Phase

by E. C. Newman

  “You do that.” And he tossed up the birdie, sending over another perfect serve. Mom reached over and squeezed my hand before running to hit the birdie.

  I told myself that I wasn’t lying to them. I just wasn’t out and out telling them. If they asked, “Do you know any shifters?” I would answer truthfully.

  Pretty sure no parent would ever ask that. But I sent up a preventative prayer just in case.

  * * *

  Jules texted me to come out on Saturday to work on Hamlet essay topics. So after breakfast and cleaning up my room, I headed out. The weather was just beginning to get chilly during the day, which seemed early as it wasn’t even October yet. But I still drove with my windows down, not caring that my hair would be beyond tangled when I got there.

  Jules wasn’t downstairs when I arrived, but Naomi was. She sat in front of the television, remote in hand.

  “Where is everyone?” I asked.

  She shrugged.

  “So, how are you?” I should have just gone upstairs to find Jules, but it was ingrained in me. To be polite. Even to Naomi.

  I moved over to look at the DVDs underneath the television. I had this habit of investigating people’s DVD collections when I went to their houses. Probably an odd way of judging someone, but if they had one musical I deemed them OK in my book.

  “Fine.”

  I flipped through the DVDs, a lot of action films. On one side were some ones just in clear plastic cases. “So, do you turn into a white wolf, like is that only females or—”

  “I don’t turn white,” she snapped. “That’s just her. Most of us turn whatever color our hair is. She’s the weird one.”

  “She’s not weird.” Technically they all were. I should have said something like, ‘what’s wrong with weird?’ “So you turn golden like Ezra?”

  She gave me a smug look. “We look nearly alike, except I’m prettier.”

  I forced a smile. “That makes sense.” Did it really? I never had trouble talking to other girls. Naomi made me feel edgy.

  She snorted. “Must be nice to have someone to share the secret with.” She noticed my DVD investigation. “What are you doing?”

  “Oh, um.” I picked up one of the plastic cases. “M. Reade,” I read aloud. “Home movies?”

  She chuckled cynically. “Yeah, right. It’s him phasing. We have one for each of us. Something about keeping it for records or training. It was Nick’s idea. They’ll probably do one of her now.” The way she said “her” was so angry I couldn’t think of anything to say. “She’s upstairs.”

  I’d been dismissed. “OK. Good to see you.” Kind of a lie, but I felt bad for Naomi right then. It had to be tough being the only girl of the pack. Pre-Jules anyway. I stuck the DVD back.

  I didn’t get any response so I started up the stairs. I could hear music coming from Jules’s room. She seemed to prefer mellow music, like folk. I was about fifteen feet away from her door when I heard from behind it, “Come in, Soph.”

  I opened the door. “And you heard me? Over your music?”

  “I smelled you actually.” She was sitting at the window. She’d gotten a blue beanbag chair and had set it so she could look out the window. Which, because Mr. Varden luckily was a carpenter-type guy, had been fixed. Only a week ago Jules had broken it. So much had happened since then.

  She grinned at me. “You have a certain scent.”

  “Great. What do I smell like?” I asked, sitting on the end of her bed. Please be something nice and not related to BO.

  “It’s funny. I never noticed before, ’cause I never thought about it, but once you didn’t use perfumes anymore, ’cause you did stop, it was like you had this nice aroma. Like sunshine and fresh grass.” She shrugged.

  “Nothing flowery?” And another weird smelly Sophie conversation. “Or feminine?”

  She laughed. “No, but trust me, the perfumes were too much. Why did you stop?”

  “Oh, um, Ezra…” I trailed off. That’s why he’d said that stuff. The really weird conversation after my shower. I’d tossed my perfumes that night when I’d gotten home. Then I remembered that Jules was still waiting for my answer. “He said something, and I felt weird, and I have no idea.”

  “Yeah, our noses are really sensitive. So they say. I don’t really have another nose to compare it with.” She stood up. “So. I was thinking. It’s nice out. And I think we could understand Hamlet way better if we were at Fangorn.”

  I chuckled. “I think you are very wise.”

  We got to our hideout with no Ezra lurking, and I plopped down on the floor, pulling out my copy of Hamlet and my notebook. Jules still stood.

  “What are you doing?”

  “One sec. Wait here.” She dropped her bag and ran down the outside stairs.

  I didn’t move, confused, but went back to my notebook and opened a blank page, titling it “Topic Ideas.” After about three ideas written down, I realized Jules hadn’t come back.

  “Jules?” I walked to the stairs. I looked around, then saw a flash of white. I froze. “Jules?” I started down the stairs.

  I stopped dead in my tracks when a gorgeous white wolf trotted up to the bottom of the staircase and looked up with pale blue eyes.

  “You phased,” I stated the obvious, walking carefully. I wasn’t sure how much Jules was in the wolf’s brain.

  I put out my hand timidly and without even sniffing it, she licked it. I laughed. “OK, that’s gross.” I wiped my hand on my jeans. “But here you are. Wolfy.” I petted her head. “Ooo, and you’re soft.” I scratched behind her ears like Slightly always liked. She gave me a doggy grin. I sat on the second to last stair and looked at her. “This is incredible. I mean, the eyes are totally you, but…you’re a wolf.”

  She rolled her eyes at me.

  “So you can understand me, you just can’t talk to me.”

  She howled, making me jump up a stair. She wagged her tail when she was done.

  “OK, so you talk like that. That’s just scary.”

  She snorted and scampered away toward the trees. I followed, hearing the bone-cracking sound.

  Jules’s head popped around a tree. “I really wish the nudity wasn’t a part of it.” She emerged in a T-shirt, buttoning and zipping her jeans. “But I guess, how could clothes work into it?” She stopped. “So?”

  “It was a pretty one-sided conversation.”

  She laughed. “Didn’t freak you out too bad, did I?”

  “No… So you think with your human brain?”

  She cocked her head to the side. “Now, yes. Before, when I didn’t know…I couldn’t remember anything. It’s really hard to explain. I feel both sides of me. Human and wolf. You probably don’t get this stuff. I wouldn’t.”

  “You can tell me anything,” I said, smiling. “I might not completely understand, but I want to know.”

  “I know that it’s you. But you look different. More dreamlike, the colors are different. I’m not good at explaining it.” She walked back toward the tower. “But you know, my wolf side likes you now. You don’t feel like a threat.”

  “Was I ever?” I followed her up the stairs.

  “The night you came to the house, I didn’t know anything. I wasn’t here.” She tapped her head, walking up the stairs backward. “I don’t have anyone to talk about it with. I mean, the rest of them have known for years.”

  “What about Naomi?”

  Jules gagged. “What about her?”

  “You’re both female shifters. Maybe you could talk about stuff with her?” Not that she was at all friendly.

  “And I’d rather dance on spikes, barefoot.” She looked at me for a long while. “Why are you still here?”

  “What?” I glanced around. Weren’t we still at Fangorn?

  “I mean, if I found out you were a freak of nature, I’d be running.” Her shoulders hunched.

  “Jules. I am a freak of nature. I like school and listen to instrumental music. I just don’t turn into a wolf.”


  “Guess we deserve each other, then.” She grinned.

  * * *

  We had an extra rehearsal that Thursday for Show Choir. Competition was in a month, and we had to be ready. And funnily enough, I was playing Little Red Riding Hood again. One day when I was leaving, I ran into Gil exiting the band room, an instrument case in each hand.

  “You play in the band too?” I asked, smiling at him. “Or something else?”

  He looked guilty. “Sometimes we practice here. When everyone’s gone. Better acoustics.” He gave me a pleading look. He really was a puppy. “You won’t tell?”

  “I’m very good at keeping secrets these days.”

  One of his bandmates stuck his head out through the open door. “Gil, you need a ride?” The blond saw me and raised his eyebrows. “Or not?”

  “I can take you home, if you want,” I said. “It’s so close.”

  Gil’s grin should have worried me. Too confident. “Thanks anyway, Tad.” Gil started walking with me to the parking lot. “Appreciate it.”

  I shrugged. “’Course. No complaining on the music choices though. I plan to listen to Britney Spears the whole way home.”

  His eyes got so big, I thought they’d pop out.

  I started laughing. “Kidding. Relax, Gil. Strictly rock on the way home. Promise.” I reached out for the instrument cases. “Do you need help carrying one of those?”

  “No.” He looked offended. “I’m good.”

  We went to the mostly empty parking lot. Gil seemed nervous, and my brain was weary. All week, I found I’d forget about the wolf thing for seconds or even a few minutes, and then something would trigger it again, sending me into the world of how and why. Nothing prepared me for movie-becomes-real-life events.

  I unlocked the back door for him. “Do you not have to do the pack stuff that has Jules home after school every day?”

  He tossed in his instruments, then scratched the back of this head, reminding me again of a puppy. Was it because I knew now? Or had they always been like this?

  “I can.” He got in as I started the car. “It’s really Jules who has to practice. The rest of us have been doing it since we could first phase.” He put on his seatbelt.

  “When was that?”

  “Puberty.” His cheeks reddened.

  “Oh.” I decided not to pursue that path of conversation. “Ezra said most male kids of shifters turn out to be shifters?”

  He shook his head. “Not all. But yeah, most. Ninety percent or something.” He chuckled.

  “What?”

  “Nothing. Just cool to talk about it.” He smiled that “older than he seems” smile. “Ask away.”

  “Thanks. I appreciate it. There aren’t really books about this.”

  “No. Maybe you should write one.” He twisted to face me and reached out like he was going to touch my shoulder. I looked at him, and he dropped his hand immediately. He placed his hands on his legs, almost as if he was gripping them. “A human’s guide to the weird and warped.”

  I laughed, feeling nervous. “I’ll think about it.”

  “Any other questions?”

  “I get the feeling that Jules is really special. Why?”

  He paused, looking down at his hands. His lips were pressed together.

  “You can’t tell me?” I was guessing.

  “No.” He sounded truly apologetic. “And actually, I’m not even sure. Female shifters are really rare though. Like one a generation. Something about the two X chromosomes not meshing well with the gene.”

  “There’s scientific study on this?”

  “My dad’s a doctor. He’s studied it. So have pack members before.”

  “Oh.” I turned into our residential area. “I just thought, you know…magic.”

  “To quote my dad, ‘Any life is miraculous and magical.’” He fiddled with his leather wristband. “So yeah. Magic and science.”

  I pulled into the Reade driveway. “Cool. Is your dad a vet too?”

  “Actually, yeah. After he married Mom, he thought he ought to know both.” Gil paused. “She died…you know. Because of being a shifter.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “When she had me…she died. They say it’s because she was a shifter.”

  “Gil, I’m so sorry.”

  He shrugged. “I hate that I didn’t get to know her. Dad and Jonas make her sound really funny. She laughed a lot.” He rubbed his head. “Sorry. I’d better go…” He watched me a little longer. “Thanks for the ride.”

  There was a pause, where his grin wavered. He scooted closer toward me.

  “I’d better get home for dinner,” I said quickly.

  He snapped out of whatever trance he was in and opened the door. “Yeah. Me too. See ya.” And he got out and opened the back doors to grab his stuff. Another moment of eye contact, and he hurried into his house. I left soon after that, unnerved.

  Chapter Nine

  I didn’t expect it to, but it did. It got normal. The added element of wolf-people in my life. Whenever Jules and I could venture out into the woods on our own, she’d phase and that could be just as fun. Even though we couldn’t talk to each other, most times that didn’t matter. She could sense my moods and, after a few afternoons of her being wolfy, I could pick up on hers. I was more affectionate with her when she was a wolf. I couldn’t help it; she was so soft. She got dirty and everything like a dog did, but if she was clean, she had the softest fur ever.

  I got the feeling she felt safer in her fur than in her skin. After resisting what she was in the beginning, she seemed to be happy with it, which worried me because I liked having a human friend. Sometimes she’d just change so quickly, once we were away from the house and the pack. Not ask me or warn me, and I’d be left to pick up her discarded clothes.

  “Jules,” I hollered several weeks later. I hadn’t gotten to come out to the Vardens for a few days. Competition for Show Choir was coming up and life was rehearse, rehearse, rehearse. And the pack did its own thing. Jules didn’t tell me a lot, and I hated being left out. As much as I liked that she could be her wolfself with me, I really wanted no secrets.

  Today, we were out by the creek. She’d gone and changed, leaving me with my feet in the water. It was freezing, but felt good.

  “Jules!” I called again. “Come back.” I let out a huge sigh, taking a stick and poking at the water with it. I heard the padding of wolf paws and I grinned. “’Bout time.”

  I turned to see…not Jules. Definitely not a white wolf. This was the one from our discovery of Fangorn. Golden fur with green eyes.

  “Ezra?” I gulped. “That you?” I remember what Naomi had said about looking like Ezra. But since human Naomi didn’t like me, I doubted her wolfself would like me either.

  I paused in my train of thought. Did that mean I thought Ezra liked me? No, no. Silly, silly Sophie.

  The wolf stepped closer, very much on edge. I could tell. When their fur was on end…not happy. I put out my hand, just like I would for a strange dog. The wolf sniffed it and then cocked its head to the side. I smiled. “You can’t pretend, you know? I’d know those eyes anywhere.”

  Ezra-wolf’s fur flattened as he trotted to stand next to me.

  “So, you as a wolf. Wow. I mean, I knew. But still, it’s weird to know that you know what I’m saying and just… I don’t think I’m gonna make sense.”

  He pressed his muzzle against my arm, and I felt comforted. “Sorry. I’m still getting used to this. I mean with Jules, it’s like I can read her now. Haven’t really spent much time with the others. Can I pet you?” I lifted my hand and laid it on his head. He didn’t growl or move away, so I rubbed his head, scratching him behind the ears. “Dude, this is weird.” But I grinned at his wagging tail. “I have to say, you’re pretty for a wolf.”

  Slight growl.

  “It was a compliment. I can’t say a wolf is handsome or hot…that sounds weird.” I laughed, feeling a little giddy, only later realizing I’d called him hot. Not
a smart move. “But your fur is pretty.”

  He tipped his head on one side, visibly perplexed.

  “So I lost Jules. I think she chased a squirrel or something. Do you guys do that?”

  No obvious answer. I stroked his fur along his back. “I suppose there should be some sort of etiquette to how well I know you as a human to how much I pet you as a wolf.”

  He snorted and stepped back, out of my reach.

  “Sorry.” I didn’t know if I’d said too much or something to offend. “I just…” It was weird. I still liked him, but as a wolf, it was like playing with Slightly. Which meant I felt way too comfortable with him. “If you see Jules, tell her I’m still here.”

  Ezra-wolf stood there for several seconds, contemplating me, then ran off.

  “I’m gonna hate seeing you again in person,” I muttered.

  “You talking to yourself?” Jules came out of the trees, in human form. I tossed her the shirt and sweats she’d been wearing without looking at her. “Oh. Was Ezra here?”

  That answered that question for certain. “You can smell him?”

  Dressed, she sat next to me and sniffed. “Yeah. Although…he was wolf?”

  I nodded. “That was a new one.”

  “Huh. Usually, he only changes with the pack. I know he disappears at night though. Running is more fun in wolf form.”

  “Really?”

  “I think Ezra likes to be alone. I don’t blame him. Being pack all the time. It’s suffocating.” She pulled out a leaf from my hair. “I like being with just you.”

  “I’m not suffocating.”

  She chuckled. “No. You’re safe.”

  * * *

  “Hey, fatty.”

  I sighed heavily and turned to see Summer Harlan walking to my locker.

  “My name is still Sophie,” I said bravely.

  “Whatever. So what’s up with you and Freakgirl? You lesbo now?” She crossed her arms over her chest. I noticed her two friends behind her.