The Switch

by Heather Justesen

  “Oh, well, if this is a bad time . . . ” Claire’s disappointment was obvious.

  “I’m really sorry. I’ve got my baby in the bath and I have to get to work. I should be available after one-thirty, if you’d like me to call you back later.” This was her chance to finally get some answers. Maybe. She winced as Tristi splashed some more, and started to wail when Tia poured water over her foamy hair.

  “That would work. This number’s good for me.”

  “Great. Thanks.”

  Tristi slapped at her mom’s arm and Tia, crouched at the side of the tub, wavered slightly. She reached out and grabbed the side of the tub.

  Then watched her cell phone plop into the water.

  She had a feeling this was going to be a very bad day.

  * * *

  Danny had a much smoother experience getting through the security blockade the second time he came to the news station. He sauntered across the floor and watched her feverishly chopping vegetables. She looked agitated, her red hair was pulled back in a ponytail and she lifted her hand to rub a flyaway piece away from her face with the back of her wrist.

  “Hey. I’ve been trying to call you all morning,” he said when she glanced up at him.

  Her lips pursed. “Yeah, my phone’s not working at the moment.” She slid the onions off to the side and scooped them into a cup, measuring them.

  He studied her carefully. This was about more than her phone not working. “Is your battery dead?”

  “In a manner of speaking.” She didn’t look up at him. “Actually, I was giving Tristi a bath this morning and it fell into the tub.”

  He knew she bathed the girls at night, so could only assume a morning bath was the result of some catastrophe. It amused him, though he wasn’t about to show it when she was upset—he didn’t have a death wish. “What did she do that required a morning bath?”

  She began slicing the green peppers with gusto. “Diaper cream. Everywhere. Her clothes are ruined.”

  Her eyes filled and a tear threatened to slip out. She blinked, then took a deep breath. “It’s not been a banner day so far. Though, Claire called me, so that was good. Maybe. Of course I was in the middle of the bath so I couldn’t talk. I should have let it go to voice mail. Who knows if my phone will ever work again.”

  Danny walked around the counter, took the knife from her hands, and pulled her into a hug. “Hey, it’s all right. It’s not the end of the world.”

  She buried her face in his shoulder, her voice coming out muffled. “No, it’s just one more thing in a long line.”

  “I know.” He held her tight and brushed his lips along her temple. “You’re going through the wringer right now. Hold on, it’ll get better.” He nudged her face up and rubbed at the damp trail her tear had left behind. “And in the meantime, I’m here for you.” He pressed a soft kiss to her mouth, wishing he could make it all better.

  “I know. Thank you.” But she didn’t make eye contact with him, and pulled from his arms.

  Danny let her go, but wondered if she was embarrassed to have broken down at work, or if she was upset with him again. Had he done something wrong? He watched her turn back to the counter and start chopping again. “So,” he changed the subject, hoping it would perk her up, “I got a call from Laura last night. She and Gavin have decided to get married. They’re thinking late April for the wedding.” He reached out, and caught the tendril of hair that had escaped her elastic, tucking it behind her ear.

  Her hands paused for a heartbeat before continuing on. “That’s great. I hope things go well for them. Laura deserves some happiness after everything she’s been through.”

  “I couldn’t agree more.” Danny studied Tia’s body language and wondered what was going on inside her head. He’d thought he was starting to understand her, but was lost now.

  When she finished her preparations, Tia borrowed his cell phone and looked up a number she’d scrawled across her notes for the day. “I was hoping to get a minute to call Claire back and explain,” she said as she dialed. A moment later she frowned, then left a message, “Hey, Claire, this is Tia, sorry about the call this morning. I was bathing my toddler and dropped the phone in the water. I’ll call again as soon as I get my phone replaced. Thanks.” She ended the call and returned the phone. “Thanks, I appreciate you coming by,” she said to Danny.

  “Because you couldn’t possibly have borrowed anyone else’s phone,” he joked.

  Her lips curved up, but not into a full smile. “Thanks anyway. So how was work yesterday?”

  Danny stayed with her until he was shooed back to the control room to watch the news, but he wondered why he bothered. She didn’t seem to need or want his presence.

  * * *

  Claire was relieved when she heard why her phone call with Tia had ended so abruptly. At least she seemed to have a good excuse. Still, it was maddening waiting to hear from her again. Claire wanted answers, and she wasn’t known for her patience. In her opinion, the secrets had been kept too long as it was. She wanted confirmation that there was a reason she didn’t fit into her family.

  “Claire, settle down,” her fiancé, Carl, said when she puttered around the house all afternoon and evening. “I know you’re anxious, but giving into your jitters isn’t going to make it straightened out faster.”

  “Maybe I should go to Kansas City,” she said. “I have a couple days off. We could get it all cleared up in no time.” She moved toward the bedroom thinking she would pack a bag, anxious to do something.

  He snagged her hand as she walked past and tugged her into his lap. “How about if I give you something else to think about?”

  “Carl, I’m serious.” She put a hand on his chest and pushed back, but he snaked an arm around her, not letting her get too far away.

  “So am I.” He tipped his head and studied her. “You promised to marry me, but then you refuse to make any wedding plans. How about if we firm up a few things. Like the date.”

  She saw the impatience in his eyes and knew she had been dangling him along. He deserved better. At the same time, she didn’t feel ready to make final plans yet. Not now things might be changing. Claire straightened his collar, which didn’t need it despite the fact that he had undone the top two buttons of his shirt when he got home. His tie hung from the lamp on the end table. She knew he hated wearing them.

  Carl had been so good to her, sweet, understanding and supportive through everything. When she’d had a tough day at work, he listened and consoled. When she had an argument with her mom—was she really Tia’s mom?—he cajoled her into a better mood, distracted her with kisses and promises of a future together. He said she would be much wiser with their children. She liked the idea of raising children with him, of holding his hand as they moved into the future. But setting an exact date gave her the heebie-jeebies.

  In response to his suggestion, she gave him a soft kiss, then pulled back, running a finger over his cheeks, following the contours. “I need to clear this up first.”

  He groaned, rolling his head back on the sofa. “You keep coming up with excuses for why we haven’t set a date. So I give you a week and then you want another, then another, and another.” He tipped his head back up and his eyes bored into hers, his pain clear. “Do you want to marry me or not?”

  Claire closed her eyes, if only to block out the sight of his pain. He had been so patient. “Yes. I just . . . look I promise, as soon as I get this cleared up and know if this family really is mine, I’ll set a date and we’ll start making plans. As soon as I get answers.”

  He ran a thumb over her bottom lip and she shivered slightly at the rasp of his callous across the soft skin.

  “You promise?”

  “Pinky swear.” She lifted her hand and held out her pinky as evidence.

  He replaced his thumb with his mouth in acceptance of her terms.

  * * *

  It was almost two days before Tia called again. Claire had been nearly ready to get someone to cover fo
r her, pile her things into the car and start driving—even if she didn’t have Tia’s home address. She’d done her homework and knew Tia worked at the television station. Someone there would know how to reach her.

  Thankfully, she didn’t have to resort to that. “I’m sorry I didn’t get back to you sooner. I was hoping when my phone dried out for a day or so it might work again,” Tia explained when she finally called.

  “No such luck?” Claire asked.

  “Nope, I had to pick up another one. Anyway, Dad agreed to pay for another DNA test. I can have the swabs sent straight to you, and you can return them to the lab through the mail.”

  Claire glanced at her calendar to see what her work schedule was going to be. “How long would it take for the kit to arrive?”

  “The last one took three days. We have a weekend squeezed in there, so probably by Monday.”

  “Perfect. I’m off work Tuesday and Wednesday, and I’d like to meet you and your parents.” She referred to them as Tia’s even though she already thought of them as her own. She couldn’t wait to learn all about them.

  “You don’t have to make the trip. It’ll take half the day.”

  “That’s okay. I admit I’m getting anxious for answers. If I hadn’t heard from you in the next day or so, I might have shown up on your doorstep anyway.”

  Tia chuckled. “I understand your anxiety. This has been driving me crazy since October.”

  Claire wouldn’t have used the word anxiety, as that insinuated she was worried or nervous. She was excited. “I don’t know how you’ve managed then.” She asked Tia a dozen questions about her family: Mona and Ron and their jobs, Wes, the big brother Claire had always wanted but never had. She was dying to get to know them all. When she had the first set of answers—not nearly enough, but they would suffice for a few days—she made arrangements for the visit, then hung up.

  Carl was munching a bowl of cereal by the kitchen sink. When she turned to face him, his expression wasn’t nearly as excited as her own.

  “You know things might not be quite as hearts and flowers as you’d like,” he warned her. “Tia seems nice, and has told you a bunch about her family, but that doesn’t mean they’ll welcome you with open arms.”

  Claire scowled. “I know that.” She didn’t believe it, though. It might be awkward the first day or so, and the wait for the official word would take forever—even if she would know in less than two weeks. She picked up the bridal magazine she’d been flipping through when Tia called. It was one Carl had purchased as a nudging reminder weeks earlier—even though she didn’t think a traditional dress was really in her future. She preferred to live outside the box. Since she’d promised to set a date in the next couple of weeks, she figured flipping through it for ideas wouldn’t kill her, even if it made her chest seize with anxiety.

  She heard Carl set the bowl on the countertop. He walked over and sat beside her. “I don’t want to steal your excitement or ruin your happiness. I just don’t want you to get so worked up when there’s still a chance it might not be what you want it to be.”

  “You don’t want me to belong to this other couple.” It hurt that he was trying to take away her excitement. Why couldn’t he be happy for her?

  “That’s not true.” He set his hand on her arm, but she shook it off, stood and grabbed her jacket from the peg by the door. “I’m going for a walk.” She checked to make sure she had her key, then took off. She could feel Carl’s eyes on her back until the door closed between them.

  Thirty-two

  Tia continued to be standoffish through the week. Danny stopped in to see her whenever he wasn’t at work, even coming for breakfast again, though he didn’t break out the famed peaches and ice cream pancake topping. He noticed she didn’t give him the cold shoulder outright, but held back part of herself.

  At first he thought part of it was frustration about her phone falling in the bath, then he tried to excuse it as confusion about why Lisa hadn’t responded to her letter.

  Samantha seemed to be struggling, causing more trouble and picking on her sister more, and Mona never backed off.

  But after a while, Danny realized there was something more serious going on. Something that had to do with him, specifically.

  He dropped by Tia’s place at the girls’ bedtime, giving her a break as he read them stories and tucked them into bed. Then he came back out to the living room and watched her move anxiously around the kitchen. “What’s going on, Tia?”

  “I’m cleaning up.”

  He dropped his voice a few notes, allowing it to grow husky. “Tia.”

  She stopped wiping down the cupboard, standing there for a long moment before turning to face him. “What do you want?”

  “I want to understand what’s bothering you.” He crossed to her, ran a finger along her cheek. “Something’s been bothering you for more than a week. Can’t you tell me what it is?” Her skin was cool and soft, and he watched her eyes close as his finger trailed along her jaw to her chin.

  “I just have a lot on my mind.” Her hands came up to his waist, settling there.

  “Anything in particular that made you take a step back from us?” he asked.

  She opened her eyes and looked at him, pain radiating from her. “I don’t know what to do.”

  “About what?”

  “Your job is dangerous.”

  He felt his brow furrow as his hand dropped from her chin. “Yeah, it can be sometimes. Most of the time it’s perfectly safe, though.”

  “But firefighters get hurt, killed in fires. EMTs get hit at accident scenes, are exposed to pathogens, accidental needle sticks.” She fisted her hands in his shirt.

  “Woah, slow down.” He pulled her close, wrapping his arms around her and urging her head against his chest. “Hey, it’s not that bad. Most accidents are avoidable—and believe me when I say that I try to avoid anything dangerous.”

  “You try, huh?”

  “Your line of work isn’t without its dangers,” he pointed out. “If it were, we would never have met.”

  “It’s not the same.”

  “Sure it is. School teachers get beaten up, risk their health and eye sight with long hours of grading and test writing. Hospital staffs deal with abusive patients, virulent germs, truck drivers risk road accidents, back problems from lifting. Every job on this planet has its risks.”

  “Some are worse than others.”

  “True.” He pressed a kiss to her head, wishing he could take away the pain and worry that plagued her.

  “Would you quit your job if I asked you to?” she asked. “Find something safer?”

  Shock rippled through him. He did not hear those words. He released her, pushed her back, and looked her in the eye. “Are you kidding me?”

  Tears poured down her cheeks, and her face crumpled. “You have no idea how hard it was for me when Lee died.” She wiped at her face, and moved away when Danny tried to touch her shoulder. “It was hard knowing I would have to have Tristi without him when he was half a world away. But then he died and I knew he’d never be back, that both my girls would grow up fatherless, that I would never have his love and support. It was more than I could stand.”

  “Honey, I’m sorry it was so bad for you. I can only imagine how worried you were about how you would make ends meet and how you’ve managed to handle all of this alone.” He ached to touch her, but wasn’t sure how she’d accept it. “You’re so amazing to me.”

  “I’m not amazing. I’m scared and worried and never have enough day to get halfway through my to-do list. I can’t imagine . . . ” Her hands curled up at her sides. “You’re important to me, Danny. More important than I thought possible. I don’t know if I can handle getting any closer to you, knowing you could die out there, without going crazy.”

  He pulled her close again and rested his cheek on her head, tears stinging his own eyes. “It’s not like that, Tia.”

  “It’s exactly like that. Did you know the on-the-job death rat
e for firefighters is higher than for police? And it’s almost as high for EMTs.”

  “Higher than for police? Hmm, I hadn’t heard that. I suppose you looked it up?” He wasn’t the least convinced that it was more dangerous than any other job if you took reasonable precautions.

  “Of course.”

  “And what was the cause of all these deaths?”

  She was quiet for a long moment. “More than half were heart attacks and strokes from stress on the job.”

  “Really?” That sounded fair. It was why they had to check all firefighters before they could go back into a structure fire. “And what about EMTs?”

  She pulled back and looked at him in disgust. “Did you know ambulances are death traps? Seriously, more than two thirds of all deaths of EMTs were in ambulances and helicopters. You’d think they could put you in a safer vehicle.”

  He pressed the hair back from her face, then led her to the sofa and pulled her down beside him so he could wrap an arm around her shoulders. “I know. It’s one of the things they warn us about all the time. Ambulances are top heavy, and it can be hard to do patient care if you’re wearing your seat belt. We take every precaution possible to stay safe, honey. You have to believe that, and have faith that I’ll come home in one piece.”

  “You make it sound so simple.”

  “It is simple. Not always easy, but simple.” He urged her head up with his free hand and kissed her, lingering over it until he felt her muscles relax. “I can’t quit my job, Tia. It’s where I’m supposed to be.” Pulling back, he met her gaze, knowing he had to clear the air. “And I don’t think you’d want me if I could be so easily manipulated.”

  She pushed him away with both hands, clearly offended. “Are you calling me manipulative?”