Frank said, “What do you mean, ‘someone to Love you,’ you are gorgeous?”
“Is that what Love is all about… appearance?” She continued, “I know my physical appearance is pleasant: men and women tell me that all the time; in fact, I’ve been hearing that tune for as long as I can remember understanding words. Maybe that’s the problem: maybe it’s that I don’t need reinforcement to the fact that my physical appearance is more than just adequate.”
Then she seemed to kind of look inside herself as she continued, “I guess what I need is for someone to appreciate the real me, the me that’s inside, the me that reads and thinks, the me that enjoys exchanging real ideas with real people, the me that loves problem solving…”
As she continued to talk, she raised her eyes and she and Frank seemed to be focused totally on each other, “… the me that loves to get physically fatigued, the me that loves to play tennis and soccer, basketball and volleyball, and the me that enjoys observing the movement of the human body, especially the muscular features of men and the smooth graceful lines of women. I totally acknowledge that I crave the joys of sex, but only as a consequence of sharing not as a cause for sharing.”
Frank moved very slowly toward the woman, their eyes were locked in an embrace even before he arrived at her side. Their eyes never wavered as she stood up, and he very slowly took her hand in his as though it was magnetically charged. He kissed the back of her hand and said simply, “I want you.” They glided away together and disappeared among the crowded gathering.
Hank thought to himself, “That was a powerful, powerful, interaction of two human beings.” Maybe it was because he and Frank were so close, but it was as if time had stood still during that interlude even for him.
When Hank came to his senses, he heard the buzz of conversation all around him. One lady said, “That was a strange moment, but that young lady posed an interesting question: what position does appearance hold in the arena of love?”
An older man chimed in with a comment, when he said, “It would seem to me that appearance is obviously the single most common allure of all the ingredients in the ‘Love Theme.’”
One of the ladies in the group added, “I agree. It would seem to me that when people say, ‘How do I look?’ what they mean is, ‘Do I look appealing enough that someone will give me a chance to show them the real me.’”
“That’s true,” said another man, “…many people don’t realize the importance of appearance; they ask why it is important, and in many instances they demand that ‘people accept the real inner me regardless of how I look on the outside.’ The fact is, ‘proper’ appearance increases the chances of acceptance in any and all areas; that includes employment relationships, as well as Love and friendship relationships.”
Hank’s Uncle Quentin was part of this group and he chimed in with his comments (he usually talked about money, banking, or politics -- he also was usually very persuasive), he said, “It seems to me, what we are all saying here is that visual impressions is the door opener, because how things look on the outside produce mental images, and people judge others by the mental images they receive.”
“I’m sure that is true QV,” said Hank’s Aunt Charlotte, “but it seems to me we are getting sidetracked. Obviously, appearance is important; in fact, it is a key factor in how people treat us, at least initially. However, the major question we would like to relate to tonight is, ‘What is that Love Thing’ -- what does it do and what does it mean?
“Another question is,” she added, “how does one best interact with it? Plus, how can one live in excess of one hundred years and be as vibrant and alive as our guest of honor?
“Remember,” she continued, “the theme of the festivities tonight is, ‘In God We Trust Our Love.’”
“That’s a good point Charlotte,” said the woman who originally posed the question about appearance, ‘Thinking back to that young woman who just left with the handsome young fella… she said she ‘would give anything in the world for someone to Love’ her.”
Hank’s uncle Lowell joined in the fray when he said, “You don’t really believe that nonsense do you? I’ve heard crap like that, or similar comments, from women all over the world. They say that all the time.”
“You got that right,” said Hank’s Uncle Hazel, “And men say the same thing, only in reverse: we say, ‘I would give anything in the world for a woman I could Love.’ The way I see it, if I’m reading the response right, most men want to give what most women are looking for. On the other hand, if that is really so, then why is it, so many women and so many men are without their opposite number, or at least one that turns them on, under the auspices of ‘The Love Thing.’”
Another man, one that Hank didn’t know, joined in the conversation, he said, “I have noticed the same or at least similar circumstances. It would seem to bring about a frustrated group of young people. Seems to me, there is no single answer that can change the frustration of that unfulfilled group of youngsters.
“However,” he continued, “a great deal can be gained if we accept the premise that a great number of men and women are seeking their Love needs in the wrong place and/or the wrong way. Plus they are looking for the wrong combination of attributes to open the Love-door.”
His Aunt Charlotte focused on the same tune, she said, “I would tend to agree. But I would add one more thing, and here is a major key: most people in that unfulfilled group have not defined the source of their Love-need. In other words, what is the foundation of their turn-on? What moves them, what excites them, what triggers their long-term emotions?”
Another lady that Hank didn’t know said, “Wouldn’t you agree though, Charlotte, that it is not just a major key, it is a major problem: numerous studies indicate that a vast majority of people don’t know what triggers their long-term emotions.”
Hank’s Uncle Joe joined in the fray, “The primary reason many people don’t know what triggers their long-term emotions is the uncommon need to fill the void experienced in their short-term emotions, or as some would say, the need to experience instant gratification. That tends to mask the need for, and the satisfying contentment of, a long-term relationship.”
He turned to Hank’s Aunt Charlotte and said, “Charlotte, wouldn’t you agree that long-term relationships are built on understanding and trust?”
She smiled and nodded, “I believe each of us has a built-in gauge that sways us toward or away from another person. The gauge responds to verbal as well as non-verbal messages.”
Uncle Joe intervened and said, “That’s true; in fact, a number of well illustrated examples of non-verbal messages affecting the gauge are very well explored in numerous books. Some of those books detail the various positions of the body during interpersonal communication.
“Primarily, those books,” continued his Uncle Joe, “translate how the body communicates messages without the use of words, and how a knowing person can use the language of the body to unravel the true message a person is transmitting.”
Hank was enjoying being a part of the conversation and he felt the group mirrored his sentiments in many areas; however, he was somewhat fidgety and wanted to inter-relate with other groups. Like the guest of honor said, he wanted to “mingle.”
As he walked past one group, he heard a woman comment, “The problem (with divorce) is that there is a lot of pain involved. There is the agony of dividing up children and possessions, and putting aside treasured dreams. There is the reluctance to risk intimacy again, fearing that the next relationship, too, might fail. And there is the emotional damage to the children -- who, in many instances, grow up feeling responsible for the divorce and wonder if they will ever experience lasting Love.”
Hank didn’t want any part of that conversation, so he continued along his erratic course with the intent of relating to various groups in their quest to intersect meaningful conversation.
As Hank approached the next group, he overheard his Uncle Erhman ask a question. He said, “There seems to
be so many more unfulfilled young people today than in our youthful day. Many of them seem to be so open, but at the same time extremely defensive. I can’t understand these young folks of today. What do you think Dottie, you got any answers?”
Dottie responded by saying, “I don’t have any answers any more than anyone else, I would imagine. However, it would seem to me that, in many instances, when it comes to this younger so-called unfulfilled generation, many of them have stronger foundations than we had, it’s just that they tend to be more open.”
“Maybe you mean more promiscuous,” Said Hank’s Aunt Emma, “I sure don’t call that open, not at all. In fact, that’s probably why diseases like AIDS and herpes are so prevalent. I don’t know what’s going to become of these young folk.”
“Awww, Emma, you are such a worry wart,” said a woman sitting near her, “would you prefer the young people construct defensive strategies like we did? It didn’t stop anyone that I know: if you will recall, in our day it was syphilis and gonorrhea.”
His Aunt Emma responded by saying, “Helen, you know as well as I do that almost everyone constructs defensive strategies, even today, but that’s normal. That way a person can filter out the riff-raff they don’t want to be bothered with. As for that other thing, people could get shots for syphilis and the like, but that AIDS is not curable, it’s different.”
“The problem with that is…”
Chapter Three
Heat of the Moment
Hank didn’t hear anything else, because there she was, and it appeared as though she was looking right through him.
Bonnie!
He walked over to her. Their eyes were locked on each other and when he reached her side he carefully and very deliberately touched her hand and said, “Hi, Bonnie.”
She smiled and said, “Hi, Hank. It has been a long time.”
His heart was pounding, his temperature was rising, his legs were weakening as he said, “It has been a long, long time”.
“Did your husband accompany you here tonight, I’d like to meet him,” Hank said sincerely.
“I have been a widow for three years now. How about you, is your wife in attendance?” She inquired.
“I came here with a very close friend, but he went traipsing off with a woman he just met here at the party.” Hank replied.
“As for my wife,” he added, “we have been separated for nearly a year now. It never really worked out; we were so different. Once our younger girl finished school, and moved out on her own, we agreed it would be best for all concerned that we go our separate ways.”
“I’m sorry to hear that Hank. I had a wonderful marriage and I was very happy.” She was obviously sincere.
“That’s great,” Hank wanted her to know that he cared; on the other hand, he wanted to be completely candid. He continued, “The fact that you were happy in your marriage really does please me, but I’m going to be perfectly honest with you, Bonnie: right now, I really don’t care about that at all. I allowed you to get away from me nearly forty years ago, and that was the biggest and most crucial mistake of my life. Everything I said to you then was the honest to goodness truth. I loved you then and I have never stopped loving you.”
“…But why did you…” she began,”…Never mind.”
“No, go ahead. Say it…’but why did (I)’ what?” Hank urged.
“No, never mind. It is all in the past. Let us just leave it be.” She retreated.
He didn’t want to frighten her or give her cause to withdraw, because he knew that in time all her “why’s” would be answered. So he simply said, “You are absolutely right, let the past be just that … the past.”
He was so excited; he could barely contain himself. He had seen Bonnie for a four-week period beginning Independence Day nearly forty-unapologetic and longing years ago. He lived in Chicago and she lived in Detroit -- they saw each other five times during a four-week period in July that year. He loved her passionately and he had never stopped loving her.
He said to her, “Would you object to spending the rest of the evening here at my side?”
She said, “I really do want to say yes, Hank, but I honestly think it would not serve us in any way. I had intended to spend a restful weekend here with the family and get back to the East in time to get to work Monday morning. I don’t think we can resurrect the past, if that’s what you had in mind. So, I guess my answer has to be thanks, but no thanks.”
His heart sank. His stomach began to burn. His head began to churn as the voices inside him kept yelling, “You can’t let her get away from you again!” All the while, he kept saying to those voices, “I know, I know, but what can I do, she just said ‘no.’”
End of the Rainbow: There Lies the Portrait of My Love
The voices responded with reason, “Sure she said ‘no,’ but she admitted she wants to say yes. Now your task is to give her a reason to say ‘YES’”
He said to her, “Maybe you’re right, but it seems apparent that I came here for the same reasons you did. I wanted to spend a restful weekend with the family, and, of course, be part of the centennial festivities. I, too, must return to work Monday morning.
“On the other hand,” he continued, “I think we owe it to each other to allow fate to take its rightful course. If being together at this time is right for us, we’ll know it, like-wise if it is not right; we will know that as well. I don’t know if we can ‘resurrect the past’ as you so aptly phrased it, but, under the conditions, I think we owe it to each other to give it a shot. How about it, Bonnie, let’s do it.”
She paused, looked at him with a sort of mischievous smile, and said simply, “Ok, let’s do it.”
Wow! Was he barely past voting age, or was he really Medicare-qualified. He thought, “Tonight, I will be forever young.” He felt no pain, he was giddy; he felt like he wanted to start singing, or maybe just shout to the farthest corners of the earth. He knew that others have felt like that, but now it was his turn; he felt as though he just wanted to laugh, and laugh, and keep on laughing -- he felt so good!
Incredibly, he felt that good, and nothing tangible had even happened yet.
He moved a little closer to her, kind of chuckled (he really could not stop laughing inside), and squeezed her hand. He said, “There’s Gwen and Bettye Jean, let’s go over and say hi to them.”
As they moved among the other guests they exchanged excited glances and Hank continued to feel light-headed and giddy, almost like he was born again. It was as if a vacuum of nearly forty years had not existed.
The feeling was similar to the one he experienced back then… on that Independence Day.
Chapter Four
How Do I Love Thee
Both Gwen and Bettye Jean were Hank’s closest cousins’ way back in his pre-teen years. Gwen was talking vibrantly as Bonnie and he approached the group. When their eyes met she acknowledged their presence with a gorgeous smile, yet continued talking so as to make her point.
When she finished, she said, “Hi Hank, hi Bonnie!” as she grabbed his hand and pulled him to her for a hug. “Join us won’t you… We were just discussing the wonders of Love with a capital L. Bettye Jean seems to think that Love is really just an image and that… well, you tell them Bettye Jean.”
“Actually, Gwen, that’s not exactly what I said. It’s just that virtually everybody is seeking Love in one way or another, but one of the major problems is that the word itself is probably the most over-used, highly abused, and grossly misunderstood word in our language.”
“You’ll probably find a ton of people to agree with you on that,” said Gwen, “but I’ll bet you can’t find a handful of people that would agree with you on the exact meaning of the word.”
“I won’t deny that; in fact, I am inclined to agree with you.” Bettye Jean appeared quite calm and within herself as she continued, “However, when a person comes to understand that Love is simply an image of personal worth, she will understand that when she says she Loves a person she m
eans that person consistently reacts or responds towards her in such a way that it causes her to feel she is worthy of the positive way she sees herself. That feeling of worthiness supported by someone else always promotes a positive response toward the other person.”
Hank’s cousin, Noel, was also in this group, and he spoke up, “I don’t understand what you are trying to say ‘BJ,’ you are confusing me. Say it again so I can understand, and, who knows, I might even agree with you.”
Bettye Jean looked at him and smiled (everyone knew he was one of her favorite relatives), she said, “Let’s say it this way, ‘NW’: to Love a person or thing is to appreciate, admire, and hold dearest, that which that person or thing habitually does to one’s positive emotions. Love is not a desire, it is not a lusting or coupling of two bodies…”
One of the older men sitting on the outskirts of the group said, “When that thing gets hard, I know exactly what Love is, I just need somebody to tell it to.”
A couple seated near him snickered and remarked, “Aww, Charlie, you are always talking that jive; on the other hand, those of us who know you, would have to admit you were quite a ‘Don Juan’ in your day.”
Bettye Jean simply smiled and continued, “Love is simply the word we use to denote the highest in appreciation toward a person or thing that causes us to feel the ultimate in personal gratification.”
She looked at Hank and said, “Come on Hank, help me out. How would you define Love?”
“It seems to me you are handling the subject quite well, my dear ‘BJ’,” he admitted, “Let me not take away from your excellence. I will say one thing though, Love is such a complex subject that it would certainly take more than this one evening to…” Then he stopped and looked at Bonnie.
“You want to know what Love is?” He continued, “Look at the lady standing next to me, you’re seeing it in all its splendor.”
Bonnie blushed.
End of the Rainbow : There Lies the Portrait of My Love Page 2