The Nurse's Baby Secret

by Janice Lynn

  “Just not your girlfriend.”

  He frowned. She’d barely spoken to him since their Nashville trip, had gone out of her way to avoid him. The past month hadn’t been easy, but he’d done it. Had even made a point to repeatedly go out with friends, knowing Savannah would catch wind of it and that it would fuel her dislike.

  “Get the tests entered into Mrs. Barton’s chart,” he ordered as if he had no heart. “I’m going to make some calls to get everything started.”

  “Yes, sir.” She said it so formally he had to look to make sure she hadn’t saluted him. He wasn’t so sure she hadn’t.

  * * *

  What was he doing standing outside Savannah’s apartment door again? Charlie wondered later that night.

  Hadn’t they said everything that needed to be said?

  Apparently not or he wouldn’t be here. With gifts.

  Which seemed rather ridiculous, considering, but she’d always admired the vase. An interior decorator had chosen it, but Savannah had always been drawn to the intricate cut glass. The tickets, well, it wasn’t as if he needed tickets to an upcoming Chattanooga concert. He’d bought them because she liked the band. It only seemed fitting he give them to her.

  He heard her pause on the other side of the door, no doubt to glance through the peephole.

  “No one’s home,” she called through the door.

  “I have something for you.”

  “A going away present?” Sarcasm dripped from each word. “Isn’t that supposed to be the other way around?”

  “I have everything I need.” He hoped his words rang with truth. He wasn’t really sure, but he did know what Savannah needed. More importantly, what she didn’t need. “Tomorrow’s my last day at the hospital. What I have to say won’t take a minute. Hurry up before Mrs. Henry calls the law.”

  He heard a thud. If he had to guess what had made it, he’d say she’d lightly banged her head against the door. After a few seconds, he heard the chain jingle and saw the door open.

  Savannah stood there in yoga pants, an oversized T-shirt that hung from her body, and her hair pulled up in a ponytail. She didn’t have a speck of make-up on, nor did she need it.

  Or maybe she did because when he looked closer he noticed dark circles beneath her eyes that used to not be there.

  “You look tired. If I did this to you, I’m sorry.” More so than he’d ever be able to convey. The last thing he’d ever want was to hurt Savannah, but wasn’t that part of the problem? He always hurt those he got close to.

  “You didn’t. I did it to myself.”

  He wasn’t sure he understood what she meant, but she stepped aside to let him enter the apartment. He didn’t hesitate to enter, for fear she might change her mind.

  She shut the door, but made no move to go further into the apartment, just stood near the door as if she might fling it open and tell him to leave at any moment.

  “I’m leaving for Nashville tomorrow after work. I felt I should come by before I left.”

  “You owe me nothing.” Something on her face said she didn’t believe that.

  Maybe he didn’t either and that was why he was there.

  “You and I had a good time together. I’m sorry we ended under less than ideal circumstances.”

  Her lower lip disappeared between her teeth.

  “I brought you this.” He held out the vase. “You always admired it.”

  “You’ll understand if I refuse.”

  Yeah, maybe he did understand. Still, he wanted her to have it. What she did with it after he was gone was up to her, even if it was to smash it into a thousand pieces.

  “Then I guess you can toss it after I leave. There are two tickets to go see that band you like stuck inside. Maybe you can take Chrissie or whomever you replace me with.” He moved over to a shelf and set it down in an open spot, started to turn back toward her, then realized why the spot was open.

  Because the photo of them at Lookout Mountain was gone.

  He must have lingered long enough that she realized what he was staring at, because she moved from the door and came to stand next to him.

  “I don’t want the tickets any more than I want the vase.”

  “I’ve no use for them, Savannah.” He turned to face her, was struck again by how fragile she appeared. Unable to resist, he brushed his fingers over her face, smoothing back a few stray hairs. The feel of her skin beneath his fingertips branded him with a thousand memories of touching her face, of touching her body, of holding her tight while the world ceased around them.

  “I want you to have the tickets. I bought them for you.”

  Not meeting his eyes, she trembled beneath his fingers.

  He needed to leave. He’d done what he came to do.

  “I miss you, Savannah.” God, he hated making that admission, sure he hadn’t meant to. The words had jumped from him, unbidden but true.

  Her gaze lifted to his and she put her hand over his. Warmth at her touch burned through him.

  His heart squeezed in his chest so tightly he thought it might pop. Part of him longed to take her into his arms and promise her anything she wanted just so long as she’d keep touching him. There were too many reasons for him to go for him to do that.

  Her eyes locked with his, she moved closer.

  He swallowed. Hard. She was so close he could feel her body heat, could feel his already pitiful defenses melting away.

  Her gaze darted to the movement at his throat, then her lips grazed his neck.

  Groaning, he closed his eyes, knowing he was about to give in to the very real need within him. His lips covered hers and his body sighed with relief, with recognition of the woman kissing him. He had missed her. So very much.

  Her taste. Her smell. The feel of her. Everything.

  Over and over, long lingering kisses full of desperation.

  “I want you so much, Savannah.”

  One last time he wanted to know what it felt to be loved by her. Selfish, but he wasn’t capable of stopping of his own free will. She should stop him, should push him away, for her own sake. But she didn’t say anything, just ran her palms over his shoulders and pulled his shirt free of his pants, perhaps wanting one more time herself. She slid her fingers beneath the material. His muscles contracted.

  No one had ever made his body react the way Savannah had. It was as if she had his nerve endings on a puppet string and could make them dance and sing any way she pleased.

  Oh, how she pleased.

  Her hands, her mouth, her body. He was a goner.

  Maybe he’d been a goner from the beginning.

  Whatever she wanted was hers. Fortunately, she didn’t ask him to make promises. She didn’t say anything at all, just stripped off his shirt in a few quick moves.

  Her eyes ate him up, devouring what she’d uncovered and making him hard in the process. She wanted him. It was a heady sensation to look into her eyes and see that desire burn.

  Why she was touching him, kissing him, now, he wasn’t going to question; he would just count his lucky stars, knowing it was probably something similar to his own reasons.

  He’d needed one last time.

  * * *

  Savannah knew she was crazy. Certifiable.

  But it didn’t matter.

  Nothing mattered except this moment. In this moment she was going to take what she wanted. Charlie.

  She shouldn’t. She knew that. But, really, what did it matter? Tomorrow night he’d be gone and she’d be alone.

  Until she told him the truth.

  That thought gave her a moment’s pause, but he scooped her into his arms and carried her to her bedroom, all the while kissing her mouth as if he couldn’t bear not to and she pushed aside her flash of hesitation.

 
For now she could pretend it was real, that when morning came reality wouldn’t set in. It would. She acknowledged that. But, for the moment, she was going to exist in that make-believe world because in the real world, even if he said all the right things, he couldn’t undo the damage from the past two months and she wanted this one last time.

  * * *

  Hot, covered in sweat, heart pounding, body satiated, Charlie collapsed on top of Savannah.

  His weight must have been too much for her because she wiggled and pushed at him.

  “Sorry,” he said, rolling over onto his side.

  “For?”

  “Squashing you.”

  “Oh, that.” She waved off his concern and the hand he went to hold her with. She glanced around at the tangled bed sheets. “We shouldn’t have done this.”

  “You wanted me as much as I wanted you,” he reminded her.

  “I’m not denying it. You know how to make my body do miraculous things.”

  “You’re a sensual woman.”

  “But not a sensible one.”

  Her words stung. He didn’t want her to think of him as a big mistake. He’d been thought of that way, way too often during his life. He didn’t want Savannah to feel that way, too. Yet wasn’t that really how she should think of him?

  “Let’s not overanalyze what just happened. Let’s just accept it for what it was.”

  “One last booty call?” she interrupted.

  “You were never that,” he corrected.

  “I was never more than that.”

  He winced at her conviction. “How can you say that?”

  “Because it’s true,” she insisted.

  “I’ve told you repeatedly that I enjoyed what we shared.” He sighed, knowing this wasn’t an argument he could win. It wasn’t even one he should try to win. “Let’s not talk. I’ll be gone tomorrow so just let me hold you for a few minutes now.”

  Her eyes closed. “Fine.”

  He held her, tracing his fingertips over the lines of her spine, noting how her bones protruded. “Have you lost weight?”

  “I thought we weren’t going to talk.”

  “Promise me you’ll eat.”

  “I do eat.”

  Something in the way she said it made him stare at her. “You’ve been sick again?”

  “I’m fine.”

  “Apparently not if you’re losing weight.”

  “I’ve not lost weight and I’m not sick.” She sat up and tugged on the sheet, trying to cover her body.

  That was when he noticed what he had been too distracted to notice. He studied her lower abdomen. It was only the slightest change, almost imperceptible, even on close inspection. Almost. He glanced up at her, denial and a thousand questions running through his mind.

  * * *

  Oh, God. He knew. Charlie knew she was pregnant.

  They’d just had one-last-time-before-he-left sex and he’d noticed her beginning of a pregnancy bump. Savannah hadn’t thought about that when she’d thrown herself at him. All she’d been thinking was how good being in his arms had felt.

  But her little three-month-along belly stuck out just enough that he’d noticed the subtle change.

  “Savannah?”

  She tugged the covers further over her body, realized it wasn’t near enough. She got up and put on her yoga pants and T-shirt.

  “Tell me I’m not seeing what I think I saw.”

  “You didn’t see what you think you saw,” she responded as emotionless as she could.

  “Yes, I did.” The words came out as if they’d escaped from a mangled throat.

  “Then don’t ask me to tell you that you didn’t.”

  “Explain yourself.”

  “What do you mean, explain myself? I’d say it’s pretty self-explanatory and I didn’t get this way by myself so don’t go giving me that big bad doctor tone.”

  “It’s true?” He sounded incredulous, and not in a good way. More like he was about to be sick or run away.

  He was about to run away.

  Drive away, at any rate.

  She shrugged. “It doesn’t matter.”

  “You’re pregnant? That sure as hell matters to me. How long have you known?”

  Savannah winced, guilt slamming her. “A while.”

  “How long?”

  “You remember my good news that I never got to tell you?”

  His face was pale, almost ashen. “Since then? Two months and you couldn’t find a moment to tell me?”

  “I tried.” She shrugged as if it were no big deal even though she knew better. “It never felt right. You were leaving. I was staying.”

  His jaw dropped, worked back and forth. “You weren’t going to tell me?”

  “I was going to tell you. I just hadn’t figured out when.”

  “When our kid started school? When he hit puberty? Left for college? When?”

  She flinched. “Before then. Way before then. Before he’s born, but I don’t know exactly when I would have told you. Not until after you were moved and settled, I think.”

  “He? It’s a boy?”

  He’d zeroed in on the pronoun, but she shrugged. “I don’t know. I go for my first ultrasound tomorrow.”

  “How far along are you?”

  “About three months.”

  His silence spoke volumes long before he looked up and met her gaze. “We always used protection.”

  She snorted. “Obviously, it wasn’t foolproof.”

  “Obviously. Damn.”

  Tears stung her eyes. “No, not damn. I don’t want anything from you, so don’t go damning me or my baby.”

  “You’re pregnant with my child.”

  Her mouth twisted. “I guess I should be grateful you assume it’s yours.”

  * * *

  Charlie frowned at Savannah’s taunt. Of course he assumed her baby was his. “Who else’s would your baby be?”

  “I don’t know.” She hung her head into her hands. “I don’t want to fight with you.”

  Despite how his mind was reeling, how all of him was reeling, remorse at how upset she looked hit him. “We aren’t fighting. We are having a discussion about the fact that you are pregnant with my child, have known for two months, and failed to tell me.”

  “Like you failed to tell me you never planned to stay in Chattanooga? That you had accepted another job?” Although her eyes were red-rimmed, her chin jutted forward defiantly. “Would it have made a difference if I had told you I was pregnant?”

  “What do you mean, would it have made a difference? You should have told me.”

  “What would be different if I had told you two months ago?”

  He just stared at her tear-filled eyes and saw his mother. Saw the endless tears, the fights, the heartbreak. Heard the misery of what he’d caused his parents.

  He wasn’t his father. He’d never be his father. Never.

  Only he’d gotten Savannah pregnant.

  He wouldn’t let Savannah be his mother. He wouldn’t do that to her.

  He couldn’t.

  “I’d like to think a lot of things would be different.”

  “But not you leaving?”

  “No, the fact you are pregnant isn’t a reason for me not to leave.” If anything, her being pregnant was reason for him to leave, to set her free from the misery that was his legacy.

  She nodded. “Finally something we agree on.”

  Her sarcasm was getting to him. “But we do have a lot of things we should’ve been talking about for the past two months.”

  “It’s six months before the baby arrives. That’s more than enough time for whatever we have to say.”

  Six months. Savannah would have
a baby. He would be a father. Six months. Six months. The two words strummed through him like a jungle beat, picking up in tempo with each beat.

  “I can’t stay.” He wasn’t sure if the words were for her or as a reminder to himself. His heart pounded. His hands shook. His mind raced. Six months and Savannah’s life would change forever.

  Her life had already changed forever.

  Just as his mother’s life had changed forever when she’d gotten pregnant.

  Savannah glared. “I’m not asking you to stay.”

  Charlie’s throat swelled so thick he wasn’t sure air could get inside. He’d done this. Had changed her from the happy woman she’d been into this angry, bitter woman.

  Like father, like son.

  No. He wouldn’t be like his father. He wouldn’t make Savannah pay for getting pregnant for the rest of her life. He’d do right by her financially, more than right. He’d make up to Savannah all the things he hadn’t been able to make up to his mother and he’d not stick around to make her miserable the way his father had. He’d go to Nashville, pursue his career, be a silent father to his child, there if needed, but otherwise someone who was far in the background. Savannah would be a good mother. She’d had great role models. Their baby would be better off without his physical presence.

  “I don’t know what to say,” he began after silence lingered too long between them. “I wasn’t expecting this.”

  She gave him a look that cut to the core. “Don’t you get it? You don’t have to say or do anything. This is my body and I take responsibility for my baby. You can leave and never look back.”

  That was what he should do. Walk away and stay out of their lives completely, other than financially. “I can’t do that.”

  He wasn’t sure what he could do, but he knew he wanted to do more than just give Savannah and their baby child support.

  “Why not?” she asked, her tone full of accusation. “It’s what you planned to do an hour ago.”

  “This is now.”

  Her eyes narrowed defiantly. “You can’t stay.”

  He closed his eyes, felt tortured. He’d done to Savannah what his father had done to his mother. Not to the extent that Rupert had abused his mother, but Charlie was well on his way. He should have ended things months ago, long before he and Savannah got so attached. He’d known he should have, had repeatedly planned to tell her he needed space, but he just hadn’t been able to step away. Not until the job offer from Nashville came. Then he’d had to face that it was time for him to step out of the picture so both he and Savannah could move on with their lives.