How would you feel about a breakfast visit tomorrow? I think I need to see her.” He ran his hand over his mouth. “That probably doesn’t make sense.” She and Tristi had more than wormed their way into his heart. Along with their mom, they were quickly becoming the most important part of his life.

  “No, it’s fine. Come. Feel free to join us anytime. Really.”

  “Thanks.” He fought down the lump in his throat, then decided a change of subject was necessary. “How’s your search coming?”

  “I’ve reached a dead end,” Tia said. “I don’t think I can do any more research on these other women by myself. I’m going to have to get a private detective.”

  “Can you afford it?” Danny had noticed how careful she was with her money. Either she didn’t have much to spare, or she was extra frugal about how she spent what she had.

  “My budget isn’t limitless, but I think I can afford basic information. I’m hoping I can get what I need for a thousand or less, but I can double it if necessary.”

  “You’ve been researching PIs?”

  “Yes, eighty an hour plus expenses seems to be the minimum rate. The thought makes me cringe.”

  “Let me check around and see if any of the guys knows some reliable, honest guys you can call.”

  “I’d appreciate it. I don’t know where to start.” She told him which cities she’d pinpointed, then changed the conversation to Tristi’s first foray into crayon murals—which would come off with a little elbow grease, thanks to special crayons and advanced wall paint. The new artwork on the side of the sofa was another matter. This discussion morphed into each of them sharing stories from their childhoods.

  The pager tones called Danny away from the phone half an hour later and he ended the conversation to respond to a possible heart attack. Thanks to their talk, he felt ready to tackle the next challenge.

  Twenty-seven

  In the morning Danny stopped at the grocery store, then swung over to Tia’s after work. The sun hadn’t risen yet, but he couldn’t handle the thought of returning home. Emily’s face flashed behind his eyes every time he closed them. He’d spent the spare time between runs cleaning the rigs and doing extra maintenance, though it wasn’t scheduled for a while yet. He couldn’t settle down to sleep.

  He carried a bucket of vanilla ice cream and a large can of peaches in a shopping bag when he knocked on Tia’s front door.

  “Danny!” She looked surprised and highly kissable in her pajamas with her hair still mussed from sleep. “I didn’t expect you yet.”

  “I popped by the store for a few necessities, then came right over. How do your girls feel about pancakes?”

  “They love them.” She stepped out of the way, eyeing the ice cream bucket. “Do you always serve ice cream with breakfast?”

  “Only when we have peaches on our pancakes.” He shut the door behind him, then set down his purchases and pulled her close for a long, lingering kiss. If he could return home to a beautiful woman who had red tendrils tumbling down her back every morning, he thought his life would be about perfect. Then he paused and pushed the thought away. Slow down, buddy.

  She wasn’t ready to go there, and he needed to give her time to adjust to being a couple before he mentioned the M word. Though the progress in their relationship often seemed to drag, he knew slow and steady was the only way to win. And he very definitely wanted her to be a permanent part of his life.

  When he pulled back, she smiled and studied him for a long moment, running her fingers along the light stubble of his chin. “You kiss me like t
hat and I might give in to your demands of ice cream for breakfast.”

  “Oh, good.” He leaned in and laid another one on her, only releasing her when Tristi’s calls to her mom echoed down the hall. He picked up his purchases again. “You go take care of her and get ready for the day—though I have to say you look adorable in those pajamas. I’ll get started on breakfast.”

  “I don’t have any pancake mix,” she warned him.

  “I’d be shocked if you did. And I might be a little offended you think I need some. Scoot.” He headed into the kitchen, grinning to himself. Oh, yes, he could stand to kiss her every morning.

  When Samantha joined him in the kitchen twenty minutes later, Danny was pulling the peach topping from the stove. He already had a growing stack of pancakes on a plate beside him, and another three would join the others in a few minutes.

  “Danny? What are you doing here?’ Samantha asked. She sported a pair of fuzzy purple pajamas and an incredible example of bed-head.

  Danny turned, relief and joy thrumming through him as he saw her sweet face. He snatched her up and pressed a noisy kiss to her cheek. “I’m making you breakfast. Did you have a good night?”

  She wrapped her arms around him and held him tight. “Yes. I slept like an angel all night.” She gave him a too-innocent smile.

  He looked at her and lifted his brows in doubt. “I bet you stayed up late reading books by flashlight. Yes, I can see it there in your eyes. They give you away every time.”

  Her mouth dropped open. “How did you know?”

  Danny leaned forward until they bumped foreheads, looking her in the eye. “You’d be surprised what I know.” When she giggled, he grinned back at her, then deposited her on a chair at his side. He loved listening to her chatter, and the bright joyful noise was exactly what he needed to wipe away the pain and sorrow of the previous night.

  They talked about diverse subject, much of it nonsense as he cooked up the rest of the pancake batter, then he set the table while she ran to get her mom and sister, her footed pajamas slapping against the tiled floor until she reached the carpet.

  “You really put ice cream on your pancakes?” Tia asked as she saw the stack he’d prepared for her.

  “Try it.” He nudged a plate toward her as she settled Tristi in the high chair.

  “I want some!” Samantha chimed in.

  “Good, because I have a plate here with your name on it.” He stacked a couple on the plate, slathered the peach sauce on it and topped it with ice cream.

  Tia’s eyes rolled back in her head in obvious enjoyment as she took her first bite. “This is something you created in school, right? Or at the station?” She finished chewing and swallowed. “No way your mom made this for you.”

  “You’d be wrong about that.” Danny slid Samantha her plate, then dished a small amount for Tristi, who would eat most of her food with her hands, and throw some of it on the floor if she was true to form. He knew her pajamas would be going straight to the laundry bin when she finished eating, anyway, so it wouldn’t matter that much. “It was reserved for special occasions, like family reunions, Christmas, and camping out, but she’s the one who came up with the idea.”

  “Your mom must be totally cool!” Samantha said after she swallowed her first bite. “It’s yummy!”

  Tristi grinned, peach topping sliding down her chin and another piece smashed in one hand.

  Unable to stop smiling, Danny felt better than he had in twelve hours. A world with this much brightness in one room had to have plenty of other beautiful surprises waiting around the bend.

  Twenty-eight

  “Hey, let’s grab some food while we’re here,” Danny said to James as they loaded the gurney back into the rig outside the St. Mark’s ER. After nearly a month, he was still trying to find the old cafeteria worker he’d mentioned to Tia. He hoped she was still working there.

  “You want to eat here?” James gave him a side-long look.

  “It’s handy, and they have awesome pie. You know you cave when it comes to their pie.”

  James considered for only a couple of seconds before grinning. “All right, hop in and we’ll go around.”

  Five minutes later they’d pulled the ambulance to the other side of the building and were entering the cafeteria. Danny smiled in relief when he saw the white-haired lady standing at the cash register. Perfect—it was much harder to strike up a conversation with someone behind the food counter. It was mid-afternoon, and Danny’s lunch was still hanging like a rock in his gut—never again was he going to the burger joint on Fourth—but he figured he could manage a piece of apple pie.

  He hurried through the room, then took advantage of the lull in customers as he carried his snack to the cashier. “Hey,” he greeted her. “Weren’t you celebrating some kind of anniversary last time I saw you?”

  She smiled as she rang in his purchase. “Twenty-five years I’ve been working here.”

  “Wow! I bet you’ve been here longer than anyone.”

  “Most anyone. There are a few still here from before my time, but they’re getting fewer every day.” She told him how much his pie was and he pulled out his wallet.

  “Yeah? I was born here in February about twenty-eight years ago. Anyone from labor and delivery still working here?” He handed over a five.

  “Why? You want to go thank them for helping you get out all right?”

  He chuckled. “I helped deliver a baby a few months back. It was pretty incredible. Messy as all heck, but still incredible.”

  She gave a loud, braying laugh. “That it is. There’s not much of anything worth having that doesn’t require some mess, though.”

  “You got that right.” He took back his change and pocketed it. “So, who is it that’s been working here longer than you?”

  “Dr. Angela Losee in obstetrics. She was probably still a nurse back then, but she’s been here forever. There’s a rad tech, Joseph Monroe, and one of the heart surgeons was a resident when I started here.”

  “That must be some incredible staying power.” He picked up his tray and waved. “I’ll see you later.” He headed halfway across the room so he could make a call to Tia without being overheard.

  * * *

  Tia had warred with herself for more than a day about how she should handle her chat with Dr. Losee. Did she admit outright about why she was there? Did she make something up? Approach her through one of her charities—Google had indicated the good doctor was involved in several.

  After staying up most of the night, though, Tia decided direct honesty was her best bet. At least, she hoped it was. She called the hospital and found out when the doctor would be getting off rounds for the day, then arranged for Danny to watch the kids for a few hours.

  Thanks to the Internet, Tia knew what Dr. Losee looked like, so she was confident she would be able to recognize her on sight. As the shift-change neared, she approached the nurses’ station and asked about the doctor.

  “She’s on rounds now. Can I help you with something?” the nurse behind the counter asked.

  “Actually, I need to speak with her personally. I’m happy to wait until she swings back this direction. Do you mind if I scoot out of the way over there and wait?” Tia pointed to a corner within view of the counter.

  The young man shook his head. “Sorry, but there’s a waiting room down the hall. I’ll let Dr. Losee know you want to speak with her, but I can’t have you in the halls here, and it could be a while.”

  Tia wanted to protest, but she knew better than to alienate the staff. She nodded instead. “I’d really appreciate it if you made sure she knew I was here.”

  “What’s your name?”

  “Tia Riverton.”

  “Sure.” The man turned his back on her, grabbed some pages from the printer, and snatched up a clipboard.

  Tia forced a smile and headed for the waiting area. She found a seat with a good view of the hall so she wouldn’t have to worry about missing the doctor if the nurse didn’t
send her over.

  The wait was interminable. Though Dr. Losee was scheduled to get off at six, it was nearly eight when she finally came to the waiting room. She zeroed in on Tia right off—not surprising since she was the only one there. “You wanted to speak with me?”

  Tia stood. “You’re Dr. Losee?”

  “Yes.” She studied Tia. “You’re not one of my patients.”

  “No. Or at least, if I once was, it’s been a very long time.” She gestured to the row of chairs. “I’d appreciate it if you can give me a few minutes to explain why I’m here. I know you’ve worked a long day already and must be ready to head home.”

  Dr. Losee sat with the air of one who hadn’t been off her feet in hours. “It has been a full day, though no longer than usual. I think I might be getting too old for this.” She smiled but weariness still etched her face.

  Tia grabbed a nearby chair and maneuvered it across from Dr. Losee. “How many years have you worked in obstetrics?”

  “I’ve been in labor and delivery for most of thirty-five years. I started out as a CNA when I was still in my twenties. Why do you ask?”

  “And you’ve always been here at this hospital?”

  “Yes.” Her eyes narrowed and she seemed to grow suspicious.

  Tia took a deep breath. “I was born here twenty-eight years ago.” She briefly told about her recent discovery and the steps she’d taken to try to figure out what happened.

  “And you think it was someone on staff here?”

  Tia shrugged, trying to keep the conversation casual, not to spook the doctor. “I don’t know. I needed somewhere to start, and this seemed to be a sensible place.”

  “So I’m one of your suspects.” Dr. Losee’s eyes narrow slightly and her face pinched.

  “At this point, you’re the only one I know for sure worked in this department during the time that I was born. I don’t know who was here, how many people were in the department that night, or if it had nothing to do with hospital staff at all.” Tia could tell she was losing ground—what little she had to begin with—and felt desperation rising inside her.